“Giving someone a chance” is a selfish mindset and comes from a place of superiority

SkatemanJohn · 2026-05-30T11:41:15+00:00

You're giving someone a chance in every case. Whether they're what you think you'll like or not you'll have to see how it goes. For some of you it can actually work out really well to assume that what you think is wrong and do the opposite.

RelativeYak7 · 2026-05-30T14:30:11+00:00

Makes sense to me! I can't stand not being a man's specific type

Flightlessbirbz · 2026-05-30T15:21:58+00:00

While I agree with the general spirit of what you’re saying (don’t date someone you don’t think is good enough for you just to “give them a chance” to change your mind), there are more complexities to it for some people that might cause some confusion on this topic.

Like I can say there has never been a time when I didn’t have some reservations and think “well let’s just give it a chance” on a first date. Because temperament wise, I am an introverted, reserved over-thinker who does not feel instant sexual attraction to anyone. This does not mean I don’t know if I have potential to be attracted to someone or don’t experience intense sexual attraction, but it always takes getting to know them somewhat first before I feel much of anything. There have been people I did not particularly want to kiss the first few times I later couldn’t keep my hands off of.

So, for me, there would be no baseline for “someone I truly desired” on the first few dates. Because I simply was not going to “truly desire” anyone in that sense at that point. It’s just how some people are, probably mostly women, but I don’t think it’s strictly gendered. (I identify as just bisexual, but have at times wondered if technically demi or pan sexual).

Objective_Ad_6265 · 2026-05-30T15:06:18+00:00

Exactly. If you have to test them or give them a chance or wait if they deserve good treatment you simply don't like them and you should leave them alone.

TopShelfSnipes · 2026-05-30T17:14:16+00:00

People inherently don't know what they want when they're young.

They form preferences based on their socialization and lived experiences. Those preferences can often be incorrect, but sometimes are correct.

Part of growing up is experimenting, learning, and testing previously held assumptions. Sometimes that results in doubling down on the original assumption/preference, and we call that conviction, and sometimes it results in throwing out the original assumption/preference as it's deemed to be no longer valid.

This is literally how humans grow and evolve.

So, "giving someone a chance" can very much be about seeking to test your own expectations/assumptions and see if the other person might surprise you. It's not always about settling.

Most people do not date for marriage when they start dating, usually around somewhere between late middle school and college age.

You need to stress test the preconceived notions you bring into adolescence and adulthood before committing to someone. Sometimes people end up with amazing partners on their first go around, but most people want to try dating a few different types of people before figuring out what they want.

That doesn't mean every preconceived notion needs to be tested, however...sometimes you really DO know what you don't want...it's up to the individual to make that call for themselves.

Demasii · 2026-05-30T11:58:27+00:00

How does one know you are giving someone the same level of leeway or dedication as "your type" when you haven't had it?

Idk how I would treat a different partner. I'm not with them or if I were, I was in a different time & place.

growframe · 2026-05-30T12:04:18+00:00

If you’re not going to give someone the same leeway and the same level of dedication and attention as you would “your type”, please leave them alone

That person can leave of they feel they aren't getting the treatment they deserve. If they do feel like they're satisfied, why does the relationship have to be broken uo for some abstract judgement?

TermAggravating8043 · 2026-05-30T13:57:10+00:00

I’m going to treat all my partners the same even if some of them I am taking a chance on.

That’s up to you how decide you are happy being treated

Perfect-Resist5478 · 2026-05-30T13:12:55+00:00

Three whole paragraphs to land on “do some deep introspection to open up your perception of dating”

What do you think “giving someone a chance” is?

Outside_Memory5703 · 2026-05-30T15:02:25+00:00

It’s men who are nagging us to do so 🤷‍♀️

EugeneCezanne · 2026-05-30T13:15:43+00:00

Giving someone a chance generally means one of three things: (1) curiosity, (2) slow-build attraction style, (3) reevaluation of one's own standards.

In any case, it comes from being pursued—the pursuer knows it's a longshot.

