How long do you guys wait to have sex when you're dating?

YoyoPeaches · 2025-06-12T20:48:38+00:00

until you’re exclusive. If he can’t wait he’s not worth it.

I find you have sex before hand he will view you as just kitty cat and not girlfriend material.

With my now fiancé we waited until he asked me to be his girlfriend. I don’t like hookup culture

Such-Tangerine2673 · 2025-06-12T20:01:58+00:00

I waited 8 weeks (~16 dates) with my fiance. Honestly, it’s one of the ways I knew he was the one. He was so clearly attracted to me but he wanted to wait for me to be completely comfortable before we had sex, was very respectful and never pushed it. He also said that he appreciated me waiting because it indicated I don’t sleep around with just anyone I have a good first few dates with.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2025-06-13T04:51:48+00:00

I'll make the obligatory "until marriage" comment for the trads to upvote and comment "same" under.

(It's worth noting that marriage was about 6 months after meeting each other and less than 3 after beginning actual dating.)

Lucky_Cup_6856 · 2025-06-13T11:04:37+00:00

Until there is exclusivity and emotional comfort.
Men who "can't wait that long" are not marriage material and not worth wasting time on.

princesscarolyn2211 · 2025-06-13T23:22:48+00:00

Until I am officially his girlfriend and he asks me to be his girlfriend

leosandlattes · 2025-06-12T19:42:27+00:00

I waited until the 2nd date. My n-count is 2 (one of them was only giving oral to a college boyfriend), and I was 24 at the time. I felt the time was right to lose my virginity, and early physical chemistry was important to me.

There are pros and cons to waiting for commitment to have sex, and they are detailed in this post about Pre-Commitment and Post-Commitment Risks.

Essentially, post-commitment sex offers you sure commitment at the cost of higher potential hypergamous urge later on down the road (risking boredom and unhappiness).

Pre-commitment sex offers you a greater reward, often a higher value man, at the cost of potentially raising your n-count if you cannot inspire him to stay with you.

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-06-12T20:20:15+00:00

I waited 8 months. We did other stuff, but I wanted to get the Gardasil shot.* I had only been with one person at 27. He didn't even know how many he'd been with at 30. That was always fine with me, but while he hadn't been with anyone for two years, I was worried about cervical cancer. I also just needed that time. I hadn't been with anyone for six years and he'd assaulted me. I was so nervous about that level of vulnerability. The sex I had had was uneventful at best. When we finally were together for the fist time, it was on a ski trip, four months after we said I love you, right as we started discussing marriage. It was wonderful, sweet, awkward, kind of brief because it had been two years for him. I wouldn't change it.

Edited to add: There just are no guarantees here. r/deadbedrooms is full of stories of people who had amazing sex on the first date and for six months after. Now it's been two years and here they are. There are stories of women who waited until marriage who have amazing sex, others who are deeply unhappy for whatever reason. You just have to go with whatever tactic works best with your personal life and hope for the best.

* Please do not turn this into a vaccine debate and get the post locked again.

2025-06-12T20:55:52+00:00

3ish months for my current partner - I always wait until commitment and trust is established. If he can’t wait then he’s not the one for me. My most successful and wholesome partners I’ve had were the ones where I waited until full commitment and a relationship established before we got intimate like that. And from seeing my friends who jump in bed after the first half-a$$ed tinder date get ghosted after said “date”…I will always stick to my way. Obviously everyone is different but I’ve found personal success with doing it the way I do

giozimmer · 2025-06-14T16:09:00+00:00

Until marriage

mauikm · 2025-06-12T22:29:09+00:00

i waited around 4-5 dates with my current partner.

xangeloffduty · 2025-06-12T19:38:19+00:00

Until commitment

TwitchyVixen · 2025-06-13T05:51:32+00:00

I'm a bit of a slut and can't seem to wait. As soon as there's a sleepover it's over haha

Antique_Mountain_263 · 2025-06-13T00:53:23+00:00

I waited two months with my husband. It was really hard because I was so attracted to him (and I still am). I do wish I could go back and have waited longer, but it all worked out. We got engaged after 10 months.

Dionne005 · 2025-06-12T19:36:51+00:00

I waited 4 months with my husband

mintydill00 · 2025-06-13T07:12:52+00:00

6 months. The more I make them wait even if I'm really horny the more I know I can trust them with my body and know its not just lust.

SandMan203 · 2025-06-14T03:23:00+00:00

I’ve slept with someone on the first date. But I also waited about 3 months to have sex with my now husband.

