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The push/pull game

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April 23, 2019
13 upvotes

10 months into my LTR with Mandy and the push/pull game is starting to get pervasive, and I am not sure why?

To be straight, there is only one person playing this game - her.

If I had to guess, perhaps my level of comfort is low, however I feel as though I am providing the exact level of comfort I am willing to provide, and no more. I have no intentions of providing "fake" comfort just to shut her up.

The push/pull game goes something like this:

"Blah, blah, blah, you are annoying/"

"Yep, I am. Chat later, have shit to do."

"Wait, what? I was just kidding - come here" as she kisses me, or proceeds to blow up my texts telling me she misses me.

Typically happens on Tues/Wed after we see each other on the weekends. No I do not ghost her during the week. We still chat often/FT and I try to grab her for lunch every other week or so since my schedule is so flexible. I have to eat after-all, might as well have lunch with someone I like.

I get the push/pull dynamic when you are trying to hook up and/or the relationship is fresh. But 10 months in?

I know two modes - on/off - in/out - you get my time/you dont - you get my attention/you dont.

If you annoy me, I dont respond.

Obviously I understand that I am clearly winning this game of push/pull as I do not fall for the bait.

But it is a boring game. And I clearly do not give enough fucks to keep her comfort level high enough for her to not want to play this game.

What is next level game here?

I am apparently obtuse, and need to manufacture some drama perhaps?

This is not a shit post BTW.

Actually - now that I have typed this, and am reading it.....

Maybe I am the one doing push/pull and don't realize it?

Fuck. Someone set me straight....


Post Information
Title The push/pull game
Author red-sfpplus
Upvotes 13
Comments 96
Date 23 April 2019 05:47 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/235891
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bgjdt1/the_pushpull_game/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
ghostingdramalong term relationshipgame
Comments

[–][deleted] 24 points25 points  (5 children) | Copy

You know how a dog will play fetch until YOU are sick of it?

Never seeming like it wants it to end and will fetch until it dies of exhaustion.

Maybe even it will come up and drop the ball on your lap sometimes when you are just sitting there.

Then...if you say , skip too many days of no fetch you notice some chewed up slippers?

Yeah . That.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great analogy, and accurate

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I am particularly slow today. I ran out of Addy a few days ago...

Am I the dog, or the person throwing the ball?

NVM: I get it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Red, you totally missed it. You are the ball. FFS get some more Addy

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Really?

So who is throwing me and who is the dog?

Why are there three people in this relationship?

Now I am really confused.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hope you are joking.

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

This reply brought to you in haiku


What you have is not

enough, creeping desire

Personal problem?

[–]PersaeusRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

+1 on the haiku

it would be totally normal for red to not have enough mental bandwidth at this point to allow for creeping desire, or he could just be a psycho retard

[–]PersaeusRed Beret6 points7 points  (46 children) | Copy

huh, thought you were lot smarter

"Blah, blah, blah, you are annoying/"

she's saying some variant of "fight me" or "fight for me" (aka prove you luv me)

and you respond with "meh"

"fight me" is easy, basically "so am i; but what are you" or agree and amplify.

"fight for me" is more dangerous water's because you can't deer or supplicate for real. you can supplicate in jest, which is my go to in this case. basically, "your so wonderful, i can't figure out why you keep me around, oh yeah the big fat cock". end scene

she's seeking some drama. give it to her

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 4 points5 points  (42 children) | Copy

huh, thought you were lot smarter

Thanks

she's seeking some drama. give it to her

This is where I clearly fail.

I am in the middle of a highly contested divorce, child custody battle, pending DV charges, and running a business.

I do not have time for baby fucking drama with a GF I have been with for 10 months.

When I say I give zero fuck, I give zero fucks.

and you respond with "meh"

That is exactly fucking right.

Meh.

This is also the validation I needed.

Thanks.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (40 children) | Copy

You're welcome, btw

10 months

sounds about right for getting bored. you'll probably make it through the summer and she'll drop you in the fall. not that you should care; and i know you don't.

back to old fishing hole for a new fish

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (39 children) | Copy

We're all waiting to see if Shelly gets her branch swing or not.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (38 children) | Copy

I have not banged Shelly in a long time.

