Marrying a man who's not taller than you

youllknowwhenitstime · 2024-04-25T15:32:24+00:00

A girl worrying about height is usually code for "he's not dominant enough for me." Does he meet your dominance threshold?

SuperiorLake_ · 2024-04-25T14:32:29+00:00

I’m going to try not to sound harsh here, but you have listed so many positive things about this guy, you’re just going to have to accept his height and get over it. No one you date is going to be 100% perfect. Not everything is sunshine and rainbows like social media makes it out to be. Honestly, I am wondering if this is a troll post.

ArkNemesis00 · 2024-04-25T14:48:17+00:00

The majority of women have a strong preference for height in men so you're definitely not alone. I wouldn't date a man the same height or slightly taller than me.

"there are plenty of guys out there, I'm sure there's someone else who's got a beautiful heart and who also happens to be taller than me."

Here's where I think you're going wrong. You can have your preference, but you will pay for it. It's unwise to assume "there's a guy out there with everything I like about this one AND the height thing". Go into it with the mindset that there will be a tradeoff. You'll get the height, but the man might be less charismatic, less good looking, less Christian, etc.

The fact that so many women weigh height heavily in mate selection means that it can be a very viable way to get a great man for the women who are willing to compromise.

Some practical things you could try might be slimming down, swapping heels for flats, him buying shoes with an extra inch in the heel, you both incorporating more physical play into your interactions. He's still a man. He still is going to have a crap ton of upper body strength on you. Go and wrestle.

Amirindo365 · 2024-04-25T15:30:38+00:00

Don’t let it stop you. Good hearted men are rarer than most women would like to admit.

tequilathehun · 2024-04-25T14:53:38+00:00

If you were really attracted to him securely, I can't imagine you'd be so put off by this one characteristic that you'd make a post about it. It sounds like you are looking for permission to look elsewhere to find what you need. That's fine, you have it.

If you're already having an issue with finding him attractive this early on, it likely will only get worse as the relationship gets deeper and you feel more guilty about this. His height isn't going to change. How you feel about his height won't change.

I'd overlook quite a few physical traits I dislike if I was very in love/attracted to a man. When I start getting stuck on one thing or the other, its usually because I'm looking for an excuse to find something I truly want.

The reason doesn't matter. If hes a 10 on paper, but only a 5 in your heart (and,, elsewhere), then he's only a 5 to you.

I don't think you're truly into this guy if you're okay with/wanting to lose him for a taller guy who checks all the same boxes as he does

(There's nothing wrong with feeling this way, but be honest with yourself and him. Whether its for superficial reasons or not, attraction is a very real part of a relationship)

Deliaallmylife · 2024-04-25T14:51:25+00:00

Attraction is important but so is a man with a good character who wants to be with you in a committed relationship.

This:

But then another part of me is like "there are plenty of guys out there, I'm sure there's someone else who's got a beautiful heart and who also happens to be taller than me." And I don't want to marry out of desperation/feeling like there's not a lot of good men out there who meet my physical preferences.

Simply isn't true. You don't say how tall you are or what height you have in mind but the taller you require, the fewer men will fit your requirements. Then when you need to actually find a good man, in your faith, who wants you, who shares your values..that becomes much harder to do.

Dating apps have brought into dating this idea that there is always someone else out there. Eventually you will run through all your options and if you are weeding men out for silly reasons when you are young, you are more likely to have to settle hard for a man when you are a little older.

And look, I'm not saying that 29 is old. It's not. And you will continue to find matches BUT ...but... there is something psychological about the line between 29 and 30 and after you hit 30 it will start to get harder. The best marriageable men were snapped up already. Some men will stop considering you because they want kids and they see 30 as a time crunch to do that. Some just see 30 as "old".

So if you can never see yourself having wonderful sex with this man then break it off, but recognize that you might not get these qualities again or you might get some but not all. Eventually, you will have to make compromises somewhere.

ygfam · 2024-04-25T17:39:57+00:00

You haven't said a single negative thing about this man except this height. Personally I think it's dumb to let go of someone just bc of their height but you do you. Just know no one has it all. If only this is bothering you about him, are you really into him?

itsmemaggi · 2024-04-25T14:47:01+00:00

I'm 5'11 and my husband is barely 6'. If I'm wearing any kind of shoe, I'm taller than him. I think there are other ways to feel petite and feminine without being shorter than your significant other. He can bulk up/you can slim down, you can act more submissively, etc. Have you ever shared this insecurity with him? My husband knows how I've felt about my height and we've both acknowledged it's 100% a "me"problem. All the good things more than make up for that one insecure feeling.

