Q4RPmen: When you initiate conversation with a woman who is not sexually interested in you, would you rather her be friendly or cold?

GaiusScaevolus · 2017-01-18T19:27:01+00:00

I'd generally say go with option A, but be aware of and shut down obvious expressions of interest. There's no need to scream "I HAVE A BF!!!" at every dude who makes eye contact, but you should give the guy an out once it becomes clear he's building to/ after something.

I think most women understand and generally (try) to do this. But some guys are bad at sending the right messages, and some women are bad at receiving them, and a minority of women claim ignorance to justify being sh*tty people.

BPremium · 2017-01-18T19:19:25+00:00

can't speak for all RP guys, but this is my 2 cents on the issue. Go with option 1 ( the friendly one ) but follow it up immediately with a explanation clause and a helping addendum. Basically letting him know that he is welcome and encouraged to come out and socialize, that you think he is a attractive guy with lots to offer, but you, personally, arent attracted to him that way. But here is where the addendum comes into play. Since women tend to be much better at reading non verbal communication and body language, point him in the right direction of someone that may be open to his advances. I know, I know, Women dont want to help out any non Chad. But hear me out, because doing said addendum is very beneficial to her as well.

If she is indeed a friend of the guy, usually friends want to make their friends happy. If you can do that by simply pointing the guy in the direction of women that would welcome his advances, you just made his life that much better.
It also earns you extra protection and help if you should need it. If a random strange guy won't take no for an answer, for example, one of those guys you were kind too and helped out will return that favor in spades. Nothing like a platonic guy friend or 2 to ward off dudes with bad intentions. Or if nothing else, an extra drink or 2 sent your way as a thank you, perhaps. lol

Tyler_Gatsby · 2017-01-18T20:05:24+00:00

Is straight forward honestly, but in a friendly manner not an option?

BeyondTheLight · 2017-01-18T19:09:17+00:00

From the perspective of trying to decrease male suicides/depression, it would make sense that the red pill would encourage men who reach out to be helped (so option A), right?

Not your job, also from a RP perspective it would mean that there would be less whiny, emotional crybabies in the future, as they don't get to procreate. So you are actually doing future men a favor! No need to keep them alive in their misery.

I am partially jesting (not). You should just exercise Option B. It is better to learn to deal with rejections early on. Dealing with rejection is handy at every stage of life. Eventually they learn it or will do an effort in doing so if it matters so much to them (being social that is). You can keep exercising option A, but that always leads to trouble. However if you think it is worth it keep doing it.

theiamsamurai · 2017-01-18T19:40:19+00:00

TBH, there's no good way to reject someone, and there's no good way to get rejected.

Maybe "Look, I don't like rejecting guys, because I don't wanna hurt anyone, but I can't force myself to feel attraction towards someone. I know it's hard to approach girls, because girls usually don't approach guys, and I know girls aren't as attracted to guys as guys are to girls, which has root in evolutionary biology, but I can't really offer anything besides friendship, and even offering friendship is hard, because I don't wanna lead you on and think there's a chance for more. Girls are shallow and terrible, but that's our nature, I don't like it any more than you do."

DucksCanDance · 2017-01-18T19:33:55+00:00

Friendly, I'll be able to read if she doesn't like me because she won't follow my lead and/or she'll respond negatively to being touched

Friend zoning is more extreme than just being nice, it's a girl that leads a guy on because she gets validation from it

So what if you got called a bitch for rejecting someone? Do you think you're actually a bitch? Were you a bitch to him? Then why do you care? Girls have called me all sorts of shit just for approaching, I don't take it too seriously

Also rule of thumb is that if a guy is approaching you he is into you, he doesn't just "want someone to talk to," like almost ever

AVAtistar · 2017-01-18T20:14:05+00:00

I have a friendly approach with everyone, even with my enemies.

NinjaSpartanZX · 2017-01-19T01:53:49+00:00

I'll go with option B, Even though I'm trying to get more female friends. Girls who think im hitting on them just because I'm being nice annoy me.

Entropy-7 · 2017-01-19T02:08:11+00:00

Friendly but not flirty. Cold girls have issues. If she is dead not interested in me she can shoot me down when I go for the #close. That won't take long and it is fun to chat with interesting women, even those that won't suck your dick.