I honestly think I just suck at relationships (being in) and need to just got back to plating.

It all gets so boring though.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret12 points13 points  (14 children) | Copy

The reality is that in spite of your exhaustive time spent on MRP, talking about how much you fuck, how submissive your girl is, calling everyone a faggot, etc. your tale of the tape is you ran a marriage into the ground, pulled the rip cord, and are now trying to figure out how to not fuck up the next relationships. You are doing MRP on easy mode, i.e. TRP not MRP.

I'm not saying you don't have a shit ton to "deal with", it sounds like your divorce sucks. But lets be real, MRP is about fixing you, not the marriage. Getting divorced doesn't prove or disprove that you have fixed you. Nor does having a girlfriend for less than a year that fucks like a champ. All girlfriends do, that's how this works. Now you are at the part where she wants to start drawing in the line, and it seems like you are starting to realize that your MGTOW attitude will only get you so far if you actually do want relationships.

By the way, in seeing your posts/comments a lot here lately I've been thinking all this in regards to you well before this post, and as such I wasn't surprised in the least to see this.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy

The reality is that in spite of your exhaustive time spent on MRP, talking about how much you fuck, how submissive your girl is, calling everyone a faggot, etc. your tale of the tape is you ran a marriage into the ground, pulled the rip cord, and are now trying to figure out how to not fuck up the next relationships. You are doing MRP on easy mode, i.e. TRP not MRP.

Very nice summary and reality check.

I believe I posted a while ago I was trending more towards MGTOW w/o the incel part.

I believe I should stay that course and just be a full time Chad.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy

I believe I should stay that course and just be a full time Chad.

so long as that's what you want, knock yourself and the pussy out.

It all gets so boring though.

but, you've shown multiple times your somehow conflicted in this regard. i don't thinking fucking new/hot girls gets boring. i think sorting through all those ho's to find one that you would want to see at all, even harder more than once is boring and tiring.

you've also complained about the time and effort it takes to keep even 2-3 plates on rotation. i understand you fully here brother, if you have any standards it takes effort to find one worth plating, and then all women require some tending. tldr: why i stopped plating. i think the bros doing this on TRP don't have kids which as you know is a major time/mental space commitment.

obvious solution is serial monogamy

[–]InChargeManRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

u/red-sfpplus

Agreed Persaeus, I think so much of MRP comes down to having enough introspection to understand what your needs and wants are. This is lost on so many people, men and women. We live in a world based on thriving in self serving behavior. It isn't a bad thing nor a good thing, it just is.

For simple creatures it is simple logic. Nature rewards plants that grow towards the light (blocking out weaker plants). Nature rewards the faster lion (potentially starving the weaker lion). The faster lion doesn't sit around wondering if it should run a bit slower to give the other ones a chance (well, maybe it does, I haven't asked one, but you get my point). The plant knows its needs/wants: get more light. The lion knows its needs/wants: get more food and fuck.

Humans are of course much more complex, so we have developed social structures to help us achieve our universal needs and wants more easily, which is great. For example, security, water, food, shelter, etc. Society told us that we want these things (correctly), and we listened, and we are happy about that. Now we get to higher order needs/wants, the things that are unique to the individual. This is where we fucked up. Due to an immeasurable set of circumstances we have ended up with a society which has developed a standard operating procedure for happiness regarding relationships, careers, children, etc. It turns out that this SOP is for sure not one size fits all, and IMO not even the best answer for the majority. But, that really doesn't matter for the individual either way.

Our job is to drill down in our own psyche and figure out what OUR needs and wants are, taking nobody else into account. From that we develop our plan of action to achieve or maintain those things, we act, and we feel no shame in this. We also should encourage others to do the same, regardless of how it may affect us. In every way I wish my wife to be as happy and fulfilled as she can be, and I encourage her to discover her needs/wants. I sincerely hope that her needs align with mine, but will have no qualms about supporting her path if it means that we don't align. Either way, I am on my path. It is a wide path, so I'm happy to share it, but it is still my path.

