Q4all: Do you think online dating is worth it for the average man?

Butt-Factory · 2017-07-11T06:49:53+00:00

Most people I know who've used online dating (men, women, attractive, unattractive, average, gay, straight) give up on online dating pretty quickly after bad dates or no dates. That said, most of the people I know who stuck it out did end up finding someone, it just takes patience and the willingness to go on as many shitty dates as is necessary. My brother is an average looking typical nerdy programmer dude, and he met his beautiful new wife on match.com after years of failed attempts. Most of his nerdy dude friends who are in relationships also met their partners online.

Considering that online dating for men requires little effort beyond patience and willingness to send a few messages a week, it's hard to argue that it's not worth it. I suppose someone who is very sensitive to rejection should probably stay away, but the average guy doesn't really have anything to lose by trying.

Lyanina · 2017-07-11T06:23:31+00:00

I think if you're looking it can't hurt.

Is it worth what? The time you took choosing your pictures? Well, yeah, it's probably worth that. It is less effort than going out and approaching IRL and for some men it's easier. At least there is a higher likelihood the person you are approaching is single and looking.

Once your profile is set up it can be as low effort as you want it to be and it's not like you're going to meet fewer girls or get laid less because you joined a dating site. You can message dozens of girls a day or just log in once a week to check new profiles or anything in between. Many couples meet online these days and no they're not all Chad and some fat feminist. On a free site you have nothing to lose except time and we're all happily spending time on reddit so why not?

Jewdius_Maximus · 2017-07-11T11:22:37+00:00

Yes its worth it. It takes 10 minutes max to set up a profile. Pick 3-4 of your best pictures where you look like you're active and doing shit and look good, and you'll be fine. You have to not be afraid to just message a bunch of women. 90% won't respond to you. That's just the way it is. It also depends what app/site you use. If you are primarily using Tinder, its going to be a crap shoot. Most of the women on tinder are just validation whores usually just looking for thirsty betas to follow them on instagram or some shit.

My method is to just message as many women as I feasibly think are attractive, usually just with a "hey how are you?" or "hey, you're really cute". Or something very mundane. I used to scour girls' profiles trying to think of something witty to say, referencing one of their listed interests that would be memorable and impressionable and I'd sit there for like 30-45 minutes figuring out just the BEST opening to say. Except as I said, 90% don't respond so that's really just a waste of time. If you're using more of a hook up app, the girls generally are just waiting for a Chad or are just looking for IG followers. If you use more of a "dating app" particularly one you have to pay a monthly fee for, your chances are probably better.

[deleted] · 2017-07-11T09:17:23+00:00

See my comment in the other online dating thread currently on the front page.

TL;DR: It's worked very well for me for years.

[deleted] · 2017-07-11T11:23:53+00:00

If they dont find it fun then it isnt worth it. If they like it then it is worth it.

Personally I thought it was a nice addition to single life. The trick is not to take it personally. It's a game. You get better at it the longer you're on it.

but for average men their time would be much better spent approaching IRL

for struggling guys time is better spent working on themselves and getting out of the mindset where sex is that important. Getting to a place where someone would wanna spend time with you.

theambivalentrooster · 2017-07-11T06:26:05+00:00

Where's the effort in online dating? Seriously? You can put other a profile in 10 minutes, do most of the work setting up dates on your phone while you're talking a shit or lagging on the couch watching a movie. Then go out when you actually have a date.

Why the fuck would I ever waste my time running around like an asshole trying to pick up women in some expensive club I don't want to be at in the first place?

Online dating is the most efficient way to meet new women hands down.

And there's no reason you can't still go out and meet people normally, but now you don't have that awkward "I am trying to meet someone" vibe happening.

pinkgoldrose · 2017-07-11T06:03:36+00:00

Could it work for a LTR? All I can submit is anecdotal evidence, but through online dating...

My brother, an average-looking accomplished dude, found a beautiful and equally accomplished girl. They dated for 6 years and got married.

My friend, a fat art nerd, found a beautiful accomplished girl. She's got flabby arms, but she's otherwise thin. They dated for 4 years and got married.