No one asking for a chance is going to appreciate you calling for a flat rejection.

All of us deserve to be with someone who treats us like an amazing person in a relationship.

None of us really "deserve" anything here. The objects of our desire are, in fact, whole other people with desires of their own, and under no garauntee or moral obligation to ever align.

your treating dating like board game rather than a bonding ritual to find a life partner.

Dating can be either, or both, or some third or fourth thing.

Did you even ask the girl who gave you a chance whether she was currently lookong for a life-partner? Let's face it: it's 2026 and a lot of us are mainly dating for the plot.

If you’re not going to give someone the same leeway and the same level of dedication and attention as you would “your type”, please leave them alone

Basketball analogy:

If you're a bench-warmer and coach puts you in the game, stop complaining and PLAY. If you miss a few shots and get pulled, dont say "But coach, when the starters miss a few shots, you let them keep shooting!" You're not a starter, and you never will be with that attitude.

pie-mart · 2026-05-30T12:10:12+00:00

As a woman we are always told to give men we don't find attractive a chance because of his potential for being nice.

My friend is really weird and refuses to give attractive attractive men a chance because she says they might not be nice. Mind you, she has never dated a man with high attraction.

And I always reapond with "you can still give him a chance. He may be nice"

So, idk. Women are taught to see hot men as cruel. Bad. Mean. Or boring.

And taught to go after men they find less attractive because "he will be less likely to leave me" or because "he must be nicer than the attractive type of men"

Wjen in reality less attractive and attractive men have the same possibility of being nice or mean.

And its annohing to hear as a woman to constantly be told we need to give men we find unattractive a chance, but we better not because then we would be settling.

Financial_Leave4411 · 2026-05-30T11:36:11+00:00

Opinions are like assholes everyone has one. Do what you want and let others make their own decisions. People are too controlling nowadays. No need for the spiel if you think someone is setting for you and you aren’t ok with that then move on and let others make their own decision on the matter. I’m so tired of people keep trying to force their message down other peoples throats.

Lemon_gecko · 2026-05-30T11:54:15+00:00

If you’re not going to give someone the same leeway and the same level of dedication and attention as you would “your type”, please leave them alone.

No.

(and they are also adults and if they don't like my level of dedication - they can walk away, but it's their decision)

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MarioWilson122 · 2026-05-31T00:35:00+00:00

The problem with this argument is that it ignores how dating works for a lot of men. A man might find models to be his ideal type, but if models are not interested in him and the women he can realistically attract are average women or bigger women, what exactly is he supposed to do? Stay single forever?

Most men do not have the luxury of only dating their absolute ideal. They have to work with the options available to them. That doesn't automatically mean they're treating those women as a backup plan or that the attraction isn't genuine. It just means reality forced them to adjust their expectations.

If anything, the OP's standard would eliminate a huge number of relationships. Very few people end up with the exact person they would have designed in a laboratory. The fact that someone couldn't get their first-choice fantasy partner doesn't mean they can't genuinely desire, appreciate, and build a meaningful relationship with someone else. Otherwise, a lot of men would have to remain single simply because the women they find most attractive were never interested in them to begin with.

Axis_Control · 2026-05-31T09:07:07+00:00

Stop telling women to lower their standards then. RP is saying this constantly.

AreOut · 2026-05-30T15:06:42+00:00

"If you’re not going to give someone the same leeway and the same level of dedication and attention as you would “your type”, please leave them alone. "

They just want to set themselves superior in a relationship and they would say that to their typest type. When I hear that I just say ah OK I think I already wasted it, was nice meeting you. Because I know what awaits me.

Title	“Giving someone a chance” is a selfish mindset and comes from a place of superiority
Author	DriverInitial8305
Upvotes	22
Comments	65
Date	May 30, 2026 11:20 AM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/1trx8cy/giving_someone_a_chance_is_a_selfish_mindset_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/giving-someone-a-chance-is-a-selfish-mindset-and.1581655 https://theredarchive.com/post/1581655

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