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DaThrowaway808 · 2017-01-18T19:09:19+00:00

You're missing a key point to your question, am I sexually interested in her? If I am sexually interested in her and she had absolutely positively hard "no"ed me in her head, then I would absolutely want her to act like b.

DarkLord0chinChin · 2017-01-18T19:30:07+00:00

Depends... Am I interested in her in any way other than romantically?

[deleted] · 2017-01-18T19:45:59+00:00

Just be cold to me, i deserve nothing more tbh

Zoidbergluver · 2017-01-18T19:55:40+00:00

b) keep answers short, dismissive, or simply not respond at all

Are you talking if I'm interested in sleeping with a girl but she doesn't want to sleep with me? In that case, don't talk to me ever again. I don't see the point of being sexually attracted to someone and being around/talking to that someone if I can't fuck her.

Follow up: How can a caring person know if a guy is just lonely and wants another human being to talk to, or if he is specifically looking for a woman to talk to/build a relationship with?

...by coming to realize that every man wants to fuck, maybe? LOL. What do you mean if a guy is looking for a woman to fuck? Ofc he is.

Funny thing is, in my case, if I'm talking to a girl its because I don't want to sleep with her. I avoid the women I'm attracted to :]

AutismoCircus · 2017-01-18T20:14:00+00:00

A unless they are boring. In that case I would probably be somewhere else.

ifelsedowhile · 2017-01-18T20:58:52+00:00

I'd rather her be straightforward and tell me she's not interested but also be willing to friendly discuss with me why she's not interested.

[deleted] · 2017-01-18T21:03:02+00:00

Agreed with GaiusScaevolus on the practical aspects of this. There's no need to be rude. But if he is plainly interested and you're not, gently but firmly and privately and discreetly, shut him down. DO NOT nuclear reject him. DO NOT shit talk him to your friends.

YOu don't have to date men you're not interested in. you don't have to be a bitch about it, either.

My tack on this really is that women shouldn't care either way. It doesn't serve women's interests to be concerned about whether a man's being led on or got hurt or will get hurt. It doesn't help you to worry about whether a man's figured it out or not.

DevilishRogue · 2017-01-18T21:18:49+00:00

So, red pillers, what is a lady to do?

Err on the side of politeness and use your judgement as to when an individual you are interacting with needs a firm no instead of a diplomatic no, but always try the diplomatic no first.

Randommorningkiller · 2017-01-19T06:55:28+00:00

This post reeks of virtue signalling.

What are you really trying to say/get people to say?

cxj · 2017-01-18T22:41:08+00:00

If I am actually interested in her, I'd much rather her be cold and dismissive, so I can stop wasting my time and fuck off asap.

The problem arises when I am really, truly not hitting on the girl, and especially when I need to talk to her for some reason. The most memorable example I can think of is when I worked at Hollywood video for a few months and had to ask for people's phone numbers to create an account so they could rent a video. I explicitly said, "in order to create this account, I need to type your phone number into the computer" and every single day, at least a few women would give me disgusted faces and/or lines like "excuse me?" or "in your dreams!" or just look really uncomfortable, or have that smug look on their face like they were the hottest shit ever, in spite of phrasing it in such a way as to negate any possibility of being hit on.

DashneDK2 · 2017-01-19T02:22:52+00:00

Friendly of course. I don't initiate contact with girls for the sake of getting pussy. Just to socialise in general. Some times the pussy comes later anyway. I also never buy drinks to stranger girls, I think it's an American tradition, so strange. But if you're not interested I think it's fair to not accept drinks or dinner invitations, etc.

DashneDK2 · 2017-01-19T02:24:52+00:00

As a return, would women prefer a detailed explanation of why they're not interested (like this guy ), or just to be ghosted?

YetAnotherCommenter · 2017-01-19T04:52:55+00:00

Not a Red Piller, but let me make a suggestion;

Women are socially taught to be 'polite' and 'diplomatic', which generally means to be indirect.

TRPers are often xNTx, or Aspies, or people with the kind of temperament that doesn't really get social subtleties and prefers directness.

But being direct isn't necessarily rude.

And the problem is, a lot of women have been taught that directness is rude or cruel.

