Rough day

ColdEstablishment172 · 2024-06-29T02:07:23+00:00

I hear you and I have felt that way at times (even today actually). Not that AP has been introduced to my kid just yet, but it is inevitable that AP or someone else will eventually come around. I don't feel like I will be replaced as Dad which has been the major concern among the men in this group. But the whole "riding off into the sunset" thing is what bugs me even though it shouldn't. When I get to thinking these thoughts, I remind myself a million times that my brain is just thinking all possible scenarios and doing some pain shopping because that is simply what it does. It's part of the process. In reality, I didn't lose anything of value to the AP. Honestly, I truly didn't. She cheated on me several times, gaslighted, lied, all the typical bulls***. She also has some troubling issues and there were other problems I will not even get into here. My point being, as much as I wanted her to be a phenomenal woman, she truly wasn't. I once thought she was a woman of integrity and high values that I would have given up all the riches of the world to be with her, but alas she IS not. Therefore, I lost NOTHING. If anything, I gained from all of this.

wroubelek · 2024-06-28T23:11:32+00:00

I didn’t ask ahead of time to leave the state so I’m a fit of rage when she didn’t get her way my ex denied me from leaving the state with the kids.

Excuse me, if you don't mind, how's that a "your" week if you have to ask for permission to do things with the kids? 🤔

Why does it feel like she gets to ride off into the sunset while screaming that I abused her and she is finally free?

IMO, if she has to turn off family against you, she's not "riding off into the sunset". She's a deeply disordered and unhappy person. Focus on your relationship with the kids, not necessarily in the context of the other half of their family.

Do you think you'd benefit from some counseling?

dadplup · 2024-06-28T21:42:41+00:00

A lot of what you went thru I went thru it too, it wasn't easy and I managed to get what I wanted because she didn't fight at all, and that was custody of my daughter, and was in that much of a rush, I put together her actions in the months leading to the divorce and was ready to go to court with it but didn't have to.

She had a routine she tells every man she's been involved with that she a abused, s ayed by her exs and that we are stalking her, every single man she's ever been involved with had that characteristic , her current boyfriend had left 2 threatening messages one for my daughter demanding she contacted her mom immediately as he was not a nice guy and one for me demanding I stopped talking to my 22yo stepson because he wasn't my family anymore, even threatening to have me arrested, I just laughed on his call and filed a report with the police for harassment.

She reacts badly because of her choices have lead her to be in the spot where she is at, she spent months homeless and alienated from her family, and she claims that is my fault too.

It took a while but things got better I spend a lot of time with my kid who just turned 20, we get along and have shared things that neither of us could with her mom, this was only made possible by only dealing with her when necessary, which was the easy part as she moved out of state, she called to yell at me twice since, and has only made 2 attempts to talk to the kid, both times to try to convince her to move in with her and to spin her version of the story, my daughter has since changed her phone and block her old numbers and people that know her, again as long as they are present and affect your life like this you won't know peace, don't let yourself be bogged down by them, make your life, the best revenge is to live well in spite of them

BlackSun56 · 2024-06-28T19:18:24+00:00

She sounds pretty shallow and vindictive. She sounds a lot like my ex, actually.

What helped me is realizing how immature she is. She lives her life for the NOW. She is totally incapable of planning for the real future, whether that be in relationships, budgeting, saving for bigger purchases or adventures. She wants everything RIGHT NOW. In that way, she’s a lot like my kids. After she was gone I realized that I actually had four kids, her and the three we had together.

After realizing this, it made me feel better that someday my kids will realize that I will always love them unconditionally, and I will be the one that sees things through for them, and teaches them how to be responsible mature adults. On the flip side, they will realize how immature and catty their mother is, and how she wants to be their friend rather than their advocate, teacher, guardian, and mother.

Once that happens, you will be the forever alpha. Play the long game and know that it will pay off in the end.

