If men committed to women who have sex on the first date, more women would have sex on the first date

reluctantly_red · 2018-04-21T23:39:11+00:00

I had sex with both my ex wives on the first date (didn't even know the first one's name until the next morning). The relationships lasted 17 and 8 years. I slept with a lot of other women on the first or second date too but didn't have relationships with them. However, I will write off a woman who doesn't want to have sex fairly soon. Why would I want a LTR with someone who's not that into me?

KrispyMcSockington · 2018-04-21T23:50:14+00:00

If you are 'playing' it smart like a game, don't be surprised when men figure out how you're playing. Men do try to commit to women all the time (nice guys), but women clearly have drawn the line between fuckable and dateable. This post contradicts what women say in other posts here when they say they just wanted to fuck the guy because he is hot (see the thread on respecting the men they ONS).

Another issue is this is a very conservative view where you're proposing marriage after a short courtship.

As a result, you're actually saying that women cannot be trusted unless their sexuality is severely limited through rituals and tradition that are more conservative. We've been here before and women didn't like it. You want men to commit before sex? Don't have casual sex. The second you give it up easily, top quality men are going to take advantage.

Framing this as a problem caused by men, when the bulk of men are not pumping and dumping women, misses the mark. Women have far more control over who they fuck. Expecting someone else to improve their behavior for you does not work. If women want men to commit, women should seek commitment before sex. They should also be wary of sluts. You cannot have it both ways and expect men not to catch on.

GridReXX · 2018-04-22T01:32:29+00:00

I agree with you.

Where I want to counter your view is that this still doesn’t help unattractive men who women don’t want in the short, long, or any term.

wtknight · 2018-04-22T02:58:36+00:00

Women who like casual sex should be trying to attract men who also like casual sex and who don't care what her N is. She shouldn't be trying to attract men who like casual sex and who do care about what her N is because such men are hypocrites, and she shouldn't be trying to attract men who don't like casual sex and who do care about what her N is because such men are likely incompatible personality-wise with her. Because of this, women who like casual sex shouldn't be afraid to have sex early after meeting a man who she wants a commitment from, because the man who she finally ends up with shouldn't care what her eventual N ends up being.

dicklord_airplane · 2018-04-22T16:17:34+00:00

If more women made committed relationships attractive and bebeficial to men, more men would want to get into committed relationships more quickly. But that isn't the case, is it? Contemporary conventional relationships in the USA just don't offer what a lot of men might want. From my perspective as a 30 year old grad student who can get laid, conventional relationships bring a lot more obligations, annoyances, and risks than benefits. Women really really want me to adhere to my traditional male roles and obligations, but we all know how educated women refuse to uphold their traditional end of the deal.

My mom is staying with me at my house this week. Its become tradition for her to visit in the spring and help plant the garden and whatnot. She keeps saying that i should get a wife, and i keep asking her how that would benefit myself. All the women in my life can't answer this question. All they can think of is how relationships benefit women, and they are dumbfounded by the idea that women aren't entitled to it and that attractive men aren't impressed by those one-sided demands.

If attractive men keep leaving you shortly after they've gotten their sexual thrill, that means that YOU keep failing to convince those guys that a relationship with you would be a good idea. That's your failure, and yours alone. Its time to eat a big slice of humble pie and start thinking about how you can improve your value as a long term partner. What, exactly, are you offering? How are you going to make his life better?

abaxeron · 2018-04-22T00:04:27+00:00

"If men did X, female nature would have changed"

Well, in the million-years run, yes.

But presumption of human rationality doesn't work in general, and works Hella backwards when it comes to sex.

MercedesBenzoAMG · 2018-04-22T09:55:22+00:00

I've honestly never been with or heard from friends girls who make guys wait ages for sex. This seems like a US sitcom trope more than anything that actually happens in reality. Most girls are chill with sex if they like the guy and most girls end up in relationships so yeah I basically disagree with the whole premise of your OP.

Pope_Lucious · 2018-04-22T11:27:09+00:00

I’m doing the best I can OP

[deleted] · 2018-04-22T01:29:31+00:00

strongly disagree, women have sex because they're aroused and attracted (unconscious brain), not because they rationally plan to obtain commitment. there are exceptions of course, and these are a minority of bitter cynical women

skizzleshiver · 2018-04-22T16:28:31+00:00

Why would a guy want to pursue something further with a girl that won't fuck him? We know she's fucking others.

Also, why do we need to have a million threads with the same topic at the same time?

exit_sandman · 2018-04-22T23:16:13+00:00

Okay, I'll challenge your view: the bigger problem by far is that women sleep with men on the first date who have no intention on dating them in the first place.

The sluts who say "ah, men just slut-shame, that's why we can't have nice things" is rationalizing big time. I mean, I can see where they're coming from - it's easier to blame men and their hypocritical double standards regarding casual sex than admitting to yourself that you simply aren't hot enough to make the guys you spread your legs for stick around.