For me, I need financial security, frequent high quality sex, and a peaceful home environment. I want a monogamous relationship with a wonderful woman and to raise great children. I have achieved those needs and wants, so now my job is maintaining these, like a gardener. If I ignore these things they will be lost. I take great pleasure in tending to my garden. If I was getting bored with some aspect, then it is likely that I have mistakenly attributed something as a need/want...

tldr: Step 1, figure out what the fuck you want out of life. Step 2, make that happen.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great post right here.

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My uncle had a system. Only wanted beautiful women but was willing to give the boyfriend experience in his 40s due to circumstance (he traveled internationally a lot and had his side pieces, DADT).

This system started after a broken engagement in his early 30s.

He would keep them for exactly one year, theorizing that after 12 months all or enough of the fun part of the relationship is over. He never dumped them, though.

They would inevitably commit some cardinal sin (marriage threat/demand, attempt non-consensual or fake a pregnancy, hit him during a fight, introduce suspicious Biz Markie friend, etc.) and he'd gracefully exit.

I am fairly certain this year mark thing was instigated by him. I'm going to call him, his life would make a great post and curious to see how he is feeling in his twilight years about his life choices.

He used to have a Ferrari he called his first born son.

He sold it because it was too much work and unwanted attention.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Yeah. I agree with this 100%

Its a curse to want pussy from a woman who is decently good looking, with standards, who owns her own shit and doesn’t want a ring.

And the kicker? Is ok being third or fourth on your priority list.

Where have all the good women gone?

🤣

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (20 children) | Copy

I think I suck at relationships too. I am a selfish narcissist that just wants to fuck and have fun. Whats your reason?

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret0 points1 point  (19 children) | Copy

Dementia is the narc's undoing in the end, usually. What's your end game?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (18 children) | Copy

I have honestly never thought about it. I don't think I am NPD, but I have narcissistic tendencies. I plan to ride it till the wheels fall off and hopefully die when my dick stops working. I will have to look into this, I didn't know the two things were connected. Explains why folks on my wifes side of the family have dementia. What can you do to stop it aside from medicating the fuck out of yourself?

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret1 point2 points  (17 children) | Copy

I don't know if you are left brained enough to go direct to scientific sources, but if so look at "From narcissistic personality disorder to frontotemporal dementia: a case report." Poletti M, et al. Behav Neurol. 2011.

That wasn't an insult. The writing style and need to follow their train of sources just doesn't register for many. In other words, unless you use this diving board of a study to go chase their citations, you're better off reading journalistic summary material.

That said yes there is an observed link between them, but you're either actual Cluster B narc or just wear it like a fashion logo on your mental sleeve like a teenage girl and "depression". I noticed the people you cite aren't blood relatives.

If you actually do have the void inside, the consequence is simple: who is going to take care of your husk of a body when you spent a lifetime embracing the narc?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (16 children) | Copy

I am pretty sure my mom has NPD or really close to it. She drove my father to basically off himself. He had been trying to kill himself for years but couldn't put a gun to his head. He started getting chest pains and stroke symptoms. He decided to ride a bike and workout until his heart exploded. I understand what NPD women can do to men and it is pretty fucked up. I am pretty sure my grandmother on moms side was NPD as well. What a fucking piece of work that woman was. She willingly drank herself to death.

I don't think I have NPD, but I am certainly high on the spectrum. I will have to do more research on this, I appreciate the comments. I have seen professionals and no one has told me I have NPD. How can you be sure though? Doctors have let me down a lot over the years and I am done with therapy or counseling. How else can you find out?

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

My recommendation would be to re-read Way of the Superior Man - you seem to not be enjoying a woman for who she is. I get the sense that you aren't having fun with it any more judging based on you resorting to nuking most of her shit tests. Imagine any response to her shit test about you being annoying where you actually were having fun - lead her to have fun the way you enjoy.

Shit never stops and the burden is always on us - alternative is going back to plating but just make sure that's what you actually want and it's not just that you don't want to put the work in.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nice response.

I believe I am nuking everything now that you mention it.

