Don't rush in

Future-AI-Dude · 2024-05-16T17:44:29+00:00

I have almost the opposite experience. I started dating while we were separated and quite honestly, the only women interested all had, young kids, financial/job issues, attitude problems, unrealistic expectations, ex's who left them out to dry (no support whatsoever, even with kids), were serious flakes (and about as sharp as a sack of wet mice), or, and I hate this term but it appropriate here, white trash.

I'm at the point now that living alone without any women at all sounds better and better every day. Hooking up to satisfy my needs have been OK, but honestly, not worth the hassle and headaches.

Bro, you are are on the right track - stick with your kids, focus on self-care, be a better you and let these crazy b*****s fend for themselves...

UglyDude1987 · 2024-05-16T15:46:31+00:00

Yeah same happened with me. My new wife got sick and tired of harassment from my son's mother, having no money to do anything because of never ending legal expenses in addition to the child support, and got sick and tired of my son too. She went and had an affair and disappeared.

Head-Independence937 · 2024-05-16T14:35:16+00:00

I think you'll have to find fellow single moms. Women who have been through the process and possibly understand the dimension in a single father with primary custodies life. That's pretty unusual, so I can see for someone with zero kids, then going to full-time step mommy would be overwhelming.

Keep separation of your affairs with the ex , from anyone new. Nobody wants to come in and be the buffer between you and the mother of your children. They want to be starting a new chapter, not joining you halfway through the last of yours. Find a good friend or family member to vent to when needed, never the GF.

She may very well be a complete sloot and dumpster fire of a woman, but that doesn't have to be totally divulged. You can keep it as simple as, "She has some things to work through before we can renegotiate custody arrangements" anyone that immediately tells a possible prospective partner how terrible and psycho their ex is, only inadvertently shows they make terrible choices in major life events. You want to come across like it simply didn't work out, but you support each other the best you can and have your child's best interest at heart.

If you introduce your life to be a total nightmare, yeah, people will run.

You need to:

A) Make sure you do have a solid set up in place and work through any anger or resentment that can spill over into word vomit on a date.

B) Make sure your affairs are in order so despite the circumstances. You appear to still be well put together, financially stable, and secure.

C) Take it slow and then slower.

Expert-Raccoon6097 · 2024-05-16T13:19:27+00:00

Compartmentalize. No women while you are on dad duty. No reason for the GF to ever meet your kids or the ex. Your kids don't want a step mom, step siblings, or half siblings. They are already going to have to deal with a revolving line of guys thanks to your ex, give them peace, and then go have your fun on the side when they are with mom. Once they are 18 and out of the house cohabitate, remarry, then work on your second divorce without fucking your kids over.

kindofnotdepressed47 · 2024-05-16T11:29:57+00:00

Its always wise to take some time to sort and process emotions before finding another person. That's really a good thing. Sometimes part trauma does surface if not resolved in a healthy way ( as I am having now and trying to get through it). So I also put a stop to my current dating life.

fffrdcrrf · 2024-05-16T11:23:08+00:00

Yeah, I got to take some time for self improvement and some reflection before I go out finding another girl. Only problem is I have a distrust for women now even if a girl is being nice to me or smiles at me I immediately think they’re just faking it and eventually they will turn.

NotUsedUsernameYet · 2024-05-16T02:04:08+00:00

Finalize the divorce first. If your STBX is fucking everyone and everything - good for you, she is more likely to sign agreement you want her to sign, or miss something preparing for court hearings.

SelectionNo3078 · 2024-05-16T01:17:28+00:00

Dumped by my first GF since my wife over the weekend

3 really nice months having someone in my life

She liked sex more than the ex

I’m a little confused why she ended it

But

She has serious health issues

captainchippsixx · 2024-05-16T01:13:08+00:00

Just don’t let the SO come back!

potatotornado44 · 2024-05-16T00:18:48+00:00

If you just want sex, then go for hook ups, dude. There’s really no sense in trying to have another meaningful relationship.

It’s obvious modern women are not capable of such.

Title	Don't rush in
Author	Remarkable_Egg492
Upvotes	37
Comments	33
Date	May 16, 2024 12:05 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cszs25/dont_rush_in/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/dont-rush-in.1518604 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518604

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