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AA/AM/Stfu is not working

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May 20, 2019
15 upvotes

I been dating my girl for 9 months and the honeymoon stage is over. We fight constantly. I start by calmly talking to her and it ends in a screaming match. I know I shouldn’t be participating in this but damn she’s good at dragging me in.

She is very sensitive and when I try to AA/AM she get really but hurt and more pissed off. She thinks I’m being an asshole I guess or that I’m poking fun at her and she becomes bitcher

When I STFU. She will complain that I don’t show her any love and it causes her to be colder. So we end up just not really interacting normal.

If I sit down and calmly try to talk to her she ends up going right to defense and it makes it hard to compromise anything. It usually ends in me walking away. Sleeping in a different room by choice. Because I don’t want to be next to her. Or just leaving the house. Then she will say that she feels insecure how I can just leave so easily. That she doesn’t get how my mind can even get there because she isn’t going anywhere. Then it makes me think. Am I wrong here?? Am I doing something wrong?

I run my map. I constantly am revising it and my goals. I work 60-70 hours a week an Hour away from our house. I run a side business. Do bjj. Gym 4 times a week. Still make time for her and my friends. And self work. On top of that I’m constantly doing everything around the house that is hers. And looking for ways to show her comfort and Love. I work 6 days a week. She works 2. All I ask is for a happy supportive partner who helps in places I need it. Some food ready for me when I don’t have time to make it. And good sex. The good thing is we fuck every single day. But a lot of the things she used to do is becoming less and less. And when I bring it up in a non confrontational way. She makes excuses why and gets defensive. This shit is awesome or has been but I’m not sure what the fuck has become of this. I feel I can’t communicate anything. And idk what I’m doing wrong here or if I’m just asking for too much.

If I’m wrong I want to know and I’ll work on it. And if she’s the problem I want to know that too. And then maybe I shouldn’t be with her. Idk who’s at fault and when we argue she makes it seem like I’m being dramatic. And she’s giving me her all. But I see it as I’m just giving everything so much more. 500% in life to her 90%. But maybe I’m delusional.

(It’s been a while since I been on this sub and I have a lot of brushing up to do. I realize but for the time being. I’d like to know your take on it. Maybe I’m just being a faggot and need to suck it up but my happiness is declining bc of all the fighting. When we have good days they’re fucking great.)

Can I get an outsiders perspective on this?


Post Information
Title AA/AM/Stfu is not working
Author TrenGod37
Upvotes 15
Comments 95
Date 20 May 2019 04:38 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/239025
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/bqxw85/aaamstfu_is_not_working/
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Comments

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret[M] [score hidden] stickied comment (1 child) | Copy

Modding this sub is getting tougher. For example, it was real dilemma to decide if this was a "Simple Jack" flair or more of a "Rain Man" post. In the end I went with "Rain Man," but I could be persuaded.

Pull your head out of your ass OP -- it's you. Next this one and get your shit figured out.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret34 points35 points  (10 children) | Copy

You've been around here way too long to be asking these questions. You should already know the answers.

You are whiny and needy. You want a mommy and she doesn't want to be a grown man's mommy.

Plus, at 9 months in with this kind of drama (even if you are partly to blame) is a red flag.

If memory serves me correct you run gear and are jacked. Get some self-confidence and get back out there and find a replacement. Did the tren shrink your balls or something? Stop being a pussy.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 3 points4 points  (8 children) | Copy

You’re right just wondering moving forward if I’m the problem. Or am I dealing with a crazy chick

Also how is having expectations from someone I’m dating being needy and whiny. When they aren’t being met. Damn well know if I stoped doing half the shit I do she would be whining to me about it. I just don’t give her a chance to whine bc I do everything

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret25 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's you and you aren't dealing with a crazy chick, but a woman. However, I still think you are better off cutting your losses, working on yourself, and then trying again.

Expectations aren't the problem. Sure, have expectations, but when they aren't met you walk. That will either get her to meet your expectations or you move on to someone else. It seems silly to try and make an apple turn into an orange. Go find an orange.

