Exactly how should consent be performed?

Agharta15 · 2014-09-30T14:29:50+00:00

I'm extremely confused by the BP answers saying "Discuss it beforehand to decide how consent should be performed."

One essential element of the California rule is that prior consent does not imply future consent

So let's say Person A and Person B agree at Time Y that consent can be "performed" by affirmative body language and/or lack of resistance, and then Person B responds at Time X with affirmative body language and a lack of resistance.... Person B has not necessarily consented.

Furthermore, "affirmative consent must be ongoing throughout a sexual activity..."

How does that work in practice? Does consent need to be established affirmatively for every thrust? Every hip movement? Remember, prior consent does not matter. "Talking about it beforehand" does not matter. Establishing prior modes of consent giving - especially if those modes are lack of resistance/silence/what have you - does not mean consent is later given by those modes.

Example:

Person B is 'riding' Person A. Person A has xir arms relaxed and is moaning in pleasure. Person B 'rides' Person A in this manner for 5 minutes. Person B's actions remain the same for the entire 5 minutes.

Did Person B give ongoing affirmative consent throughout this entire episode? Remember: the lack of resistance is not consent. Involuntary displays of arousal are not consent.

More complications with "establish what constitutes consent beforehand" advice: one night stands/hook-ups. No opportunity to discuss consent in any non-sexual manner.

Reginleifer · 2014-09-30T05:49:29+00:00

First off I don't think that the Yes means yes law is for courtroom sentencing , it is for Universities and their tribunals. Tribunals with no constitutional/legal authority other than kicking your ass the fuck out of school , the law is making them do this for Financial aid funds. No Yes means yes tribunal = no money for you.

powerkick · 2014-09-30T07:26:54+00:00

A) body language

B) verbal consent/initiation

C) discussion pre-initiation on how consent should be performed to satisfy both partners

Any of the above are effective and can be mixed in to foreplay/etc.

SirNemesis · 2014-09-30T14:52:19+00:00

I like how blue pill people can't read how they're all responding to "But then what about sometimes yes means no?" with "no does not sometimes mean yes". Lol.

[deleted] · 2014-09-30T08:40:34+00:00

[permanently deleted]

McCaber · 2014-09-30T06:08:03+00:00

If you can't read body language well enough to be able to tell when someone has frozen up in panic, you'd fucking better ask for consent. Don't give me that crap about how it isn't sexy, there's plenty of ways to make it hot and consensual simultaneously. Example one: grab her hair, pull her head close to your lips, and whisper, "Tell me how much you want me." She backs off, verbally or physically? Then you back off and you both head back to the couch for a cozy night with Netflix. She's up for it, then give her some of that good dick you're known for.

But then what about sometimes yes means no?

Bullshit. One of my hard lines is that no never means yes. You want be coy and expect me to saddle the responsibility for the encounter? Woman the fuck up and learn to ask for it or you're not getting sex that night. Simple as that.

Also: trying to generalize sexual assault to a fucking checkout line? Don't be that facetious. You know there's absolutely a line in the sand where getting consent matters, and that line is her vagina.

SirNemesis · 2014-09-30T14:46:13+00:00

So please, can someone tell me exactly how it should go because the minimum sentencing for rape in California is 3 years and I don't really think I want to go to jail because I didn't get a straight answer.

Don't worry about it unless you're a student here. California's definition of rape in the penal code is much saner than this.

http://www.leginfo.ca.gov/cgi-bin/displaycode?section=pen&group=00001-01000&file=261-269

give_me_shinies · 2014-09-30T17:02:39+00:00

I didn't say "no" or stop him physically... so I never thought of it as rape. But I felt sad and disgusting afterwards

Oh boy. I'm sorry but if you voluntarily get into someone's bed, spoon with them, they escalate sexually and you don't say "no", or "stop" or physically resist in any way and there's no force or threat of force…it's not rape. It's unfortunate and indicates either douchebaggery, selfishness and lack of empathy, or poor social skills and inability to assess body language on the part of the "rapist". Still, it's not rape.

It's as if feminists define rape as sex you feel bad about after the fact regardless of whether there was force or any kind of coercion involved. It's about feels. This shit pisses me off. They advocate equality but they still want to coddle women and legally protect them from "cads" and getting their feelings hurt by inconsiderate men via retarded definitions of rape. And of course they patronise women by assuming we're incapable of using our words and need all this coddling. Can't a girl just say 'NO' to sex she doesn't want, instead of expecting the man to be able to read her mind?

I'd argue that this guy should've paid more attention to her body language (who the fuck wants to have sex with a frozen unmoving girl?) and guys should definitely not have sex in these sorts of situations (virgin, laying there frozen, no enthusiastic consent) because it's unpleasant and apparently it could be (legally) rape. But fuck, this is stupid. Oh, and of course TRPers would err on the side of rape because "doesn't matter, had sex". Most normal men would've probably asked when the girl froze up and was totally unresponsive.

ianturpiesmoustache · 2014-09-30T07:11:25+00:00

If you want to have sex with someone, make sure they want it too before actually doing it.
If you're not sure, ask.
No does not mean yes, so if you're told no, stop.

Surely it's not victim blaming to ask men to take some responsibility in these situations, right?

thats_a_semaphor · 2014-10-01T01:56:22+00:00

From what I've read, it would be participation and common sense.

If only one party is participating or seems present of mind, that, to me, would indicate checking for consent. That's where common sense comes in - there should be a level of common sense between 'yes' and 'no' where one can gauge whether the other is enjoying it. If one can't figure out whether someone is enjoying something, then that's when you need to more explicitly check.

NotlikeTV · 2014-10-02T03:53:31+00:00

Consent is not that hard to understand. A person needs to give a very clear affirmative response before anything sexual happens. The person also has to be able to give a response without their ability being compromised (mental illness, under the influence of drugs or alcohol). Also, absolutely no level of force, threats or intimidation can be used to get your yes.

If you don't get a straight answer, then control yourself and don't have sex with the person. We are humans and not animals. We can control ourselves. If you can't, then seek help because you have problems that need to addressed. Also none of us are entitled to each others bodies sexually. If you feel like someone is leading you on but is hesitant to actually have intercourse, then take that as your answer right there. It's a no, move along. Some people just want to flirt, they don't owe you shit. If that bothers you then you need to get over it. Because if it was reversed you wouldn't want to be forced into sex.

For example: "Do you want to fuck" "yes, do you have a condom?

Then start having sex. As long as the person being asked wasn't completely under the influence or had no mental handicap, then that is consent. Also consent ends if at anytime either person wants to stop, changes their mind or feels uncomfortable. As long as you stop and respect your partner's wishes, then the original consent is still being honored.

Plugawy_Nedznik · 2014-09-30T07:47:28+00:00

But then what about sometimes yes means no?

Stop.

Drop.

And thing what the fuck are you even saying.

VarsitySlutTeamCpt · 2014-09-30T12:06:42+00:00

have a contract in hand because everything is rape nowadays hahahaha

babyguineapig · 2014-10-01T10:32:02+00:00

Ask if it's OK before you stick it in there. If you can't cope with the idea of not boning drunken, drugged or resisting girls, then you're obviously too stupid for the privilege of having sex.

Title	Exactly how should consent be performed?
Author	tmpjb
Upvotes	5
Comments	178
Date	September 30, 2014 5:12 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2hv3q1/exactly_how_should_consent_be_performed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/exactly-how-should-consent-be-performed.284727 https://theredarchive.com/post/284727

Comments