Why am I the one feeling so much dread?

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September 26, 2019

I am 35yrs old 5'10" 165lbs Married 6 years with 2 children (Girls 7 & 4)

I have a good job and make good money.

I have been working out for about a year and a half added 20lbs of mass since I started.

Just Started 5/3/1 program: Bench 230lbs, Squat 365lbs, OHP 160lbs, Deadlift 215lbs,

This may not belong on here but here goes.

I have always thought of myself as doing much more in our relationship than most husbands I know. I have always tried to step up in the relationship by doing whatever needed to be done dishes, making dinner almost every night, cleaning, laundry as well as all things outside and in the garage. I've always looked at our marriage as we are a team and we need to help each other out when needed because we have kids and one person shouldn't bare all the burden of raising them and managing the household. We always had sex at least once a week throughout our marriage. It may not have always been the most intimate (likely my fault) but I would say it was never starfish and she was always pretty into out.

I discovered TRP about 3 months ago. I started to very cautiously and slowly implement some of the ideas to try to build some frame. I started to flirt with her a lot more, she was very receptive and I discovered just how powerful touching her can be (not just sexually). We started to get along a lot more and I feel like she is totally into me (feels awesome by the way). We were fighting much less and I didn't feel like I didn't like her and vise versa.

I have a business trip to New Orleans at the end of July and she tags along(leave the kids at the in laws). We have a great time and have fun every night. My wife (a solid 8 with a very friendly personality) is really looking good and we go to several events with a lot of dorks so it always seems like there are a lot of eyes on her. The first night walking around Bourbon street I see some recognizable faces walking around who are always at these events but have never talked to them before. We hang out and go to a few bars, they are buying a lot of drinks and we are all buzzed. There is a nice guy we meet that is hanging out with the group. (He kinda looks like a better version of me but bigger, more tan and a southern draw) My wife who usually can talk to everyone and hold a conversation has some conversation with him (he is with his wife) nothing seemed out of the ordinary for her mannerisms. We end up hanging out with this group almost every night drinking, bar hopping, and having a good time. Everyone is dancing, drunk and having a good time my wife and I are all over each other like we used to be when we were first dating and going to bars every weekend. I step out at one point to have a cigar and was gone maybe 10 minutes and then step back in the club and she was dancing with the guy. I say her name like what the hell she stops immediately and is concerned. She is apologetic but ultimately believes it was innocent which it probably was because everyone was really drunk. I tell her in the morning I overreacted and that I didn't really care that she was dancing with him. All day I can't get that image of her dancing with him out of my head. I felt like I had lost all progress made and was immediately shifted back into her frame but even worse off than before. We finish out the rest of the trip and I am totally suspicious of that guy the whole time.

We get home and I am still feeling all this anxiety about what happened (mind you I have never thought my wife would cheat on me and I still don't think she ever would) and am very suspicious still. We both end up being friends on facebook with him during the trip because he was nice and cool (also lives thousands of miles away). I end up telling her that what happened is still bothering me (I know bitch beta faggot move). She kinda thinks I am crazy and can't believe I am still bothered she tells me how much she loves me and would never even think of cheating. I tell her I will never bring it up again and haven't since. We start to go back into what seems like our old ways of fighting and not liking each other for about a week until I try to start to regain composure and get beck to where we were. I remain suspicious and monitor activity which I have never done. I notice he likes every single thing she posts it seems like and she likes a lot of his stuff. (This is where some of you may think I am crazy) I check her search history on google I notice two things. One is a search about how to know when you should get a divorce (from the week we were fighting) and the other is how to communicate secretly on messenger. I check her facebook searches and she has searched him about 5 times to date since the trip. As you would suspect this drives my anxiety up and starts to drive me crazy. I continue to monitor never mentioning a thing and try to play stupid dad while still trying to regain some frame.