Here is why you are needy and whiny. Women don't give a fuck about how hard you work. One of the biggest things I struggled with was doing some big project and then grabbing my wife to show her what I did. I wasn't doing things just for the joy of doing them for myself. I was doing them for her approval and then validation. Essentially, I was like a dog who was a good boy and would come for a pet and a treat. When I didn't get the reaction I wanted I would get all butt hurt. Stop that shit!

You go out and be awesome. Work 60-70 hours per week because it is part of your mission. Not for her, not for anyone, just because you are and that is good enough for you. Stop looking for her validation. Read NMMNG again and focus on covert contracts.

Essentially, you need to be independent. Too much dependency on her and on MRP for advice. Start living your own life for you brother and everything will fall into place.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Thank you. I guess I let my emotions come into play too much. I feel bad. Like I’m doing wrong and everyone around me is suffering for it

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

I feel bad. Like I’m doing wrong and everyone around me is suffering for it

So, you feel guilty? You realize there is a sidebar book for that. You sound like a really nice guy.

Be your own judge.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What? There is a sidebar book that helps guys who feel guilty when you say no?

And there is another one that helps guys who are nice guys? Where??

------------->>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> sidebar

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Also how is having expectations from someone I’m dating being needy and whiny. When they aren’t being met.

Would you fight with your children if they didn't live up to your expectations, and then spend the night giving them the silent treatment?

She's only a woman.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

No id sit them down talk to them. Which I tried to do with her

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

No id sit them down talk to them. Which I tried to do with her

Damn, man. Do you have kids? I know if I sit down my kids and talk with them, they'll "Yes, Daddy" their happy little asses through the conversation and go and do the dumb shit again.

Lay out expectations. If they mess up, tell them how they messed it up and what the consequences are or will be if they do it again. If they mess up again, you inform them of the consequences and roll on. There's no getting heated, no fighting, no emotion, just a "look, you fucked up and here's what I'M going to do so that it doesn't happen again."

Son didn't mow the lawn? You take his allowance away for two weeks and pay a neighbor kid to mow it.

Daughter didn't come back before curfew? You take away her car keys for the next week.

Your girl didn't have dinner ready when she should've? You leave the house and go get yourself some wings and a few drinks with a buddy.

No fuss, no muss, just expectations and consequences.

[–]haraishi0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Man this post really reasonated with me man, thanks

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Contrary to popular belief, tren dosent shrink your balls, it makes you head bigger so your balls only appear smaller.

[–]redwall9216 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just marry her already. Will fix all your problems.

[–]helaughsinhidden7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Plus two kids and then she will get with the program.

[–]FoxShitNasty8311 points12 points  (29 children) | Copy

"I been dating my girl for 9 months and the honeymoon stage is over. We fight constantly."

STFU don't fight

" I start by calmly talking to her and it ends in a screaming match. "

STFU

"I know I shouldn’t be participating in this but damn she’s good at dragging me in. "

STFU

"She is very sensitive and when I try to AA/AM she get really but hurt and more pissed off. "

Good, care less her problem

"She thinks I’m being an asshole I guess or that I’m poking fun at her and she becomes bitcher."

Haha - STFU

*When I STFU. She will complain that I don’t show her any love and it causes her to be colder. So we end up just not really interacting normal. "

<-- insert comfort here

"If I sit down and calmly try to talk to her she ends up going right to defense and it makes it hard to compromise anything."

"Calmly talk" with a woman?

" It usually ends in me walking away."

Good

"Sleeping in a different room by choice."

Butthurt

" Because I don’t want to be next to her."

Oh really butthurt

" Or just leaving the house."

GoodWithdraw without butthurt

"Then she will say that she feels insecure how I can just leave so easily."

STFU maybe comfort

"That she doesn’t get how my mind can even get there because she isn’t going anywhere. Then it makes me think. Am I wrong here?? Am I doing something wrong?"

Calibration

"I run my map. I constantly am revising it and my goals. "

Oys weekly discuss and set goals

"I work 60-70 hours a week an Hour away from our house. "

Poor poppet - suck it up

"I run a side business. Do bjj. Gym 4 times a week. "

This sounds fun, what are your lifts?

"Still make time for her and my friends. And self work. On top of that I’m constantly doing everything around the house that is hers. "

Tell her to do shit, if she dosent do it anyway... Give her your best disappointed look

"And looking for ways to show her comfort and Love."

Awww Love!

