The Friendzone Trap

Back2theCouture · 2026-02-04T12:59:11+00:00

we are very like minded

Yea no, you put yourself in the friendzone. A little bit of contrarian is encouraged in courting her. Don’t have to agree on all she says. “Oh yea me too!” Kinda stuff. Remember, polarity and tension create the sparks/chemistry. Not the “like minded.”

Even if you agree with what she says, just say something like “hmm, interesting…” you don’t have to put all your agreements on the table. To you, maybe you and her are like minded. But in the back of her head she might be thinking “this guy always says yes and have the same hobbies as mine. Is he trying to get into my pants? Because that’s totally not working.”

ChicoBrillo · 2026-02-04T14:41:50+00:00

idk man, I think the friendzone is bs on a certain level. If somebody's attracted to you, they're not going to just 'lose' the attraction because you're being yourself...what kind of messed up logic is that?

I'm always going to go for being myself, because why would I want to be in a relationship where I have to constantly have up a false front?

In my mind, if you're in the "friend zone" it's because she wasn't into you anyway

OpinionThink481 · 2026-02-04T13:42:16+00:00

U wanna meet a really great lady that shares your ideas and interests as well, so u try to be more yourself after these lessons.

Because your natural self is needy, boring, dull. Being yourself and expecting great results with women only works when your natural self is seductive by pure instinct.

If it’s not, then being yourself will mean you have to rely on the stars aligning to find a girl and sure if you find it by being your usual boring self great, but that can take huge amounts of time missing out on your youth.

Do we really have to invent a new self where seduction is always a part of it, can we not just meet that great person the way we are?

You can, but getting a girl that respects, admires, and it’s drawn to your natural self can take time. Others who are naturally more fun and still being themselves will get better results than you.

So the problem here comes with comparisons. If he is himself and gets lots of girls why can’t i do the same? Because he is more handsome, more funny, more fun without having to fake it.

Maybe they were talking bs when they said all those things wouldn’t matter when u meet the right person?

If you meet the right person sure, the problem is meeting the right person could take decades for some people. U willing to wait that? U willing to be a virgin until your late 50s? Or do you want results now which means having to do things differently?

It’s your choice and both are valid but they come with accepting the consequences.

AddLightness1 · 2026-02-04T16:54:37+00:00

No matter how 'modern' our upper, logical thoughts become, all of our lower thoughts, which drive attraction and mating, continue to run on the same mechanics that existed before spoken language. Seduction game mostly consists of tactics that speak to that primitive mind. A woman that likes you will spend time to get to know you, and she will want to discover your inner world, thoughts and feelings, in her own time. She will want to earn your trust, and work at getting you to open up about yourself. Surprise feelings and handing out such deep trust for free triggers reactions in her that are not to your benefit. Playing with that female primitive mind takes time, and it's worth the play if you genuinely like her, but it requires making her want to invest that time in you. You trap her time investment by being a novel romantic interest.

Certain_Process_7657 · 2026-02-04T15:19:12+00:00

Always be closing. Don't think of any attractive woman as a potential friend initially. Compliment her looks as soon as you can to make your romantic intentions clear from the outset.

Mr_BuuBuu · 2026-02-04T18:06:19+00:00

If you're in the friend zone it's for a reason. Either attraction or type. It's possible to get out of it as you build that attraction. Also your game needs to change depending where you meet people. If it's during the day at the coffee shop most of the time thats going to be a slow burn compared to meeting at night in the club.

Matter_Still · 2026-02-04T18:43:47+00:00

“And boom, you’re in the friendzone and it’s too late to turn it around. Isn’t that crazy?”

Crazy is believing the friendzone is a romantic “Dead Zone” because you read that it was in a book or watched a self-annointed pickup guru on YouTube tell you it is. It could be, might be, but it is no more a fact of human existence than the fiery hell many preachers try to make you believe in. Crazy is believing something (instead of the research) because Mark Manson or Neill Strauss said it.

Encore presentation:

The Friends-to-Lovers Pathway to Romance: Prevalent, Preferred, and Overlooked by Science. Social Psychological and Personality Science,

Stinson, D. A., Cameron, J. J., & Hoplock, L. B. (2022).