About 2 weeks ago she makes a post about not being able to sleep really well and he's the first to comment and says "I have some suggestions DM me for details". To me this is fucking stupid why can't you just tell everyone what ideas you have. I check her messenger and his name doesn't show up in recent but I search only to find out she has hidden the conversation. Which was totally innocent something like: her "Hey what are your suggestions" him "Try to eat right blah blah blah" mentions he is a certified nutritionist and if she ever wanted to get setup with a program he would do it for free. Her "Oh thanks that is so nice maybe if my current diet doesn't work out I'll take you up on that" and that was the end of it. Nothing more has been said since then but it starts to drive me crazy that she hid this. (She probably only did this because I was acting like a jealous faggot before). I continue monitoring and notice about a week ago she completely erased her google history which I don't think she has ever done before. This is really the only things that I can find because the thing I worried about the most was the secret messenger and the screen time for her messenger app is minimal. There is no other proof that anything else at all is going on with her.

The past 3 weeks have been going awesome no fighting and usually great sex every other day. We are always flirting and touching each other whenever one walks by. I find myself always wanting to be with her and around her. I truly feel like she really does love me a lot more. I continue to Lift, study TRP and actually discovered TMRP (about a week ago Especially Steele's guide to MRP) which I found to relate much better to what I am trying to accomplish in my marriage. I never wanted a divorce just wanted to get along better and have her desire me more like she did when we first got together. Here's my main problem I feel like I have oneitis like a motherfucker and I am just being a jealous faggot. I f he was local it would probably be an entirely different story because I really don't believe she would throw away our marriage for an LTR to a married man she barely knows. How did this happen? How do I get out of this anxiety filled jealousy that doesn't have much basis in reality? What is my next logical step?

Thank you for encouraging me to ask my question /u/HornsOfApathy/ with this post OYS. Go post now. Maybe find your Morpheus.

Post Information
Title Why am I the one feeling so much dread?
Author RJP4420
Upvotes 21
Comments 60
Date 26 September 2019 02:53 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/287542
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/d9kpvx/why_am_i_the_one_feeling_so_much_dread/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
betadread gameframecheatinglong term relationshipliftthe red pill

[–]FoxShitNasty8336 points37 points  (10 children) | Copy

Dont fear Chad, become Chad

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

Chad would have started dancing with the other guys wife and not gave two fucks otherwise.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

The ultimate mrp t-shirt slogan right there.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I got a Halloween invitation where my name was misspelled as Chad. I chuckled quite a bit on that one.

[–]Balls_Wellington_3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can you imagine a guy wearing that shirt in public though

[–]dingleburry_joe1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I want this shirt now haha in like bold letters. I'll hey the tank version plz

[–]RedPillGlasses0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No shit, I may literally have that made.

Best part is feminist faggots won’t understand.

[–]JameisBong1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy


[–]losso5190 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Best comment ever

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I didnt come up with it

[–]Redpillbrigade1731 points32 points  (6 children) | Copy

Wow. Cool story. Love the way the drama unfolds.

Ok, now in all seriousness, and to help you out: you have a solid degree of self awareness which is a good start.

As you recognize, you spend too much of your time around her and wanting to be with her. That comes from your still wet paper bag frame.

Yes you have oneitis.

Yes you’re very (too much?) attuned to her, and that’s why you notice her every move.

You need to disabuse yourself of the notion that your marriage is so so special.

You need to truly, genuinely start being indifferent for your own personal happiness whether she cheats or not, whether she leaves you or not. That right there and giving up old sets of beliefs, expectations and child-like attachments to other people’s actions is your main life task. You must adopt that mindset that whatever she does it will not change or devastate you. Of course it will change what you do and how you invest (or not) in this relationship, but it will not alter your deep, personal fulfillment in life.

And stop trying to spy on her.

Get busy on your own life mission, and of course get ready for a Plan B in case this doesn’t work out. Meet with a lawyer too, so you know what an exit scenario looks like, if either of you calls it quits down the line. Nothing should surprise you. That is a man. That is preparation. Everything else is outside your control. Ah, and make sure you fuck her silly, and constantly push her sexual boundaries.

Good luck.

[–]RJP4420[S] 4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

Thank you for the advice. I think where a lot of my dread is coming from is the divorce rape. I am the beta bucks, she works part time and raises the children. I am terrified to even entertain the idea because I know I’ll be screwed for at least 15 years. It’s like I’d rather make the best of what I have instead. I guess that is why we plan.

[–]Redpillbrigade1713 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

Nah. You’ve only been married for 6 years, it shouldn’t be that bad. Do your homework and find out exactly what the “what if” scenario looks like. And it’s only money anyway - you’ll make it back. Do not put a price on your life. Money you can recover. But time never.