"I work 6 days a week. She works 2. All I ask is for a happy supportive partner who helps in places I need it. "

Insert tears here (comforts you)

"Some food ready for me when I don’t have time to make it. And good sex. The good thing is we fuck every single day. But a lot of the things she used to do is becoming less and less. "

She is losing attraction (shocker)

"And when I bring it up in a non confrontational way. "

(Indirect nice guy manipulation)

"She makes excuses why and gets defensive. "

(Her mouth moves and makes noises)

"This shit is awesome or has been but I’m not sure what the fuck has become of this. I feel I can’t communicate anything. "

(Communicate with actions)

"And idk what I’m doing wrong here or if I’m just asking for too much. If I’m wrong I want to know and I’ll work on it. And if she’s the problem I want to know that too. "

(Wrong, your the problem)

"And then maybe I shouldn’t be with her. Idk who’s at fault and when we argue she makes it seem like I’m being dramatic. "

(You are)

"And she’s giving me her all. But I see it as I’m just giving everything so much more. 500% in life to her 90%. But maybe I’m delusional. "

(You are)

"(It’s been a while since I been on this sub and I have a lot of brushing up to do. I realize but for the time being. I’d like to know your take on it. Maybe I’m just being a faggot and need to suck it up but my happiness is declining bc of all the fighting. When we have good days they’re fucking great.)"

Sidebar lift, STFU... Be attractive.

[–]symbologythere0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Hey when you say “insert comfort here” are you talking about comforting words, or STFU and give her a hug, pat on the ass?

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Whatever feels right for you, lookup comfort. I normally go with a hug

Edit: or the dick

[–]symbologythere1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Thanks. I’m over-thinking everything.

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Plus your getting sex, imagine what happens when you wife it up and have kids!

[–]symbologythere1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nope, I’m not OP - just a confused pussy. 2 kids, married 11 years and sex is once or twice/month at best.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lucky you... No really... Keep grinding.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is just my opinion, I might be very wrong so take the flared votes more seriously.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 0 points1 point  (21 children) | Copy

So when my expectations aren’t being met. I need to shut up about it?

[–]FoxShitNasty835 points6 points  (18 children) | Copy

Communicate you actions by withdrawing attention. Follow the levels of dread. Within time (maybe a year) the dread will fix YOU. You decide when you have had enough.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 4 points5 points  (17 children) | Copy

Okay my last question would be when I STFU she notices. I am always happy and talkative. So when I STFU she can tell something is off and she will ask.

Is everything okay? Something is wrong You’re being quiet. Etc

And then she goes into bad mood mode. It doesn’t seem to help. How do I stfu without telling her what I’m doing when she keeps asking what’s going on

[–]FoxShitNasty837 points8 points  (16 children) | Copy

"no nothings wrong" then go do something else... STFU still means talk like "yeah" and "ok" and withdraw. Reset the next day like nothing happened.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 6 points7 points  (15 children) | Copy

Coming from a fucking CRONIC DEERer this is going to take a lot of work on my part. I always want to say what the problem is otherwise how will she know to fix it. Or change

[–]FoxShitNasty833 points4 points  (13 children) | Copy

Yeah I hear you, I might be wrong on this but she gives no fucks about what you say....ever wonder why women are completely mouthy cunts towards each other then are hugging and crying the next... It's all just mouth noises they don't care what you say. Actions my friend actions are a man's communication.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy

You make sense but how am I supposed to show I want her to continue to do the shit she did to get me. Without saying it.

I honestly think she’s too stupid to notice without me saying something

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (11 children) | Copy

Ok give us one specific thing you want?

[–]TrenGod37[S] 0 points1 point  (10 children) | Copy

My lunches made for work. I can do it. But her doing it helps greatly and she used to do it all the time

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I always want to say what the problem is otherwise how will she know to fix it. Or change

By communicating COVERT-ly, which is the language women understand. You are trying to communice OVERT-ly, which just gets her DEERing all over the place.

You withdraw attention (covert communication that she fucked up), and when she asks if something's wrong you say "nope" (which gets her hamster spinning), and then she hamsters up "oh, I bet he's upset that I did this thing less than awesome, I better do it better next time".

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes. Let me tell you a little secret.