Probably not fair to her, because she is just a girl doing girl stuff.

I do not find it fun, and in this specific regard I do not want to put in the work.

She can go shit test someone else.

[–]C-grij0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

she's seeking some drama. give it to her

Would you be willing to give an example or point me in the right direction to where I could read up on ways to give her drama?

In the past, I've read posts talking about giving the emotional roller coaster (lost the them now) but this is still an area that I don't quite understand enough and could improve upon.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

[–]C-grij0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Appreciate it.

[–]tspitsatgp2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

The question is... are you ready to be alone? If I recall correctly that was your reason for upgrading a plate to a girlfriend in the first place. My guess is you have some unaddressed codependency issues due to the fact that you haven't been single in a long time which is causing you to push/pull because you don't want a relationship but you don't know how to live without one. You are a comfort seeker.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think so? But why?

Yes I did upgrade her from plate to GF to help me process divorce emotions and my oneitis for the wife.

I am fine now. And do not have oneitis for her (clearly)

Wouldnt go so far as to say I am a comfort seeker, but I can see where that could be gathered.

Good stuff to think about.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds more like shit tests. They definitely become boring in an LTR. Nice DNGAF

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

So when I was a lad, the older brother gave some advice of fucking the same old pussy ....

slap her ass, pull her hair, come on her tits, ride her ass standing up. It’s your job to make it exciting, because, well that’s what men do, and being the aggressive creature - you fuck and blow a load, as into the same pussy constantly, it can get boring, but that’s where you get into the planning of fucking her in surprise places or positions. So the same with interactions with her, verbally

Lead. Faggot.

Do you even lift anymore ?

Mandy become “boring” or have you lost your frame ?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

I really have no idea why you, and other people ITT are jumping to the conclusion I do not properly fuck this woman, or do not have exactly the type of sex with her I want.

Y'all are fucking obtuse. Come at me all you want, but the fact of the matter is - this post was not about sex, or lack of sex.

But I get most guys dont get sex on this sub, so for those of us that do - not giving a fuck about pussy is a foreign concept to most.

I believe I made this comment last week in the OYS.

Bunch of pussy thirsty dudes.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Look bitch, by your own admission, you were married a long time and some other post you talk about 4 chicks maybe 5 ? In your life as a man.

Did you ever think for a second that you might be in a healthy LTR ? Or, you are valuable enough she wants this interaction ?

Look back at your marraige, what milestones creep up that you went from healthy to shit, to worse to hate, to just fucking really shitty ? And, in her cunty frame ? All of the fucking time ?

Didn’t you just get rid of bat shit crazy ?

You’re older, wiser, more valuable (you do know a lot more of what you want) but even more, you know what you don’t want.

Your game is elusiveness, but in reality, your using Mandy and her pussy to avoid something.

Actually, that is cohabitation with or in a healthy LTR, where the manipulation stays in check and you are valuable, you operate in your frame, ang you are not always trying to fuck unfuckable

Got it ?

Go lift or better yet, read a book. “Lean Life” Paul Akers. It’s free, especially faggots that rush in

You are struggling with your new found “being wanted”

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell me I dont lift again. I think its cute and helps with my body dysmorphia issue.

In other areas, you might be right.

Bat shit crazy is still here.

4-5 relationship. Not women.

Ive always been wanted.

But I get bored.

[–]RPeed2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Heh, I was also curious if this would happen based off your previous posts.

Its just math dude: she’s pushing for more than you’re willing to give. So you either concede and start the downward path or walk.

Isn’t that how we all ended up here in the first place?

For the record I think you could breath new life into it with manufactured drama but I wouldn’t want to do it either. But you did say you’ve been monogamous for a while. Maybe the competition anxiety is lower than you think right this moment.

Either way: not sure even a high value man gets to have his cake and eat it forever I.e. spin the same plate at the same speed infinitely. 10 months sounds right for expectations to come into conflict.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

not sure even a high value man gets to have his cake and eat it forever

this is the conclusion i've come to.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Why does the math have to be binary?

Why cant I keep the relationship where it is?

There are people who have LTRs that they never marry or have kids with.

