Losing a wife and best friend

6StringFiend · 2025-08-20T20:19:38+00:00

Mine was my best friend as well. Because we did so much together. It’s been pretty lonely without her. Just eating meals by myself sucks. It hard to understand to just it off. Most of my friends have been busy with kids as mine are adults. Taking it day by day.

RudeEmployment993 · 2025-08-20T17:05:57+00:00

I thought the same thing for a long time about my ex until I realized she was only my supposed best friend because she had alienated me from all my old friends and family. Then when we split up, I had no one to turn to for help or at least support. She was a classic sociopath.

Different_Fee_5964 · 2025-08-20T15:54:20+00:00

It sucks to hear. I understand the hurt. But you’re not her best friend. Go out with/game with the guys again and tell them. Trust there are others that know your pain.

Signal-Dot2326 · 2025-08-20T03:39:53+00:00

My man she was never either, because if she was you wouldn't be getting divorced. Suck it up

thriller1122 · 2025-08-19T19:40:28+00:00

I hear ya, but remember. You had a best friend before her, and you will have a best friend after her.

oanthonyknightx2 · 2025-08-19T18:28:44+00:00

My stbxw was my best friend. I was not hers. Friends don’t cheat. They don’t walk away when things get tough. They communicate. They respect you. They love you unconditionally. They want what’s best for you. They cheer you on. They make you feel important. They don’t try and change you.

If my guy friends treated me as poorly as my stbxw has, I wouldn’t have friends. I’m coming to realize what a terrible friend I had in her.

ABBucsfan · 2025-08-18T16:27:50+00:00

Don't want to be insensitive or callous, but majority of the time a guy says she is his best friend.its because they didn't work hard enough to maintain their friendships/allows themselves to become isolated, were loners, or putting them on a pedestal. I've had one really good female friend growing up, and a couple leader ones along the way. None of them were able to fill the shoes some of.the bros have. It's not impossible to have female friends, but a lot of time the old wisdom is true. You wouldn't even be friends with them if you weren't hoping for more. Heck sometimes you're their emotional tampon as they say. A gf/spouse and a friend are two different natures of relationships that people often get mixed up, even if there is definitely overlap. It's good to be enjoy their company and have a friendship too, but just as important to have close friends outside the marriage you can count on and talk about things, including your relationship. Too easy to revolve your life around the one person and try to fulfill every single thing from one person and they become besties by default. There are things with other guys you can share a woman would generally never be able to relate to. I can see having platonic friendships with some women, but I can't see them taking top spot. Friendships just aren't the same with them imo..

Chances are you'll have a better best friend, but may take some time to find. You were biased since you were sleeping with them and likely allowed yourself up become too isolated or at least consume by one person. The other thing is if you're splitting she def doesn't see you as a best friend. Otherwise no reason to split. Romance and excitement doesn't last forever. Kind of have to let go of that image imo. I guess that's the long and short of it. Time to find a new best friend. At some point she doesn't deserve that anymore Sorry for your loss.. perhaps you had a lot of great memories. It's ok to look fondly, but have to move on, and make them with other friendships and partner if you go that route again. Hopefully have other friendships to help fill the void or build some new ones..it's enough to grieve the loss of a spouse, it's another if you've made them the one you go to for everything

Ps: you may even see her true nature in divorce proceedings that will make you wonder why you ever saw them as a friend. I remember thinking she's actually not even a good person....

crzapy · 2025-08-18T01:48:13+00:00

Ex wife and I said the let's be friends thing... we tried. Or at least i did. But I quickly realized that our "friendship" just like our marriage was just manipulation and convenience for her.

Now, I am friendly towards her for the sake of the kids and coparenting. But I will never be friends with someone who betrayed me so she could have some space. Friends don't destroy your world.

Upstairs-Pizza-1843 · 2025-08-17T23:43:42+00:00

She isn't your friend anymore and believing that lie is to your own detriment. When my ex told me as she was filing for divorce that she "will always love me" I told her to never say that to me again because it was manipulative and wasn't even true. Even if she believed it was true, I'd never believe it myself. "We aren't even friends" were the last words I ever spoke to her outside of the divorce proceedings. Try making a vow to your best friend, and then intentionally discarding your friend from pole position in your life by betraying the vow that your best friend's entire life depended on and you will see too that your best friend is no longer even your friend, let alone a best friend.

Schmetts · 2025-08-17T22:33:17+00:00

To be frank, if there is no hope of being friends after the divorce then it doesn't sound like she was your best friend. So don't bother mourning.

Physical-Pie748 · 2025-08-17T22:19:51+00:00

many women have no remorse leaving you, no problem with giving you no closure, they dont care. everything you did for them , time energy you invested, the support you gave them, nothing matters, if they are unhappy they leave. they forget you fast and move on. i know that feeling, it sucks. you believe its your best friends but she can leave you from one day to the next one, yesterday it looked like she loves you, the next day she is cold and distant like an another person.

but life must continue, never invest too much in women and relationships, or you will be dissapointed, it never has good endings. invest in things that stay with you, fitness, health, hobbies, .... dont put your eggs in one basket.

the only ones she truly loves unconditionally are her children maybe , but men? with conditions and they can change from one to the next day. men get into the trap of hoping to find a woman that loves them just like their mom did, yeah good luck brother.

Title	Losing a wife and best friend
Author	Then-Environment-272
Upvotes	26
Comments	26
Date	August 17, 2025 9:59 PM UTC (11 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1mt3xx3/losing_a_wife_and_best_friend/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/losing-a-wife-and-best-friend.1559840 https://theredarchive.com/post/1559840

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