Don't unload your problems on your wife

gettingmymojoback · 2016-11-23T19:02:41+00:00

I realized she wasn't on my team the night I had a back pain so bad I thought I was having a heart attack, and she was annoyed that I woke her up asking for a ride to the hospital. Ended up needing morphine for the pain and she was huffing about losing sleep. WTF? This was pre RP, but that was when I realized that she may care about me deeply, but didn't love me they way I loved her.

A good wake up call. Had a similar story from a friend who had a heart attack young, he said he could literally see his wife's hamster running worrying what she would do if he didn't fully recover, rather than worrying about him.

She's not your rock but she expects you to be hers.

BluepillProfessor · 2016-11-23T21:52:06+00:00

Whenever anybody claims they have a NAWALT I always know it is early in the relationship. Get sick, contract cancer, watch your parents die, or lose your job and get back to me on your fucking snowflake.

A-fucking WALT. NONE of them will provide support, moral, intellectual or otherwise when you are down. They are supplement to a good life and no help whatsoever when life goes to shit. In fact, they multiply your pain at every opportunity when you are down.

Count on it.

redearththeory · 2016-11-23T23:23:07+00:00

My weakness will be met with disgust. I have a rule: if she shit tests me about something I've shared with her (its pathetic that you can't even handle your targets at work and it makes you so stressed), I never discuss it with her again.

After applying this rule for a while, no matter what is happening

My job is tedious, how was your day?
I slept fine last night, how was your pedicure?
My shoulder is fine, how is your yoga?
I'm sure it will be fine, how were the kids today?
I ate something earlier, I'll have a snack later, but you guys eat now if you want.

I've been on a strict diet for more than a month, she hasn't heard a single word about it.

BobbyPeru · 2016-11-23T21:02:03+00:00

A good dicking solves a lot more problems than I imagined

sh0ckley · 2016-11-23T21:20:33+00:00

Seems like we see this type of story every week, were the guy is sick or jobless or got kicked by some of life's hard knocks.

There are two parts to my amazement.

I am surprised how little the women can do to actually help their men and their ability to rationalize it away.

But even more so, I am surprised by how many men actually think that their woman is going to be willing or able to help them.

[deleted] · 2016-11-23T18:42:54+00:00

And no cross posting over there chums, let the women solve the women problems

RCMasculinity · 2016-11-23T21:03:54+00:00

I'm impressed they have a section on how they may have contributed to the problem. I think my wife has a rock-solid frame because she's never done an ounce of introspection.

Chump_No_More · 2016-11-23T22:04:19+00:00

https://therationalmale.com/2014/11/23/vulnerability/

Acknowledging, confronting, and doing battle with your vulnerabilities is part & parcel of being a man, but short of a death in the immediate family, you never let your woman see it.

Sepean · 2016-11-24T10:22:33+00:00

The nimwits over on TBP are commenting on this and they're so focused on staying together, like that's the gold standard. And maybe they really don't notice any difference when the man is struggling - if the guy is beta and the baseline is a frigid, nagging woman who runs the show then it can't get much worse. They don't expect him or her to be better anyway.

But the sort of satisfaction we expect from a red pill marriage, that's not going to happen if you're down. The low standards that these people have is mindblowing. They even manage to see the RPW post as something positive - when she is merely saying she is trying to a good and loving wife, but she isn't being one. That's not going to happen until that guy gets his shit together.

bangorlol · 2016-11-23T22:21:55+00:00

Does this come as a surprise to anyone? If we maintain that we are the defacto leaders and all but bulletproof in our day to day lives, they're going to come to expect us to be able to take whatever life throws at us. If we're sick we make ourselves get better with minimal bitching. If we're injured we lick our wounds in silence and ask for nothing. If we get hit with an unexpected expense we recover.

Women are largely selfish, and that's okay. Relationships are transactional. If they sense an inability for us to do our jobs of course they're going have doubts.

bogeyd6 · 2016-11-24T00:28:44+00:00

Was guilty of this myself not even two weeks ago. Thank you for the reminder to be the rock. I never wrote about my wifes behavior during my fathers death, but just another kick in the ass to get some words down on paper.

Roxelana9 · 2016-11-26T11:21:28+00:00

Reading all of these comments from husbands whose wives give poor support (or none) during times of hardship makes me sad and sick to my stomach. I know people here believe in the rule of AWALT, but, in my opinion, women of quality should not behave this way. Maybe I feel that way because I had parents as good examples; my father was a "textbook" alpha (b.1930-d.2005) and my mother is a highly principled woman. (b.1934).

I'm trying to be a good example and guide to my children, who are 23M and 20F, which is part of the reason I've been lurking and learning here for over a year.

Please forgive my awkwardness in trying to explain this, but, one thought that kept recurring to me since I first read this post was that these women might be experiencing another type of "dread". The feelings and behaviors exhibited by these women might be similar to those when they feel like their status quo is threatened through dread gaming. Sad to say it, but it does seem to be the case that her reaction will be based on the state that the relationship is in prior to the onset of the event/hardship. It's been said before that upping dread (fear of losing you) too quickly can backfire.
I believe that if you build a consistently reliable red pill frame in your marriage for long enough, when disaster strikes, she will not question her own loyalty, nor give you reason to either. Do you agree?

Lyedecker · 2016-12-01T17:48:00+00:00

This is true.

I learned this the hard way, because of course my wife always complains that I need to open up more, to share what's going on in my job, etc.

Her reactions when I have actually done what I thought she wanted suggest she is actually quite turned off and annoyed by it.

Sometimes I think women say that ("just open up more" "share your feelings") to sort of guilt us, even though it's largely the fault of women and human biology that men aren't wired to "open up" more with their problems. They sense something is wrong, feel a tinge of guilt ("maybe if I'd been more sensitive and listened, he'd be doing better"), then use the "open up more" tactic to shift the guilt and blame away from them ("wait a minute, fuck him, he totally should've spoken up if he had an issue. It's all men's faults when they get the short end of the stick because they never speak up" The irony of course, is that men usually know what happens when they DO decide to share their problems with women, hence their silence). To absolve themselves of any wrongdoing. A lot of women do this, it can be seen in feminist tactics, if you want to see a macrocosm of individual women's tendency to blame men for everything to lessen any feelings of guilt or responsibility in women.

Title	Don't unload your problems on your wife
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	23
Comments	65
Date	November 23, 2016 6:42 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/5eixhx/dont_unload_your_problems_on_your_wife/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/dont-unload-your-problems-on-your-wife.199338 https://theredarchive.com/post/199338

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