We both have our kids. We are both fixed.

Even if we did get married, what does that do? We could move in together and blend families all wo the govt.

The question to me, which only Stoney has somewhat hit on is - what am I doing to cause the push/pull.

Is it aimlessness? Not giving her enough emotional security?

This was never a post about sex or marriage in my mind.

Mandy got divorce raped by her husband in her divorce. So, like me she is scored on the concept of marriage.

But I get AWALT.

[–]RPeed1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I read stone’s comment. Seems spot on: you’re oscillating between chad and boyfriend. So given that and given she is the centre of her own universe, I can’t see how she wouldn’t push for more of the boyfriend she sees regularly enough.

I would think reverting to chad will get old but I concede the mind of a post divorce woman is beyond me.

why can’t I keep the relationship where it is?

Entropy fucker. You’re right: binary math is not the right comparison. But you need to input energy into any system to maintain it. Manufactured drama, boyfriend comfort etc. would replace the new relationship energy that’s dissipated whereas being DNGAF for so long is going to sap what’s left out of it eventually.

Anyway: you are a big softy dude. All this FaceTime stuff makes me wish you were my boyfriend (sometimes I just want to talk about my day). Trying to be chad doesn’t suit you.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am a big teddy bear.

Even my daughter says it.

[–]freshona2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell her you'll get married be 'official' once you can clear off Mrs. Red from your back. It's not like you're afraid of lying, right?

I'd love to hear how that unravels in the next few months. Let us know how she reacts when you stop her daydreaming as she's picking the curtains for your new home.

[–]Rogue684861 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What is your objective in applying push pull ?

You have rudimentary ability to do it although it seems like you're not using it to escalate or achieve an objective.

And or realizing it's important in maintaining a sexual relationship.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What is your objective in applying push pull ?

Who knows. You assume I have a plan. I do not.

Right now, the more I think about it - I think I am just a bear shitting in the woods and didnt realize it.

[–]bowhunter61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Having read a lot of your comments on here for a while now, I’m assuming your sex is on point, as in, you’re fucking her like a warlord when you’re with her. Sometimes, though, they can still get a little comfortable, and maybe a change up is in order. New place, new style, some real envelope-pushing dominance (even beyond your normal), something like that might help keep her on her toes and get her back to a nice submissive sex kitten state for a spell.

Otherwise, I don’t think comfort is your issue. Your standard mini-ghosting (like a soft soft next) of 6-24 hours works like a charm for me. As you know, your mileage may vary, depending on the bitch.

These little mini-tests they give are always a good check to see if you are slipping a bit in some area. Sometimes it’s leadership, or keeping that pussy wet (IMing is the easiest way when you are apart if you are a nasty mfer like me and can easily keep her engaged, and then ghost for a bit, little pushes and pulls during the day), or even sometimes it’s you not being fun/exciting/adventurous as you have been in the past.

With a little reflection, you’ll know what needs to be done. You got this.

[–]NordicVikingKing1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The infatuation (bullshit romantic love) stage is now gone and she’s getting bored. She is creating the push/pull - not you! She is doing this to stay attracted to you and build tension, because you’re not. The tension is released by fucking, then the cycle starts again.

Women love the drama, and if you don’t provide it, they’ll get bored and shit/ comfort test. You’re probably too tired mentally with all the other bullshit going on in your life to NGAF to maintain this and game her. Sooner or later, as the dog chasing the ball analogy goes, she will stop chasing the ball if you don’t throw it (i.e. move on). Four years into my second longest LTR and this dynamic hasn’t changed, but the difference is I create the push/pull and I set this tone in the beginning which has always driven her attraction. She’s in my frame, not vice versa.

Your next level game is to reflect on how does she react to your hard ‘no’s? If she’s the type to get vindictive in any way, fuck her off, no matter how good a fuck she is, unless you just see her as a plate. You don’t need this bullshit in your life. Tell the cunt to pack her bags if she has anything at your place. Otherwise, ride out the shit storm in your personal life until you’re ready to game her, under your terms when mentally ready.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do not try and bend the spoon, that's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth... there is no spoon. Then you will see it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's a truly terribly thought that this shit never ends. No matter how strong, ripped, rich, the shit never stops.

