When did cold approach get easier for you?

topher_atx · 2025-04-28T02:41:47+00:00

Double dipping on this one. When you go out try this game: Find excuses to talk to strangers. You'll be able to get comfortable doing this fairly easily if you do it regularly. Your approaches don't have to feel like approaches. Your approaches don't have to feel like a commissioned salesperson walking up to a customer on the showroom floor trying to make a sale. Instead you can go to these events you want to go to, and just ask people questions relevant to the setting or environment, make a comment about the setting or environment, give a compliment, be chatty. That's something that I do that's led to two relationships and works.

topher_atx · 2025-04-28T02:34:39+00:00

Not sure how old you are, but I've had 3 relationships as an adult. I met my ex-wife/baby-momma through cold approach, met my next girlfriend at work (she was a coworker, well technically my boss...), and then I met my most recent ex-girlfriend through cold approach. So cold approach led to two thirds of my relationships.

So why I'm mentioning this: Hopefully you meet somebody doing this so you don't have to do it anymore.

For me, I'm hoping the next person I meet things actually work out and I never have to cold approach again.

You maybe don't want to get TOO good at cold approach. Instead maybe just get good enough to meet somebody.

The guy who I know who is the best at cold approach has anti-social personality disorder and his "relationships" are always a disaster. He can't ever retain anyone, but he's incredible at attracting people in the beginning.

I know some people are doing cold approach because they want to hook up with lots of women. If that's you, then I guess ignore what I'm saying But if you just want a hot girlfriend, be content at being so-so at cold approach.

Being too good at cold approach would probably be a curse honestly. I take a lot of pride in just having the courage to go shoot my shot with women in person, and am just good enough to be able to go out there and get myself a girlfriend.

But to answer the question... I'm 38 and its still not easy. Its mostly just frustrating. I'm old and running out of time so I need to be efficient. The most frustrating part for me is how inefficient cold approach can be. Its still better than online dating though.

Last thing I'll say... if I had a time machine I'd go back in time and get in great shape and stay in great shape. When you're young, college age, if you look good you're going to get organic opportunities to meet women and won't need to cold approach at all. Its as you get older that cold approach becomes critical because your social circle shrinks. I'm in good shape now, but I wasn't always at my best and looking back thats why I wasn't finding what I was looking for.

WatchExpert1672 · 2025-04-28T02:09:46+00:00

When I constantly was doing it it’s like a muscle as soon as I stopped doing it consistently I started to get nervous

StrikingImportance39 · 2025-04-28T02:17:51+00:00

First one is always the hardest.

It also depends on the response u get. If interaction went well even if u didn’t get number u feel like approaching another one.

But once u get a big ugly rejection, it can demotivate u for couple of days.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-04-28T04:41:08+00:00

It got easier when I figured out the principles of approaching women. It also got easier as I succeeded more.

ImpossibleBritches · 2025-04-28T02:57:22+00:00

It gets easier but it never gets easy.

The only people who have no hesitation and feel cool and confident constantly when cold approaching are... well, there's something wrong them. And that often reflects in their relationships.

There are times when it's easier. Like when you are on a "social high" from getting positive feedback from your social context for a few hours. At those moments you know that getting rejected will have no effect on you whatsoever, so you'll just go for it without thinking.

You can move up the spectrum towards that state be generally being social. By "warming up" by just initiating short conversations with whoever.

But the nervousness never really goes away.

And that's ok.

That feeling of nervousness turns into excitment. And when things hook and you've approached someone who can really connect with you, then they *like* the fact that you are excited about them.

The other thing to bear in mind is this:
Every dude learning this stuff has their own way of thinking about cold approaches. But in the end, in the moment it's all on you. Nobody else's thoughts and opinions matter for shit.

Another thing:
Sometimes the thing holding you back is the intuition that you aren't really interested in connecting with the person that you have the option of approaching. You just *know* that they aren't for you. But you are putting pressure on yourself to approach in order to impress your friends, or some dudes on the internet, or to live out an inauthentic manufactured self-image that deep down doesn't match who you really are.

You can mitigate this by only approaching women who you genuinely find attractive..
Of course if you do that, then that nervousness/excitement will always be there.

And that's a good thing.

PrinceDestin · 2025-04-28T05:45:25+00:00

Be more compassionate to random individuals, and generally be interested in other peoples thoughts and perspectives

When it clicked for me I just went and did it just to do it

You have to trust yourself, trust that you’ll come out fine when approaching that’s all you need to do for yourself

Are you okay with trusting yourself in that moment

ThatDarnSmell · 2025-04-28T04:14:18+00:00

Become more interested in people. It doesn't have to be someone you're interested in dating. Older people might be a little more receptive to conservation as they did not grow up with cell phones and high speed internet and tend to have better attention spans. Talk to people about a wide variety of subjects. Don't be a robot who just goes in autopilot mode with routines. Be a good active listener. Pick up on what the person is saying, note their body language, and respect their boundaries if it's clear they don't want to talk to you. Always be positive. Even if you get rejected, smile it off and move on. Stay in a good mood and retain good vibes.

MrPound4Pound · 2025-04-28T04:48:22+00:00

I'm at 140+ approaches both night game and daygame. Yes it absolutely gets easier in terms of nerves and all but as far as succeeding, for me that's a different story. I remember my 3rd approach ever at a grocery store. It was the first one that didn't go absolutely terrible lol. Felt like my heart was about to explode out of my chest. My adrenaline was so high. I couldn't feel my arms after and loss all coordination of them lol.