[–]hack3geRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just caught that 6 years - looks like wife is getting that 7 year itch that she hopes chad with scratch.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am terrified to even entertain the idea because I know I’ll be screwed for at least 15 years

There’s a reason the term “sunk costs fallacy” contains the word fallacy

[–]redwall927 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

I think where a lot of my dread is coming from is the divorce rape.

I call bullshit on that.

I say you'd give your left nut if she'd just tell you she's live a Disney fairytale life with you and be happy with you forever.

You already told us your problem. You've got oneitis in a bad way. You'd let your wife rape your ass with a judge's gavel if you thought it would make her stay with you and be haaaaapy.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're astute, and right.

His explanation is the fastest way to (ego) absolution: I don't care about her, I just care about "divorce rape."

That is a common theme amongst posters who are preternaturally obsessed with their spouses and attempt to soothe their own egos by blaming it all on the potential loss of money.

It's an "ego-soothing" tactic that is fairly transparent to most some of us.

It's rarely apparent to the posters themselves, but that should not be surprising.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"25 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

I wrote a wall of text but only these words matter:

She cares less.

[–]mrpthrowa17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your first step is to be completely cool with the idea of losing her.

Your turn, AWALT, etc...

Stop with the pedestal talk (won't cheat blablabla)


your next step is to continue self improvement

become the prize

and make sure you get another woman pronto..., or at least are able to ...

Nothing cures this shit faster than the insides of a warm young vagina, I assure you

All the flaws in her will show up and you'll be wondering what the fuck you were wondering about....

She's past the wall (drop it with 8 pedestal bullshit), and is in her finding new dick phase...

[–]2ndalRed Beret14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here's my main problem I feel like I have oneitis like a motherfucker and I am just being a jealous faggot.

Congrats, you know the problem. A lot of men don't. Congrats. Really.

How did this happen? How do I get out of this anxiety filled jealousy that doesn't have much basis in reality? What is my next logical step?

You've been here a week. The answers you seek can be found here if you care to put the time and effort into it. Go do that. Or don't, whatever. You are not unique or special, nor is your situation. Nobody is going to spoon feed you. Do the work.

[–]Redpillbrigade1714 points15 points  (3 children) | Copy

Also: and more on tactical side: we need to talk more about your business trip to NOLA as I don’t think you fully understand the dynamics at play.

  1. You and her hanging out with dorks and how they’re in awe of her since she’s hot.

You’re looking at it the wrong way. They are and should be in awe of YOU since YOU slay that pussy. But only if you act like the alpha you are. If you’re weak and insecure about the looks she’s getting, you lose. You should be teasing those “dorks” and act like the alpha dog, with an attitude of “see who I’m fucking, you suckers.” Parade her around like your trophy because that’s what she is. Be fucking proud and revel in all the looks she’s getting. Know that those dorks jerk off to thoughts of your wife while YOU get the real thing. Tease them about it directly / indirectly with a nod and a patronizing smile too if you want. They’re little boys, you’re the man.

So every time you go out with her, and she gets dolled up, tell her and tease her how she’s your trophy, you’re objectifying her and you show her off to town. Like at a dog or horse show. You’re the fucking king and puppet master. Put a big smile on your face.

  1. You and her hanging out with other couples, partying, and with a dude who - as you say - is somehow a better version of you.

You need to stop being in such awe of that dude. Imagine him taking a dump, imagine you winning a fight against him, imagine him as your little brother - whatever you need to mentally stop seeing him as someone better. Do more listening, learn his weaknesses.

Importantly, she smells it when you defer to others even if you do not say a word. It’s innate. It’s what women do. They go for the alpha dog. They may not even realize it in the moment. But it’s how attraction works.