Also, learn the ins and outs of the separation agreement because clearly she enjoys holding your feet to the fire over shit like this. Fuck her.

You’re going to be alright man. Let us know how it’s going.

Heavy_Guitar_4848 · 2024-06-28T15:28:01+00:00

Have to zoom out on these types of things. Having friends that came from divorced households helps. Talk to them about their experiences and it should guide you on how to handle these things.

C4LsYph3rR4hL · 2024-06-28T15:09:22+00:00

Same boat. Same feels today. Eyes Up Guardian, another day above dirt is another day to plan for the next activity with your kiddo. Even if it's years away.

pezfez3 · 2024-06-28T14:50:55+00:00

Dude that's rough. You gotta put a stop to that kind of shit treatment. She didn't approve you leaving the state? Fuck her, go anyway. Shit, I dunno what I would do either I guess. It just sucks. I'm feeling it with you man.

Feisty_Elderberry_96 · 2024-06-28T13:25:32+00:00

Be a 100% dad, the 50% of the time you have with your kids. When they're not with you, focus only on the good things in life.

Read the book, The Obstacle is the Way.

Old-Macaroon8148 · 2024-06-28T12:50:22+00:00

Realize a lot of this is a show purely to stick it to you.

Put yourself in that guys shoes for a moment as well. How long can is he going to dedicate his time and money to kids that aren’t even his to impress mommy? It’s fake and frankly unsustainable. You have genuine love for your children he does not. Imagine the frustration level we experience with our own children at times when they test our patience. Now imagine if they aren’t even your kids and the puppy dog faze with the woman you’re faking it all for is over. Give it time.

CulturedGentleman921 · 2024-06-28T12:47:10+00:00

"I don't want to talk about mommy. Let's not talk about her. What's your favorite Pokémon?"

You got the limerance divorce, you lucky guy!

Second and third marriages fail miserably since the people in the first marriage don't fix what caused it to go wrong in the first place.

You need to figure out how to be a better partner for the next woman if that's what you want.

Meanwhile build up your wealth and your body.

Adventurous-Funny777 · 2024-06-28T12:33:45+00:00

She’s going to do anything but ride off into the sunset given enough time.

Best thing you can do is continue to focus on rebuilding yourself, it’s still a new life structure for you.

savage_cabbages · 2024-06-28T12:16:17+00:00

Try not to be so hard on yourself. You are irreplaceable as their father and will always be there for the good times and the bad. Be supportive of your kids as you always have been.

The new structure takes a while to get used to, those moments when you're alone and the thoughts creep in, it's how you deal with them that's important. It's ok to mourn the loss of your previous family unit, but don't let it overwhelm and consume you.

Utilise the time on your own in positive ways. It sounds like you're doing a pretty good and are just having a rough patch with this vacation. It will go and pass, maybe you could do a camping trip, or plan some fun activities and outings also. You're your own boss.

Flashy-Excitement247 · 2024-06-28T11:48:02+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. Your story sounds much like mine, only I'm just starting the divorce process now. She doesn't have a replacement for me yet, but I'm sure that's coming at some point. At least she likes to remind me daily of how easy it would be for her to get any guy. Our relationship is full of frequently unhealthy fights and escalations, victim blaming, and other juvenile emotionally stunted decision making. I'm in my late 40s. I share the same concerns/anxiety about being replaced. I tried so hard to be the best dad, and to also shield them as much as possible from the fallout and the absolute vitriol. She disparages me, coaches them, does all the wrong stuff. I'm constantly cleaning up exaggerations and paranoia. I'm not sure what to tell you other than what I've been told here: find healthy outlets, take the high road, and kids are resilient in so many ways. Live for what their future could be, and not what the past was.

Title	Rough day
Author	0neMinute
Upvotes	31
Comments	40
Date	June 28, 2024 11:31 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1dqhfzd/rough_day/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/rough-day.1522654 https://theredarchive.com/post/1522654

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