The reason your girl freaks out when you argue with her about stupid shit is that it shows you can't take care of a child. When you show your incompetence, it freaks out your girl because she is banging a guy who might not even be able to take care of his orgasm. This is terrifying to a girl.

Be a man. Step up and take care of business. Don't argue about stupid shit. Redirect and order her to stop. Show affection when she claims you are ignoring her. Ignore her when she is harping and carping AND you can't handle it anymore. Until then listen and don't try to solve her problems. Just nod your head and tell her: "Aww, that sucks."

If you start to get flooded, then calmly tell her not to talk to you in that tone. Then if she continues and you are starting to lose it, the answer is to STFU and probably leave.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. I will have to re read this a couple times

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

Buddy I'm having a hard time seeing why anyone in good shape, not married, and with no kid is putting up with this? You run a business, ever had to fire a customer? You have to decide where the cost benefits come down for this. But honestly ide start planning my exit strategy.

[–]Thorondor_Rising9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why do you think every relationship is workable? Some bitches are just worthless. If she's a screaming harpy bitch and you're not even married yet, then she doesn't even have the tact to "ensnare" her man before she starts trying to break him down. Get rid of this worthless fucking cunt and move on to someone that can at least pretend to be a respectable woman until you're stupid enough to put a ring on it.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red6 points7 points  (9 children) | Copy

What's keeping you from just nexting?

That's the first step to consider.

You live with her in her house?

GTFO.

Come on, man.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

Because if I’m the problem it’s just going to keep continuing. I just want to know if it’s me. Or I’m dealing with someone who’s not a good match for me

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

You've adopted the "be the best beta plowhorse you can be" model.

Why?

Not even daily pussy is worth that headache.

Where you at on the dread ladder?

[–]TrenGod37[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

The sex is there tho. We fuck every single day. It’s about the moods and lack of effort to me

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

That's what I said.

Where's the guy that wrote the "take no prisoners, I have goals and a map" post a year ago?

You actually do anything fun with her? Butthurt resentment begets bitchiness.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Every day I have with her I plan something fun. The night usually just ends In some dumb moody argument

And yea I need to recalibrate

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even if you are the problem, who cares.

1 - 1.5 LTRs per year is manageable.

Be a bull in a china shop.

[–]RickTickTickyshaw4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

it's you. You care too much. She doesn't.

[–]bowhunter65 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

99% of the time it’s you.

[–]SepeanRed Beret5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

Stop this shit with you wanting her to understand and accept what is going on.

When your frame is weak, a shit test isn’t just passed when you deliver the A&A. She doesn’t just smile and suck your dick, she makes a countermove by getting angry. And bam, your frame cracks and you begin to explain or some stupid shit.

Stop fucking caring if your GF is angry or sad whatever.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Okay you make a valid point and I have looked at this angle the thing is. I hate being around moody people. I’m always happy so I hate being around ppl who Bring my energy down. So I have to care if she’s mad or moody. It effects me. And you can say then withdraw myself but we already only spend one day together a week. Or at night. That’s it.

If I withdrawal it’s sleeping elsewhere. Or just not hanging out with her which would end up in another disputed

[–]SepeanRed Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’m always happy so I hate being around ppl who Bring my energy down.

Are you always happy, or can people bring you down? You can’t have both.

So I have to care if she’s mad or moody.

Or you could have frame. Care less, and go do something else with someone else if she is pestering you.

Or just not hanging out with her which would end up in another dispute

Well, if you’re somewhere else, how can she yell at you? The next time she sees you? Then you leave again.

Stop making excuses about how you have to stop her from being moody and have to be around her. Man the fuck up. There’s no way she becomes submissive when your frame is this weak. The only way to make her nice is by you holding frame and enforcing your boundaries.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You’re right but what happens when I come back home and she wants to talk about what happened and why I just left. Because that never just happens

[–]arm_candy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

“Because I’m not interested in arguing”

“Because I was bored”

“Because I have better things to do”

You don’t have to re-engage the argument just because she gives you an opportunity. Tell her something like that (or don’t, you could also shrug and STFU) and don’t engage. If she escalates, repeat the same, calmly. If she continues, leave again. Have some self-respect.

You can’t stop her from trying to argue. You can stop yourself though.

