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Shit and Respect

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SpyderMaybe
February 8, 2019
23 upvotes
askMRP

Do the shit tests ever end? I'm 58, married for 18 years, one kid for 14. Lifting, boxing when I can. RPish for 4 years-ish. For some reason, I have this image of getting there. Where the shit doesn't fly and she just quietly respects me for the rest of my life. Maybe that's when I die. Or maybe she shit-tests me because she respects me and I better just fucking enjoy it. It just never ends. So fucking tiring.

If there is someone out there who isn't some young ass buck that's not gonna just call me a pussy and lift heavy motherfucker and then come back and talk to us, that would be great. Oh, by the way, fuck you all.


Post Information
Title Shit and Respect
Author SpyderMaybe
Upvotes 23
Comments 38
Date 08 February 2019 04:44 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/217332
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/aoidei/shit_and_respect/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
shit testlift
Comments

[–]DJiamuzak24 points25 points  (3 children) | Copy

Getting tested was exhausting. I had the same mentality as you. (I still have when I'm super tired.) The shift for me was when I realized, that's her job. She needs to know I can handle her, her moods, and anything that gets thrown our way. The mental shift you need (and I need when I'm tired) is either: funny demeanor, STFU, or amusement. Last night we're getting along great. She walks to the dishwasher and starts in about the way "someone" loaded it. I just said, "You know the dishwasher told me she likes the way I load her up." (I used personification with the kids to get them to load dishwasher, etc.)

The bottom line is that it never stops but does decrease. Don't labor under the illusion its going to end.

Oh ya, fuck you too.

[–]JCX_Pulse13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

I like the frame shift mindset. Instead of being a victim of her shit testing you’re being offered an opportunity to make her laugh or assert your dominance. She’s challenging you to give her tingles with your alpha, so you must oblige accordingly.

[–]mrssmithhh2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I track my menstrual cycle, and I have realized that I test the heck out of my husband during ovulation. I have felt so difficult, combative, and high-spirited this week, and I've noticed that I want him to respond positively, with amusement and skill. It's like I'm secretly rooting for him to be the winner, but I have to throw every obstacle in his way to see if he can win when things aren't so easy. It's not a valid win if I play sweet, submissive, quiet wife. Anyone can be the winner when they're up against a passive doormat. And no, it never ends. I change, and the priorities in my life change, the outside world changes and presents new threats, and I always want to know if he can handle life and all the scary things out there. I feel anxious about sooo many potential threats, and I want to know that my protector and captain is awake, competent, and scanning the horizon, ready and able to obliterate anything that might threaten my ship and the cargo on it. And honestly, the tests are enjoyable in a way. It's like a high-spirited tit-for-tat when you're out at a bar or hanging out with friends. There's an edge to it, but it's fun. It only sucks when the guy gets resentful and either blows up or shuts down. Then you know he totally misunderstands and it just ruins everything. I love it when guys can take sassiness and don't mind me pushing the limits, because they know I need to know, and they know they can handle it. Tests are an admission of vulnerability on the part of the woman. Stop looking at it as a way to destroy your peace or mess up your quiet time.

​

The only way I think I would stop all tests would be if he were in control of the entire world's power and resources, and there was no one alive who could possibly threaten his power and I was sure that my kids and their kids would be safe forever.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What you described comes from a positive place, like you said, “rooting for him to win” but shit tests are a spectrum.

On one end you have the flirting shit test, these are fun and most guys should enjoy them. But guys who grew up without a male social circle never learned to give and take shit. Either way these are wiffle balls and easy to learn to pass.

On the other end you have shit tests in the form of narcissistic abuse, coming from a negative place, seeking only destruction.

In between is everything else, the difference being her intentions if shes aware of them at all or not.

We tell dudes to man the fuck up cause either way its on us to pass these tests. But i often wonder which side of the spectrum dudes are talking about because ill intentioned shit tests can only be overcome by asserting boundaries.

[–][deleted] 19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you can't handle a shit test without getting worn down then you care too much about it or have some sort of expectation (covert contract) of red pill being a sprint where there is an end to the road with the prize of a nawalt unicorn who your wife transforms into because you somehow proved something for long enough.

You don't get to get comfortable and can't stop paying attention.

Tests of any sort never end as they are a reaction or spontaneous, and you are married to a woman.

The trick is to not care if they ever go away: it's to be so trained with muscle memory on how to deal with tests it takes minimal effort and minimal emotional investment from you.

If they are wearing you out, you give them too much weight. Give less fucks about it.

The moment a test affects your mood you are guaranteed another. Laugh and mentally prepare.

You want no tests? Divorce and MGTOW.

It's an option.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill12 points13 points  (3 children) | Copy

The old fable of the frog and the scorpion comes to mind. If you don't know it, I'll refresh you.

The frog meets a scorpion on the side of a bank, he shrieks "EH! stay away you'll sting me."

