Seek and destroy.

No_Librarian_7059 · 2024-10-04T03:03:12+00:00

“ She will bring up things that happened 5 years,10 years ago”

What kind of reader are you, how the fuck did you know?

ADHD_247 · 2024-10-01T00:48:14+00:00

The high divorce rate, in my view, is partly due to a conflict between the modern pursuit of equality and the persistence of traditional expectations about marriage. Despite significant changes in gender roles, many courtship practices remain rooted in conventional dynamics. Even the most independent women today often desire to be pursued in the traditional way, reflecting a lingering connection to older forms of romantic interaction. These practices can provide familiarity and comfort for both partners, but they also risk reinforcing outdated vulnerabilities and expectations that may not align well with evolving gender roles. This tension creates challenges when individuals try to balance both modern independence and traditional dynamics within their relationships, often leading to confusion and dissatisfaction.

This complexity is further compounded by a family law system that tends to profit from the breakdown of marriages, with divorce lawyers benefiting the most. This financial incentive often makes it difficult for couples to find constructive resolutions, as the focus shifts towards litigation rather than reconciliation. To address this issue, I believe that divorce should only be considered after both parties have genuinely attempted counseling. Courts should make counseling a mandatory prerequisite, akin to mediation, to ensure that every possible effort is made to resolve conflicts before deciding on a divorce.

ElJonnyRage · 2024-09-30T23:29:46+00:00

Thanks for this. I'm in a similar situation right now and trying so hard to fix things and make my wife see I truly love her and our family to no avail. It hurts so bad. It's scary. But you're right.

warrior_up · 2024-09-30T18:00:31+00:00

5 yrs post divorce, My ex is now pregnant by a toothless felon who attacked my fiancé and I at our sons little league baseball park this last spring

She has accused me of child abuse, taken me through litigation for false child abuse claims twice now, various different CPS investigations and 1 criminal investigation. All because she’s miserable and has literally lost her mind slowly each day since our divorce.

So it could be worse - I am about to be awarded full custody though, in Texas which puts her in a whole new league of crazy. Not want I wanted but what she herself hand delivered because she’s been so filled with hatred and remorse for losing me and shit not working out, unable to find any man that compares to what she had - rinse and repeat.

marcschindlerza · 2024-09-30T17:03:37+00:00

I am going through a divorce at the moment. One thing I see a lot of are these types of posts, the guy being blindsided by the wife terminating the relationship. Posts and comments on how she is destroying what has been built and that there were the normal ups and downs throughout the years. However, what I do not see is any empathy for the wife. She is leaving us because the pain of staying is worse than the pain of leaving. A little honesty and self reflection is in order. I made peace with the fact that I was an asshole to my wife during those ‘normal ups and downs’. After the shock of her ending the marriage, we had a few honest conversations on what I did and how I was not the best person to her when she needed me. It’s liberating having that conversation without expecting forgiveness or understanding, but just being honest with her and yourself. Vote me down, I dont really care, but a little empathy, understanding and self reflection may be in order in some of the posts. Either that, or be bitter and resentful and fuck up your life for a few years while you figure this out, but every divorced guy figure this out eventually, so maybe just grow a pair and be a real man and look at yourself rather than blame someone else. Remember, the pain of a staying is worse than the pain of leaving for her. You are not part of that equation.

awaythrow-8675309 · 2024-09-30T14:20:25+00:00

My ex was diagnosed with BPD at the end of our relationship. She was seeking an ADHD diagnosis and the psychologist said it was BPD. That made a lot of things clear for me, but I'm also left with many questions I'll never get answers to. Just realizing the success of my mental and emotional state is largely held up by the fact that she's essentially dead to me and I'll never get answers from those questions. Good luck

Classic_Dill · 2024-09-30T14:07:22+00:00

I don’t think BPD can be blamed for everything, and here’s why, you’ll read too many of these stories with too many women acting exactly the same, not all of them have BPD! Women, unfortunately don’t take a lot of accountability in their lives and they sure in the hell never say they’re sorry. Not all women are bad, let’s go ahead and put a stop to that right here right now! Sadly, there is a large and I mean large amount of women that are exactly like this and that’s the problem. When the OP said that when a woman is unhappy, it’s high! And when men get unhappy in a marriage, we think of it as we! Including the kids. I don’t know why that is, humans are animals just like any other animals on this planet, and both the female and the male are there to instinctively protect the family, that doesn’t mean you can’t get divorced, you made a lifelong decision in your 20s like a lot of us did and we didn’t know what the hell we’re talking about, lol so you just end up with somebody who is not very compatible and once the parenting journey starts to end and the kids get older, you look at each other and realize you have nothing left in common and the mission is mostly done now as far as parenting goes, so you split up. But you can’t blame all of it on BPD, too many women do the same damn thing and they don’t have that mental disorder. BPD is a real thing, probably a bigger issue than we all thought, but I’m not gonna sit here and start using this as an excuse for women’s bad behavior, not gonna do it, because it’s not factual.

ChiMarOra · 2024-09-30T14:07:14+00:00

OMG, this hits home because this is EXACTLY how I feel. "Flick of a switch" really resonates with me, because, just like you, I will never get the answer to the situation. I still haven't hit the acceptance phase because I'm holding out for the hope she comes to her senses, but based on your story, I should plan on to learn how to <embrace> the situation and find myself. Thanks for sharing.

Training_Ad1368 · 2024-09-30T13:49:04+00:00

Sounds like she doesn't like Metallica

TheWormTurns22 · 2024-09-30T13:14:07+00:00

You are describing a wife with borderline personality disorder, or narcissistic personality disorder. If so, she never loved you, for she is incapable of love. She just got tired of pretending or she left the love-bombing phase, and her true nature was exposed. Or, these energy vampires feed on either the positive or the negative, doesn't matter to them. That's why they are so black/white, jeckyl/hyde. Look up these borderline and narcissistic on youtube; educating yourself can bring you some sanity and comfort. You'll realize it was never YOU or your fault.

Title	Seek and destroy.
Author	Plastic_Efficiency35
Upvotes	61
Comments	29
Date	September 30, 2024 12:43 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1fsum62/seek_and_destroy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/seek-and-destroy.1531524 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531524

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