What is the best age to get married?

Vellore992 · 2019-01-11T20:55:35+00:00

I went through a lot of personal growth in my early-mid 20s, and changed a lot as a person in those years. If I had married the man I was dating at age 20, even though I was mad about him at the time, I would be either divorced or very unhappy right now.

Consider that the adult, rational part of your brain isn't fully developed until about 25 and any decisions you make up until then are essentially made with a teenager's emotional brain. Of course it's possible to have a happy marriage that starts when you're younger, and plenty of women do, but there will be a much great element of luck in these cases.

I met my husband at about 26, and we dated/vetted for a couple of years before marrying. I feel confident that I was able to make a decision that was based on both emotion and logic, and that's served us very well.

Hammocknapping · 2019-01-11T23:47:51+00:00

There is some much that plays into this decision, including: - The age parents were married, and if they are still together - Level of education - Socio-Economic Status - Race, ethnicity and national origin - Religion - Desire to have children

And that’s only the top 5 I can list. Ultimately, the right age to get married is when you’re ready, with the understanding that a desire to have children puts women on a tight timeframe.

I got married in my mid-20s. I also have a very high level of education, and didn’t want to get married while I was still in my graduate program. I was in college (and grad school) to learn and push myself academically and intellectually. I was there to do my best, not to party and hook up.

But, I had realistic expectations. I’m childfree, so I wasn’t worried about getting married in my mid-20s vs. late 20s. And, I got married much earlier than I would have ever predicted.

ragnarockette · 2019-01-11T22:18:28+00:00

My dad told me he wouldn’t pay for my wedding unless I was at least 25. I got married at 29.

I think the answer varies greatly depending on the type of person you are, and the type of life you want to lead (particularly with family size). While it would be ideal if marriage-readiness and peak SMV lined up, I find that our modern society focuses so much more on personal growth and development during your 20’s, and just in general, that people typically aren’t done “becoming” until they are in their late 20’s.

I also feel like, despite what RPW says, a lot of marriage-age men (28-38) actually don’t want to date or marry a woman in her early 20’s, even if those younger women are technically hotter.

Personally, I would say 25-28 is ideal, unless you want a big family and then I would say 24.

voicesatthedoor · 2019-01-11T22:05:42+00:00

I married my husband at 23, after we'd been together for 4 years. We were inseparable from the beginning of our relationship, talking about marriage, children, and our futures very soon after we got together. I would have married him after 2 years!

However, we both come from liberal families and attended a very liberal college where young marriage isn't viewed well. So we wanted to wait until after we graduated. I made it clear early on that I wouldn't live with him until he proposed, which he happily did a few weeks after graduation.

I think that marrying in our early 20's was right for us--but I also feel like I lucked out. In meeting him, in stumbling across role models in my life for healthy young marriages, for discovering RPW when it was the opposite of how my mom had raised me. And several events in our lives brought my husband and I together in unique ways, early on in our relationship: losing friends in a car crash, his dad's terminal cancer diagnosis, and me developing chronic health issues, among other things. We grew up quickly as a result.

So I would say that it depends on the person. Most 21-year-olds I know are not mature enough for marriage, even if they are in serious relationships. But many 30-year-olds also rush into unwise marriages, which society is more OK with simple because they are older.

I think that it is more about personal development than anything else. This doesn't necessarily require relationship experience--my husband was my first relationship. But are you viewing the future of your relationship logically as well as romantically? Are your future plans compatible as well as having good chemistry? If you're not ready to talk about kids, who stays at home, the lifestyle you want to live--or if you're not sure what you want for your future--then you are probably not ready to get married.

okayestwifey · 2019-01-11T21:08:32+00:00

I got married at 22, and I think it was perfect for us. We got to raise a family young (still in progress), we grew together (consciously-- it's not like that just happens by chance), and we combined finances and such so that now, in our early 30s, we're already out of our starter home and in a really nice house in a good town and pretty well settled.

BUT, don't marry at 22 just to marry at 22.

Houston2Homestead · 2019-01-11T20:36:16+00:00

I married my husband at 20 years old, after only knowing him for three months. That was 25 years ago. While I wouldn't recommend it for everyone, I do see advantages in our marriage as we "grew up together". I am happier today than I was 25 years ago and it is because I have a Captain that I grew up with, grew wise with, and will grow old with.

However, I completely understand your points and they are 100% valid - results may vary.

theawaregirl · 2019-01-11T21:03:53+00:00

I'm twenty-three and engaged. I would've preferred being married by now (had I chosen at a young age what I wanted), but my fiance and I had to find each other first, and due to the difference in age (he's a fair bit older than me), it was best we met when I was firmly into my twenties rather than a fresh spring chicken. Lol.

