Been lurking on the fringes of this place for quite a long time now (>1 year). Have read sidebar, and have been working hard but not hard enough. Catalyst for urgent change reared it’s head again today after I became an emotional pressure cooker that couldn’t contain his bitch ass beta feelz.
36, married 5yrs, together nearly 10. No kids, 2 dogs. Fully understand AWALT. My former fake alpha self managed to land a high quality woman and have successfully betafied over the past decade (progressively worse each year until arriving here).
Had a few early Rambo events that nearly led to the demise of the marriage. Have finally internalized that stay plan = go plan. Mastery over AA and fogging when things are calm, but when beta fag self rears his head it gets autistic.
Realized today the STFU doesn’t mean withdraw and be a faggot. In reality, when that boiler clicks on inside the emotional pressure cooker, STFU means keep it to yourself and go lift or do something of value and return when you can address issues from a position of strength and calm.
Presently in a bad place after going Rambo and trying to assert dominance like an autistic fuck. She is “taking space” and thankfully our home is large enough to accommodate her having refuge on another floor.
I’m heavily in her frame right now. I fucked up bad with the Rambo and now I don’t know what to do. Being too absent will be deemed abandonment and met with decreased likelihood things continue (i.e. divorce). Being too present means she feels suffocated and that I can’t control myself to let her have space.
Me? 5’9”, 179lbs, 14%bf. Squat 225, DL 315, BP 175, OHP 115. Income variable (own a business) and varies between 250k and 750k depending on the year. Basically every aspect of my life is in decent order except my autism. I need to go to war on my former self and attack hard. Hopefully she is here to see my transformation unfold, but after this Rambo situation we are at a 2 year low in terms of her attraction to me and our bond.
I’m sure there are questions and some of you will hopefully tear me a new one, because that’s just what this faggot needs right now.