Am I being reasonable?

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September 21, 2018

I want to do BJJ classes for an hour a day, 3 days per week, from 8pm-9pm. Wife complains that I’m taking away too much time from her and the kids every time I do it. The place is 15-20 minutes away. I work from 6:30am to 2:30pm and she only works nights every Tuesday and Thursday and during the day Saturday. Given our schedules and timing and all that, am I being unreasonable if I just do it? Or is she being unreasonable? Thanks for your help and responses.

Post Information
Title Am I being reasonable?
Author lynx_commando_red9
Upvotes 7
Comments 59
Date 21 September 2018 06:54 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"25 points26 points  (6 children) | Copy

Do what you want.

Want to ignore your wife? Do it.

Want to ignore your children? Do it.

The fact is, your BJJ class is not the problem, this is:

I’m just mad that she reacts negatively when I want one little thing for myself despite having provided so much.

Covert contract + chronic sissyness = sidebar. Learn more here --->

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine17 points18 points  (9 children) | Copy

“I’m just mad that she reacts negatively when I want one little thing for myself despite having provided so much”

Of course she does. She’s only doing what she has been programmed to do: keep her needy provider beta man submissive by beating him down to ensure survival of her offspring. Gots to keep those resources ($) flowing in...

She doesn’t give 2 fucking shits about your happiness. You’ve been lied to about marriage. To her- Vows mean nothing, providing means nothing, supporting means nothing. That’s just your job and responsibility as her husband, but she doesn’t get wet or gain respect for you that way. Literally the opposite. The more you do those things the more she resents you and less attracted she gets.

Only way to live with a woman is to be able to live without her.

Read up ==>

[–]CalvinRichland15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Enroll the kids too.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

“Wife complains that I’m taking away too much time from her and the kids”

Betas have rules while Chad gets a hall pass and BJ when he gets home.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

What do YOU think? Be your own judge. Not your wife and not the internet.

If she is not supportive take the kids with you or send them somewhere else while you do BJJ. Don't let her sabotage it. Enroll the kids into BJJ too. Depending on the gym, some have youth classes on one side and the adult classes on the other so you can do it at the same time.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

How much you pay for has zero bearing on the situation. That’s a covert contract. “I pay for everything so I should be able to act how I want without complaint.” Sorry, you’re probably not in a position to make that work. But like others have said, you gotta be your own judge.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy

so when the plow horse unhooks itself and does it's own thing for a few hours, what do you think the reaction of the driver is?

do you think the horse gives a fuck?

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a great analogy

[–]redwall924 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow. You are the person that the RP is specifically created for. You will either read the sidebar and take heart and do some work. Or you will deny your problems and continue to whine and bitch about how you aren't getting what you want out of life because of your wife and her mouth.

she only works nights every...

I’m just mad that she reacts negatively when I want one little thing for myself despite having provided so much.

You are trying to reason us into agreeing with your request. No wonder she despises you. You don't believe what you're selling. If you believed it was OK for you to do what you're asking about, then you would just do it.

Read the sidebar man. The tools are there. Go pick them up and get to work on yourself.

[–]CalvinRichland3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

Look. She isnt actually complaining about this. Something else it is. 3 days a week is a lot having kids and all maybe 2 is reasonable. The problem is she is being a bitch and you are a pussy.

Take the kids to kids class, do your class, and buy some mats for tap out dad night at home.

When she bitches about it again laugh in her fucking face like a man. If she doesnt have anything she enjoys that is her problem. Maybe she should get to the gym while you take the kids for their class then pick them up on her way home so you can do the adult class.

If that doesn't work RNC the bitch.

[–]EveryGodDamnDay3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Republican national convention?

[–]CalvinRichland2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Rear naked choke

In bjj this is a non sexual term.... at home you decide

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

F that. Don’t tell him what’s reasonable and what isn’t. That’s his choice not yours.

[–]CalvinRichland2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Its my opinion. He asked for opinions and I am entitled to give it.

[–]2ndalRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Am I being reasonable?

You're asking the wrong question. Your definition of reasonable is different than everyone else's, particularly your wife. So are you being reasonable according to her? Nope! But I bet that's the way it always is, right?

Stop trying to be reasonable in her eyes.

You have a lot to learn.

[–]Red-Curious2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is no metaphysical standard of reasonable. You want us to give you a standard? We can give you one. That just makes you our tool. Is that better than being your wife's tool if you succumb to her standard? Maybe, but not by much. Figure it out for yourself. This is literally the first or second chapter of WISNIFG.

[–]Captain_pants42 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go back and read thundercock’s first response. Then read it again. Once that truth sinks in it will give you the IDGF mentality that you need

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I saw this on a Nike shirt once. "Just do it." I heard this in a rap song once. "We don't love dem hoes." Combine those two together for a clear path forward.

[–]Code-Master132 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start with No more Mr nice guy. Just finished it, the answers are on there.

