Moving on

regertsrus · 2025-04-16T11:50:57+00:00

Discovering my X and mother of 3 kids is a compulsive and pathological liar and cheat, did it for me.

GenX_Flex · 2025-04-15T18:53:26+00:00

I set my iPhone to stop showing pictures of her.

I moved out and put anything with her in a sad box.

I don’t talk to her.

I spend every minute of my day doing something. I do not drink or sit around idle.

I made a goal to date three women.

I picked one and we’re having the time of our lives together.

ExaminationKlutzy194 · 2025-04-14T11:06:26+00:00

I had a realization that while I had flaws and things to work on, I was actually doing that work, and my ex had no interest in fixing herself.

It was just easier for her to move my goalpost.

I have my moments, but I have been far happier since then.

I’ve enjoyed my own company, and have taken the opportunity to recommit to work with my volunteer Fire Dept, and get back to the gym, and occasionally go out to hear live music. Beyond that I recommitted to my job, and a professional development class, and it’s spring so there is plenty to do in the yard.

Even rode my motorcycle a bit.

I can sit on the couch and mope, or I can get busy living a life and being a person that I would ultimately want to be in a relationship with (when and if that time comes).

BornBandicoot2515 · 2025-04-13T15:04:19+00:00

Seek therapy. Or have guy friends who have been through it. A best friend went through my same situation. He has been a god send. My point here is your mind is gonna fuck with you. Mine is for sure. It’s brutal. But if you have someone helping you to organize, process and get to acceptance then I think (hope) the clarity would come. The clarity that it’s over. That it wasn’t meant to be. That there are other people out there. That you can find love. I know. The hurt and wanting of the old is real. I miss my family every minute of every day. But I also have come to the sad conclusion that I must move forward. Forward is the way.

Grafixx5 · 2025-04-13T14:32:59+00:00

Honestly, only you can tell yourself that as everyone is different.

I did some research and I found out that on average because of how men love, the average time is 3-17 years for them to truly move on from the woman they love.

Whereas for a woman to move one, it’s like 3 days to 3 months.

That’s why they say, “When a divorce happens, look to the person who takes the time to heal, grow, seek counseling, improve themselves, change, enlightenment because that is the one who was truly invested in the marriage and relationship and truly loved their spouse. Whereas if you look at the other person who moved on quickly or was already in another relationship prior to even ending the marriage, they took no time to heal or deal with emotions, it is because they needed someone to feed their ego and make them feel as though they are or were the victim in the marriage.”

Such is the case in mine. She has cheated a few times in our marriage and she already has someone else while we are even going through the divorce but I’m being made out to be the villain in the entire thing.

I tried all I could and it was never enough but at some point, I had to let go so when she asked for a divorce again, I said ok. I do love her, truly I do and always will. Though I now wish her happiness with whoever she may find it with and must come to terms that it will not be with me, and I’m ok with that. However, I will not make it a point to see her which will be hard because we do share kids together but outside of them, that will be the only time I will need to be anywhere near her.

frogmicky · 2025-04-13T07:58:51+00:00

Seeing her with her new boyfriend helped a little. Also I remembered when I begged her to lets start over again with a bunch of roses on my knee. After that I was done being treated like a dog.

somethingsimple89535 · 2025-04-13T04:47:48+00:00

Take a step back. If your kid was married to someone like your stbx, would you encourage them to stay in the relationship? No? Then why would you do that to yourself?

Sheppy012 · 2025-04-13T04:03:53+00:00

Following because I haven’t figured it out and need every suggestion.

redwzrd · 2025-04-13T00:14:47+00:00

I try and break my mold I had for her, who she was to me in my head. I would have taken her back up about a few months ago. But I've talked my self into reality. She didn't care enough to stay she didn't care enough about you she didn't care enough to work through it. Fuck her. She left because she probably wanted someone else. If she left she wasn't the one and longer you take to except that the long it will take to meet the right one. It's a cold world out there and most of those woman will jump ship the first struggle you go through. It's what you can provide for them....

Confident-Crawdad · 2025-04-13T00:01:58+00:00

Look at the way she's been treating you in the way your best friend would.

No rose colored glasses, no desperate desire to have again what used to be. Just the bald truth of right now.

Paddle_Pedal_Puddle · 2025-04-12T23:59:05+00:00

Honestly, seeing the pictures taken of her cheating. It was like a switch turned off and any affection I had for her was gone. I saw who she really was inside and I wanted no part of that.

No-Tomorrow8150 · 2025-04-12T23:28:23+00:00

She wants out so give to her because why would you want to be in a relationship with her as she is no longer wanting you. Meaning you need to accept reality of how she changed and that is the relationship and not the one you imagined in your head. Your brain thinks she still wants you but she doesn’t which would never happen to work the way your mind thinks.

Similar-Guitar-6 · 2025-04-12T23:17:01+00:00

Time. Let them. This too shall pass.

Boglehead101 · 2025-04-12T22:34:22+00:00

In my case, the lack of affection and her bad attitude are making me despise her. I’ll be glad to see the back of the wench.

Title	Moving on
Author	Complex_Path_4821
Upvotes	18
Comments	23
Date	April 12, 2025 10:12 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1jxstsy/moving_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/moving-on.1549363 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549363

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