I think youngest is best. It gives you the opportunity to grow with someone, learn with someone, get old with someone. I also think that it is best for family-building, if that's a goal of yours.

I think that this whole idea of women not being ready until they're older is a manipulation tactic that the media uses to further push girls toward promiscuity, typically "manly" traits/roles, and far, far away from being traditional/starting a family.

booklisttoolong · 2019-01-11T21:09:15+00:00

I wanted multiple kids and I wanted to be done by age 35 at the very latest. My husband wanted all kids out of the house by age 55 so our youngest would be born around age 35 at the latest as well. So that meant with an approx 18mo-2 year space between kids, and barring fertility issues, that I would need to be married mid 20s. Which is what we did. I was done with kid #4 at age 31 and I'm so glad I did that.

Every year it takes me longer to physically recover from things and I am very appreciative that I'm not up at all hours of the night now. I heard someone once say at age 35 you wake up with a different body and that's pretty true in my experience, despite being careful I (and my husband) just can't go all out physically and wake up and do it again. When we were 25? 30? Sure. We still exercise but we have to have more recovery and that's hard to do when taking care of babies. We got really into fitness in our early 30s and were wiped out by some chronic persistent injuries and learned how important recovery time is. I'm glad we learned the lesson. :)

Ideally I guess from an objective long-range perspective I'd want a society to pair up at the height of attractiveness/fertility for health, socially so the men didn't resent the women giving up their youth to other men and finally the younger and longer you're together the pair-bonding would be very strong so I would say early/mid 20s is ideal (and even late teens would probably be ok especially physically). Especially if you have supportive mentors who can help with good choices. I can't think of a more important decision than who someone marries. Sets your life up.

girlwithabike · 2019-01-11T22:47:11+00:00

I met my husband at 23, began dating him at 24, moved in together six months in and married at 30. That worked for me. I knew when I moved in with him that I was sticking with him come hell or high water so marriage, which I deeply wanted, was ultimately a formality.

The man I dated through high school and college was not the right man for me and never would have been. I broke up with him but we remained friends for a very long time. So while I'm glad that I didn't marry him, I'm not sure that it is because I was too young or that we grew apart over time, he was simply not the right man and was never going to be.

I look at my parents and maternal grandparents who both married young. My parents relationship is not at all what I'd want but they remain devoted to each other. My grandparents were very obviously in love their entire lives. My paternal grandparents married in their 30s (and went on to have almost a dozen children). My grandfather slept in the basement and my grandmother in the bedroom for my entire life.

There are plenty of women who come here seeking advice and one component of the problem appears to be her age. Remember though, we're seeing the subset of the people with problems. So out of 'all married people with problems' a significant number may be married young, that does not mean that all people married young have problems...or even a majority.

zionbeers · 2019-01-12T06:09:19+00:00

I’m 25 and getting married soon (he’s 27). Tbh I don’t think it would hurt for me to be a little bit older. Frankly I had absolutely NONE of the confidence that you rightly think women should have when I started dating him seriously (I was 19), and I’m still ‘coming into my own’ as a person (about to head to grad school and still have my hamstery moments). FH said he wanted to get married to me, and I love him/would be an idiot to not be his partner. Fortunately the man who pursued me was mature enough to compensate for my immaturity. But that was mostly luck and a bit of intuitive vetting.

I think the age/maturity gap between a woman and her partner is just as important as the age of the woman herself. iirc there’s actually been studies done showing that on average, a two year gap between an older man and a younger woman helps the man be adequately emotionally mature. I know this held true for my case (I also know this is a generalization that won’t hold true for many couples).

titlejunk · 2019-01-12T02:25:30+00:00

Statistics point to 28 being the earliest appropriate age to consider marriage.

Anecdotally, I met my first husband at 19 and married at 22. We had 2 children. I divorced him at 31 because we had nothing in common at that point other than the kids.

I met my second husband at 34 and we married at 36. Almost 5 years in and my daughters would tell you that they have no idea why I was ever even with their father and my current husband is perfect for me. To be clear, they like their father. We just so obviously have nothing in common.

RubyWooToo · 2019-01-12T01:53:59+00:00

ALC8915 · 2019-01-13T18:28:37+00:00

You should meet your partner whom you view as marriageable materials no later than 25.

That will give you enough time to marry by 30, 3yrs dating,2 year engagement.

If you meet this man, when you are 20, good for you. Marry him when you are 25 and maybe hold off on children if you're not ready.

