I was seperated for 3 years and divorced for one. She never worked. She destroyed me financially and took away my dream home and retirment. She never worked and does not plan to. I was married to her for 21 years and now I have to pay alimony for an indefinite amount of time and maybe life if she doesn't get a job or get married. She won't get a job because her parents are very wealthy and she gets a ton from me. I pay her $7k a month in alimony and more in child support. I'm so angry. I hate her and I hate her parents. I hate the divorce system in California. I feel completely trapped and in prison while I watch my savings dwindle each month. Eventually I'll be bankrupt. Every day I have thoughts of them and my blood boils. Sometimes I'm so angry I want to put my fist through the wall. Sometimes I'll just start yelling in the car because I don't know how else to get my anger out. I know it's bad for me. I go to church sometimes, I've prayed, gone to therapy, work out hard at the gym, and I just can't get the anger to go away. From the time I wake up to the tome I go to bet I'm angry. I don't like being like this. But I don't know how to get past the anger that I'm being bent over a raped financially every month. I can't afford vacation with my kids and live in a shitty apartment while her parents bought her a multimillion dollar home. They have the money to plan the vacations and have the nice house with swimming pool so my kids spend more time with them. I get so jealous and so angry that every day I wake up I wish I was not alive. Ending this life seems to be the only escape from this. I won't do it, but in my mind it's the only way to get relief from this.

How do get get over this anger? It never goes away.