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Q4women: If you make a man wait before having sex with him, do you respect him less?

[deleted]

February 26, 2017
12 upvotes
/r/PurplePillDebate
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Post Information
Title Q4women: If you make a man wait before having sex with him, do you respect him less?
Author

[deleted]
Upvotes 12
Comments 129
Date February 26, 2017 7:56 PM UTC
(9 years ago)
Subreddit Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5wc0x7/q4women_if_you_make_a_man_wait_before_having_sex/
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4women-if-you-make-a-man-wait-before-having-sex.269829
https://theredarchive.com/post/269829

Comments

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

You have it backwards, a woman should never sleep with a man until he has earned her respect. If a woman instantly 'respects' a man without seeing any proof that he's deserving of that trust - then it's just blind faith and a total gamble, and not genuine respect. When you respect a person, you are acknowledging that they have admirable traits, or have done things worthy of special consideration, politeness, gratitude, and appreciation. Respect is earned, over time and through effort.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Good point.

[–]IamTheWalkingMenu points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

No. I've made them all wait so no. Definitely not. Guess what? To me it's not some kind of "game."

[–]Eastuss༼ つ ▀̿_▀̿ ༽つ0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

What would happen if a dude does the same thing to you? I know many women that make men wait, but then leave if the man doesn't show persistent interest in sex, or if he decides it's too early.

In short, most women I know want to be in control or leave.

[–]IamTheWalkingMenu points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

I guess I'd survive. I'd figure we weren't compatible and I'd move on.

[–]Eastuss༼ つ ▀̿_▀̿ ༽つ0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

What? So you think you're not compatible if the man has his own waiting period on top of yours?

[–]IamTheWalkingMenu points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Not at all. As far as I'm concerned it comes down to this: if a guy is worth putting up with something you don't particularly like then you put up with it. Whatever that something is. Isn't the same for you when it comes to girls?

[–]darksoldierkPurple Pill0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (47 children) | Copy Link

Yet, you are sort of treating it like one. You make them wait to see if they will stick around, which basically implies that you make them wait to see if they will let you have control over when you and him have sex. You are playing the game of "who has the power to control our sex life. If he waits and sticks around, I do, if not, than I don't".

[–]IamTheWalkingMenu points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Not really. I just don't have sex with strangers. The guys I've been with there hasn't been some protracted period before the date.

[–]goatismycopilotPurple Pill Woman7 points8 points9 points 9 years ago (24 children) | Copy Link

Omg girl you do not have sex with random strangers? Wow. Everybody does. Plus men will respect you more. You know for the five minutes it takes....

[–]LeaneGenovaBreaker of (comment) Chains12 points13 points14 points 9 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link

What's-his-face on RPWomen: "Being a plate is totally good female strategy! Trust me!"

Also what's-his-face: "Women who have sex easily are low value!"

You know, I'm starting to think that this is a game that can't be won.

[–]goatismycopilotPurple Pill Woman6 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Exactly so the best advice for women is ignore TRP men when it comes to sexual strategy and have sex in a way that honors what the individual values and if they are not ready to articulate that sex is a bad idea.

[–]trpobservereats ass0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

the best advice for women is ignore TRP men when it comes to sexual strategy

Yes. Because TRP is not advising women.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.6 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

Being a plate is a shit strategy for any woman who wants a real LTR. It's close to the worst strategy for women who want something beyond just sex.

Sorry, TRP, realz over feelz.

[–]DarkLord0chinChin2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (18 children) | Copy Link

Lol, TRP is not about female sexual strategy

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.8 points9 points10 points 9 years ago (16 children) | Copy Link

I understand that, but when terpers try and convince women that it's a good idea, they are promoting a sexual strategy which is distinctly a bad idea for LTR-minded women.

[–]KrispyMcSockingtonPillar of the community2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

This is the same as when women say being friends first is important for men or that being a nice guy is a benefit. Sure, but it is horrible advice for most men. Being a plate is like being a beta orbiter. You put in all the effort and only one person gets their way.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

So you are agreeing with me then?