The scorpion says, "No I won't, I promise. Will you help me get to the other side if I don't sting you?"

The frog is distrustful and doesn't want to believe him.

"No, you will sting me!"

Again, they go back and forth and the scorpion is pleading. Finally, the frog relents and takes him.

Halfway across, the scorpion stings the frog.

"I thought you wouldn't sting me! Now we are both dead."

"I can't help it, it's in my nature!"

The frogs' mistake was believing that the scorpion would change his nature to meet his needs. They both paid for it with their lives.

You, my friend, are angry at your wife for what is her nature. Don't punish her for it. Instead, celebrate her for it.

As others have said, she's either testing you for ability or initiating foreplay (which is the same thing). She wants to know if you are really as strong as you portray or if you are man enough to make her submit.

She doesn't want to be a man around you. She wants to be a woman around you. She wants to live through her emotions and feel safe that you can deal with that.

Remember when Neo said, "I can dodge bullets?"

Morpheus responded,"You won't have too."

Once you take a step back and really unplug, you'll see them as what they are. If you seek to understand her nature, you will be able to brush these off, like nothing. Because in reality, that's what they are. Data points, neither good nor bad.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great post, never heard that analogy.

[–]mtwinemn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good reminder. Battling shit tests like crazy and looking for an end. It'll never end. Although I think guys look for retreat or submission on occasion as a sign that tests are being passed. When that doesn't happen it becomes taxing

[–]Startlivingfornow0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Amazing

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red36 points37 points  (3 children) | Copy

Do the shit tests ever end?

For some of us yes.

/u/matrixtospartanatlv is the baddest old motherfucker around these parts I know of.

He is out fucking young thots though, so he might not respond.

Oh, by the way, fuck you all.

Whatever. 58 and talk like a 16 year old.

No wonder your woman shit tests you faggot.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

/thread.

[–]suprathepeg4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bahahahah

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yah think da bas ass doesn't get shit tested constantly? He just swats them away but her behavior is the same. Constant challenging etc.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Where the shit doesn't fly and she just quietly respects me for the rest of my life.

Dumbass. Shit-tests are either your notice that you suck, or they are flirting. The only way you won't get them is if she has no feelings about you at all -- good or bad.

[–]mrp_awakening6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've seen a lot of anger phase people having some mental fantasy where they reach some end stage and get complete respect and submission at all times and never have shit or compliance testing. Some of it seems to stem from religion... like the red pill christians (male is unchallenged head of household). But it shows a fundamental lack of understanding, and at times, cognitive dissonance.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

You better hope she shit tests you.

It’s her initiating.

[–]SpyderMaybe2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. Couldn't see that.

[–]red_matrix6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Women don’t know they’re shit testing, it’s a part of their subconscious. She constantly needs to know you’re a real man and not some Billy Beta, hypergamy never sleeps.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shit tests are flirting and foreplay for women. If you're too lazy to play the game, I heard the new line of sex dolls are pretty realistic.

[–]kendallb1834 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would suggest focusing on the amused part of amused mastery. If you see shit tests as her throwing a grenade you have to now deal with, of course you will be wore out.

If you see shit tests like you would any other friend giving you shit and think it's funny and play joke right back... you'll find you are having fun in the relationship now.

MRP isnt about learning to pretend you dont care but secretly feel upset in some way. It's about understanding that alphas naturally are unphased by shit tests and diffuse them instinctually, usually through humor... because they realize no woman actually has any power over them and they dont have to defend their decisions to anyone... that core belief allows for most shit tests to be passed.

Internalize the teachings so that you truly are uneffected... dont just pretend but yet get worn down.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your post touched me. Not because it resonated with me, because it didn’t. Not because I feel sorry for you, because I don’t. And your post really didn’t touch me, either. It triggered me. As short as it is, it is full of weakness, neediness, insecurity, and left me wondering,…

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?

“Do the shit tests ever end?” You better hope not. If they do, she’s done with you. If they don’t slow down, or if they increase, it’s because you are failing them.

“I’m 58, married for 18 years, one kid for 14. Lifting, boxing when I can. RP-ish for four years.“ Is this your answer to the “cut the shit” post stickied at the top of this sub? Did you just come back here after a three-year hiatus from askMRP and assume nothing has changed because YOU haven’t changed in the last three years?

“For some reason, I have this image of getting there. Where the shit doesn’t fly and she just quietly respects me for the rest of my life.“ Do you see how your behavior is completely dependent on her frame? You are calibrating your behavior to her outcome. Look up “outcome independence.” Study those two words. Learn that concept. Now live it.

“Maybe that’s when I die.“ No, you glib motherfucker. In your current state, you die and she goes from talking shit TO you, to talking shit ABOUT you. Personally, my legacy will be, “he didn’t take any shit.“ My daughter suggested that for my tombstone.