How Bill Gates gets harassed by his ugly wife to do more chores:

"Even Melinda Gates Has Struggled to Get Her Husband Bill to Do His Fair Share"

http://fortune.com/2019/04/22/melinda-gates-bill-gates-book/

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

boy that was depressing to read. she's grown ugly as fuck and sounds miserable - muh victim just drips

I talked to him about it, and of course I gave him a chance to look at the whole book. In the end, he didn’t change anything about that chapter.

at least Bill didn't DEER and apparently knows how to STFU.

Bill clearly has his mission(s); and it works for him

[–]Maximus_Valerius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That just means Bill G.’s been spending too much time with his Excel spreadsheet, and not enough time owning his shit.

Occupational hazard I guess.

[–]weakandsensitive2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hey dipshit - focus on the value add - both long term and short term. And if you aren't adding value, fuck off and get out. I can almost guarantee you won't miss Mandy, even though she might miss you. Go back to harem game - probably more your style. You're going to be broken until you're not - no shame in owning it.

It's like a bandaid - sure ripping it off can sting, but you're better off having had it than not. Don't fester around waiting to turn into some nasty infection.

And why are you even paying attention to the opinions of random nobodies? Makes no sense.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy

You sound boring as fuck.

Always be Gaming faggot.

If she says “bla bla bla you are annoying” say that’s what they all say get over here and pull your cock out ready to fuck her.

What’s your problem soldier?

Read up on Mystery’s cat string theory.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy

I am not boring but I do get bored.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

Red !?!?!?!

I didn’t even look at the name- only read the post. It sounded gay ..so I responded.

You baiting us? Fucking with us?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 3 points4 points  (10 children) | Copy

You baiting us? Fucking with us?

Nah man. I am actually 100% serious.

I have had less than 5 relationships in my life. Tons of bitches, tons of fucking.

But some of this push/pull LTR stuff is outside my skill set.

I was married a long time.

I enjoy relationships. But in a white knight faggot kind of way - I honestly do not want to lead women on and/or cause another human pain.

So the more I can understand about properly communicating my relationship boundaries, the better.

I like being a "heart-breaker" but I don't want to be a "heartbreak er"

If ya know what I mean.

[–]RStonePT1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Meh. Not sure aimlessness.

Helplessness.

In the US family court and criminal court systems there is nothing you can do to speed the process up.

Having two big areas of your life in limbo is maddening to high performing people.

To say it doesn’t bleed into other areas is not realistic. I cant buy a new car, make investments or even buy stock right now.

The amount of control one person has over the other when the govt is involved is crazy to understand once you see it in the divorce process.

Not just having your wings clipped.

Cut the fuck off.

[–]RStonePT1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

But you don't really have that stuff right now, you got a plate who thinks she's either a fuck friend or next in line for the marriage train, and you aren't giving clear signals which is which. Sure, your sporadic jumping back and forth is exciting enough, but it gets old. Right now I dont' consider either comfort or shit tests in what she's doing. She's attempting to take the reigns, testing boundaries.

My ego hates this part.

I do have my kids 50% of the time, which adds some stability.

But yeah, fucking spot on, except that I will go "beta" over time.

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Tell me that's wrong

Its not.

Tell me that's wrong

Its not.

Eventually, you're going to hit that 'death by 1000 consessions' where she has pushed all the boundaries, and you look back and realize how much ground you've ceeded over the years.

Wrong

tell me that's wrong

Maybe a little furture stuff here, but I get your fucking point.

Bravo.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

He’s been fucking like a champ though.

I don’t understand.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

fucking is easy. bitch management is the real game

[–]framelessglasses0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

bitch management is the real game

Every pimp knows this...

[–]bowhunter60 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is the truth.

[–]helaughsinhidden0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

push/pull game is starting to get pervasive

She's bored. Countpudyoola's dog brings you a ball for one reason and one reason only, to play. You can choose to throw it and play... or don't. Like the dog, her game is just a bid for attention and that seems to be all it is in this case. Push and pull is simply about creating tension in order to release that tension somehow. To build anticipation which can lead to excitement. It can be quite fun.

