How does the orgasm gap between straight men and women affect sexual behavior and sex drive?

poppy_blu · 2019-05-27T20:32:26+00:00

It’s not the orgasm gap, which easily explainable by biology (female orgasm isn’t needed for pregnancy, and female plumbing is more complex), it’s how women have been socialized around their sexuality. To believe that female orgasm is this elusive thing that’s not even worth tying for and “oh btw women don’t need an orgasm to enjoy sex.” To believe that enjoying sex makes men think you’re a slut. To believe a man makes you have an orgasm so don’t bother exploring on your own. To believe you don’t need to enjoy the sex (though he does) to have a happy relationship. To believe that men want sex in way you can never understand so you should do those icky things he wants or he’ll do them with someone else, and you WILL find those things icky or else you’re a slut.

Cultural norms controlling women’s sexuality have done far more damage than the orgasm gap. The youngins here don’t realize just how recently it was that we dropped our Puritan cultural baggage around female sexuality. And we haven’t even dropped all of it.

yasee · 2019-05-27T19:33:33+00:00

maybe it's one of the reasons straight women are generally less motivated to pursue NSA sex

lurkingconfused · 2019-05-28T00:03:09+00:00

I haven't done any research but it seems like common sense that if sex isn't producing orgasms, those women are going to care about it way less. What is there to "crave" about sex without orgasm?

I don't understand what other way getting sexual can be something to ACTIVELY seek and look forward to, other than kinky playing where you can be riding a different kind of high.

I hear from women that it's not necessary to have an orgasm to enjoy sex, and I sort of get it in a LTR sense where sometimes you're just making your partner feel good even though you're not in the mood, but if I was rarely or never coming, and if my partner was somehow totally fine with that, I wouldn't initiate or think much about it at all, and find it hard to understand why any other women would be different especially if they're also socialized against being sexually open.

katymarx · 2019-05-28T00:58:26+00:00

Why does it have to be piv or oral? You are discussing 2 mechanisms, not the real debate. Here is a hint. Clitoris Clitoris Clitoris

It can be stimulated during piv, oral, manual, toys, etc. It's analogous to the penis glans. And guess what, no one ever teaches us what it is, we have to seek that info out. Prob easier these days but 23 years ago having my first orgasm at 19 after being sexually active but not that info it for 2 years, changed the game completely. Boy did I feel stupid not knowing my own body. From there, omg the floodgates really opened.....

The_Lone_Apple · 2019-05-27T19:40:35+00:00

Ask your partner what does it for them.
Do that thing.

TheBookOfSeil · 2019-05-27T20:47:09+00:00

Of all the groups looked at straight women orgasm the least. How does this affect sex in relationships and how much women crave sex?

I don't think sexual desire is correlated with orgasms.

[deleted] · 2019-05-28T20:45:45+00:00

The best way to keep plates in the air is making sure they cum every time.

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CamoWoobie10000 · 2019-05-27T21:22:47+00:00

If you give two 3rd graders a test. One of them gets a test of simple addition, and the other gets trigonometry. Is it fair to expect both of them to get the same grade?

Same thing with this. The bar women have to jump over to make a guy cum is far far lower than the opposite. In my opinion that is the biggest factor in the orgasm gap.

diffdedbed · 2019-05-27T22:02:29+00:00

Some issues.

I've been told multiple times that PIV sex is different than trying for an orgasm, and thats the 70% of women who can't have a PIV orgasm. Its still good if they don't orgasm and sometimes they don't even want one but they still want PIV.

Second, women who are hard to orgasm will often use a toy to help, I'm guessing lesbians, due to their lack of natural equipment are more likely to employ a vibrator.

Third, a lot of women are multi-orgasmic. My wifes one time record is 32 with a toy. I've personally given a woman 9 without a toy. Many of my FWB's can have multiples very easily. I'm sure that isn't included in the "gap".

DaphneDK42 · 2019-05-28T05:10:52+00:00

Orgasm gap. Americans lol.

Many women have multiple orgasms per time. They may orgasm in fewer sex encounters, but when they do, the have a higher number. Perhaps it all evens out in the end. Also, female orgasms are way better than male.

marriage_is_hell · 2019-05-28T08:03:03+00:00

How does the orgasm gap between straight men and women affect sexual behavior and sex drive?

The ability of women to have tens or hundreds of orgasms in a day (at least when theyre with me) does tend to have an impact, yes. I think it causes me to feel a bit of resentment towards women. They need to actually learn about mens bodies rather than just trying things they read in 50shades or other inaccurate portrayals of male sexuality.

For instance, I myself am capable of multiple orgasm as are most men, but society teaches us that mens bodies are for pleasing women and therefore we get mostly used for womens pleasure without anyone ever focusing on us. We’re also taught that male sexuality is shameful and rapey and objectifying and demeaning which has a negative impact.

Society needs to fix this by recognizing the orgasm disparity of women (at least, the ones not dumb enough to wind up with drunk whiskey dick not-trying Chad) to men (at least, suave generous lovers such as myself) and start encouraging women to actually ask questions and find out what their men find enjoyable. I think i speak for all men when i say enough lazy selfish female starfishing is enough.

Eastuss · 2019-05-28T08:20:36+00:00

What's also interesting is that 86% of lesbians said that they usually or always experienced orgasm during sexual intimacy.

What's also interesting is to mention that lesbians have the highest rate of deadbedroom and lowest rate of sex. So I would say men's lesser performance to make women orgasm is not the cause of women's lower libido.

rus9384 · 2019-05-27T20:55:41+00:00

That said, lesbians don't have sex often.

Lordb0lton · 2019-05-27T20:15:07+00:00

I wonder if there has ever been a time in human history where there wasn't an orgasm gap

If there hasn't, how can we say for sure what impact it has, when there is no comparison state where there is no gap?

reluctantly_red · 2019-05-27T22:07:54+00:00

Not sure what the OP is getting at. If a guy chooses a woman who actually likes sex and who thinks he's hot then the woman will have many more orgasms than the man. Women can easily climax many times each go round -- the guy only once.

mydikishomofobik · 2019-05-27T22:10:01+00:00

Women have inherently lower sex drives. That's why lesbian couples often barely have any sex, while gay men are promiscuous as fuck. Man-woman couples have more sex, on avg, than lesbian couples with 2 women.

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