[–]BiggerDthanYouBluetopia0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Sure, but it is horrible advice for most men

It's horrible advice for fat nerds, but getting to know the person you are going to sleep with is how the majority get laid.

[–]trpobservereats ass1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

It is a bit like telling the opposing football team to let your team win.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, lol, it's bad advice.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

when terpers try and convince women that it's a good idea, they are promoting a sexual strategy which is distinctly a bad idea for LTR-minded women.

Kind of like when women tell men "just be nice, just be yourself, don't change, you don't need to change, looks don't matter all that much"

You mean, kind of like that?

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

I don't think that's the intent of said advice nor do I think most reasonable people interpret it to mean "don't ever self-improve" but sure, for those would need a little self-awareness and who would likely misinterpret it, I would agree that's bad advice.

[–]goatismycopilotPurple Pill Woman2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly which is why these rules y'all make up are completely ridiculous for the women so of course they are going to work the plan that takes them down the path they want. Why would we follow TRP rules they are not for us, they are for you. The butt hurt in this thread is because the dudes are mad the women do not want to follow the rules that are made for men and male sexual strategy.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Sounds boring

[–]IamTheWalkingMenu points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

Come on! You know I can bring the fun!! 😜

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Ehh, for a prude I guess🙄

[–]darksoldierkPurple Pill-2 points-1 points0 points 9 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

Justify it how you want, the fact is it's a matter of perspective. You are playing some kind of "game" whether you want to believe it or not.

[–]goatismycopilotPurple Pill Woman9 points10 points11 points 9 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link

You are playing the game here not her. She does not want to have sex with strangers. Seems reasonable. She only needs to justify her choices to herself. We all make choices we have to live with the consequences. Your attempt to logic her away is a Godzilla sized hamster.

[–]darksoldierkPurple Pill-1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

If she "makes them all wait", then she is doing it purposefully, which means she is playing a game. For example, if I receive a bill with a due date, and I choose to make that vendor "wait" past the due date or wait until the vendor calls me to determine how much that vendor values my payment, than I am playing a game. The fact is, if I could afford it and the payment is due, I should simply pay it since it's due. Don't forget, not every guy wants to sleep with a woman on the first date.

The fact is, sleeping with someone happens when both parties feel comfortable enough with the other person. I don't generally sleep with women on a first date and I've been on the other end of them wanting sex and me not being comfortable enough with them yet, I'm not "making them wait" as she stated it, I am choosing to wait before having sex with those women. It has nothing to do with me assessing how long they can wait or some other shit test, it has to do with my comfort. Her exact words were "i've made them all wait" which means she purposefully does it, which means she is playing games.

I will say again, a woman who says "I've made them all wait" sounds like a woman who is trying to establish early on that she wants control of the sexual part of the relationship. When you try to establish rules, you are playing a game.

[–]goatismycopilotPurple Pill Woman13 points14 points15 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

No sounds like a woman who is not following a sexual script you like so you are paragraphing butthurt.

[–]lollygagyoSociopathic Fake Flirter10 points11 points12 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

++ so much this.

Like, shit, girl isn't DTF immediately -- that's her prerogative, nobody should be making her feel bad about it.

[–]BiggerDthanYouBluetopia0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It's because they are insecure paranoid female-conspiracy theorists.

It's not that many women don't feel comfortable sleeping with strangers, no it's a plot to give men blue balls.

[–]lollygagyoSociopathic Fake Flirter7 points8 points9 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

If she "makes them all wait", then she is doing it purposefully, which means she is playing a game.

I purposefully studied law.

I purposefully got my hair done.

I purposefully have my friends round for dinner once a week.

I purposefully got drunk on the weekend.

Guess I'm constantly ''playing games'' because I'm not lacking in purpose or direction. My bad.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

For example, if I receive a bill with a due date, and I choose to make that vendor "wait" past the due date or wait until the vendor calls me to determine how much that vendor values my payment, than I am playing a game. The fact is, if I could afford it and the payment is due, I should simply pay it since it's due. Don't forget, not every guy wants to sleep with a woman on the first date.

There is not set in stone "due date" on when you must sleep with a man you are dating. How can you even make that comparison?

