Question for Women: How would you feel if you're at the club with your Boyfriend, a stranger assaults you and your boyfriend doesnt have the courage to step in? How would you feel?

superlurkage · 2024-05-06T14:01:56+00:00

The same way he would probably feel if I didn’t stop a woman who was assaulting him

Sharp_Engineering379 · 2024-05-06T13:35:06+00:00

I wouldn't expect him to do anything other than help me escape and find a bouncer. If I have a boyfriend, I love him and don't want him to get hurt, either. I've been assaulted twice while running alone, once by a man I rejected kindly, and once by a man I ignored. An incident in Target escalated wildly, too, but security was on top of him the minute he made a fist to swing. Both times men and women jumped in to help, but both times the men who assaulted me were weak but in a blind rage and were wildly unpredictable.

I've been threatened, shoved, and cussed a few times in bars/clubs, too, which is why I rarely drink or have one or two beers at most. I've been handled and boldly groped more times than I can count, and I'm the one who deals with it. Things have changed in the few years since I turned 21. There are new people in the club and stores who bring mental problems with them. And those men are not equipped to handle rejection.

I would never expect anyone to risk their safety to help me, even though I would have and have risked my safety to help others. It's a personal choice to avoid contact with a crazy person. Though it would be cool if bystanders would call for help or seek help from an authority figure.

Would you find it hot if he punched his face in like a g?

No. Violence and retaliation are the last resort. There are brand new mental illness and social disorders all over the place and people have become wildly unpredictable. If my hypothetical boyfriend choked out an autistic man who has been brainwashed by PUA horseshit, I'd lose respect for him, not gain it. If he choked out a drunk, I wouldn't have an opinion either way.

Makuta_Servaela · 2024-05-06T14:54:54+00:00

I wouldn't expect anything of him specifically, besides maybe I would expect him to not laugh along and support the behaviour. The best course of action in my mind would be for him to guide me away to go call security or a staff member, but I wouldn't expect that of him persay.
Probably not. We can't control our fear responses- I have annoying ones, I know that more than anyone. In fact, comforting him might help me take my mind off things, or kick me into a protective mode for both of us.
I would rather him not get injured, no. I also wouldn't call "resorting to violence" as "manning up". The most mature thing to do is walk away to bring it up to the people in charge of the establishment.
No? Why would I?
No, I'd be terrified of him. His reaction to a mild inconvenience from a stupid person is extreme violence? What would happen if I accidentally inconvenience him in the future, or if our future kids do?

I was once in a situation- not that persay, but a guy flirting with me uncomfortably. My bisexual male friend's response was then to openly flirt with the guy with the same energy to show him the kind of community we are, and the guy left me alone after that. Now, that, I found attractive- It was witty, but also low-drama. I like guys who can find smart ways to lower tension.

Whoreasaurus_Rex · 2024-05-06T14:35:02+00:00

I had something similar happen at a club in SoBe. My bf saw the creep dancing too closely behind me and starting to reach out to grope me and called the bouncer over. Guy got kicked out post haste.

Would you find it hot if he punched his face in like a g?

No, what?

uglysaladisugly · 2024-05-06T14:42:25+00:00

So, not assault but related experience. Some weeks ago, my bf and I were going home from the bar. We were both a bit drunk and I was overall super pissed off for an unrelated reasons.

As we passed by, a guy told me "Hey, she's a cute one this one! Like the moody face!". I rolled my eyes to the guy and continued walking. The guy then proceeded to continue, louder and louder until he was literally screaming from afar stuff like "hey pretty, you better smile, would suit you better, don't be so pouting". This kind of shit.

I lost it, stopped in my track and started walking back at him while scolding the shit out of the guy. The closer I got, the clearer it was that the guy was surely 1.90 and probably 90kg. So here i was, all gangsta style, tip of my toes, yelling at his face that he was the more annoying piece of shit I encountered the whole week. Things got a bit heated and suddenly, my boyfriend just storms in, running, and push the guy.

My boyfriend is 165, my size, and probably 50kg. The other guy literally sent him flying away. As soon as things got physical, people around intervened and we left.

So... all this story to give some real life background to my responses.

What would you expect your bf to do in this spot?

I would expect him to wait for me or my input before making any move. If the interaction was really violent and dangerous, I would expect him to step in to try protect me, or to get help very close. More than anything, i expect him to ask me how i feel and to inquire what i need afterward. I'd expect him to be willing to go get the club security or come with me to get the club security and support me in getting the guy thrown out.

Would you lose respect for him?

No. Now if I was in danger and he left or just stood there doing nothing. I would be pissed. But afterward I could imagine he got stuck, sometimes it happens in a stressful situation.

If you had to choose, that he mans up and gets knocked out, or that he doesnt do anything, what would you respect more?

My boyfriend will almost never be in a position to be anything else than knocked out if he gets physical. I would REALLY prefer him to NOT get physical because then, I will be super worried about him and feel guilty that he got knocked out. So on top of the harrassment/assault, I will then have to deal with that. So instead of helping, he would just make the situation worse.

Would you lose attraction?

No

Would you find it hot if he punched his face in like a g?

No.

