Why do I keep getting pulled back in after infidelity?

curtdogg47 · 2025-12-28T18:47:11+00:00

Cutting those emotional connections to someone is so hard! Takes so much time, to let them go and allow ourselves to be free of a person we once loved.

CB33isGMC · 2025-12-28T09:21:46+00:00

You’re only human man. But please do keep moving forward towards legal dissolution. You can waste a whole lot of time in that separation and one foot in, one foot out pergatory.

Most times when she’s telling you she wants a divorce she’s already cheated. Don’t put yourself through the hell of trying to overcome that. Rip the band aid so you can start the true healing process.

Immediate-Story2562 · 2025-12-28T06:30:43+00:00

Emotional is just as bad as physical if you ask me. Trust is broken and without trust there can be no healthy relationship. I hope you can let go in a healthy way without drugs or alcohol.

Doc13075 · 2025-12-28T00:26:21+00:00

I sort of know where you are coming from. I'm approaching 6 months apart now. Threw her out when I found out about her "emotional" affair. Married for 24 years, together 26,friends for near 28 years.

I still love her and more than likely always will in some way because she has given me my kids. Respect etc and the urge to get back together though? Absolutely chance, they do it once and they'll do it again and again. They'll never respect you for taking them back and it'll always be there under the surface for both of you.

When you get your own place and the contact with her reduces or stops I think you'll manage to start moving on. I find things easy when I don't see the ex for prolonged periods. Mind and soul settles.

Good luck mate.

MonkeyBranchBuster · 2025-12-27T23:42:17+00:00

Low self respect, gaslighting you into insecuritues of not being good enough or fear of dying alone.

This affair is the fuel for your turning point into a new you else it will continue to happen with her or any other woman.

Comfortable-Angle660 · 2025-12-27T23:17:52+00:00

Geez man, when I found out about infidelity, the ex was dead to me. I don’t know how anyone would find that acceptable to go back to that kind of behaviour. She doesn’t love you.

probebeta · 2025-12-27T23:05:50+00:00

You have no kids. Protect yourself from any liabilities especially if you are cohabitating. At that point if you want to stick around for a bit more fun with her I wouldn't judge you 😅 but she's now your fuck buddy at best. Relationship with her is over, sorry.

kellyjj1919 · 2025-12-27T22:22:28+00:00

Part of the ways cheating works , is that it’s like being addicted. You know that the other person is bad for you, but you keep chasing that dragon.

Virtual-Mixture8381 · 2025-12-27T22:21:37+00:00

Oxytocin withdrawals brother. Spend enough time not seeing her face nor talking to her and you will look back at this hard evidence and brush your shoulder off with a “good riddance” righteous declaration.

No more photos of her face, no reading or hearing anything she says. Block all social media. Give yourself a year and watch all those unpleasant things about her bubble to your mind as the withdrawals disappear .. “disrespectful.. disloyal.. ungrateful..” you will get over it.

1millionBURNINGsuns · 2025-12-27T21:15:34+00:00

There’s other women who will love you and you can love. The only problem and requirement firstly is you need to love YOURSELF more and know that you deserve better. Get it done. By pushing the divorce process forward you’re taking the first step. Go!

soparent · 2025-12-27T18:51:46+00:00

no kids? honestly just break it off completely otherwise in a few years, maybe after you have a kid or two and she feels bored and she does the same thing you will never forgive yourself.

Relevant-Key4610 · 2025-12-27T17:53:13+00:00

I’m going to share my story because I think it helps put things into perspective. Two years ago, I was in the same place, but with the roles reversed. I was the one asking for a divorce. I was the one constantly complaining about everything. And the truth is, I was having an affair. I had been married for a long time, but the relationship had been emotionally dead for more than half of it. I met someone else and ended up falling in love. Over time, I started seeing my marriage through a completely different lens, and all I wanted was to leave and get divorced. From my experience, when situations start unfolding like this, sudden detachment, constant dissatisfaction, and a strong push to leave, infidelity is very often involved. Fast forward two years, I regret the affair deeply. At the same time, I am still in a dead relationship with my wife. I have stayed mainly because of the kids, but it has been consuming my life, and I am seriously considering ending the marriage soon. I am not sharing this to justify anything, only to be honest about what I lived through.

One_Mathematician864 · 2025-12-27T17:36:24+00:00

When they start finding faults out of nowhere, wanting space and separation, it's always because she has eyes another dude!

She blames you because you have to be the villain in the story to justify her cheating.

She's now realised her fancy new guy she thought was better than you only wanted her for a good time! So she wants you back, or at the very least have you available as a back up plan when he's done fucking her and is ready to return her to you.

At some point you will have to accept being the villain to keep some self respect

You didn't mention any kids, if there aren't, I'd say run and never look back.

Jwoot1111 · 2025-12-27T17:33:13+00:00

I get brought back in after dealing with a drunk who’s been arrested for DV against me and has a history of crazy outbursts.

It’s hard, when they are trying. Especially when they are almost like a helpless child.

I’m not sure I could handle infidelity though.

But I do understand how it’s easy to get pulled back in.

I think we have to understand that change isn’t coming. And the longer this goes on, the worse for us.

mundolingua · 2025-12-27T17:20:33+00:00

That 🐱must be fire 🔥

serkovavantgarden · 2025-12-27T17:18:50+00:00

It’s always an affair mate, trust me

Man up and ditch her.

Or face a lifetime of mental torture

Title	Why do I keep getting pulled back in after infidelity?
Author	snowdude1026
Upvotes	8
Comments	32
Date	December 27, 2025 5:11 PM UTC (7 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1px2x2j/why_do_i_keep_getting_pulled_back_in_after/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/why-do-i-keep-getting-pulled-back-in-after.1569808 https://theredarchive.com/post/1569808

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