[–]johnn20154 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

When you get married and have kids you will realize how stupid and minor this problem you’re having actually is.

[–]Captain_pants46 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

All that good girl behavior she exhibited in the beginning was because she was excited about the relationship and wanted to nurture it.

Now that you’re living in her space it’s not so exciting anymore.

She probably fucks you everyday because she wants a baby. Babies are exciting

[–]gameoflibidos4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

stop losing frame and getting drug into arguments. Simple as that.

you're probably DEERing a lot and that's how the arguments start.

she's slowly dissolving what frame you had with her barrel of woman acid and that's why your happiness is declining. Her's is too because her acid barrel is working and she's upset.

[–]SuperCrazy074 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re doing more and more while she’s doing less and less. Then you try to fix it.

Why isn’t she trying to fix it? Either she doesn’t think you’re high value or she doesn’t think you’re going anywhere. My guess is the latter.

You’re not even married...she should be scared shitless that you’re going to pick another girl.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

700 mg of Tren per week will have you so focused on gym gains and should turn you into an emotional zombie rock of a human that even The Punisher couldnt break.

Faggot.

[–]Whatev223 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow. She almost has you fully trained. You blame all your probs on her. Take ownership.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're being a Dancing Monkey because you have oneitis for your girlfriend because she fucks you daily, and you're afraid she's the only one who would. (You have no abundance.)

She won't respect you until you lose your oneitis and can dump her.

[–]mosham1262 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're fighting as much as u say you are then why stay? You sound like a marriage thats fallen apart, just that you're only at 9 months of dating. I'm not sure of the while situation here, but IMO maybe just cut things off now before both of you waste any more of your time.

[–]ManguZa1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's butt hurt and piss off => STFU, do your things. If she complain tell her that you're not interested by her when she's a bitch (be specific how she is).

Sit down, talk to her => don't run away, continue until she REALLY got your point, tell her that you can't accept anything else. Keep your calm all the way. A the end of the conversation you must had the same state of mind as at any other times.

Why are you afraid to be confrontational?

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I sit down and calmly try to talk to her

I remember you, the guy who leads by talking to her girl like he's having a Lifetime TV life lesson and then wanting her to point her head down at a slight angle, look up with big eyes, stick out her bottom lip and say "Owkay, I sworry". Meanwhile you are getting drunk on weekends, being a dick to her, not owning your shit or being responsible for the way you act when you are drinking.

ACTA NON VERBA. Get your life together and get her off of the pedestal.

[–]BirdManBrrrr1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You care too much about her feelings. Also would say covert contracts but you do make them known allegedly, but in a way that's whiny and needy. Either way, a(nother, hopefully) spin through NMMNG would help you.

And yes, you're the problem in that you're negotiating with her whenever her feelz go negative. You admit yourself- you allow her to drag you into fights and whatnot. She's a child throwing a tantrum and you're trying to placate her. Stop.

And when I bring it up in a non confrontational way.

This makes me think you approach it as "hey you're not doing this bla bla words bla bla you need to do more bla bla you never make me dinner!" instead of just saying something like "Hey working late tonight make me x for dinner for when I get home thanks." The former is you victim puking to her, looking for mommy to tell you she'll pack your sandwich for school tomorrow and you're a good boy, the latter is you making a request, to which she can comply or not. Tell me if I'm wrong here.

Maybe she's some sort of insecure, abandonment-issue girl who needs drama in order to feel engaged, maybe she's not. Doesn't matter, either way you're spinning your wheels and looking for validation from this girl who is probably confused why you keep wanting to sit down and "talk about the relationship". Handle your own shit, make your own food, and make it known you don't need her to have a good life.

9 months in and it's this bad, constant fighting and you getting worn down? Her vagina must be magical. If you're as awesome as you say you are with your MAP then she's either along for the ride or she's not. And if you're as awesome as you say you are AND she's solid LTR material, she should be itching to serve you and not coasting along arguing all the time.

A little advanced for your situation but this may help.

[–]tap09885341 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am going to break with the "STFU faggot" crowd, even though I don't actually know anything and recommend "Practical Female Psychology", even though I don't really understand it very well.

What you seem to be missing is the understanding is that this is completely normal feminine behavior. Like a black window bites the head off the male after she has mated, the human female works to subjugate the male into a worm slave who will protect and care for her young.