The key to you (and her) not being so captivated by some random Chad is a strong, steel frame. Your frame and game &connection with your woman must be so strong that you should be perfectly secure about teasing her about that guy. “Hey I saw how you looked at him, etc. you thought he was hot.” You can even escalate with “I bet you want him to give it to you from behind . Etc “ . All said playfully. Joke about having an orgy with him and his wife. Talk nonsense about all of you guys fucking each other in a hotel room. And how you’re even attracted to him and would put your dick in his ass/ mouth. Blur the lines, let your imagination run wild, the idea is you control the conversations and you’re unafraid. There is a commandment of poon about imagination and adventure - follow that. Roam. Demonstrate your dominance and strong frame by messing with her conflicting emotions through dialogue. And get her to talk about him, how she sees him/ others etc. Nothing should be off limits in conversation. She should voice out WITH YOU all those conflicting emotions and gradually get back to seeing you as her alpha. There should be no secrets and you being quiet / nerdy about it fuels her fire and spark he planted, maybe even a need for some adventure. (You must do that right by after the interaction however, when you’re back in hotel room, not 30 days later!)

Learn to see Chad as a normal occurrence in life. Like bad weather. He’s the hot dude at a Chippendales show. Or Brad Pitt. Of course women would go with him over you. But then turn that around through proper planning (life events, social interactions etc happen on your own terms and if suitable for you), confidence and conversation. Disarm that aura they have. See those guys as tools. Use them.

[–]Imaginary_Historian6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, this is the best post so far. I don't get why others seem to think the wife's behavior is even remotely acceptable. this doesn't sound like he's just trying to mate-guard otherwise harmless stuff, the very fact she wanted to hide the DM says it all.

I'm with you, agree and amplify this one. What I think that could do is demystify it all, when he's no longer a secret chad to her it's no longer fun.

[–]wkndatbernardus4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm with you on everything but the homo fantasy part.

[–]khalabrakis2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't comment or post here really but you have given me a sense of clarity on a number of things. Thanks.

[–]tom-anonymous10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's obviously attracted to him and thinks of him; even fantasizes about him as well.

Get rid of the idea that she would never cheat on you. I thought the same things about my unicorn. Trust me, she would under the right conditions.

You and I are very similar. The hamster runs strong in us. The only good thing about an overrun hamster is the fuel it can provide at the gym. For now use that until you get it together. Don't say anything to her, but keep an eye on it.

I caught my unicorn the same way. She was searching the other guy and his wife every hour. It started with just a few searches at first months before.

Ask yourself the question now, what do you plan to do if/when you catch your wife in an emotional affair? Figure that out now and then stick to it if/when it happens. This was my mistake. I kept finding more and more out over weeks and because I had a piss poor frame I kept trying to rationalize things on a scale of 1-10. This started 7 months ago.

This week I told my wife to prepare for the end. It's the best feeling to look at yourself in the mirror and see a man who's strong enough to walk away from a woman who cheated on him. Over the past 7 months I hated looking at myself until now.

Figure that shit out in advance before it happens.

[–]lololasaurus10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Because you're more invested in the relationship than she is. STFU, sidebar, lift.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]0io-Tsundere11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Gotta work on that deadlift!

You're certainly lacking in "abundance mentality". Probably the thing to do at the bar in NoLa would have been to grab the other guy's wife and go dance with her next to them on the dance floor. If the other guy's wife isn't there grab someone young and pretty and dance with her. New Orleans is a party town and I don't think you can get too bent out of shape if people are running around drunk and partying. (Look at everyone flashing their tits at Mardi Gras, etc.)

So now you're in a bit of a hole because the other guy was fun to be around and you're not. Acting all butthurt and insecure is a huge turn off (as you know.)

You need to do a lot more work on yourself and make sure you're fun to be around. I'd keep an eye on the handsome stranger and make sure the wife isn't planning to meet him in Las Vegas or whatever (she's certainly thinking about it.) Nobody knows what the future holds but if you keep working on yourself and become more attractive I doubt the wife will go run off with this other guy. It's always a possibility, but you can't let that bother you the way it seems to be bothering you.

You need to keep in the back of your mind that if your wife ever did do that, you would start dating women who are a lot younger and hotter. It's your job to get your attractiveness up to a level where you wouldn't have any problem doing that (if that day ever comes.)

[–]becoming_alpha6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I feel like I have oneitis like a motherfucker and I am just being a jealous faggot.

Spot on. You have oneitis. AWALT. It's your turn right now but she might cheat, she might not want you anymore. You don't need to be happy with that fact, but you need to make peace with it. Stop spying and work on getting yourself comfortable with that uncomfortable idea.