Direct-Ad-5394 · 2025-06-14T18:40:38+00:00

Im talking about my experience. We have 4 dates. Then he began to visit to my apartment. Made out and I noticed that he was "ready" then the third time he came in my apartment he "ask me if he can sleep over" and I noticed that was the code for having sex. I was a virgin. I didn't say yes the first time he ask me. I was totally confused because I had never been with anyone but at this point we considered each other exclusive. We talk about it. He ask again on a Wednesday and I said "come to sleep over the next Saturday" so I can have time to get some prep on the matter. I remembered being so anxious. And scared to screw things up. I was unsure about the relationship and about doing it. But I did it anyway. I mean, it's an experience. Not everything has to be perfect. I can only do the thing that was in my hands to control. So, the Saturday night came we have a date and the go the apartment, watch a series and then he said " we have to get to sleep" and I remembered to think to myself "omg it's time" and we go to my bedroom I change my clothes he did the same and the rest is history.. it depends on your decision making process and your personality and what you want. Always remember what you want. We still together but I can't said that things are totally perfect but those things have nothing to do with the first time we done it.

Exottie · 2025-06-15T15:55:18+00:00

The longest I made someone wait was 1 year (my first relationship haha, never doing that again, plus it was long distance so a unique situation). My most recent one I didn’t put out till four weeks. I need the exclusivity first. Although I’m an extremely sexual person I’ve never done casual sex yet. Nothing wrong with it, I’m just too shy and old fashioned I guess

Detail-Realistic · 2025-06-16T09:09:07+00:00

As a guy, I’d actually agree with waiting not as a rule or game, but as a way to genuinely assess whether his character and intent align with yours.

When I started dating my girlfriend, she naturally took her time. There was undeniable chemistry, but she stayed grounded and didn’t rush into anything physical. It didn’t feel like a strategy it was just who she was. And that made me respect her more. I could tell she was selective, not just with me, but with how she approached dating in general. That set a tone of mutual respect from the beginning and I looked at her as a super high value girl.

A few common traps I’ve seen women fall into: - Saying “I had my party girl phase, but now I’m taking things slow” often lands badly. To a guy, it can sound like you were casual with others, but now want to withhold sex to lock down a commitment because others didn’t want it with you, which feels transactional, not genuine. - Having a rigid rule like “no sex before date X” can also backfire. It turns something emotional and intimate into a checklist, and that can kill the vibe and again make it seem like you’ve been used so have to protect yourself rather than just being natural and selective.

A more natural and high-value approach is to stay in your feminine, subtly guide the pace, and create a space where connection builds gradually. That might mean choosing public date spots, avoiding overly intimate settings early on, and letting affection stay light and playful while you get to know him.

If a guy gets pushy or things start heating up too fast, how you handle it matters a lot. The key is to be consistent in your message with your actions, don’t act overly flustered or conflicted, like you’re barely holding yourself back. That sends mixed signals and can come across as either performative or uncertain. Instead, be calm, warm, and grounded in your boundary. Something like “I really like where this is going but I take my time before getting physical. I just want to enjoy getting to know you at a natural pace.”

Delivered with confidence, it shows that you’re selective, self-respecting, and in emotional alignment and that’s the kind of energy that makes a man step up if he is indeed looking for something similar.

BugzNelson · 2025-06-19T16:50:25+00:00

I wouldn’t say it’s based on a timeline so much as if the relationship has hit certain maturity stages: 1) Agreeing on the definition of your relationship (i.e. exclusive with the intent to marry was my standard) 2) We’ve had a conversation about sex to make sure that communication channel has been opened. 3) We’ve discussed our thoughts and opinions on kids—sex is ultimately about procreation and anyone who thinks you can completely divorce the two is carelessly irresponsible. Have a conversation about kids and make sure you are on the same page.

With my husband we cleared the conversation about kids on the first date and defined what our relationship was on the second. The third date we talked about sex and though we didn’t do it, the night wasn’t PG. After that the flood gates opened. Only took a couple weeks but it didn’t feel irresponsible because it was a real relationship.

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biitchstix · 2025-06-14T05:31:58+00:00

'until there's a label' WAS my rule but it didn't really work. my last relationship was very rushed in the beginning, i believe partially due to this rule of mine. i didn't really have time to do the proper due diligence because he was so ALL IN right away (i know about lovebombing and whatnot now but didn't in my early 20's).

now it's 'we're going to be exclusive for a good while before you get sex so buckle in' lmao. it was about 4 months in with my current relationship and honestly it would have been longer if we hadn't already known each other platonically for a long time prior to dating.

AutoModerator · 2025-06-12T19:35:14+00:00

Title: How long do you guys wait to have sex when you're dating?

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no-way-no-how_ · 2025-06-12T19:45:52+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	How long do you guys wait to have sex when you're dating?
Author	no-way-no-how_
Upvotes	45
Comments	71
Date	June 12, 2025 7:35 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1l9vofi/how_long_do_you_guys_wait_to_have_sex_when_youre/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-long-do-you-guys-wait-to-have-sex-when-youre.1554572 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554572

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