My attorney is dissuading me from going with a private mediator

Signal-Dot2326 · 2025-06-19T12:52:55+00:00

Don't pay for any mediation it's a scam, I spent 6k mediating for 8 hours had everything ironed out, only for the ex to back out and 6k out the window but I got a better deal in court then I was giving her in mediation

crayzeejew · 2025-06-19T04:01:54+00:00

I am a private mediator, and this would be a red flag. Most attorneys encourage mediation, and that's good bc mediation can often allow things that are not attainable via litigation.

If there is a specific part of your settlement or agreement that your attorney feels is against your best interest, thats one thing. Same for an issue that the attorney can have with one specific mediator. But a blanket rejection of the idea of a private mediator, is suspect.

Plastic_Canary_6637 · 2025-06-19T03:17:41+00:00

This all depends on your situation and how much you know/can agree. If you’ve been the majority breadwinner then you probably have a pretty good idea of what finances are. You’ll split most of the assets and cs is just calculated based on income, not a whole lot to argue over. If there is spousal support, accounts you don’t have access to, or you can’t agree on things then lawyer up, it will be worth it

BuddhistChrist · 2025-06-19T00:53:53+00:00

Attorneys are expensive but his/her job is to protect and advocate for your best interests. Get a good lawyer.

BlueHarvest17 · 2025-06-19T00:48:58+00:00

Keep in mind mediation will only work if both people want to make a realistic deal.

engineered-chemistry · 2025-06-19T00:47:59+00:00

I got a zero percent interest credit card for 18 months. If it’s a contest divorce stick with a damn attorney even if you mediate. Check my last post on the outcome…

coldpornproject · 2025-06-19T00:21:31+00:00

I use the mediator during the divorce process. Cost me less than 2 grand. The lady was retired attorney and helped my oh so charming and wonderful ex-wife understand that all the kids are over 18 and she doesn't get spousal support. Where I live a divorce with attorneys cost about $130 grand and I was not willing to pay that.

yeldellmedia · 2025-06-18T23:48:14+00:00

My ex went pro se and i had a full trial…. Her attorney recused…. I thought her being pro se would be a slam dunk win for me but weirdly the courts gave her every possibly bit of leniency you could imagine…….. that being said, if at all possible, beg, borrow or steal to keep your attorney

Slowloris81 · 2025-06-18T23:33:39+00:00

They won’t just file for you. They are either in or out. Attorney of record or not. They can’t just do filings. Just giving you a head’s up.

You can do the filings on your own. The clerk is very helpful to pro ses to figure out how to file.

Substance is more important but if you can’t afford an attorney it is what it is.

rsmiley77 · 2025-06-18T23:28:24+00:00

First off you only get one chance at this.

You say ‘only’ two kids’. That’s enough to cripple you big time when it comes to living.

Do you have any custody of the kids? This is a big mess for you. Sorry. Honestly the mediator may be the way to go. Good luck to you man.

RevolutionaryLaw8854 · 2025-06-18T23:00:28+00:00

Bro - you don’t know what you don’t know. Nothing in this world would make your STBXW happier than when she finds out you’re going pro se.

You think having an attorney is expensive. Wait until you find out how expensive it will be without one when you get destroyed in court.

94Questra · 2025-06-18T22:55:46+00:00

My wife is pushing for a mediator as well as we don't have the liquid assets to pay for attorneys at 350 an hour each. Still haven't found someone that specializes in "collaborative divorce" yet. Can't believe that that term is in my search history now.

Title	My attorney is dissuading me from going with a private mediator
Author	Bluey-Dad1987
Upvotes	5
Comments	37
Date	June 18, 2025 10:44 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1leuxrg/my_attorney_is_dissuading_me_from_going_with_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/my-attorney-is-dissuading-me-from-going-with-a.1554819 https://theredarchive.com/post/1554819

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