I don't deny that there are guys who are really put off by girls who are too easy, and I certainly don't deny that making a guy invested in you (and one part of this is not handing out the goodies too early) isn't a crucial part of girl game, but the bigger problem is indeed that guys women sleep with on the first night simply aren't good prospects for relationships: if a guy is attractive enough to you to fuck on the first date, you usually aren't the only one who thinks so. Why should that guy leave his philandering ways to date your unremarkable ass?

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Willow-girl · 2018-04-22T02:17:04+00:00

Men don't? News to me ...

whoareyou31 · 2018-04-22T03:04:13+00:00

Ehh idk. What if i wanna smash as quickly as possible and not commit? This is why i invite girls to parties instead of take them on dates. Besides i feel like the probability of sex is much higher if we go to a party

[deleted] · 2018-04-22T06:18:39+00:00

Why should men play by female rules? Are they supposedly better?

Nienke_H · 2018-04-22T08:15:03+00:00

I don’t have much experience with this stuff but if a guy wanted to have sex with me at our first date i know i’d be offended. Might not be entirely reasonable but i wouldn’t want to feel like he’s only with me for sex. I’d want a relationship based on something more than that

[deleted] · 2018-04-22T09:45:17+00:00

I don't think having sex on the first date makes you a "slut".

And to CYV: Men do commit to women they have sex with on the first date. So there.

AstuteBlackMan · 2018-04-22T10:18:31+00:00

But you don't know all about someone on the first date. You can get sex. Enjoy it and then find out she's batshit crazy. Can't blame men

thereddespair · 2018-04-22T20:05:14+00:00

i do not wish to look down on mens intellect so i have to assume they can realize that most likely a woman has done quite a few things before them unless theyre really really young. and that a woman just have to try her best to look her best for him.

men know, women know, we just dont want to hurt each others feelings. must we anyway?

its a dark world filled with sin out there, its almost unfathomable to think that a plain human who can resist all of that, it is just impossible.

if you, a man, wants to have sex with a woman, then use your own skills to make her feel like doing it with you. you dont need to try to convince the entirety of womanhood to... adjust so you can. why make it harder on yourself...

newName543456 · 2018-04-22T22:59:06+00:00

Guys who are most desirable for quick sex aren't always desirable for commitment (think immature chiseled hunks). Doesn't stop the former from happening.

Guys who would commit, would probably be deemed unsuitable for casual sex and not get it when commitment could be on the table (think well-off financially but chubby guys).

Bedtimeshine · 2018-04-23T05:41:05+00:00

A Traditional date is actually about the worse way to get to know someone. We sit across from each other a dinner and I say blah blah blah and then She says blah blah blah? Yeh... I dont know why we keep doing this? Any man with experience (and actually learns from it) knows spending money and dates should ONLY be for women that you are already sleeping with.

sivarias · 2018-04-23T06:07:58+00:00

No.

If a guy is going to bail, he's going to bail regardless of whether or not you have sex with him. Very few guys that I now of are going to not LTR a girl they otherwise would have because she slept with them on the first date.

N-count could be an issue there (and probably is) but it's not the "sleeping with him on the first date" part. It's the "unwilling to LTR you" part, or possibly the "high N-count as a result of the sleeping with several guys on the first date" part.

couldbemage · 2018-04-23T15:28:04+00:00

Slept with all of my LTRs by the second date at the latest. The longest I fucked way before the first date.

...except for the one that was virgin that I started dating in high school, that took months, but we were still kids.

lost_jellyfish · 2018-04-22T00:24:48+00:00

Plenty of guys do. There's a lot of stories about very happy husbands and wives who had instant attraction and slept together first chance they got. Its often a green flag for them long term. If there is instant sexual chemistry, and a lack of inhibition and calculation in expressing that then its not surprising that a lifelong monogamous committment to only have sex with each other turns out well.

Its actually a suprisingly common thing in happy marriages. How instantly their relationship started.

Of course, this is usually for people who did not frequently sleep with people on the first date. So the fact they slept together so quickly was an indication of strong mutual attraction.

Or to put it another way....

So why would a woman do something that make her look easy in the eyes of the man she wants commitment from?

...so he knows they're sexually attracted to each other and she doesn't play games. I'm not sure I'd want to marry a women who either was not sexually attracted to me instantly, or felt dating was a form testing. I'd wonder about her sincerity.

Title	If men committed to women who have sex on the first date, more women would have sex on the first date
Author	NoComment70
Upvotes	21
Comments	115
Date	April 21, 2018 11:13 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/8dze9r/if_men_committed_to_women_who_have_sex_on_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/if-men-committed-to-women-who-have-sex-on-the.262799 https://theredarchive.com/post/262799

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