Who knows. You assume I have a plan. I do not. (from your comment reply)

This is a problem too. You should be intentional and mission minded. This is why it's the most common advice to use texting for logistics only, not because it's bad to chat, but because men aren't good at it. Have a plan, work it, and have some fun.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

You can choose to throw it and play... or don't.

Yeah, I agree with this. But who is the bored one when I dont want to throw the ball?

This is a problem too. You should be intentional and mission minded.

Dont confuse me not "having a plan" in my relationship with not having a plan in "my life" and/or "my mission"

Vast difference.

My relationship can ebb and flow, so long as it is fun and exciting, I will stay engaged.

I have no ties to this woman. No kids, nothing. I do not need her for financial stability, assistance with my mission or anything.

She is fun, fucks great and is eager to follow my lead.

I also have zero tolerance for drama.

Honestly, what tolerance for drama - in a normal relationship is being used to combat drama in my other life - the one with my wife.

If anything, she is probably jealous of that.

[–]becoming_alpha2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Honestly, what tolerance for drama - in a normal relationship is being used to combat drama in my other life - the one with my wife.

If anything, she is probably jealous of that.

This right here. She wants to matter to you a little more and knows she's way down on your list after your kids, your business, your divorce, your DV charge. The only thing in your life she knows she's ahead of is Shelly (but even she is grandfathered ahead of her).

I think Perseaus is right, she might be on her way out because you're not at a place in your life or mind to give her more.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The only thing in your life she knows she's ahead of is Shelly

I agree with this. But look - I am going to go out on a limb and say that the reason this push/pull is increasing is because I now have a date. My divorce will be final in the next 100 days.

There is zero chance she is going to invest 10 months, then bail when there is less than 100 days left on the clock.

she might be on her way out

Not a chance.

Not yet.

Maybe, in 150 days once all the other drama in my life is done, if I have not given her more, then absolutely.

Mandy is a smart girl, and she fits TRM2 phsyc to a tee.

What is happening is her patience is running thin the closer my final date comes.

Cause I am not budging.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

think you nailed it here. like i said, this will all be over in the fall when you D is done and she figures out she's not shopping for a white dress.

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Mission

Sounds like you don't have a mission or a plan in the relationship. I'd argue that while the relationship is her work you should still have a vision for what you want.

I have no ties to this woman. No kids, nothing. I do not need her for financial stability, assistance with my mission or anything.

There you go. She's realized she's a plate and knows you aren't invested. She probably had visions of being Mrs Red-SFPplus and now she is poking the relationship with a stick looking for signs of life.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She probably had visions of being Mrs Red-SFPplus and now she is poking the relationship with a stick looking for signs of life.

Fair point. I still need to get rid of the first Mrs. however.

[–]Youdontgottadenyit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Isn't this why they say being married is red pill on hard mode?

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

my first sensei was amazing. if he didn't have so many demons (recovering alcoholic, debt, and just a lousy businessman) he would have been one of the greats. he has all the skill you see and hear about. One day when I he was showing me some more advanced techniques he stopped and looked at me. He had been showing me something else. explains why it was so damn hard for me to pick up. Nothing was making sense.

He apologized and told me that all the things he's learned and trained in over the years he now sees things as the same. There is no difference between styles. It's all the same.

The japanese have a word for it. Mushin. When it all comes together and you just exist. it is both the end and the beginning. Things just make sense and sometimes you catch yourself questioning. I see it with high level practitioners. They will be in the middle of doing a kata or randori and then it will be like they wake up. They don't know what they were doing.

Sounds like in some way you hit that level where you are existing. Push/pull is always in play from what I see. It's tough to turn off. In my case it's always highly sexual I can't stop and don't bother any more. A girl i encounter in the morning and we share exchanges told me the other day that I am just relentless. I replied that I get that often, winked and walked off.

Push and pull is always in play, but I'd also add that you have to reel them in as well. You got them on the edge (sexually or emotionally) and then you have to bring them in closer to take that edge off. Meaning pulling them in closer once in a while.

