CMV: Plate Spinning Is The Only Way For Men To Stay Sane

[deleted] · 2017-04-10T09:47:53+00:00

Removed for the following reason:

"Woe is me” posts

buartha · 2017-04-09T11:29:29+00:00

I don't know why you'd assume that it was to do with your SMV/ RMV and not because of the cheating just because the relationship didn't fall apart straight away.

People deal with betrayal in different ways. Some explode straight away and cut ties with the person that hurt them. Others push it down and try to work through it internally, with some succeeding and some not. Those who don't succeed can end up with their resentment of the person who hurt them unconsciously poisoning their feelings for them, even if those feelings were completely genuine beforehand, and a year seems well within the timeframe for this to happen. Personally, I could see myself reacting similarly; I would struggle to leave my partner if he cheated because I feel very strongly for him, but knowing what he did would weigh on me horrendously, and it's not beyond the bounds of possibility that things could implode down the line in a similar way to what you've described.

That said, if you want to avoid committing to someone it's no odds to me or anyone else here. You'll just probably serve yourself better if you find someone who's alright with an open relationship from the start rather than jumping into a relationship with someone who is interested in monogamy and breeding resentment and anger with your dalliances.

[deleted] · 2017-04-09T14:35:33+00:00

Nice diary entry.

Anyway I disagree with it, I far prefer being in a monogamous relationship. You're solipsistic if you think your own experiences mean you've discovered a universal truth for all men.

i_have_a_semicolon · 2017-04-09T14:43:15+00:00

openly admit to cheating with multiple women
Surprised when girlfriend dumps him before marriage

I don't really see why someone would settle for a man who would cheat on her.

Sometimes women will think about why a man deserves all her love and affection. "He is loyal" is something that makes women more likely to give their love to a man. You know that women need more than dread and attraction to make it for the long run right ?

littyagain11111 · 2017-04-09T06:52:18+00:00

So you're telling me that after cheating on your girlfriend and then getting surprised that she thought it was okay for her to do the same thing, you've come to the conclusion in your late 20's that you have to continue doing this in order to stay "sane" - which I guess in your case means having sex with zero commitment and then getting surprised that others treat you the same way.

Hmm. Something seems incongruous here.

sublimemongrel · 2017-04-09T14:55:20+00:00

It sounds to me like what you're really saying is to avoid heartbreak, don't get into LTRs. Which is true to an extent -- assuming you can have numerous sexual relationships without getting feels, you can avoid heartbreak by limiting your relationships to avoid falling in love. You're also missing out on a lot of great things, but as a defense mechanism, you're not entirely wrong if the goal is to avoid heartbreak.

GridReXX · 2017-04-09T08:58:39+00:00

Tbqh plate spinning won't stop a woman you really like from leaving you if her mind is made it up on it.

All it will do is make you feel less sad because at least you can say "ha I was cheating anyway"

I also agree with another poster. You cheated first and she found out. I know she said she forgave you but what your cheating did was make her feel less bad if she ever felt the urge to cheat. The loyalty she had prior to learning you cheated was irreparably damaged. You just didn't realize it. But now you know. If you cheat on someone and they find out you opened Pandora's box on their future rationalizations. That's just human nature.

goatismycopilot · 2017-04-09T13:15:44+00:00

So, you were with somebody and you cheated on her. Then before you were about to get married she said hmmmm this guy could just as easily cheat on me after we get married just he did before we were engaged. Maybe this guy is not trustworthy or loyal, maybe I should think about that. Maybe I do not want to risk marriage to a man with a track record of cheating maybe past actions predict future behavior. So maybe this guy is not the one. That is what happened.

The rest of it is you rationalizing and not being accountable for your own role in how this all ended and using that justify whatever you want to do.

Given your past you were always going to be plate spinning boy, you just tried to moralize your reasons. I know all you TRP bros like to yammer about the truth you aren't great at facing your own.

breakfasttopiates · 2017-04-09T16:06:49+00:00

You poisoned that shit early on fool

DemonConsulting · 2017-04-09T08:07:16+00:00

1.) Spinning plates != cheating. If you're gonna be non-exclusive and still want a LTR, just be open with them about it instead of lying and pussyfooting around - you were behaving like the women everyone hates.