This lovely creature's biology is designed in a way that will systematically confound you, mesmerize you, hypnotize you, and transform you. Unfortunately, the transformation is largely into someone she will despise and not be attracted to, encouraging her to eventually diversify the genepool of her progeny.

The others are telling you to STFU because this is the common male experience of all of us, but they are also telling you sidebar, because the male mind is not persuaded by "because I said" but by logic, reason, and induction.

After provider selection, all women will demand unreasonable disclosure and subjugate you, suck you into their frame, and kick you when you're down. It's simply because of what they are. It is their nature. The goal of everyone here is largely to not bow to the woman's biology. By avoiding these subjugation games, the idea is that you will become and perpetually be a fit mate. When a woman inevitably kicks you hard when you are down, she is doing two things, subjugating you, and testing your fitness. When she finds that you are impervious, but still engaged, you demonstrate that you remain fit for mating, and she continues to find you attractive.

Women are instinctual masters of confounding men. Not only do they present to you emotional content that is irrational, contradictory, incoherent, and double-binding (damned if you do or if you don't), but they do it in a way that sucks you in, and whether you yell, subjugate yourself, or skulk off angrily you still lose the fight.

The only way to win is through action that demonstrates you are warm, comforting, and emotionally available, but ultimately impervious to her onslaught. In the sidebar we learn a lot of techniques that make it easier to be impervious. These techniques like fogging, NI, NA, AA, AM and STFU are simply tools to help maintain an impervious frame of mind, but they don't work if you put your head inside the black widow's mouth and allow her dominion over your emotions.

> All I ask is for a happy supportive partner who helps in places I need it

Then find a dude, and learn to enjoy cock... or step up your value to the point where you become a perpetually fit man capable of having a woman completely submit to him.

[–]bowhunter61 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’ve gotten a lot of good advice on here already. I will just add that living in a house that she owns makes it difficult to keep her in your frame when it comes to household issues. It will always be there in the back of both of your minds and it makes it difficult to enforce discipline. I had this exact issue with my now ex-wife. I regret ever moving into a house that she owned. Continue at your own risk.

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

[–]RPeed0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Good comment and linking what I think is the OP you refer to.

Tbh achieving "unobtainable" goals can be about the worst feeling ever. And the answer is as simple as - as you say - getting new ones but secondly realizing that it's part of the process and you're not "doing it wrong".

Failing to internalize the latter leads to agonizing over past choices and a detrimental level of craziness.

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The end goal is understanding it's all meaningless. Then waking up again and realizing it isn't.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You run gear and are this fucking gay? You off cycle at the moment and grow some tits to match your vagina? Seriously man, these are all easy to deal with if you aren't DEERing and running your dick sucker all the time. Arguing with a woman? Fuck outta here

[–]FRedington1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I am NOT a clinical shrink of any flavor. That said, I've seen my share of Borderline Personality Disordered individuals. -- The behavior you describe appears to me to be BPD. Look it up. Study it. It might be helpful.

[–]arm_candy2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus Christ, she’s not BPD just because they have a shitty relationship. This idiot is getting into nonstop fights with his live-in girlfriend. If she’s BPD for being a shitty girlfriend then he’s BPD for being a shitty boyfriend.

Stop assuming that women have serious mental illnesses by default. You don’t know shit about her from what he posted. He’s clearly a drama queen. Maybe she’s a saint for putting up with him and her previous relationships have all been mellow and mutually-supportive. Probably not, but that’s more likely than BPD.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If by BPD you mean shes a woman then yes you are correct...

[–]testy680 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oneitis. Why the hell have you stayed? Seriously

[–]PillUpAss0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Way too much bullshit for 9 mo in my friend. Of course you need to work on yourself but also realize 99.999% of us were fucked the day we let a woman move in with us (which is basically marriage). It’s an investment with diminishing returns, then incremental losses until you free yourself from the madness (marriage). And this is from a guy who actually likes his wife of 10+ years but isn’t getting 1/2 the sex you probably are. If you don’t alter your course (i.e. get a course), the sex will diminish soon, along with your sanity, but the conflicts will remain.

Keep unfucking yourself, stop the choreplay (give her assignments instead) and if you decide to reset, don’t make the first mistake again.

