I cheated, I met someone - and had a mostly emotional affair, we kissed, but no sex. After a couple of months, I realised this was my person, and I asked my wife for separation. For context I was in a sexless unhappy marriage and not treated well. I believe our breakup was inevitable, but I’m ashamed of my actions and wish I did things differently. Trust me I’ve done lots of therapy and don’t need a lecture - I am ashamed!

Unfortunately my affair partner and I broke up after a year, it was a long distance relationship, and the pressures of a divorce etc were pushing us apart. After breaking up, I went into a deep depression. From which I have only just emerged.

I felt shame for how I separated, I felt deep heartbrake about my loss of my AP. It’s been a year, and everything on the divorce front has slowed down. Im cohabiting with STBXW bizarrely, as we try to sort out divorce settlement. The issues is, now that I have broken up and my AP has seemingly moved on, I am at a loss of what to do.

I wasn’t happy in my marriage. I can see the practical element of trying to fix things, as we have young kids. But I wasn’t happy in the marriage before, nor was my wife, and I can’t see it improving, especially with what’s happened. I’m not sure if returning is even an option, from her perspective she seems quite intent on divorce. it’s not a prospect that fills me with joy, I would be doing it for the kids. I know my heart belongs elsewhere.

The thing is - the divorce is just dragging out and neither of us seem motivated to make things happen. I had the incentive before because of the person I loved. And initially when confessing to my stbxw she wanted to progress things too. But the whole thing is stalling.

I feel like gravity is just sucking me back into the old routine of life, a lack lustre marriage, where my very dominant wife has no interest in me. I’m just useful to have around to fix things and provide security. A life not lived to potential.

I understand the stoic stance of duty etc….but I also feel life is finite and you should aim for a nourishing relationships that bring out the best in you.

Anyone else found themselves in this situation ? Post breakup with AP, divorce just slowing to a stand still ??

Help please