In other words, you have given us a false choice. Either "a" - continue a conversation politely, premised on a man's interest in dating you, and in the name of being friendly refuse to outright say you aren't interested in dating him. Or "b" - be uncivil in this passive-aggressive way which does not actually state "I'd rather not talk to you."

Here's my suggestion:

If you'd genuinely rather not talk to a man, say so directly. Sure, it'll hurt his feelings a bit and he might call you something mean in response, but you'll save him time and he'll move on to someone else. You could always just say "I'd rather not talk to you, but I wish you good luck for the rest of the night" or something to be a little less cold about it, but honestly, the direct statement of disinterest is important.

If you're happy to talk to a guy, perhaps even like him on a friendship level but not in any sexual way, you should try to make this clear, even at the cost of tactlessness. "Well you're not my type romantically but I enjoy your company socially" is a perfectly fair and IMO not-rude thing to say. Take the whole 'possibility of sex' off the table explicitly. Note the downside is you may end up getting less friendliness and less free drinks, but at least you'll be honest and cannot be accused of leading someone on.

Follow up: How can a caring person know if a guy is just lonely and wants another human being to talk to, or if he is specifically looking for a woman to talk to/build a relationship with?

You could always ask him, you know.

rreliable · 2017-01-19T09:13:16+00:00

Bottom line: do you want to base all your interactions with men on the likely behavior of the worst men or the average?

Men are the variable sex. When you look at the world of great genius: chess grand masters, Nobel prize winners, etc, mostly men.

Conversely, you look at the world of mouth breathers: dumb criminals, drug addicts, people who sexually harass and call you a bitch for being clear: also mostly men.

However, most men themselves are not at either extreme.

You can choose to act like a terper and make AMALT your motto. Do you want to do that?

the_calibre_cat · 2017-01-19T23:56:46+00:00

B, as much as I hate to say it. I would interpret A as having potentially some interest, but if you make me loathe you for being a bitch, I'd probably leave you be.

OGHuggles · 2017-01-20T04:46:38+00:00

As a caring person, I have always tried to include some of the more introverted or socially awkward people in my social life which has led to some guys developing romantic feelings and then blaming me for leading them on.

People can't stand being pitied. If you were to openly tell me that the reason you kept me around was because you felt I was too introverted or socially awkward I would be furious tbh.

Male/female/gay/straight whatever, power dynamics are everything. Feeling like you don't have power sucks and will make you seek power.

topapito · 2017-01-21T13:20:31+00:00

Complaining is for the weak minded. I can so have a conversation with a woman I know is not interested in me sexually. Catalogue her as a friend and ignore her sexually. But there is no reason to give up the interesting conversation or company just because we can't have sex. And no I don't hang on every little nuance to think she wants sex. That's just needy.

Sex is easy to get. The friendzone is an area that seems to be the perfect spot for a beta. Alphas place women in the friend zone and not the other way around. Yet it is totally possible for an alpha to enjoy a woman's company and not be obsessing about having sex with her. It's all about the abundance mentality.

My answer is no, women are not responsible for men's feelings no more than I don't consider myself responsible for any woman's feelings. Also, a redpill man doesn't "reach out to be helped". Not because it makes him less of a man, but because it simply doesn't tend to happen.

johnsmith66 · 2017-01-22T04:05:52+00:00

Ok, first of all, DON'T assume that a man is interested in you sexually just because he is initiating a conversation. Be friendly. If he does or says something to indicate interest, politely tell him that you aren't interested in him.

If he acts like a jerk and keeps pressuring you after you politely said no, then respond accordingly and tell him to fuck off.

prodigy2throw · 2017-01-18T19:10:40+00:00

There are ways to put people down politely. Honestly, I'm so numb to cold responses and rejections that it doesn't phase me.

The nicest way I get rejected is a girl says she has to get back to her friends and it was nice meeting me. That's not hard to do IMO

Title	Q4RPmen: When you initiate conversation with a woman who is not sexually interested in you, would you rather her be friendly or cold?
Author	Zoidbergluver
Upvotes	12
Comments	214
Date	January 18, 2017 6:54 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/5or9ds/q4rpmen_when_you_initiate_conversation_with_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/q4rpmen-when-you-initiate-conversation-with-a.270548 https://theredarchive.com/post/270548

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