From the abstract:

“In a meta-analysis of seven samples of university students and crowdsourced adults (Study 3; N = 1,897), two thirds reported friends-first initiation, and friends-first initiation was the preferred method of initiation… . These studies affirm that friends-first initiation is a prevalent and preferred method of romantic relationship initiation that has been overlooked by relationship science.”

From the discussion:

“Our results reveal that psychologists have largely overlooked the most prevalent and desirable form of relationship initiation. Even though two thirds of the nearly 1,900 participants in the studies that we meta-analyzed in Study 3 reported friends-first initiation, and even though 47% of the university age participants in Study 4 claimed that friends-first initiation is the best way to initiate a relationship, just 18% of the studies that we located in our literature search actually focused on this method of initiation.

“Friends first” is not just a good way to progress to intimacy, the researchers found nearly 66% of the almost two thousand people sampled claimed it was the best way AND the preferred way.

Certainly someone could dismiss this (and many who think “Models” or “The Game” is holy writ, likely will, but that’s irrational, just as biased as ignoring a sample of 2,000 people at Disney World who say flying to Orlando is the preferred way of getting there.

And, yes, there are potential flaws in this study, but none approaching the conclusion drawn in “Models” that friendship with a woman (or man) is the ultimate “time sink”.

The nearly 1,700 people who were surveyed for this meta study and who preferred “friends first” as an “initiation” to romance and intimacy, if told of Mark Manson’s contempt of the “friendzone”, would likely respond, “Who?”

FearInoculumTool · 2026-02-04T19:18:40+00:00

There is only one trap and that’s the trap of neediness and attachment. Women never want what they can get and only want what they can’t get.

Although to us men it looks amazing to have a ton in common with a girl and gush all over her, to the woman, on an emotional level, we are communicating “I’m easy to get! I’m over eager and over excited to be in your company, because I don’t hang out with many attractive women like you, so I consider myself of much lower value than you are.”

It sucks but that’s reality. Accept it or don’t.

baby_oil773 · 2026-02-04T12:40:04+00:00

how did you go from coffee to friendzone? where was the seduction inbetween? When did you take her to grab drinks then a live music venue where you can be close to her and escalate? When did you ask her to come back to your place?

Spirited_Bear2760 · 2026-02-04T13:17:14+00:00

There is no Problem with the "Friendzone". Having lot of female friends and being able to maintain these friendships over a longer period shows potential partners that you are a decent human being who's save and maybe worth pursuing. Women look very closely into your social environment and if you have no female friend who can say good things about you, it's a red flag. Just as the usage of the word "Friendzone".

SpaceCheeseWizard · 2026-02-04T13:37:54+00:00

It also appears that because she’s staying in my city temporarily (couple months) she already was not planning to date. At least, if I have to believe her word for it

norwegiandoggo · 2026-02-04T16:58:50+00:00

Yeah, you have to change who you are. You can't revert back to incel ways when you have a good vibe with someone.

When you truly change who you are - you will not have this feeling of faking anything. But this takes time. In the beginning everything feels fake. Because i'm guessing you changed your behavior - but not your actual beliefs.

When you change your beliefs, you change who you are. Then the behavior flows smoothly from this.

MyUsername0_0 · 2026-02-05T02:28:23+00:00

You didn't seduce her, you were happy she gave you attention and were needy.

lagonda69 · 2026-02-04T12:25:10+00:00

If you are in the Friendzone, it's all your fault and you failed. I know what you are trying to say, but never entertain woman who you had romantic feelings for and she shut you down

atomant88 · 2026-02-04T13:46:37+00:00

There is no friend zone. Dont act like a friend if you want more

shortidiva21 · 2026-02-04T13:00:02+00:00

Sometimes us ladies confuse intensity with intimacy. Turn the intensity of your interactions up 5 notches and see how she responds.

Title	The Friendzone Trap
Author	SpaceCheeseWizard
Upvotes	28
Comments	45
Date	February 4, 2026 12:09 PM UTC (6 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1qvmvam/the_friendzone_trap/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-friendzone-trap.1572685 https://theredarchive.com/post/1572685

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