I never understood the whole, "I still need to date many guys in my 20s to understand myself" lie of feminism. Chances are you'll miss the bus and end up settling for less later.

Mewster1818 · 2019-01-11T20:50:24+00:00

My husband and I were living together with combined finances by 2 months of meeting each other in person. We had already determined that we would get married (though waited on the engagement for 2 years to make our parents feel more comfortable). HOWEVER, we spoke online for months before meeting, we met via a friend and played online games together. We talked for hours every night. Five minutes into our first date I already knew he was the man I was going to marry.

You can vet quickly, and when you're young, but you have to be wise enough to ask the right questions and flexible enough to grow with someone else, which may mean despite all your preparing things will change. It's up to you to make the best of each new step in life together. The issue with young relationships is the change in priorities that people experience as they get older, you need to focus on vetting someones goals and how driven they are versus where they're actually at now when you're younger.

[deleted] · 2019-01-11T22:23:22+00:00

Depends entirely on the maturity of the individuals. Some people mature earlier than others. I personally think that if an individual is financially stable, emotionally mature and has dated enough to understand what kind of relationship/partner they would thrive in/with, they're good to marry. And that can happen at any age.

ImTheCaptainNow24 · 2019-01-11T22:07:15+00:00

Biologically speaking, a woman is at her most fertile in her early 20s. If your goal is to get into a committed relationship with a good provider and then make healthy babies, it really is best to get married young and start having kids soon after.

Waiting until your 30s to get married and procreate is a recipe for sadness. I'm 28 and dealing with infertility issues, and I know that I personally already feel like "time is running out." It's not true yet, but it will be in a few short years.

Vellore992 · 2019-01-11T23:02:38+00:00

Dating/marriage is a market. The more value you can add, the more you can expect a man to pay. Men are the buyer so women can increase their value and youth and beauty happens to be one of them. Notice I said, one of them... not the only thing.

If you’re dating a man and his options is between you and another 20 year old and both you ladies possess same traits. Well, he’ll go for the 20 year old. If that 20 year old is a pain in the ass and you’re a sweetie, then he might just choose you!

I married at 21 and it felt just fine. I wouldn’t get married just to get married young but I would NEVER EVER ride the cock carousel until I run out of steam.

Lastly, you mentioned confidence and life experiences. If you feel this adds value to a man’s life, that’s wonderful! But if this means baggage, then that’s not so wonderful.

sonder_one · 2019-01-11T20:48:48+00:00

This post is dangerously blue pill. It is attempting to rationalize delaying marriage past the SMV peak using tried-and-true blue pill tropes like "younger women aren't ready yet" and "I'm so much more of a total package when I'm older!"

It is true that many women are poorly suited for marriage while at their SMV peak, but that is a failure on their part, not some immutable reality. The objective should be to be prepared for marriage by the time you hit your peak SMV age so that you can optimize. Those who miss this point should try to get themselves ready as soon as possible, as their natural physical SMV is declining.

XavierMalory · 2019-01-11T23:58:26+00:00

Generally speaking, yes it's smarter to get married in your late twenties.

Having said that, in western society, men should never get married, no matter the age. Too much risk for too little reward (statistically).

AnarchoNAP · 2019-01-11T20:28:04+00:00

The ideal age to marry is your country’s age of majority. The ideal society would have people acting right and not have to relearn how to build a society- which is what rpw is- every generation. The ideal upbringing would have people with instilled values that work, and time to think them through, before reaching the age of majority.

The fact that the ideal age to marry is 18ish does not mean that this is a viable option for all women living in screwed up societies (all of them).

slartybartfast5 · 2019-01-12T14:09:24+00:00

What the film Divorce Corp then decide.

md8716 · 2019-01-12T05:10:59+00:00

If young women aren't getting their confidence until their late 20s, then there is something very wrong with the way we develop girls into women in modern society. It shouldn't take that long. Food for thought if you are or plan on raising children someday.

To be fair, men tend to be even worse, but also have a longer reproductive timeline.

RainbowKitty77 · 2019-01-13T05:55:46+00:00

I knew when I was 18 I wasnt ready to marry anyone. I met my first love that year. We weren't together very long but he insisted he wanted to marry me. I didnt feel like the person I was at 18 would be the same person I am at 28 and I was right. I think 25 is about ideal.

Title	What is the best age to get married?
Author	NSTaylor11
Upvotes	21
Comments	76
Date	January 11, 2019 8:20 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/aezfp2/what_is_the_best_age_to_get_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-is-the-best-age-to-get-married.167306 https://theredarchive.com/post/167306

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