My cousin, an accomplished woman who's skinny but somewhat funny-looking, found a skinny but somewhat funny-looking nerd. They had kids pretty quickly because they met when they were older.

Conclusion... These women are there and they will date average dudes. Maybe not all average dudes will find someone, but some do.

[deleted] · 2017-07-12T13:49:05+00:00

I would NOT recommend online dating for the average man. Unless you're very good looking or over 6ft tall, it ain't for you. It's pretty common for guys to send out literally HUNDREDS of emails over the course of several months and not even get 1 date. It's depressing and can destroy your confidence.

BPremium · 2017-07-11T11:02:13+00:00

Yes and no. If youre physically attractive and arent spergy, sure, you'd probably do decent. If youre into fat chicks, you'd be in heaven.

If youre just average, dont bother. Unless you're into landwhales and single moms looking for a wallet, its brutal out there.

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[deleted] · 2017-07-11T05:47:23+00:00

Depends on just how"average" he is. I don't think most people take it that seriously. I've met a few girls doing the online thing, but it's so impersonal

louplop · 2017-07-11T06:32:57+00:00

Yes. But you ll have to play the number game. The women on here it's boring and useless but there is nothing much except that you can do !

[deleted] · 2017-07-11T09:26:24+00:00

If you've got some good pictures, the ability to close over text and aren't deterred by rejection I say go for it. I don't think online dating has to be all that bad for the average man, or even for the below-average man.

Also, "effort-to-profit" ratio... Online dating is the way of least resistance. It doesn't take any effort, that's why it's popular.

wtknight · 2017-07-11T10:00:35+00:00

I've had mostly good experiences. If you have some decent pictures and the ability to seem worthy of a date in your initial conversations with a woman online, I don't see how it wouldn't be worth using it for an average guy. Tinder is something different though as its focus is more for short term hook-ups than long-term relationships, so the SMV barrier for men is a lot higher.

lbspredh · 2017-07-11T11:30:45+00:00

Got no time for it, got no interest in propping up a false abundance mentality in obese women. Probably works but I can't be arsed with the bullshit

Entropy-7 · 2017-07-11T12:19:48+00:00

If you don't have a Chadly Tinder pic then you need to deploy some other skills.

I would recommend Black Dragon, a 40-something guy who is admittedly overweight but purports to bang hot 20-somthing women on a regular basis.

His focus is on internet game and his advice tends to accord with my own observations of internet game (I'm 50 and I do ok although living in Asia is a different game altogether).

[deleted] · 2017-07-11T12:22:13+00:00

In general its less effort than going out to a bar or a club.

but keep in mind, it takes away most guys ability to "open" a girl organically, which kind of sucks because not everyone is packing a 6 pack and two magnums.

Transmigratory · 2017-07-11T12:36:32+00:00

Most average men, yes. Average men that do even an iota of work to ensure that they make their Tinder good, not necessarily a losing game.

Offhisgame · 2017-07-11T12:43:14+00:00

For an average man? Sure, if you want an obese single mother of two who's looking for a new supporter and daddy for the kids. Online dating has always been catered to the top 10%. They're the ones who get the hottest women. It used to be a little more balanced, but it's so saturated now that it really isn't worth it for the average joe.

purpleppp · 2017-07-11T12:46:41+00:00

I have a friend who's average in terms of looks and found a long term gf. It's worth it if you're willing to suffer through many many rejections and initiate conversations most of the time.

GridReXX · 2017-07-11T14:51:20+00:00

There's no real effort. Might as well.

bala-key · 2017-07-11T15:07:51+00:00

My anecdata. I know plenty of non-Chad 30+ guys who found girlfriends and even future wives online. (I think only one of them used Tinder.) It took them months, but I'm not sure that it was way more efficient (and less anxiety inducing) for them than cold approaching women randomly. (Not exactly PUA dudes.)

Hookups are tricky. I don't think they could have pulled that off. But LTR / potential marriage stuff is doable in this demographic. Busy, well paid professionals, maybe after a breakup or even a divorce. Some of them expats.

