How should a man address the issue of his SO gaining weight?

wtknight · 2024-04-14T03:15:14+00:00

Removed. No posts about looks.

Custard-Gyal · 2024-04-14T01:36:53+00:00

Suggest gym sessions as a couple. Long walks in the park. Maybe order a meal kit service.

Don’t threaten to leave or divorce and be nice and loving about it.

You can’t hate anyone into being healthier.

Good-Assistant-7894 · 2024-04-14T01:14:44+00:00

Do both the man and woman and/or other man get fat, or is it just the SO?

EulenWatcher · 2024-04-14T02:05:01+00:00

It heavily depends on the context. Some weight gain is expected and understandable - you can gain weight as a result of pregnancy or physical/mental issues. Trying to push your partner to lose their weight ASAP in these circumstances will be seen as an asshole behavior however you try to address it.

Outside of these problems you should just talk about it. I'm not sure there's any other way around it. You might want to put a greater emphasize on the importance of their health, health risks, your future plans and activity level rather than on your attraction though. If it doesn't work, you can either accept it or break up. In the end of the day, you cannot force another person to gain/lose weight.

MistyMaisel · 2024-04-14T01:52:42+00:00

This all comes down to why it's happening: if it's having babies, sudden life stresses that have a presumable end date, illness, or aging, probably best to shut your mouth or at most start working on eating cleaner and exercising as a family.

If it's something to do with unhappiness in the relationship, life, or purely a lack of discipline, pretty much the same, but it can be worth a sit down to see what's going on, why she's unhappy, what is causing this drastic body change at least in her opinion, etc.

Ultimately, I do not believe you can really address someone else's gaining weight in any way that isn't likely to blow things up or damage this irreparably. You want a magic sentence or solution that just doesn't exist in some sense. It's never not going to be a hostile topic.

Presuming you're a man, ask yourself how you would like a partner to handle you having constant erectile dysfunction. Because whatever your answer to that is probably works for a partner getting fat. And I'm not saying that as a gotcha, more to make it clear how delicate and impossible the territory you're in is. There's not a good answer. That's why the recommendation is usually shut up and love your person.

NoDanaOnlyZuuI · 2024-04-14T01:32:33+00:00

If the only reason you were dating her was because of her looks, that would be a problem.

But if you fell in love with who she is as a person, what she looks like is only a part of that, and not a big part of that

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enfantrebelle · 2024-04-14T02:17:50+00:00

I feel like it really depends on the amount of weight gained and the reasons behind it. It's normal for women to gain weight during a pregnancy, for example, and it's also normal to gain weight more easily as you age. Not all women are made equal and some of them will feel better at certain weights than others. Some men (and women) have extreme expectations when it comes to women's weight, such as a woman should never weigh more than 130 pounds (never mind that she's 6').

If she's gaining weight because she doesn't exercise and doesn't pay attention to what she eats/is overeating, that's another issue entirely and it's problematic because she's not healthy.

So what can a man do about it? First off, don't judge her too harshly! Second, tell her that you still love her. Third, tell her about the problem early on and don't wait until she's gained like 100 pounds before saying something. Make sure to talk about the consequences for her health rather than your lack of libido. This ain't about you. Fourth, suggest clear solutions to the problem, like seeing a dietician, going to the gym together, taking up some swimming classes (or whatever she likes), etc.

Whatever you do don't immediately jump to the divorce card and don't tell her you're not attracted to her anymore unless you've tried everything else.

Planthoe30 · 2024-04-14T03:13:10+00:00

Kinda depends on the amount of weight and life circumstances that lead to the weight gain. However I think it is important to see a doctor and see if the weight gain is affecting health and to have some insight on how to better her health. With this in mind you should seek to be honest yet compassionate. “I will always love you and because of this I want to make sure we live a long happy life together. Let’s work on our health.” Some gyms have water aerobics classes that should be a safe low impact workout space. You could also go with her so she feels supported. Make healthy dinner/meals for them. My husband gained weight and I have found making dinner to be quite effective he feels loved and eats healthy. I also buy salad kits and we eat a salad everyday. He is also eating protien shakes with added fruit and veggies for one meal a day. I also cook healthy meals and put them in the freezer and he will go for them a lot compared to what he makes for himself regularly which are a lot of processed foods.

If the weight is over 40lbs that is unlikely to change and there could be permanent bodily damage done. You might consider leaving if it isn’t something you can live with. People usually only lose 25-30lbs in a weight loss journey. If that amount of weight loss won’t make you happy my rule of thumb is to leave because that is all that is likely to happen.

Fast_Stick_1593 · 2024-04-14T01:44:54+00:00

[permanently deleted]

TheMedsPeds · 2024-04-14T01:17:58+00:00

I’d sit down and have a conversation. I preface it by saying it’s not just about sexual attraction but you don’t want her to die earlier, have to buy new clothes, etc. just explain the negative affects of being overweight, offer to work with her. Go on walks, go to the gym, buy healthier meals. The conversation can had in the right way because I know unlock a lot of other left wingers that being fat is not neutral or good. It is bad. Where my issue is comes in when people treat fat people as lesser. They have self control problems when it comes to food, it’s a bad thing but it doesn’t make the fat person a bad person.

Safinated · 2024-04-14T02:51:20+00:00

Dump her, obviously

Women know it’s unattractive and you don’t like it, it’s up to you to show them how much

If a man was that bothered by my weight gain, I’d want him to dump me

RosieBarb · 2024-04-14T03:08:26+00:00

I can answer this one first hand. I talked nonstop about how I hated my weight gain, I took measures to fix it, and I fixed. it. He was inspired to do the same and now he lost his extra weight too. Boom. Loving couples love each other.

JustMoreSadGirlShit · 2024-04-14T01:26:12+00:00

My bf has handled it by constantly touching me and trying to initiate sex and telling me how he loves my body even if it’s not the body he fell in love with 🤷🏼‍♀️ I think I have a bigger problem with my weight gain than he does but if he did have a problem with it I’d want him to come at me with it truthfully and with suggestions on how to fix it

Title	How should a man address the issue of his SO gaining weight?
Author	Hot-Gift2592
Upvotes	5
Comments	47
Date	April 14, 2024 1:08 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1c3hesx/how_should_a_man_address_the_issue_of_his_so/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-should-a-man-address-the-issue-of-his-so.1515009 https://theredarchive.com/post/1515009

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