How do relationships even work

yasee · 2019-03-06T19:37:38+00:00

you partner up with someone who you feel is on your level and hope the feeling is mutual I guess

maybe you also ease up on the idea that every human you meet can and should be categorized as beneath you, equal, or better than you

Nicolo_Ultra · 2019-03-06T19:52:49+00:00

I think the most sturdy and long lasting relationships are the ones where both people feel like they lucked out, they both think they got "the catch." My boyfriend and I are both pretty average looking although conventionally attractive, maybe 6/10s. And yet he's the only guy I see, you stop isolating little faults at some point and just see an incredibly handsome face. I find his dad bod stunning, and his little belly he's getting beautiful. I'm also not that fantastic looking, yet his eyes just completely light up when he looks at me. I think we both realize we couldn't do any better, so there's no point in looking - we are very content and grounded together, and the attraction grows every day.

I can't be convinced that someone who actively acknowledges they have settled can be happy long term, they are going to resent the fact that they didn't get what they thought they deserved.

Atlas_B_Shruggin · 2019-03-06T20:10:50+00:00

they work because their human constituents commit to them and decide to make them work

diffdedbed · 2019-03-06T22:05:11+00:00

My wife was insanely head over heals in love with me when we were dating. The look in her eye was scary, like I'll kill a hobo for you if you want me to scary.

She would still nag a bit, especially during PMS time.

Unless someone is desperate to not lose you, completely insecure, there is always going to be some give and take.

Looking for your equal isn't important, looking for compatible and complimentary is. I didn't need a version of me with tits, I needed someone who was complementary to my personality and abilities. My wife is better at some things than I am, and some things she likes doing I can't be arsed to do. Likewise I'm better at some things than she is. She can be OCD about numbers and such and I'm a lazy bastard who forgets to pay bills so tada, a match!

GradualDecomp · 2019-03-06T19:50:06+00:00

Dudes on this sub are so wrapped up in this arbitrary idea of superiority.

If I make more money than my boyfriend, but he's more attractive, who's superior?

If I'm in better shape than my partner, but he's more intelligent, who's superior?

If he's more educated, but I'm more highly paid, who's superior?

If he is more successful, but I have a greater level of status and reputation, who's superior?

I've never in my life met a person who isnt "better" than me in some way. I've never met a person who I'm not "better" than in some way.

It's just a matter of personal priorities.

Maybe you'll meet a woman who isn't so impressed by your law degree, but she thinks your hilarious and admires your wit.

Maybe she won't think you're the hottest guy, but she is drawn to your intelligence or generosity.

Maybe she doesn't find you particularly interesting, but she thinks your hot and that's good enough for her

It's not up to you to figure out why someone finds you attractive.

Men I've dated have reacted to me with everything from "meh" to "no thanks" to total obsession. I brought the same me to every relationship. The difference was their priorities.

decoy88 · 2019-03-06T20:54:48+00:00

It’s almost like adult relationships are complex and not simple formulas

blackedoutfast · 2019-03-06T20:34:57+00:00

you can't really compare men and women directly like that. the things men value in women are different than the things women value in men.

ideally you will find a woman who you feel like is the best possible woman for you, and she will feel like you are best possible man for her. and when this happens both partners are usually like "omg i'm so lucky, i can't believe someone as great as him/her is with someone like me"

whichbladeN · 2019-03-06T19:13:14+00:00

Sunk cost and shared experiences create a sense of loyalty.

LobsterOmelette · 2019-03-06T19:33:47+00:00

You both grow. You meet that person who is about on your "level" and then you both grow. If one person becomes complacent that's where a lot of death spirals for relationships begin. I saw it happen to several of my closest friends with their LTRs.

ThisIsJustATr1bute · 2019-03-06T19:55:16+00:00

Because you’re superior in different ways. Women want men to be stronger than they are in certain areas, men want it vice versa. Guys here say they like feminine women; a woman usually doesn’t choose guys based on if he looks better in a dress.

equanimous_samsara · 2019-03-06T19:34:48+00:00

I suspect they don't work that well and people are mostly pretending they do, but the alternative is to be single which for some people is even worse.

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Eastuss · 2019-03-07T11:28:22+00:00

Relationships are like stunts: falling nonetheless, but falling with grace.

insertthrowaway998 · 2019-03-07T17:21:05+00:00

You partner up with a person where the relationship feels easy. Most men more or less settle because they have to as they do not have the options or ability to sort of date around. For most average men, you can date around all you want, but you risk finding a partner later and not settling. I will say it’s dumb luck I found my partner on a dating app. I’ve been with my current gf for two years, and it just feels very easy to be with her. We don’t fight ever, we agree on everything more or less, same goals, same ideas of a relationship, same values, political affiliations, sexuality and kinks, our hobbies differ but that’s fine because you need something separate.

If you can’t find that, then just find someone who doesn’t make you feel less of yourself. You should always be with someone who makes you feel at the level you want to be or better, never be with someone who makes you feel beneath them whether it’s their intention or not.

[deleted] · 2019-03-07T18:07:05+00:00

Relationships work via mutual attraction. You talk to and flirt with women and if they flirt back you escalate.

It's not a rigid straightforward process. Some women are DTF (a minority really) some want a few dates and others expect a promise of exclusivity. Others yet expect marriage (also a minority).

It also depends on how "desperate" for a relationship a woman is, how introverted and (obviously) how good looking you are and how much status you have (as a straight male).

[deleted] · 2019-03-07T22:57:04+00:00

I think you are looking for something like a life partner: a suitable individual with whom to sensibly manage your mutual future together, in the manner of a corporation or firm.

Conversely, many men online have issues and wish a woman would come along and WORSHIP them, to fill the gaping insecure hole in their fragile little egos. I would know - I'm one of them.

Adultoncall247 · 2019-04-02T19:56:22+00:00

Strength is measured in very different ways. I find that people working together to build a comfortable life need to have various strengths to cover all of the bases. Ex. My ex was not so great at dealing with people in a kind manner but I have the tolerance because of my work experience. I don’t think it really matters if both went to law school, but it depends on what you want in a partner. Is it the size of their income, education/inelegance, one may be tactful in the planning aspects of life and the other may be the breadwinner. In my opinion when a cog is missing it is the weak link.

Title	How do relationships even work
Author	whatdidshewrite
Upvotes	3
Comments	57
Date	March 6, 2019 7:10 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ay2l4e/how_do_relationships_even_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-do-relationships-even-work.256882 https://theredarchive.com/post/256882

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