For me now. Yes there's still that bit of anxiety and nerves but it's almost gone for the most part. If I had to put numbers to it, let's say back around my 3rd ever approach, on a scale of 1 to 10 then that 3rd approach I did was a 10/10 in terms of my anxiety level. Now it's a 3/10. Sometimes 1 to 2 if I'm staying consistent in approaching all week/month. If I don't do one for awhile, it's probably at a 6 or a 7/10 and it takes me a bit to get back into my "approaching" zone.

What helps me is my experience in my previous approaches and it gives me confidence that I know I can approach and since I know I can approach and have actual approaches that went well, I'm more likely to approach than back out of one. Do I still back out or hesitate on some approaches. Yes every now and then but it's something I don't beat myself up on as much unlike when I first started because I've done so much (and I plan on doing a ton more lol)

You're still very new to this and don't have that convenience so really just focus on doing one at a time. Just tell yourself, as long as you keep going, you know that logically the more approaches you do, the better and easier it will get just like with any other skill but it takes time, investment, and patience to develop. Most people though tend to quit when it comes to anything that's difficult, frustrating, and sometimes unforgiving. Hopefully you're not one of those people.

Wean1eHu11 · 2025-04-28T03:57:16+00:00

When I finally realised that not trying because I was scared of what people think is infinitely more pathetic than trying and failing. I then realised that the people who would laugh at me for getting blown out are just people who, like the old me, don’t try anything because they are scared of what people think

cookycoo · 2025-04-28T11:09:56+00:00

Take them off the pedestal, it gets easy when you genuinely just try to interact with no goal other than to engage with. Women. If you initially stop trying to date and hookup, you will comfortably approach ten times as many women.

becomesharp · 2025-04-28T05:27:57+00:00

The more you do, the easier it gets (relatively speaking).

But if you're demographically disadvantaged (not tall, not good looking, Asian/South Asian, etc) or below average in social skills, you're going to need more cold approaches to get decent at this, so expect to have to hit a few thousand approaches before you're competent. I generally recommend 20-50 approaches per week, especially at the beginning. That's the baseline number you should be shooting for to get maximal social skill development.

SithLordJediMaster · 2025-04-28T05:36:19+00:00

Say hi and compliment every one that you meet.

epimpstyle · 2025-04-28T09:20:56+00:00

This is tricky. It is like the mood you have when you wake up in the morning. You might feel like singing in the bathroom, or you could be grumpy and dislike everything. If you are in a good mood, even a harsh rejection will have no power over you; instead, you'll think, 'Wow! She’s having a really bad day" you won’t see rejection as something bad; it will have no effect on you.

So, whenever you're in a good mood, things will feel easier.

HomelessMilkman · 2025-04-28T15:05:28+00:00

You're walking around tense, reactive, uncomfortable, in general before you approach; that isn't magically going to change once you get into the interaction.

I don't understand most peoples take on this; you're not going to 'brute force' your way into feeling comfortable and relaxed. You have to firstly desensitize yourself to being around people, seeing people, walking past people, without being tense, without thinking about it, being amongst people should be equivalent to being in your living room watching TV.

Approaching is nothing, it's just saying some shit. From a position of scanning around 'gauging your level of status', sensitivity, reactiveness, self-doubt, judgment, comparison, you're already cooked. You have to learn to relax despite what's happening, who's there, what you're wearing, how tall some other dude is, whatever the fuck; regardless of approaching, not approaching, you want sexual relations, you don't want sexual relations, nothing should make any difference to what 'rank' you believe you are.

If nothing makes a difference, if you aren't sensitive to seeing 'x' occurrence, you won't be anxious. The thing is walking around with your vices and always having to 'scan' for whether it's okay to approve of yourself. You can get success out of that limited view, if you feel you 'meet the criteria'; but it's a lot of unnecessary work managing that.

_BrownPanther · 2025-04-28T17:42:57+00:00

When I looksmaxxed and got hotter. I already had some rizz and charm so that's an added bonus.

Virtual_Ad_4817 · 2025-04-30T20:57:54+00:00

After 15 years in the game I have approached and dated some true stunners. And I still get approach anxiety if I've been busy working and haven't done it in a while.

I notice after 3 days or nights out in a row approaching, momentum really starts to pick up and I become unstoppable. If I haven't cold approached in a month I have resistance but it comes back pretty quickly.

3 second rule is king.

certified_cringe_ · 2025-04-28T10:07:57+00:00

When I got frustrated.

ConfidenceMastery · 2025-04-28T11:10:46+00:00

It gets easier when you stop doing it to impress and start doing it to express.

Once you reach that level, you realize that overdoing it actually feels incongruent with being someone high value.

Use it to build confidence and skills, but there comes a point where you naturally taper off.

Don’t expect it to ever feel “easy.” In fact, the better you get, the harder it can feel — because your standards may rise as you grow. ;)

Affectionate-Ant4888 · 2025-04-29T01:34:58+00:00

talking to everyone; mixing compliments; silly comments; fun facts; obvious questions about the current moement; always with everyone;

Fragrant_Lie_1910 · 2025-04-28T09:19:03+00:00

Its not about easy or hard. I have done 300 cold approaches. By cold approach, i mean approaching randomly in public places like malls, campus, station, bookstore etc. It never worked, so I stopped after 300th one.

Title	When did cold approach get easier for you?
Author	MrJohnSmitheyMan
Upvotes	34
Comments	47
Date	April 28, 2025 2:04 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1k9kl6f/when_did_cold_approach_get_easier_for_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/when-did-cold-approach-get-easier-for-you.1550824 https://theredarchive.com/post/1550824

Comments