The fact is, sleeping with someone happens when both parties feel comfortable enough with the other person. I don't generally sleep with women on a first date and I've been on the other end of them wanting sex and me not being comfortable enough with them yet, I'm not "making them wait" as she stated it, I am choosing to wait before having sex with those women. It has nothing to do with me assessing how long they can wait or some other shit test, it has to do with my comfort.

You don't know that's not her reasoning as well. "Comfort" is subjective. I don't feel "comfortable" sleeping with a man until I've developed an emotional connection and know that it's likely to be more than just sex. This isn't a "game" it's just defining "comfort" within the confines of female sexual imperative.

I will say again, a woman who says "I've made them all wait" sounds like a woman who is trying to establish early on that she wants control of the sexual part of the relationship.

Or she wants the relationship to simply be established first. Sex before you know that there will even be a relationship or the potential for one is bad news for a woman who only wants sex to be meaningful and with someone she wants to commit to who also wants to commit to her.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm not "making them wait" as she stated it, I am choosing to wait before having sex with those women.

as i understand it, the women here mean the same thing, and there's little difference between the two. if i'm waiting, so are they, and so they have then been made to wait.

several women here have said that they simply don't like getting physically intimate with anyone that quickly, so that's their reason for waiting, not game-playing.

the bonus to the waiting, though, is that guys who just want anyone to sleep with will get fed up and run off in a huff because they're mad they don't get to use you for their own satisfaction. no lie, kind of amusing (and a relief to see him go).

red pillers would feel the same amusement if a date got mad and stormed off when he wouldn't pay the bill or buy her a drink; it's really not foreign.

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin🔪Yeetus that Feetus🔪10 points11 points12 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

All of dating and in fact all of human relations is a game

[–]KrispyMcSockingtonPillar of the community6 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I understand how you feel about this, but there is such a thing as autonomy. She is free to choose not to sleep with whoever she doesn't want to. Those guys don't have to date her, just as women don't have to date jerks. I actually wish more women were consistent in their application of how long guys get before she says yes. It would solve a lot of problems. I don't see a problem with her choosing to wait. If she were sleeping with other guys in the meantime, then she would be playing a game. Men are not entitled to sex from women just as women are not entitled to commitment from men no matter how much sex they offer.

[–]ZoidbergluverBluePurple Pill Woman4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

How is she gaining any control? She's not making them do anything to have sex...

[–]darksoldierkPurple Pill0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Dating is like diplomacy or negotiation. Let me give you an example, lets say you are perfectly happy at your job and someone comes up to you and offers you another job. If you are smart, you will do everything in your power to make it look like you aren't interested while still telling them "I am always interested in new opportunities" You do this in order go gauge how much they want you. If they want you to take the job, they will wait for you to decide. In the meantime, they will try to give you what you want in terms of salary, benefits etc. It's a game. If, instead of letting them wait, you jump on the job, you are showing them that you can't wait to leave your current position, meaning that you are allowing them to have leverage.

That is how this woman appears to think of sex. Except sex isn't a job offer, and it shouldn't be treated as a symbol of power.

[–]ZoidbergluverBluePurple Pill Woman1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

But relationships aren't like jobs at all. There are no rules or fail safes in a relationship. There's no HR, there's no recourse to getting fucked over. In a job, all benefits are defined and largely unchanging. In a relationship, benefits are constantly changing. You simply cannot accurately compare a job and a romantic relationship.

So, tell me in clear terms, how is she gaining any "control" by not wanting to have sex immediately?

[–]darksoldierkPurple Pill0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

You either missed the point of the example, or your going to continue pretending like you don't get the example because you don't want to admit that there is truth in it.

In clear terms, by making him wait, she establishes the rule that she is in control of when they have sex, not them as a couple. "Making him wait" doesn't mean not having sex when he wants to have sex because she isn't comfortable, it means purposefully making him wait despite the fact that she is comfortable enough to have sex with him. It's like a wife who purposefully won't won't have sex with her husband, even though she wants to, until he does the dishes. It's using sex to control, and any person who doesn't think of sex as a means to control someone wouldn't have said "I've made them all wait" with that level of pride. It's interesting though, if nothing else, this conversation (with you and others) has shown me that women appear to be incapable of differentiating between decent behavior and manipulation.