According-Rhubarb366 · 2024-04-25T15:47:21+00:00

(Male married decade in a RP manner wife actually told me to come here and lurk to understand her perspective - hopefully this is okay. Feel like maybe our story could help)

My wife and I are almost identical height, when we met I was returning from a long time elsewhere in the military and had lost 40ish lbs off my normal weight. We hit it off, I didn't realize anything was missing. Turns out she wasn't sure about me because I was short for her usual type, even if I checked the other boxes. Lucky for me, I had already immediately started bulking up, refreshing my martial arts, in order to return to my normal size when I got back. Turns out that's what tipped it for her about me; I had all the intangibles but it was only once I had gotten bigger in width that she felt the natural, instinctive "he will keep me safe" feeling she needed. Now she even enjoys going out in heels with me (which I love) despite having to kiss down to me. I think it was mentioned above as well, but more specifically:

If he got bigger in the ways he can control, maybe not quite the full Arnold but in that direction, and/or became skilled in the ability to defend himself and you would that help?
If so, as a guy, learning that I could help someone I'm falling for would feel safer if I did this for her - I would be tripping over myself to solve that problem. I'm sure he's aware of his height issue at a basic level, and would jump at a way he can actually control to solve it.

acorn735764 · 2024-04-25T15:35:41+00:00

I was engaged to a man who was shorter than me, and I’m currently dating a man who is slightly shorter than me. (I’m 5’10 by the way). I guess as others have said, it’s a tradeoff. You can leave this man, and may find someone taller with not as great of characteristics as your current man has, or you can stay with him.

A lot of this also depends on your height as well, which you don’t mention in the post. I’m not saying that you have to “settle”,’ but if you’re my height or closer to it and you want a man that is taller than you with heels, then you’re looking at the men who are 6’1, 6’2, which is only the top 5% of men.

Keep in mind that men at those height around your age probably have a lot of options, and men at that height who are older than you may come with “baggage”, for example divorcee, kids from another marriage etc

Therandomderpdude · 2024-04-25T15:40:25+00:00

My boyfriend is also on the shorter side, we are almost similar height. I don’t mind. He has a strong build and is quite strong, so I still feel smaller and feminine.

Tbh I find his height to be very cute. We make fun of it saying we look like a hobbit couple haha. I am 5’2 and 136 ibs, Not sure about his height but he is around 5’6.

I’d say go for it, see how you feel about it. Maybe you can look past it after a while. But I understand how it might make you feel less feminine, and that’s okay too.

MoreThanPurple · 2024-04-25T18:43:20+00:00

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AutoModerator · 2024-04-25T14:22:32+00:00

Title: Marrying a man who's not taller than you

Author redditbae7

Full text: Would love to hear from married women but any input is valuable.

I'm (29F) dating a guy (26M) who I met through an online Christian community we were both a part of (not a dating app). We started chatting back in January, it was purely friendly and simply because we shared common interests and are really focused on our faith etc.

Long story short, we ended up facetiming and really clicking through facetime. However, there was no overt flirtation, just talking and getting to know each other. Eventually, he visited where I live and we really hit it off. It became obvious that it was more than just friendship.

Everything about him is great - he's SO kind, treats me well, leads with love and I feel very safe with him. It's different than any relationship I've been in, especially after my last one with a narcissist.

The ONLY thing that I'm struggling with is his height, which I obviously didn't know since we met online and it wasn't a dating app. He's about the same height as me, maybe slightly shorter, nothing crazy. But I've always dated someone who's taller/bigger than me and I love that feeling as a woman. I'm definitely still attracted to him, and I honestly hate that the height thing even crosses my mind, but I can't pretend it hasn't. I just like being with someone who is taller and bigger because I like feeling protected.

The thing is, this guy really protects my heart. He cherishes me and my heart which is a big reason for the attraction.