[–]BigAjax2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m just mad that she reacts negatively when I want one little thing for myself despite having provided so much.

She ain't your mommy (I hope), so you're working with the entirely wrong framework. The fuck you care about her negative reactions? The only person who let's her be your judge is you. Let me ask you this, genius: how much do you think she cares about your negative reaction to her negative reaction? Not one fucking bit. All she cares about is keeping you in line and the collateral damage to your happiness, no matter how much, is an acceptable cost of doing business for her. It's as simple as, you care but she doesn't. That's why she can steamroll you on basic shit like going to BJJ.

She can complain all she wants, but if you're righteous in what you do (you did think about logistics and real world shit when you signed up for those classes, right?), you ain't got to listen to her attempts to get the plow horse to put the yoke back on. Bitch gonna divorce you cuz you spend three hours a week rolling around in your pajamas having rough sex with sweaty dudes? You don't need that kind of anchor around your neck, so she'd be doing you a favor.

Any help you can provide is appreciated

Let me remind you that you will be dead in a few decades and no-one gives a shit about you but you. Live your life accordingly.

[–]Big_Daddy_PDX1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A reasonable person will make reasonable decisions. It’s more concerning that you’d need to ask here. It’s almost as if you lack frame.

Keep in mind: she doesn’t need to agree with your decisions or even like them. But you need to be satisfied with your decisions if you’re to be able to like yourself.

[–]lololasaurus1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You are allowed to make your own decisions.

That comes with responsibility for the consequences of making them. It's possible she might go ahead and divorce you and use your hobbies to show the judge you never spend time with your kids. She might claim you're intimidating and abusive because you could easily crush her with your Jiu-Jitsu skills and you once stood in front of her and she couldn't get out the door because of you. She might complain a bunch but do nothing. She might complain a bunch and love what it's making you, in time.

But, you're allowed to make your own decisions.

If she's making them for you, you are in her frame.

If she is manipulating you into making them, she is functionally making your decisions, and you are in her frame.

If you decide to go because you want to, and do so, you are, for that brief moment at least, in your own frame.

If you decide that she's got a fair point- you aren't owning your shit at home, the kids hardly know you, the house is in disrepair, etc, and decide not to go because YOU have mission work to do that you want to do, then you are, for that brief moment at least, in your own frame.

How old are the kids? Why aren't they in bed by then, if younger?

[–]lololasaurus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Also as others have said, enroll them as well.

And finally... Read the sidebar. Lift. Get rid of your giant covert contract. Stop complaining. Stop talking and do. Stop seeking her buy in for your leadership, just lead.

But first. Read. Lift.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Just what the fuck is that jumbled mess of shit ?

What in the fuck do you care that you, and I mean you, need some time to you, and she does not approve ?

So do you think she will divorce or leave you over this ?

[–]ParaXilo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just train if you want to. Don't if you don't want to.

My wife complains about it but I do it anyway. She makes little comments all the time. Don't care I go train. Rarely do I decide I'm gonna skip training to stay home. Usually if I do it's cause I'm burned out from work or something doesn't feel right on a muscle. 2 groin pulls and I learned me lesson. Stop when it's kinda sore. Or I genuinely want to spend my evening with my wife and son.

3 nights a week is good. I wish I could go to more 6am classes

[–]SepeanRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Aw poor you, your wife is angry with you.

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It is reasonable for you to do BJJ 3 times a week for an hour.

However, as long as we are being "reasonable" it might also be reasonable for your wife to consider this a dealbreaker for the marriage. Probably not under the facts as you portray them (you are home by 3:00 p.m. & just slip out for a couple hours and can still put the kids to bed). But there are always two sides and this is definitely a screwed up time that seriously interferes with your family life. At a minimum it would be "reasonable" for your wife to be royally pissed and for this to seriously impact your marriage. Reasonably speaking.

[–]bucSlayer0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

the answer is pretty simple; fuck being reasonable, do wat the fuck you want to do

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What does your paying for anything have to do with you doing what you want to do? That is just a DEER'ing rationalization for being to weak to chase after your mission.

If you like the classes, then go to the classes. Only you can decide if the classes time/frequency hinder your ability to lead your family.

I do Muay Thai at night, and I get the same thing. Just STFU and ignore it. You have to determine your own work/life balance.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

women love a busy man. They really really do. They want to know their man is out there kicking ass and taking names then coming home to fuck them and make sure shit there is taken care of. No fucking joke.

I can’t tell you how many times i hear it. My new plate, 40 years old, told me two things. The first is that she would gladly be wrong if it meant having a relationship, and two she wished her husband would do something other then sit around the house.

If your wife is bitching it’s for one of couple reasons.

  1. You aren’t taking care business at home, either fucking her right, handling your shit, or something.

  2. She’s realizing your frame is being established and is struggling to figure out how to keep you around. This is less likely because you’re whining here.

  3. She wasn’t really into you at all, just the idea of having someone around to share in the misery of life.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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