[–]ZoidbergluverBluePurple Pill Woman5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

By making him wait, that is deceitful and manipulative? If a girl doesn't have sex immediately, she is manipulating him.... uh huh....

No. They BOTH have the right to say no, at any time, for any reason. If he doesn't feel comfortable, he doesn't have to say yes just because he said yes first... that makes no sense. Both partners still have the ability to say no 100% of the time, no matter what. Nothing she can do will take that away from him.

[–][deleted] 17 points18 points19 points 9 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link

no, I've made them all wait. it shows how much they respect and want me, and let's me get to know them. if any girl will do there's the door, go find her.

[–]Princeso_Bubblegum☭ The real red pill ☭2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (14 children) | Copy Link

So you do it just to test people? That's kind of weird.

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin🔪Yeetus that Feetus🔪11 points12 points13 points 9 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

Obviously it's not weird at all, it's called "vetting"

[–]Princeso_Bubblegum☭ The real red pill ☭-1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

Idk, it kind of seems manipulative to me, and you know how I feel about that.

[–]ProbablyBelievesIt10 points11 points12 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

How is it manipulative if you're up front about it?

Besides, some of us need an emotional intimacy before the sex is even good.

[–]i_have_a_semicolonPurple Pill Woman5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Are you also one of those types who things women should have an n count of 0 before they commit to a man?

Because you can't have it both ways

[–]Princeso_Bubblegum☭ The real red pill ☭2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Are you also one of those types who things women should have an n count of 0 before they commit to a man?

I don't give a single shit about a woman's sexual history outside of STDs.

[–]i_have_a_semicolonPurple Pill Woman2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

That's good, consistency is key.

[–]Princeso_Bubblegum☭ The real red pill ☭3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

it would be kind of weird for me to be a sudden misogynist

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

it is manipulative but thats not a problem, its a solution. TRP is all about manipulative solutions.

[–]Princeso_Bubblegum☭ The real red pill ☭0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

so fight fire with fire?

[–]cxj75% Redpill Core Ideas0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Yep, at the history of humanity

violence is forever

[–]Princeso_Bubblegum☭ The real red pill ☭0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm down with that, bash the fash

[–][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

no, I do it because I only want to fuck people who I'm committed to and are committed to me. can't get into it if it feels casual or if I don't know them well.

[–]Merger-ArbitrageTriggermaster, Non-Pill, Cutting through the crap...2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

How do you really know if they're committed or not, though?

You could be with some "plate spinner" who turns out to be pretty patient.

[–]antariuszRed Pill Man0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

How do you know you wouldn't enjoy it. Because you've done it in the past?

[–]IIHotelYorbatreats objects like women1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Serious question: have you ever fucked a guy quickly, but it didn't matter because he "didn't count" in some fashion?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

no.

[–]IIHotelYorbatreats objects like women-1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Ok, what is the FASTEST you have vetted a guy?

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

3 months. I married him.

[–]IIHotelYorbatreats objects like women4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Gaaaaay 😉

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

😁

[–]Eastuss༼ つ ▀̿_▀̿ ༽つ0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Any girl will do, it's just that he does not for any girl. :p

Had sex the first date with my now wife of 10 years. It's just that she was good in all aspects I cared about, so, I stayed.

[–]KrispyMcSockingtonPillar of the community0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I've made them all wait.

This is fair. If more women applied this consistently, the theory about awalt and Chad would disappear. But some women sleep with some men in a shorter time span than others, leading men to think there is a way to look or be to get sex quickly. If all women made men wait, the worst they could say is that women don't give it up so easily, but they don't run the risk of wifing up a ho.

