Need advice

Ok-Cause1108 · 2026-04-22T17:31:34+00:00

Do not feel guilty. The spouse who wants out should be the one to leave the marital home (barring abuse). Ask her to leave, you will need that space and time away from her to detach. Living together is the absolute worst thing you can do for yourself and your kids.

darmitage55 · 2026-04-22T17:16:30+00:00

You're not the bad guy for asking her to leave. She already checked out and told you as much. You're doing all the parenting. Guilt makes sense but it's misplaced here. Your kids need stability, not a front-row seat to her 'living her life' while you hold everything together.

serkovavantgarden · 2026-04-22T06:15:17+00:00

‘She told me this life just isn’t what she wants. And she’ll never be the wife or mother we deserve’

My ex said something remarkably similar when she initiated separation

It turned out to be code for ‘I’m banging a coworker. You’ve served your purpose’

Get digging bro

In the meantime though, embrace how you’re feeling. It’s going to be ROUGH but you will eventually calibrate and start to go into action mode

Good luck

O12345678 · 2026-04-22T01:19:30+00:00

If you live in a location where they will penalize her for cheating, now is the time to find out if she is. Don't let her know you're suspicious. Get hard evidence.

painfulletdown · 2026-04-22T01:12:18+00:00

Because you are a good person, but you need to be more business-like and follow the law. You guys will share and eventually sell the house and split, or there will be a buyout.

FUMoney · 2026-04-22T01:04:50+00:00

Shes told me this life just isn't what she wants. And she'll never be the wife or.mother we deserve.

I have a different perspective. If she said this, directly and truthfully, at least she told you the truth. She doesn't want her family, motherhood, or a life with you and the kids.

That's honest. That's direct. You can work with that, because you know where everyone stands.

Here's how I would handle it. Try and be civil. Respectful. Acknowledge what she said, accept it. And if you are civil, respectful, and simply accept this is who she is, you can use this to your advantage in the divorce.

In exchange for her future departure and desire for freedom from family life, tell her how important it will be to have the house, child support from her, all the assets, etcetera. Try and negotiate the most favorable divorce settlement possible. And you get there only by being calm, respectful, and chilling the hell out on all the judgment you see in the other comments.

Your soon-to-be ex-wife may be a terrible mother. May be a terrible partner. But it will do you zero good to say so. It will only greatly increase divorce difficulty. And again, at least she was being truthful. Much worse if you have a spouse who is actively lying, or even worse, setting you up for domestic violence, sexual assault, or the worst of all, alleging you are a pedophile. All of these things regularly happen in divorce courts all over the world.

Construction00023 · 2026-04-22T00:17:55+00:00

This is almost mirror of my life right now. Wholly parallel universe. Fight the good fight and remember the Alamo.

Regular-Bat-4449 · 2026-04-21T23:27:03+00:00

She wants to remain in the residence for your resources. Do not reward her. If she wants to be single, then seperate her from as many resources as you can. Get your attorney and listen to them to the letter.

You shouldn't be forced to fund her single lifestyle.

File first and keep her responding to you, not the other way around. Good luck

RyanBanJ · 2026-04-21T23:02:23+00:00

So she pops out two kids and now decides she wants the free life? I don't think you should feel guilty for wanting to kick her to the curb. Parenting should require the two you, not just you working hard and a lazy mother.

You are raising two kids, not three.

SeaweedWeird7705 · 2026-04-21T22:46:17+00:00

You are in shock. Don’t make any major decisions in the next day or two. Tomorrow, call a divorce lawyer and make an appointment.

Reflog1791 · 2026-04-21T22:39:43+00:00

Schedule an appointment with a counselor, get a back massage, start banging out push-ups and going for jogs.

I agree with others she is for the streets now.

I would give her the divorce post haste!!! You will get a better deal if you work quickly. Talk to 4 lawyers. Drum up referrals.

Take care of your health right now. You need to think clearly to get out of this jam.

Good luck brother and I will note… my ex wife doing this shit was the best thing that ever happened to me. You gotta lock in and take care of business for the next 18 months. No freakouts or meltdowns. Don’t talk to her.

Do things that make you happy and improve your life. Take care of your health!!! This will pass and will actually be awesome for you. Go see that counselor and those lawyers.

000654 · 2026-04-21T22:38:03+00:00

It scares me to think of where society will be in another 30 years when I think of the differences in mother/fatherhood/family dynamics. There’s going to be some messed up kids.

ThaTruth_NoBS · 2026-04-21T22:35:14+00:00

Sorry you’re going through this……….. Now think about it logically, She stays, she starts partying like she wants to and probably end up sleeping/meeting someone else while you’re taking care of everything including her. Maybe meet a few guys then she realizes no one wants to take serious and now she’s ohh shit I better stay! Then what? I’d say…….tell her nice and calm, set a boundary that if that’s what she wants she can do that but not stay in your home. She needs to find a place to stay. In the meantime you keep taking care of the kids and yourself, cut her off. She wants to be free then she can pay all her bills. You keep taking care of yourself, meditate, start working out and stay strong, pick up a hobby but don’t let your brain start thinking about all the WHYs!……… If she starts partying and sleeping around and then finds out life it’s harder than she thought it’d be a lot harder to get her out of the house.

That’s just my opinion, good luck!

fruittidemare · 2026-04-21T22:34:12+00:00

This is a variation of my story , call lawyers tomorrow and get some therapy, be the best dad you can be for your kids. It’s all over except for the filing and while there’s going to always be things that pull on your emotions unexpectedly, you and your kids will be all the better for getting a fresh start. Good luck.

psychcaptain · 2026-04-21T22:29:39+00:00

She is for the streets now buddy.

In truth, it sounds like you should ask her to leave, if you can afford to live on your own.

rowman_nahledge · 2026-04-21T22:28:17+00:00

Kick that bum to the curb. She dont get to live another life while you out here busting ass being a good father. Sorry brother, im in the same process it gets easier it does but no man, this aint right at all

dystinct · 2026-04-21T22:25:19+00:00

Probably the saddest post I’ve seen here. Sorry, brother.

Title	Need advice
Author	BatZed
Upvotes	9
Comments	28
Date	April 21, 2026 10:22 PM UTC (3 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1ss2szs/need_advice/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/need-advice.1578547 https://theredarchive.com/post/1578547

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