You're scared of Chad (and what your wife will do with him) because he's a "better version of me but bigger, more tan." The way to not be scared of him is be a better version of yourself. Be bigger, be stronger, be more outgoing, be more tan, dress better, but the southern drawl is optional.

You're hamstering all over the place over some innocent drunken dancing. Use the situation for motivation to better yourself, not to be an insecure mate guarding pussy.

[–]SoggyTrainCucked by machines6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

First, never talk about that night again. Second, chill out, this is the long game. FWIW I think your marriage is going to be fine IF you continue to improve beyond where you are at. You are obviously much more worried about her leaving you then she is about you leaving, fix that. I'd like to say my wife has never had a crush on someone else, but I know better. I do know if she left I would fuck someone 10 years younger than her, and that makes me feel better.

[–]coachdad85 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

I recently dealt with a similar situation in my house and my action plan has been to up my married game as I got lazy and opened the door for Hot Gym Chad.

After 11 years of marriage I assumed she would love my large bank account and ripped abs but forgot she also has a brain that's bored and needs stimulating. Lately I'm killing it with game and being the fun guy she's always been obsessed with. She's responded with affection, sex and unusually clingy behavior which I reward.

After 2 years of RP I still need a weekly reminder of the fundamentals, my wife made sure of that just like yours did. I needed the mind-fuck of seeing my wife secretly text a guy because I needed to see how I responded to it. Appreciate the reminder and get better.

[–]RJP4420[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It definitely has put my ass in a different gear.

[–]RStonePT3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have a good job and make good money.

Why does every guy assume this means fuck all?

My wife (a solid 8 with a very friendly personality

I assume your wife is 22 then, because no mothers of 2 in their 30s are 8s. Most single girls in their 20s aren't 8s

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I read that as "beta bux".

[–]RStonePT3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Was too easy.. I went after the excessive ego investment and the wife goggles she is about to rip of his face

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

“I tell her in the morning I overreacted”


Also, “I think of us as a team”


She’s not your teammate, she’ll gut you for a better opportunity very quickly. She doesn’t love you the way you love her.. she only loves the way you make feelz and opportunities ($) you provide.

[–]hack3geRed Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

News at 11 - faggot with zero frame, no abundance and a giant case of oneitis melts down.....

Here is your problem:

mind you I have never thought my wife would cheat on me and I still don't think she ever would

You haven’t swallowed shit - even alphas get cheated on. Your wife got tingles from a guy who is better than you and you melted like a little bitch. I bet chad knows a good way to get her to sleep at night.

Honestly I’d be more concerned if other guys weren’t interested in my wife. It’s your wife job to mateguard herself - if she isn’t then you should realize you have work to do and she doesn’t respect you or think you can do better.

My wife wants to cheat that’s cool have at it - I get my freedom and the ability drown myself in 20 something pussy for the rest of my life.

P.S. - you are small as fuck you might want to start with your fuckarounditis in the gym that’s usually a good place to begin.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Exactly.... 5lbs up motherfucker! 15 to go!

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

New goal 5’8” 210 10%

Let’s fucking do this - I’m cutting to 10% from 195 and gonna run a blast. You only live once mother fuckers no excuse for doing it small.

[–]snatch_haggis2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oneitis you've already gotten good advice about.

The mate guarding on the dance floor made you look weak, it was poor form. It may have even tipped the scales. If he wasn't a threat, you wouldn't give a shit. My wife once spent half the night dancing with a guy with MS who was in a wheelchair. Do you think I reacted the way you did about it?

One reason not to get too drunk in social settings is so you can maintain frame and be a notch above the rest of the room. Can't hold your frame if you can't hold your liquor.

Here's another take on the whole thing though. Once the walls fall down it's hard not to see this stuff everywhere you look, and it can drive you nuts if you let it.

Dude may be an orbiter, she may be taking it further and she may not. Maybe she's playing chicken and went right to the edge of crossing the line, but no further. Maybe she's fucking him in a hotel room right now.

You. Will. Never. Really. Know.

Ultimately, jealousy is fear, and it's fear that comes from self-doubt. Deep down, you doubt you could get anyone better, and you think perhaps she could. You even said about this guy he "looks like a better version of me". And so you fret, you mate guard, and you go through her messages and search history.