Or if they fucked every guy on date one, no guy could complain women prefer Chad. Unfortunately there are too many factors to this (people get drunk, make poor choices, some guys could deceive her etc) which makes it harder to be consistent, except she has to be very self aware and mature to know how to approach sex with men.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

it all depends what you want out of life and the opposite sex. I personally place a tremendous amount of emphasis on trust and commitment and I'm not the only one. I have never slept around and I would never knowingly date a guy who had. there's nothing morally wrong with it, it's just not my style. I accepted a long time ago that most men wouldn't be willing to wait it out to date someone like me and that's ok... there are women who are better suited to them. A lot of guys are really hung up on the idea of casual sex-- whether or not they have it-- and that makes them undesirable to women like me.

We're not a hive mind that agrees to set amounts of time to make guys wait.

[–]lollygagyoSociopathic Fake Flirter1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

some women sleep with some men in a shorter time span than others, leading men to think there is a way to look or be to get sex quickly.

It really just depends on my mood, tbh. It's not anything to do with the guys, generally speaking.

[–]basebool-1 points0 points1 point 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

The search for the beta method, nice.

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin🔪Yeetus that Feetus🔪6 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

i never "made a man wait", but if i did i dont think id soo much lose attraction as assume he had other women to fuck and be a nervous wreck he was fucking other women hed like more than me. it never occured to me any man i liked would have trouble gettign laid, so to me "making him wait"="sending him off to his fuckbuddy after a date with me". i dont get it, i know a man may wait for sex with YOU, but he aint waiting on you for sex

[–]Eastuss༼ つ ▀̿_▀̿ ༽つ0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Exactly, plus if you're a minimum worth him or worth it for him, he'll stick around after sex.

[–]Me2_00 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

Do you think other girls think about how he is probably leaving to go fuck someone else if she doesnt put out on the first date?

Do you think they care as much as you?

[–]Atlas_B_Shruggin🔪Yeetus that Feetus🔪0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I'm from a different generation. In my day boys were in demand and girls we're boy crazy. There was no talk of "making men wait" it was way earlier in the sexial revolution. It was assumed men we're dogs and all cheat

Women today are extremely naive about men, hence their horror over trp

[–]LyaninaBlue Pill7 points8 points9 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

It has nothing to do with "respect" for me. I didn't see it as deliberately making them wait (they all waited). I took longer than them to feel ready to have sex, yes; not because I wanted to "make" them wait but because it's a pretty intimate thing for me.

If they're not willing to wait then they're out, so what, plenty of fish in the sea.

[–]goatismycopilotPurple Pill Woman1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

TRP says respect is earned, not accorded automatically so how am I supposed to respect a total stranger anyway? I don't get that. These guys drone on about respect like they are supposed to just get it, no we all have to earn it according to them.

[–]LittleknownfactsVaguely Uncivil Comment4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Never made a guy wait.

I do remember one guy who waited to long to escalate with me though, definitely lost attraction.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

How did you expect him to escalate?

[–]LittleknownfactsVaguely Uncivil Comment0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Touch me, kiss me, anything. He just needed to break that physical barrier. I really liked him, he just had to do something...

[–]Eastuss points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

"he just had to"

Nah, YOU had to.

[–]antariusz points points points 9 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

It's ok, women need a guy that just gets it. If she had to tel him to get it, then he didn't get it.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No, although I never "made him wait" as in some sort of intentionally mind-analysis. To me, I want the emotional connection, I want the feels, I want to know it's going somewhere meaningful. If waiting until that occurs = "making him wait" it's for my own sexual satisfaction and emotional health. It's not about him at all.

[–]tiposkChad Thundercock: the story of a manospherian homoerotic fantasy2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

What does it mean to make a man wait? To have him inviting me to his apartment and witholding sex to make sure he knows I'm respectable? I just hang out with him and let sex happen when we're both comfortable. If I don't feel enough attraction to have sex with him it simply means that I don't like him. At that point I just stop dating.

[–]MagicGainbowKeepin' it real, havin' a feel1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Exactly, a woman holding out fro some arbitrary amount of dates is clearly not that into a guy.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

If it's arbitrary, maybe. If it's because she needs the emotional connection and/or wants to protect herself from getting pumped and dumped, it's not because she's "clearly not into a guy."