[–]light-----------dark0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

it’s been 9 months and you are arguing / fighting already? seems concerning.

a bit of perspective - I’m in a one year LTR and we’ve had one miscommunication. . No fights or arguments.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No one wrote that STFU is deaf, dumb and mute.

AA AM is not about being crass or used to inflict constant irritation.

Comfort is there to reassure.

Only faggots run.

[–]JameisBong0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No kids,no ring means next.More than likely she's lost attraction,hit the gym,learn more game and passing shit tests will become easier and more natural.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You still sober motherfucker?

[–]TrenGod37[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yea man. Been going strong on that

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That makes me feel good, as you were sir.

Its tren season, you in this year?

[–]HerukaArisen0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A lot of people here have told you to next your woman. I am not going to do that. To me, you sound like a mess. Your neediness and validation-seeking reek miles away. You spend incredible amounts of energy trying to convince us how fucking awesome you are and how hard you work. It is very difficult to imagine you being anything else toward your woman. Of the three basic tenets of MRP101, STFU, read and lift, you seem to understand only the last one, and even there you are faking it.

If I was you, I would embrace this opportunity to learn the first fucking step, STFU. Bite your cheek. If that doesn't help, bite harder. If that doesn't help, punch yourself in the face (you certainly deserve it) and send us a photo. If you can't learn to sit quiet in the midst of a storm, nexting your woman will bring you absolutely no benefit. Within a month, you will be attracted to a similar nutcase and going through the same shit, because nothing in you has changed, really. (Why are you attracted to such nutcases? Is it good or bad? BTW, I think it is good.)

Something tells me, you cannot do this. You like the easy road, don't you? Prove me wrong.

[–]dreamsynth0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

BJJ cool. So you're paying loads for grown men to put their balls on your face? Just kidding, I do BJJ, it's awesome.

You're taking her too seriously and yourself too seriously.

See it as a learning experience. My wife also drags me into arguments and pushes my buttons. She knows how to get me riled up. After the argument she is calm and it takes me days to settle down. You probably have this going on, right?

Just chill and take it as an opportunity to learn about yourself.

And stop giving her "your all".

Look: woman and men hold different chips. Ever hear of the guy that has been together with his girlfriend for 10 years and won't commit to marriage? And the gf is going crazy about it? Well, she's giving him "her all" and there's no reason for him to take the next step. Same with you, you're giving her your all and she has no reason to behave.

You can give your all if you want just don't expect anything in return. But something tells me you are covertly asking for something in return, eh?

[–]Eminencemiddle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your business is declining because of all of the fighting????

You know what to do...

[–]Dallas360 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

Best part is he’s asking a married subreddit about his 9 month girlfriend ....LOL

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude do you go to the other forum often? This is absolutely the place to be. If your after anything other than one plate after another(nothing wrong with that, just not my preference).

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck off back to mgtow, faggot.

[–]Eminencemiddle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Mrp is for ltrs as well as married. Check sidebar.

[–]TrenGod37[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Well yea you guys are well rounded in the relationship department. Why wouldn’t I come here

[–]FoxShitNasty835 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some of us are (brushes post history into drawer)

[–]Dallas361 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

“My happiness is declining from all the fighting” your basing your emotions off her which is your first mistake , you’re not outcome independent .

[–]TrenGod37[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

If your child was a brat all the time would you just accept this? You’d probably make changes to ensure you don’t want to strange them when you’re around them

[–]helaughsinhidden1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife gets mad, it should have ZERO impact on your frame broseph. Just say "wow, that must really suck to feel that way" then offer her a nice hug or a shrug, her choice. What are you going to do, MAKE her feel happy? If so, how? By DOING something to her, for her, with her? Even if it worked, would that make YOU feel differently about the kind of man you are? Would it finally validate your worth? Would she really be able to fill that huge void and calm your self doubt about your value as a man? Where do you think this is going exactly if SHE is your MISSION?

[–]arm_candy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If your child was a brat you wouldn’t get into screaming matches with them. You’d set boundaries and enforce them. You’d remove attention in response to unacceptable behavior (tantrums). You wouldn’t fight with your child constantly unless you’re a moron and a shitty parent.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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