[–]scarmine34-3 points-2 points  (21 children) | Copy

She is looking for a higher level of comfort as she rationalizes staying with you. Women are programmed to seek more security and you're not providing it.

I am not saying that you should be.

Personally, the next time she did that, I'd look at her and tell her she is acting like a child. Have the last 3 instances handy. Tell her it's ok, she probably doesn't even realize she is doing it, but that it's time for her to stop. Ask her to think about why she would play childish games.

Now - here is the key - she will likely fly off of the handle. Remember the 16 commandments of poon:

XV. Maintain your state control

You are an oak tree. You will not be manipulated by crying, yelling, lying, head games, sexual withdrawal, jealousy ploys, pity plays, shit tests, hot/cold/hot/cold, disappearing acts, or guilt trips. She will rain and thunder all around you and you will shelter her until her storm passes. She will not drag you into her chaos or uproot you. When you have mastery over yourself, you will have mastery over her.

Also rules: never say "sorry", never be afraid to lose her, be irrationally self confident, shit, just about every single one.

"Be in touch with her emotions" is what you're doing when you ask her why she might act like this.

https://heartiste.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

After she's blown up, you'll probably need to just walk out. Tell her you'll only talk to her when she has calmed down. If she texts you, reply once (you'll want to reply more as she texts more) that you'll talk to her tomorrow when she has calmed down. She'll insult you and bait you and try to get you to engage. Do not.

The next day, call her, feel her out a little and tell her you want to grab a coffee, somewhere public. If she blows up in public - you've got bigger issues.

Reiterate that you've noticed this and you've never said anything before - here you can drop a fake apology - say "I'm sorry I've never brought it up, because it's been bothering me for a while and we shouldn't let things stew". Then ask her again why she would act like that.

If she simply doesn't believe you and you can't get on the same page about her behavior - you're pretty fucked.

Anyway, that's how I would do it. Good luck.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 3 points4 points  (20 children) | Copy

Have the last 3 instances handy

Sure, I'll make sure I document them all in my excel spreadsheet.

[–]scarmine342 points3 points  (19 children) | Copy

Don’t ask for help and then be a dick if you don’t agree with the advice you get.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Don’t ask for help and then be a dick if you don’t agree with the advice you get.

Who the fuck are you, the comment rules brigade commander?

[–]scarmine34-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What is this, a douchebag parade? Get back in to the woodwork.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Quality.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy

Your advice sucked, and you apparently didn't even bother to comprehend my post.

Your reply looks like a generic "copy/paste" reply that belong in the PPD reddit.

[–]scarmine34-3 points-2 points  (14 children) | Copy

My advice is based off of what I’ve done in my own relationship, so I know that it can work even if it is anecdotal.

Maybe she’s treating you like a douchebag because you are one.

And as far as “comprehending” your post- this is taking it to the next level and cutting through the drama like an adult.

But apparently you’re not there yet.

I take back the good luck wish because you’re going to flush it down the toilet.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

Maybe she’s treating you like a douchebag because you are one.

Thanks for the compliment.

I take back the good luck wish because you’re going to flush it down the toilet.

Please. To think I place that high of value on a relationship...

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Right now?

All I want to do is survive.

Come October It will be different.

[–]RStonePT1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]scarmine34-4 points-3 points  (9 children) | Copy

Thanks for the compliment.

Yup, there’s your problem right there. It’s ok, you’ll probably grow up one day, kid.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yup, there’s your problem right there.

SMH, this is actually the solution to most "attacks". Kinda like when my girl calls me an asshole. "growing up" makes you old and unfun.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

I like you. You are fun to troll.

[–]hack3geRed Beret3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Red - I love you man but you need to drop your ego here . He is 100% right - you definitely need to approach this problem logically and treat her like an adult.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

He is 100% right

Are you fucking kidding me?

Ill get started on the Excel doc straight away. And next time she needs attention withdrawn, I'll make sure to sit her down and have a nice adult conversation first.

Oh fuck...

You are trolling me.

Touche.



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