[–]MagicGainbowKeepin' it real, havin' a feel0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

For me the acid test is thus: does she do it with all men or just ltr ones?

If shes giving a ONS super hot sex but making me wait i'd bounce.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

And I understand that perspective. I don't think it's wrong or anything, but I do think blanket application may not be accurate all the time.

[–]tiposkChad Thundercock: the story of a manospherian homoerotic fantasy2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Well, that's not necessarily what I meant. There are women with real sexual hang-ups whose fear of being seen as slutty is greater than attraction for any guy. I don't think this is healthy, though.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

nope. anyone i actually cared about eventually sleeping with or getting to know more (read: gave a shit about) waited. the ones who couldn't wait were free to leave if they thought they were wasting their time or just wanted a quick lay. i don't like getting that intimate right away even if i do find myself really attracted to a guy, and i had far less respect for the guys who got huffy and stormed out when they realized i wouldn't put out immediately; blech.

[–]ferretsRfantasticBlue Pill Woman2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No. I might respect him more actually. The other dudes are literally just walking talking fuck toys. The guy I'm trying to possibly date? I want to make sure I'm into him and then we bang like rabbits. I have no particular wait time and I don't plan it out. It typically just happens like going on multiple dates before sleeping over.

[–]LeaneGenovaBreaker of (comment) Chains3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Nope. My SO and I waited to have sex until 6 months in. I didn't even kiss him until we'd been dating two months! Over ten years later, still respect and love him, and still have an active, kinky sex life.

Hypothetically, if I did break up with him and date someone else, I probably wouldn't have them wait so long. I've got a better idea of my body and what I like, so it would be easier. But it would still entail a longer period before sex than a lot of women, I think.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

6 months in

Flair checks out

[–]LeaneGenovaBreaker of (comment) Chains3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I mean, he wasn't complaining. We made the decision together. And even when I suggested moving up the time-table, he refused and stuck to the original, which I find very admirable.

[–]haikufunNon-practicing hyperphagist/hypergamist1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

What does waiting mean? One week/month/year/decade? Respect him less than whom?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Making him wait pretty much means holding off sex longer than you would have held ff sex for a guy who's more attractive.

[–]lollygagyoSociopathic Fake Flirter1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, sometimes I make men wait. No, I don't respect them less.

(More often, though, when there's waiting, men are making me wait. Augh).

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It's got nothing to do with respect... It's a question of emotional closeness. And yes, you usually need to date for a while before you get there. It might be quicker if you knew someone before you started dating, but usually takes some time either way. I can't even see the point of having sex with someone you barely know and have no idea what she/he likes, with someone you don't feel completely safe and comfortable with etc. I know I wouldn't even enjoy it, I would just feel awkward all the time.

Besides that, a committed relationship is absolutely necessary for me. I'm not having sex with a guy who's seeing other girls, period.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No I am saving sex for marriage and it would make me respect him more.

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[–]goatismycopilotPurple Pill Woman10 points11 points12 points 9 years ago (28 children) | Copy Link

This is one of those topics where the TRP pretzel lords confuse themselves the minute they open their mouths. Most clearly say any woman who will sick their dick on the first date has clearly done it 800 times before and is low value and not fit for a relationship. But then here in the thread is trp accusing somebody of playing games because she prefers to wait for sex essentially because her "reason" does not meet with his approval. Like she needs it or as if he has a special machine to see in her mind that she herself is incapable of doing. It is almost a comedy.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points9 points 9 years ago (26 children) | Copy Link

I think the main problem is that the red pill people think that most women will put out for the right man, so if she doesn't put out instantly then it's an insult to him.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link

I would definitely wonder if I had to wait, who she's not waited for in the past

[–]goatismycopilotPurple Pill Woman2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link

Right but that is your problem not the woman's problem who is making what she thinks is a reasonable decision for her, not for you, it is not crazy that women who want relationships are going to use a different approach than women who don't. Just have sex with the women who don't want relationships because they will be DTF, I don't see what the problem is.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link

Consistency is fine, but it's when they start applying things differently that I wouldn't trust it.