I think it's a very mainstream thing now. It's fairly low effort.

If you are a truly average dude looking for NSA sex, you might be better off using escorts...

Offhisgame · 2017-07-11T15:11:40+00:00

No.

Online dating for men is completely and totally worthless and an utter waste of time for all but the most physically attractive men.

In online dating, women have a wide variety of men messaging them, all of which messages are basically more civilized versions of "want sum fuk?"

Men? you get NO attention whatsoever unless you are extremely physically attractive.

jonascf · 2017-07-11T15:36:36+00:00

Depends on how you define online dating. I've heard that dating apps like tinder and the like is kind of bad for most men so it might not be worth it in those cases.

On the other hand I've had plenty of luck finding relationships and fwb's in online communities for people into bdsm so that form of online dating was obviously worth it for me as an average man. But of course this mainly works if you're interested in dating within certain sub-cultures.

despisedlove2 · 2017-07-11T17:46:19+00:00

Dating itself isn't.

simcity4000 · 2017-07-11T20:23:23+00:00

I've had some fantastic experiences via online dating. I've also had a lot, a lot of flakes and boring dates.

The main benefit is the low effort required to virtual "approach" a number of women.

The downside is that that low effort is a double edged sword. Women will flake on you harder, because you're just a picture on a screen to them. My ex said to me once "I think I treat guys from online harsher because its like some part of me doesn't see them as real".

The other benefit is the ability to filter matches quickly. On OKC its very easy to scan someones profile and find the ones who are DTF.

The downside of this though is that it encourages pickyness. You find "dealbreakers" when you're shopping for a partner like that that wouldn't have been dealbreakers if you'd met them and had chemistry irl.

rulenumber303 · 2017-07-12T11:43:52+00:00

it seems like the effort-to-profit ratio isn't worth it for average men.

Average people differ quite a lot in how much time they've got for messing about with their phone, and how resilient they are in the face of rejection. A guy who has a long lonely off-peak train trip to and from work every day and isn't overly fussed about being rejected a fair bit would likely find participating in online dating to be quite sensible. A guy who doesn't have much time best used playing with his phone and isn't resilient in the face of rejection, maybe not so much. And both of them are of course free to make real life approaches too, online dating does not preclude that.

Online dating is what it is... being "average" is not enough info to say whether it is right for you.

fatchobanispliff · 2017-07-12T14:00:25+00:00

The average man expects more than they have to offer and generally don't even try. Most men go on dating sites to find easy sex from beautiful women but are rarely good looking themselves and rarely have anything to offer to a woman. So, no. I think a man of naturally average looks who at least tries to improve his social skills, appearance, and develops interests or skills should have an easy time securing a woman if he is realistic with his standards.

eliechallita · 2017-07-12T22:45:05+00:00

I'm fairly average, I think, but my online dating experience was pretty successful.

Sure, I sent out many more messages than I got replies, but I also met a good number of women that way, including my long-term girlfriend. It didn't detract from my face to face activities either because I'd mostly do it when I didn't have the time or energy to go out.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2017-07-11T06:09:01+00:00

Do you think online dating is worth it for the average man?

Oh god yes, too many fucking men there oversaturate the sites. I allowed myself to be viewed by straight men for like a half and hour and I had hundreds of men view my profile, it was nuts.

You might have more luck however if you are a weirdo like myself, I am in a niche area.

[deleted] · 2017-07-11T05:31:03+00:00

if you can't look like Chad in a photograph don't bother online, RL is the way to go

alreadyredschool · 2017-07-11T07:14:22+00:00

Not sure about average men.

But it's a losing game for me definitely, being short and not white. I've been on tinder for about a week now and I have only got six matches.

Title	Q4all: Do you think online dating is worth it for the average man?
Author	behindcloseddoors1
Upvotes	6
Comments	127
Date	July 11, 2017 5:28 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6mk7tk/q4all_do_you_think_online_dating_is_worth_it_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4all-do-you-think-online-dating-is-worth-it-for.267059 https://theredarchive.com/post/267059

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