We are at the point where things are getting more serious, and I'm definitely dating for marriage, and so is he. But I don't want to lead him on with this being in the back of my mind. Before we started talking, I was SO happy to just be single and really enjoying it. However he's such a blessing and a joy to be with. But then another part of me is like "there are plenty of guys out there, I'm sure there's someone else who's got a beautiful heart and who also happens to be taller than me." And I don't want to marry out of desperation/feeling like there's not a lot of good men out there who meet my physical preferences.

Sometimes when I see couples where the guy is taller I honestly feel kinda jealous. Not proud of this. I tried embracing it and seeing the positive in it, but it feels fake because I genuinely do like being shorter than my man. I know there are some women out there who like a short king but it feels forced to me.

So I'm wondering, when it comes to marriage, is this something anyone else has struggled with or something similar? I know nobody is perfect, but when thinking about lifelong commitment to someone, I would prefer this to be a nonissue. Any advice? Things to consider? Blind spots? I know it sounds superficial but I'm just being honest. Thanks in advance.

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HappySpinningSeal · 2024-04-25T15:02:08+00:00

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WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2024-04-25T17:45:45+00:00

My mom is taller than my dad. They’ve been married nearly 40 years. She is a stay at home wife and has been since I was little.

It can work, no one can decide for you whether it works for you or not tho.

bunnytryingreddit · 2024-04-25T18:39:57+00:00

So he's around the same height as you, not shorter.

Look, as others said, if he's perfect in every other way, go for it. My boo is just a couple of centimeters taller than I am (I'm 1,75) and my parents' couple, my mom is also taller than my dad.

What counts is his personality and attitude, plus you say he's good looking. Maybe if he works out and wears shoes that make a bit taller (e.g. doc martens or other type of shows) it will not be noticeable - especially for you, if he's masculine enough.

No-Ad8127 · 2024-04-25T14:55:21+00:00

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ChamomileMist · 2024-04-25T15:20:48+00:00

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intonine · 2024-04-25T16:43:31+00:00

Married 20+ years to a man four inches shorter. Initially in dating, we discussed it, and it didn’t bother us at all. I’m slender, feminine in demeanor, and have a moderately submissive personality. He has a disagreeableness, competence in his work, and is generally action-oriented. All traits I find attractive. This comes down to an attraction issue for you. But it’s a completely solvable problem. Like other responses, you need to up the feminine and masculine. You take the first step and up your femininity by around 15%. Compliment his upper body strength often. Anything possible that displays his physical masculinity. Is he interested in lifting weights for the whole of your marriage? Are you interested in changing your style or finding shorter shoes for this guy or staying 5-10 pounds lighter? The earlier on in the relationship you can get to this point, the earlier you will see if you can get over this physical attraction issue. But if he’s attractive to you, then over the course of a marriage, other masculine traits generally increase as a man ages, especially competence, confidence, and so on.

PreciousMuffn · 2024-04-25T19:20:50+00:00

I'm 5'8".

My husband (2nd marriage) is about 2 inches taller than me and that's not an issue.

My first husband was the same height, and it weirded me out initially. Admittedly, he was a rebound after the breakup with my first love,so it was hard not to focus on or compare to the first love. But ultimately it didn't bother me.

My boyfriend between husband's, though... was initially a friend who I'd never been attracted to previously, but fell in love with over time and getting to know him. Besides being 6 years younger than me, he was also 5 inches shorter! But he was strong and CONFIDENT. He said he struggled with his self esteem in high school, but eventually came to accept himself and carry on. He's actually the person that introduced me to RPW 7+ years ago.

I rarely thought about it because who he was to me was more important. He cared for me, treated me well, didn't mind me wearing heels, and made me feel like a sexual goddess. I honestly really only thought about it in a teasing manner when we were face to face as he was right at my chest level... perfect access, haha!

Some people have a height preference, and that's ok if you truly feel strongly about it. But I'd weigh what else he has to offer and determine whether height really matters in the long run.

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HappySpinningSeal · 2024-04-25T14:59:58+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Marrying a man who's not taller than you
Author	redditbae7
Upvotes	2
Comments	39
Date	April 25, 2024 2:22 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1cct8i2/marrying_a_man_whos_not_taller_than_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/marrying-a-man-whos-not-taller-than-you.1516365 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516365

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