[–]goatismycopilotPurple Pill Woman3 points4 points5 points 9 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link

This narrative that women have to do exactly the same thing, the same acts, the same everything in every single relationship that TRP advances is complete BS. It is completely in opposition to learning. Does TRP not constantly say TRP is a grid you apply what works for you, discard the rest? They probably say that because everything does not work for everybody all the time.

So, it makes sense that somebody has a relationship, learns from that relationship and decides in the next relationship they have they will not do exactly the same thing because that thing they did it did not work for them last time it resulted in a negative outcome or bad feelings.

Of course people are going to apply things differently in different situations, it is called critical thinking. If you have trust issues work on those.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

Nah, I wouldn't work harder for a girl who gave it away easier to someone else before. That means she respects me less or is attracted to me less, so why would I put in more for less?

[–]goatismycopilotPurple Pill Woman4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

Does TRP not say that respect is earned that none of us automatically deserve respect until we have proven ourselves worth that? So, yah you aren't going to get respect because you have not earned it early on. Women are not men, we can be very attracted to men and not have sex with them, happens basically all the time. So, you're wrong about that as well.

If you don't want to put in more for your perception of "less" then don't do it, problem solved. Do what works for you and be aware that is what women who have self awareness will be doing as well and that they are different, accept or reject that and respond accordingly, that is what adults do.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Does TRP not say that respect is earned that none of us automatically deserve respect until we have proven ourselves worth that? So, yah you aren't going to get respect because you have not earned it early on. Women are not men, we can be very attracted to men and not have sex with them, happens basically all the time. So, you're wrong about that as well.

I'm a fine if a woman makes a man who she is attracted to wait. It's when it gets mixed that's the problem, and I totally don't respect that, nor advocate for anyone respecting that

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

She's telling you it doesn't always mean that. If you're doing it because you learned from your mistakes it might actually mean nothing of the sort. It's the same idea behind TRP telling men not to get all romantic-gooey early on. If a man was super sweet and giving and romantic to a woman in the past but he got burned and then he applies a new strategy in the future and isn't overly doting/giving to women in the future would you say the same thing (i.e., he less into her)? What if he actually likes her more but realized his LTR strategy was actually unattractive? Why can you not apply this with the genders reversed as well?

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

Those aren't equivalent.

[–]IIHotelYorbatreats objects like women1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

"Instant" and "make them wait" are relative. Most girls I pick up take about 2 hours, from hello to sex. But they also nearly all "make me wait" until I have qualified them enough for them to feel like they "won me over" and I didn't just want to fuck them based on looks alone.

This isn't the same as "making a guy wait" aka make him take you on dates to try to convince yourself he's good enough when he isn't, aka stringing him along. THAT'S what makes TRP guys mad, they think that is happening for various reasons.

[–]EliteSpartanRangerNice Guys Don't Ask For Rewards0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Ding ding ding!!!!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Never listen to dating advice from the opposite gender.

[–]wattwattyOld and reddish6 points7 points8 points 9 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

OP question needs one more clause to spark a real RP-BP discussion: "If you make a man wait longer than you have made another man wait before having sex with him, do you respect him less?"

[–]EliteSpartanRangerNice Guys Don't Ask For Rewards5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago* (9 children) | Copy Link

No. Every relationship to me is a different relationship that progresses at a different rate because it's a different person with a different dating style and beliefs.

For example it makes sense to change things up depending on their beliefs on dating. I would recommend that a woman wait longer when dating a redpiller because from my experience of redpillers posts' a lot of them are only after one thing. Or if the guy they're dating believes that a woman who gives up sex too early is not worth a relationship. Or if they're dating a guy who is known to kiss and tell. On the other hand if they're with sex positive people who they trust, they might have sex earlier.

[–]wattwattyOld and reddish2 points3 points4 points 9 years ago (8 children) | Copy Link

Well, as I said, this makes a better topic for discussion.