BTW, one reason for her to delete her search history is that she knows you're going through it, so maybe your OpSec isn't optimal.

Again: You. Will. Never. Really. Know.

The only thing you truly have control over is becoming a better version of yourself, and she'll either respond to that or she won't.

And if she doesn't, somebody better will. You need to internalize that, and believe that.

Once you get further along in your path it won't matter, and shit like this will come up again, like it does with my wife, except she'll voluntarily tell you about it (like my wife does), and she'll say things out of the blue like "I never want to be with anybody else but you."

All of the above being said, if you can do so without seeming weak and jealous, you may have a right to say you need her to cut ties with this dude, if you can find a way to call things out without tipping your hand about how you know. I have no idea if you're subtle enough for that, probably not.

[–]Balls_Wellington_3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, insecurity is ugly. The reason that OI and abundance mentality can turn on a woman is that it demonstrates security in one's frame. Insecurity does the exact opposite. Now your wife thinks "Hey, maybe there is a reason he is so threatened. Maybe this guy really is way better than my husband."

You are screaming out that you are threatened by this guy. It couldn't be more obvious to your wife if you rented a billboard that said "I AM AFRAID CHAD WILL FUCK MY WIFE."

There is some good advice on the subreddit for specific techniques to downplay a guy like this, but at the end of the day your insecurity is a self fulfilling prophecy.

Drop the issue. Let them talk. Stop being pathetic, and just do you. Your wife will stay or leave and this desperate mate guarding pretty much guarantees the negative outcome. I'm hardly an RP veteran but something I've done right even in my BP days is to never act threatened by a guy moving in on my partner. I can remember an old girlfriend asking why I wasn't jealous about some guy hitting on her, and I replied something to the effect of "Why would I be? If you want him, go be with him. I only want you if you want me too." Later, after we'd broken up, she told me that she found that response highly attractive.

Amused mastery. If you hadn't gone off already, I'd suggest something like "lol, that guy is totally hitting on you. Think you could con him into fixing the truck for us?" but the best thing now is to just act like it isn't a big deal until you realize it isn't a big deal.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I used to worry about my wife cheating or leaving or finding someone else constantly. Like ALL the fucking time. It's because I knew I sucked so much. I used to check her phone, constantly asking her what she was up to. It was mate guarding to the extreme. It was some gay ass shit. I also thought my wife was SOOOOO great, I'd never find another like her, blah blah, Oneitis bullshit, she was a "9", she was amaz-fucking-azing.

Things change...

If she ever cheated, she'd be out on the street and she knows it. She's not a 9... maybe a 7.5 at best... she's a post-wall 38 year old with two kids. Sure, she's attractive... for her age.

> How did this happen?

You don't see yourself as the prize. All the talk about "i'm scared of divorce" is just bullshit talk. Divorce would be fine, you'd be fine. Who the fuck cares anyhow - it's just money.

> How do I get out of this anxiety filled jealousy that doesn't have much basis in reality?

You need to build some fucking abundance.

> What is my next logical step?

Talk to women regularly? Cashiers, baristas, whoever. Flirt with them. Notice IOIs. Start looking at women while out and about - think how many are attractive that you'd want to sleep with.

Stop looking at her history - stop worrying about what she is or isn't doing. You said yourself- there's nothing based in reality - you have no suspicions except your hamster. And tell that motherfucker to STFU - that if she cheats - great! it proves she's a shit wife, then you can go find someone who isn't shit and in the meantime go fuck a bunch of strange.

[–]RJP4420[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Everything you said is right.

[–]Smuggler-Tuek6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck his wife

[–]Perfectinmyeyes2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

The other guys here seem to be more experienced in mate guarding etc...

I do agree with what they said. You cannot control your wife - only You.

If the shit does hit the fan, how are you going to handle it and what guy do you want to be?

The guy taking care of his shit or the guy afraid?

[–]RJP4420[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Right now I’m honestly scared to death but I believe this is part of the process of coming to terms with something I cannot control. It is almost if psychologically I have already lost her and now I am trying to get through the emotions. I want to be the guy that has a plan and takes care of his shit.