I want to add that, in my story... I did apologize for my reaction to the harassment. Fact is, it was a place with ton of people, I knew the guy would not be able to be physically violent with me in front of everyone. But, I usually avoid to do that (yelling and scolding harassers) when I'm with mens because I know they will sometimes feel like they have to step in. And I know that THEY risk physically violent response, as they're men.

kalashhhhhhhh · 2024-05-06T15:25:12+00:00

I would prefer it if he removed me from the situation as I tend to freeze in those kinds of situations. My female friends have intervened multiple times when a guy started hitting on me or being sleezy. But I would also really, really hate it if he went after the guy to have a confrontation with him afterwards, or if he physically attacked a guy. I would be extremely uncomfortable. I'd like it if he took care of me and we went to a safer place together after that.

What would you expect your bf to do in this spot?

Put his arm around me and look at the guy with a mean mug.

Would you lose respect for him?

Yes, if he did absolutely nothing. I would try to intervene if someone was mean to him. But I would not want him to punch the guy or start a dick measuring contest there.

If you had to choose, that he mans up and gets knocked out, or that he doesnt do anything, what would you respect more?

If he did nothing.

Would you lose attraction?

I can't imagine that I would.

Would you find it hot if he punched his face in like a g?

Please no.

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PandaAccomplished965 · 2024-05-06T15:16:19+00:00

I want him to be supportive, reassuring, to come with me to report the guy to security.
I would not lose respect for him whatever his reaction is, although I would prefer him to stay by my side rather than chase the assaulter. Tbh, I know he would be angry like crazy and that he'd want to punch the guy, but I can understand this too.
I'd prefer he doesn't do anything. I don't want him to get hurt.
No. I would lose attraction if he behaves uncontrolably and make a fool of himself.
No, meh.

Choice-Substance-183 · 2024-05-06T15:11:20+00:00

What a silly scenario.

its clear as a day that your man was scared.

This would be concerning. What's scary about this scenario? The man, is the man scary?

Because if the man is so scary, then you understand why women chose the bear. 🐻

Would you find it hot if he punched his face in like a g?

No, violence isn't hot.

-Shes-A-Carnival · 2024-05-06T14:23:34+00:00

I wouldn't be dating a man like this

GojosLowerHalf3 · 2024-05-06T15:20:27+00:00

I saw a video of a large cop picking up this irate dude and carrying him away like a crying toddler in church lmao. My husband is a big dude with a touch of pettiness so he would likely do the same. And on the flipside if a woman smacked him her ass would be mine 🙂

operation-spot · 2024-05-06T15:28:56+00:00

I think fighting is low class and embarrassing. To me, it shows that you have nothing to lose in life so I would have more of an issue with him fighting than some stranger trying something with me. I’m not saying I want him to stand around but I would expect him to help me get out of the situation or call someone to like a bouncer to help.

spanglesandbambi · 2024-05-06T15:46:20+00:00

And the predator walks away, lol. You know how many men do this in clubs as it's pretty high.

I have the prepared line of "Look mate, unless you are going to give me your Dad's number so I can peg him, don't worry your Mum can film. We have nothing to talk about. I don't like men who cry before sex. "

I find it normally stuns them into silence, and they go something like "Oh I was just playing. You didn't have to be aggressive like that" and retreat.

See, these types of men can't manage when the woman defends herself. They would happily smack my husband, but being embarrassed by little old me they can't take.

ParkiiHealerOfWorlds · 2024-05-06T15:48:37+00:00

My husband has PTSD that gets triggered in certain public spaces, so I'm pretty used to being the one managing his feelings of safety, making sure he can see the exits, letting him sit where he's most comfortable, steering him through/around/away from crowds, etc.

So yeah, if some dude came up to me and that ended up triggering my husband's PTSD and he couldn't help me I'd just deal with the dude myself (like I do when I'm alone) and then ask my husband how he's doing and if he feels like he can still enjoy himself.

I unequivocally would not want him to punch the guy in the face 🙄 No good comes from that and the risks to my husband are too high.

januaryphilosopher · 2024-05-06T16:05:04+00:00

I'd only expect him to do as much as is safe. In this case making sure I'm okay and finding someone who works there to help remove this person would be the appropriate response, starting a fight isn't desirable or helpful. If he tried to punch I would find that stupid because it is stupid.

UpbeatInsurance5358 · 2024-05-06T16:39:11+00:00

I wouldn't expect my partner to get into any situation in which he can get hurt on my behalf. If a man does that to me, I'm asking the club for the CCTV footage and making a claim to the police.

mrs_seng · 2024-05-06T13:40:39+00:00

First of all, I wouldn't go to a club with just my husband. We would go as a group and this includes some of his friends, including my cousin.

Now you see, my husband and some of his friends grew up in a tough neighborhood.

So idk how to put this lightly, but if someone would try anything funny with me, the press and the ER would also be involved. And it wouldn't be the first time either.

NJFlowerchild · 2024-05-06T15:14:22+00:00

You're at the club with your bf and someone walks past you slaps you on your ass and runs his mouth, your bf says nothing while you look at him. Predator walks away, its clear as a day that your man was scared.

The moment that my husband puts his ego before my feelings and needs is the moment that he will be hit with a divorce.

Would you find it hot if he punched his face in like a g?

Nah bro. I am not his car. I'll do it myself if want a man punched.

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