2.) As for your ex, the first major red flag should have been the fact that she stayed with you after finding out that you cheated. This either means phenomenally low self-esteem, low value put on monogany in general as in she thinks this is normal (now), mental illness, or she just preserved the relationship as an exit strategy until she found a better branch to swing to. All of these make cheating/ similar behavior more likely. If she was a sane, high value woman, she would have just left then and there. Tbh this whole scenario just seems like you were a player and your ex a serial monogamist who for some irrational reason wanted to "give you another chance" (which is bullshit - people don't change just like that) but since the trust was already broken, was subconsciously more open for something better. I don't really see you talking about how your behavior changed after not being with those other women but if it didn't change into complete Beta, it sounds more like she finally realized how low your RMV is in the first place and went for a better deal.

3.) Not everyone on this earth is like you and the type of person you attract and then decide to date very much depend on you and your dating pool. If you do in fact need variety in women to keep you "sane" and stay Alpha, then you should look for women who are into the same type of lifestyle. Your ex was every obviously not into that, otherwise she would have started fucking Chads behind your back for fun without feelings - instead she was upset by this notion and went to find someone else to form an emotional relationship with.

[deleted] · 2017-04-09T07:43:00+00:00

It might be the only way for you to stay sane but there's a whole world out there where the majority of men don't "spin plates" and stay sane.

[deleted] · 2017-04-09T12:05:01+00:00

You weren't spinning plates you were cheating ? You need to be quite clear about what you're doing if you're spinning plates, don't fool yourself.

The long shot of both spinning plates or cheating, is that there's going to be a chance they won't want something long term.

I think the key is that if you go enter something serious, don't go into a soppy meltdown. Make sure you're strong enough on your own first to not need someone, but look for someone who complements your life as it is.

IamTheWalkingMenu · 2017-04-09T14:58:58+00:00

I cannot believe how accurate the guesses I made the other day about you were!!!

I'm sorry things went so badly for you but you cheated on her so many times. I feel like you're one of the so many men on TRP/MRP who use sex and cheating to try to solve problems that have nothing to do with relationships. Maybe lollygagyo was right and you should try some therapy. Then you'd be in a better mind for a relationship.

Or don't and just "spin plates" but whatever you choose please don't start lying again and tell some new girl that you're exclusive when you're not. You'll just end up spreading your fuckedupness onto someone else. Good luck!

HugMuffin · 2017-04-09T06:26:12+00:00

It sounds like you're projecting your feelings onto us based on your experiences, and your experiences alone. The world is much bigger than you, and I don't mean to be rude in saying so.

If you want to present a compelling case, you'll need some support in the form of research.

ThirdEyeSqueegeed · 2017-04-09T08:50:24+00:00

She found out about at least one and was furious, but forgave me. She loved me so much and said she could never live with out me.

You need to learn Womanese. Before everything she says put the words 'right now I feel like ...' So, when she said; 'I can never live without you.' What she really meant was; '(right now I feel like) I can never live without you.'

Source.

I would recommend you read the whole of the No Ma'am website.

Also, to CYV, plate-spinning as with anything in life is only temporary. Nothing is permanent. Impermanence is what causes your suffering. Try some Buddhism or Mindfulness. And remember, the glass is already broken

fetchyminx · 2017-04-09T06:11:19+00:00

The more they spin plates the more they realise that most women are similar (also because they're sleeping with the same kind of women) AWALT, turns them more paranoid and delusional that they already are.

wub1234 · 2017-04-09T13:41:38+00:00

What an utterly stupid OP.

Entropy-7 · 2017-04-09T13:25:31+00:00

For one, I never spun plates. For two, I found my Lady Kaye and she is enough for me.

lollygagyo · 2017-04-09T07:17:58+00:00

Therapy. Get thee to it. This is a very broken worldview and your behaviour does not sound conducive to finding the 'acceptance/homecoming' that it's clear you actually want in a relationship.