[–]tom-anonymous6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you're still spitting up and experiencing the bitter taste of the pill. It still bothers you that your unicorn (and women in general) notice other men and are affected by their attention. You're stuck between the blue pill world where you were taught that women were better than us. You were taught that they were more loyal than us men. You were taught that women don't lust after other men.

This bothers you because at the heart of all this is fear that you are not good enough. You're worried that in this new world of AWALT and Hypergamy that you will not be able to compete. I can assure you this will go away if you stick to your plan.

When you don't feel good enough or you start feeling scared that's when you start visualizing what you want to look like and what you want to become. Feel the adrenaline you get from all that and use it as fuel.

[–]JameisBong2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I skipped everything to say what would you do if she cheated?Would your life be affected by her leaving?If it does work on removing that from the equation. You should always be your own mental point of origin. No woman,job or anything external should define you.B e a man's man and get to work Sir,your wife is thinking there are better options out there,news flash even betas don't like divorced single moms for anything outside of a casual fling

[–]shouldergirdle2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dread! Men don't feel dread. Women feel dread. Dread is a competition anxiety that women feel when their men start attracting the attention of other women. A woman's response to dread is to solidify the relationship by fucking more and better.

There is no way that my wife, at 30+ yr old with multiple kids, depreciating assets is going to create a competition anxiety in me. She knows that if she does anything, emotional cheating, physical cheating she would be out the door so fast her head would spin. No discussion, no talking it over. Would free me up to sample some 22 yr olds. She would be replaced, tout suite, double time.

Wait a minute. I get it now. YOU are the woman in this relationship. Doing the cooking and cleaning, worrying about losing your soulmate, trying desperately to reconnect through hysterical bonding.

Perhaps, just by chance, your wife is looking for a leader. That's why chad is so appealing. If women are not led in a relationship, they are anxious and unhappy. They are forced to lead. Makes them resentful.

Lead your woman and your family. Break the oneitis. Be the man that she desperately needs.


[–]redwall921 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Does your wife have as much access to your phone and this reddit account as you have to her phone and her fb messenger account?

If so, you're asking for a shit ton of bricks to hit you in the face. Ideally ... that shouldn't matter. Shit tons of bricks fly around all day long in this world, and a good man can handle what needs to be handled. But as a new guy ... this particular shit ton of bricks won't help you.

[–]RJP4420[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

The answer is yes if she wanted to she could easily find this information. I hear what you are saying.

[–]snatch_haggis1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Bench 230lbs, Squat 365lbs, OHP 160lbs, Deadlift 215lbs

At 5' 10 and 165lbs, after lifting for 18 months? You have either a flair for embellishment or some weird asymmetries and a base you built back up from.

[–]RJP4420[S] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

The deadlift is terrible because I screwed up my back a few months ago. I have restarted that exercise this week with Wendler 5/3/1 Cycle 1. I’ve also started at a lower squat because I wasn’t doing ass to grass and was doing a box squat. Not trying to embellish anything probably should have left the deadlift out which I was considering.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You’re squatting 365 though with a screwed up back.


[–]snatch_haggis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


EDIT: Maybe they're in kilos.

[–]RJP4420[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Like I said I wasn’t doing a full ass to grass squat and would totally fail at 365 pounds if I tried. A box squat I could do and it never really seemed to bother my lower back like the deadlift did probably because I wasn’t going all the way down. I have a notebook full of handwritten logs for the whole year and a half if you are really interested. I was doing ice cream fitness 5x5 routine the entire time which has you squatting every workout.

[–]Cam_Winston21[🍰] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Look into the technique of a rack pull. Most of the benefits of a DL while protecting the lower back.

[–]snatch_haggis2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nearly every one of those lifts puts you at somewhere between an intermediate and advanced lifter, and your squat puts you between advanced and elite. I mean, hell, you're 30 lbs shy of a 1000lb total.

That's a hell of a lot of progress for 18 months, starting at zero, at 35. You may just be a natural, and if so congrats. But in this sub people spend a lot of time lying to themselves and each other, so I'd be an idiot not to call it out.

If legit numbers, then dude, just eat more and keep lifting, you would be jacked as fuck at say 180, if you focused on hypertrophy. The rest will sort itself out.

[–]impalemee0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can help you.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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