These:

I would recommend that a woman wait longer when dating a redpiller because from my experience of redpillers posts' a lot of them are only after one thing. Or if the guy they're dating believes that a woman who gives up sex too early is not worth a relationship. Or if they're dating a guy who is known to kiss and tell.

all mean that the posited woman is not attracted to the posited guy. Next. It is not worth the horseshit to get to a lukewarm ending. You may say that the woman wouldn't be dating the man in the first place if they weren't attracted, but why the hell is the woman dating a TRPer if that's bad? Why is she dating someone who "kisses and tells"? Makes no sense. She could only be looking for an "outcome" (i.e. BetaBux).

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.5 points6 points7 points 9 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

I think you're sort of missing the point. If she's waiting because she doesn't want to get pumped and dumped and red pill men only want plates anyway, from her side of things, it's not about being attracted to him, it's about not wanting to get used and dumped or being a perma-plate.

[–]wattwattyOld and reddish1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

I understand the "point" you are making. I just don't think being hedged against is a good way to start a relationship. If the situation is such that she feels she can manipulate it thus, I think the smart thing for the guy to do is walk away. Quickly.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.4 points5 points6 points 9 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

And I'd argue that if he's unwilling to wait until she has the emotional connection necessary to enjoy sex with him or until she's getting some part of her sexual imperative satisfied, she should walk away. Quickly. Too much risk that he's only after one thing.

Edit: lol that you put "point" in quotes as if there isn't one.

[–]wattwattyOld and reddish0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

she should walk away. Quickly. Too much risk that he's only after one thing.

Agreed. If she weighs the pros and cons, and finds that the latter outweigh the former, she should ditch. But, women don't do that. They string along.

PS My scare quotes were meant to indicate that I didn't think your expressed point was the onlypoint to be made.

[–]sublimemongrelBecky, Esq.0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

PS My scare quotes were meant to indicate that I didn't think your expressed point was the onlypoint to be made.

Fair enough.

[–]goatismycopilotPurple Pill Woman1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

And the smart thing for a woman to do if a man escalates quickly when she is not there and not ready for sex is also to walk away. Nobody has sex, nobody gets the hurt feelings.

[–]wattwattyOld and reddish1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Agreed, that's a sensible course of action. If that always happened, no one would ever talk about Beta Bux ever again, because it would never obtain.

[–]EliteSpartanRangerNice Guys Don't Ask For Rewards1 point2 points3 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

If she believes that he can change, but she wants to make sure he really changed.

Some guys are immature and kisses and tells, and then they grow up and they don't kiss and tell anymore, but she wants him to prove it. She's attracted to him but she wants to know that he isn't the way he is before. (Guys who kiss and tell are not likely to wait)

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I never consciously "make a guy wait." I have sex whenever I feel like it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

I don't "make men wait" for any reason except my own comfort. I know I'll feel like shit about sex that I have with someone who I have no real feelings for, so I have to get to know them well enough for those feelings to manifest first. My current boyfriend is about as Chadly as they come and we didn't have sex until several months after we started seeing each other.

[–]GridReXXit be like that0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No. Plus it's about me not him. If I give into something before I want it I respect myself less. And that's way worse for my psyche.

[–]ClarityofDisasterPerson Going Their Own Way0 points1 point2 points 9 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

No, it has absolutely nothing to do with respect. I respect people who have earned it by proving they are a good person.

As for sex, there has to be feelings of love there. Sex is incredibly intimate, and I really can't imagine sharing such a vulnerable, special activity with someone I don't truly cherish. If I love you, I'll want to pleasure you and be pleasured by you...not before.

[–]rulenumber3030 points1 point2 points 9 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

Mostly if you're holding off on having sex with a guy who you have deemed suitable for having sex with, it is to avoid misunderstandings about what the relationship is about. And it doesn't just go one way... TRP obsesses about women holding off on men because the women are looking for LTRs from men who maybe only want to have STRs or FWB situations, but it is also common for a woman to hold off if she wants a FWB situation and is unsure whether the guy is maybe too primed and ready to be putting her on a six month track to a diamond ring and a brick-veneer 4 bedroom 2 bathroom house in the suburbs.

There's nothing wrong or disrespectful about avoiding sex with someone who you aren't yet sure will be perceiving the sex in the same way as you.

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