No, not every woman cheats. This is patently obvious.

[deleted] · 2017-04-09T11:02:45+00:00

If they've got mental/psychological issues then yes. I guess this could be one way for a subset of a population with psychological issues to stay sane.

SeemedGood · 2017-04-09T15:33:56+00:00

My assumption is that a woman will love you no matter what you do if you demonstrate high RMV and especially high SMV, while at the same time, they won't think twice of throwing you in the bin like an old toy if your RMV and SMV goes down.

And this is where you are wrong. You'll be hard pressed to find a woman who will actually love you. If you improve your self enough (however you need to) you will find plenty of women who may appreciate and even love your utility to them. That's about all you can expect from women that have not done an extraordinary amount of work to expand their consciousness.

And BTW, given the cheating, you may also want to do some of your own work on this. What did you expect would happen - you have to be highly useful if you expect a woman to put up with cheating?

[deleted] · 2017-04-09T19:06:45+00:00

I'm in a monogamous marriage for 7 years now and I'm perfectly happy.

I think it comes with age too. I was more restless on the 20s and 30s being tied down.

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Aaren_Augustine · 2017-04-09T06:57:49+00:00

I let my guard down.

Well, if its all an act, she'll get around it eventually. You just gotta BE it.

Spinning plates is an alternative. LTRs are challenging; which yields a better quality of life for some.

You are the source of stability, not women.

alreadyredschool · 2017-04-09T10:38:25+00:00

2 words: serial monogamy.

Changed your view? Gimme that delta!

I think suffering is an essential part of the human life experience. We just need days where we sit in a hot tub with a beer in the hand at 10 in the morning and contemplating life. We just need to feel shitty some times. Life is a sinus wave not a straight line. Embrace the hardships for they make you a better person and let you enjoy/feel the ups more.

ClarityofDisaster · 2017-04-09T11:58:00+00:00

What does staying sane mean to you, OP? I'm not sure if I really understand that phrasing...But honestly, I see no issue with a man dating/being with numerous women at once (same as I don't see a problem with women doing it) IF everyone involved knows it is an open, polyamourous relationship.

It'd probably never happen, but if my guy said to me tomorrow "Hey CoD, I still love you and want to have sex with you, but I'd also like to have sex with this one other woman. You are also free to have sex with one other man, to keep it fair." I'd be perfectly fine with that. The only thing I'd be concerned about is STDs, because I wouldn't want us to need to use condoms when we're together.

gasparddelanuit · 2017-04-09T13:23:48+00:00

I wouldn’t say plate spinning is the only key to men staying sane. It has to be accompanied by being intellectually, emotionally, physically and materially independent, to the extent that you don’t want to commit to a woman in an exclusive relationship (because it would be a huge loss) and are impervious to the various pressures society places on you to do so. You have to have an enjoyable and fulfilling life, independent of romantic relationships. You also have to have sufficient knowledge and philosophical aptitude to prefer a life free of exclusive romantic ties to other people.

Leonardo DiCaprio’s current image exemplifies the pinnacle of this kind of existence. He appears completely satisfied in his work and pursuits. He appears to be emotionally independent and prefer bachelorhood, while having the capacity to guiltlessly partake in the delights an endless variety of women have to offer. Something like this would be the ideal life for a lot of men, but perhaps without the fame.

despisedlove2 · 2017-04-09T19:38:18+00:00

Plate spinning may be one way to deal with women. Another is to chuck them out altogether.

Just don't marry them. Not worth it.

Title	CMV: Plate Spinning Is The Only Way For Men To Stay Sane
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	2
Comments	81
Date	April 9, 2017 5:47 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/64bocf/cmv_plate_spinning_is_the_only_way_for_men_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/cmv-plate-spinning-is-the-only-way-for-men-to-stay.269000 https://theredarchive.com/post/269000

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