“Or maybe she shit-tests me because she respects me and I better just fucking enjoy it. It just never ends. So fucking tiring.“ She does not respect you now. More on that later. And you’d enjoy it more if you passed them, there were fewer of them, and you saw them for the sexual initiation they often are. The only ‘tired’ you should feel is after marathon sex with your menopausal wife who is craving that sex as her ultimate validation as a woman. Read much?

“If there is someone out there who isn’t some young ass buck that’s not going to just call me a pussy and lift heavy motherfucker… Oh, by the way, fuck you all.” Well, you passive aggressive piece of shit, fuck you too. I’m 57 years old. Is that old enough for you? In the last five years I have buried both of my parents, one of my sons, caught my wife cheating, and divorced her. And I can tell you that I have turned that lemon into a champagne brunch. And no, I won’t call you a pussy, as you requested. But it’s good to know that faggot, punk, and weak, needy, little bitch are still on the table for you.

Your post three years ago in askMRP was a real shit show. Not much has changed, has it? That’s because you haven’t changed.

But my favorite is your post three years ago in MRP: ‘sex reboot.’

“She is damaged goods and rode the cc for so long as a way to self-soothe and create an identity.“

So you wifed up a known slut. And now, during her redevelopment phase, 18 years after getting off the CC (she’s 51 now?) And peri/pre-/post menopausal, the most negative, hormonal changes in a woman’s life, and you’re wondering where the shit tests are coming from?

In the next year or two her skin will get super thin, her hair will thin, and she will sag and wrinkle in ways neither of you thought imaginable.

She is shit testing you at a Super High Intensity Level because she doesn’t trust you to be the man she needs you to be to lead her through this phase of her life. Her cc riding days are fresh in her mind and you are what she settled for when her biological clock was banging like a 6’ Japanese gong at 33 years of age. But for all that, she doesn’t matter. The only purpose she serves is as a mother to your child and sex with you. But at the end of the day, she sucks because you suck. She is a reflection of you.

So, what to do? Well you can come back every three years or so and whine about the same old things because you won’t do the work and change for the better…

Or

You can change your life for the better in 18 months and get porn star level sex with a few shit tests turned into initiations for sex.

The choice is yours. I break it down this way…

STFU

Or

GET TO FUCKING WORK.

And for the sake of your 14yo daughter,..

MAN THE FUCK UP ALREADY.

[–]Whatev222 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow. This reply resonated to me. Right message at the right time. Thanks.

[–]jerrymcguiver2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It seems my wife tests me over past failed shit tests a lot more than new ones. I've passed the you never pick up your trash off the counter 5 times in different and more clever ways this past month alone. But that one time a few years back where i deered about it she can't forget.

[–]mrp_awakening4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Aww, did the big bad woman hurt your fee-fee's with her mean shit tests? You can point on the doll here where it hurts. /s

She's just a woman being a woman. Learn to deal with and eventually enjoy them or don't live with a woman anymore.

EDIT: Awww a single downvote? Looks like I hurt OP's fee-fee's.

[–]Chinchilla_the_Hun3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lifting, boxing when I can.
RPish for 4 years-ish.

There's your problem. Half-assing it doesn't help matters. Yes, it's tiring, but this isn't a sprint.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Haha what is it that they say about sitting on a fence...

[–]CrazyLegs781 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seems like the only way shit tests stop is when she knows for sure that you got this, or she knows for sure you don't!

[–]Maximus_Valerius1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why do you want the shit tests to end?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

50, married 23 years this year.

No, they don't ever completely end. They do get less frequent as you improve.

[–]WesternhagenWinner1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Guy at my gym is 10 years older than you. He squats 2 plates and deadlifts 3. He's in there at 5am, five days a week, like clockwork.

No excuses!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm going to need examples of these shit tests that are consistent over time. Maybe there is more to it.

[–]JameisBong0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When you learn to deflect it's easy, i agree and amplify alot in real life... That shit is awesome.

[–]Indubious10 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The problem isn’t the shit test, it’s that you have no frame. When you do, her small emotional outbursts are just that, outbursts, and have no impact on how you feel about yourself.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

For some reason, I have this image of getting there. Where the shit doesn't fly and she just quietly respects me for the rest of my life. Maybe that's when I die.

Then it will be your kid's turn.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes buddy, they end when she stops giving a fuck about you and has her next branch ready to swing to.

A man's work is never done. We don't have a safety net to catch us when we fall. Society, the government and even your family will be the safety net for her. You are your safety net.

You reset every day and grind on. You are the vanguard AND the rear guard.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Where the shit doesn't fly and she just quietly respects me for the rest of my life.

Nope, that was under the old set of books. Under the new ones it is a battle every day. Stoicism is your ally and at the end of it all, if you don't care about her whining and complaining and disagreeable and contentious behavior then it doesn't matter.

That's the best many of us can do. She is not going to one day submit and surrender.

However, one day you can learn that they don't matter. Then they will seem to end. The behavior is still the same. But in your mind the Shit Tests end. Your mind and your perceptions are the only thing you can control.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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