For a while now, I have been in one of those dreaded age-gap relationships. (My fiancee is 19 and I am in my 50s). One thing that struck me is how her attitude towards me seems more positive than the attitudes of women I have dated in the past. She seems more trusting and accepting and appreciative; less judgmental and critical.

So it's natural to wonder whether her relative youth and lack of experience informs her attitude.

Yesterday I started a thread asking women how common it is for male relationship misbehavior to result in long lasting emotional damage to women. From the responses, I gather that this is a VERY common problem.

Here's one response:

it’s not exclusive to women to be scarred by the opposite sex, but it is drastically more prevalent, and when it happens the scarring is usually much worse.

To be sure, one could debate over whether this is true. And if it is true, one could argue over what are the causes or contributing factors. More male misbehavior? Greater female fragility? Worse partner selection among women?

I tend to think the biggest factor is female fragility, but for purposes of this thread, it doesn't really matter. The point is that emotional baggage is very common.

One could also argue that this message board is a magnet for damaged people and therefore an informal survey carries little weight. Still, one poster posted the following:

According to a recent CDC study in California, roughly 30% of women experience physical/sexual violence compared to 16% of men. Psychological abuse is experienced by approximately 27% of women and 24% of men.

Of course one could criticize this study. Presumably it is based on self-reporting, something which is never reliable. Even so, the apparent fact that nearly a third of women report being abused by past male partners is telling.

We men are often criticized for dating adult women who are very young. Or for preferring women with less rather than more relationship experience. But even looking only at the emotional baggage issue, this seems like a very reasonable preference.

By the way, in terms of overall physical attractiveness and compatibility, I would have ideally preferred a partner who was older. I find women to be most physically attractive in their late 20s. And obviously relationship logistics are easier when both parties are working age adults. But I am not a 6'2" chiseled-jaw "Chad" type so I can't really make a lot of demands on the dating market.

I should also mention that I do not deny that there are men out there who are obsessed with dating young women, men who are "in love with a number." I totally agree that this is psychologically unhealthy. If nothing else, it's hard to have a long lasting committed relationship with such a person due to inevitable aging. Moreover, if a man's goal is to find a relationship partner who is "barely legal," it is a red flag that he has some unhealthy desires. I don't deny any of that.

My only point is that the emotional baggage problem seems to be real and from this perspective, it's reasonable for men who are looking for long-lasting committed relationships to end up with (adult) women who are relatively young and inexperienced.