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Help Me Find My Blind Spots

Reddit View
January 16, 2020

Not looking for specifics on what to do, more looking for guidance on where my thinking is flawed or weak/BP.

Thanks for your time.

Any missing info you need, ask I'll answer.

30yo 6'2" 196lbs ~11%BF, wife 33yo 5'9" 180lbs, married 7yrs, kids 14(f) 3(f)


NMMNG×1.25 WISNIFG×2 TRM MMSLP MAP Pook×2 Poon WOTSM Day Bang 90% Atomic Habits 60% BPP 40% sidebar 90% (posts)

Life Background - can skip this

In my 20's coming out of being raised religious, (I'm not anymore) I deep throated the blue pill and long term my mission was to have a family and make enough to live a comfortable Beta existence. Short term I just wanted sex. Being Beta all my life hadn't worked to get dates, I found PUA and sprinkled some of that on some online profiles. Had a few girlfriends of less than 2 months each. (They couldn't tolerate my levels of Beta and Nice Guy traits longer than that) While at Military Officer School in the Continental US for 2 yrs I found a single mom who hit her wall and wanted a complete BB. Expected to be treated as my #1 priority above all others, claimed she would do the same for me. I was stoked. She was a "strong independent woman" in my mind, (that's what I wanted, an equal partner not a loser leach) but was actually just a bitch with childhood father abuse whose poor behavior I tolerated cuz feelz n sex felt guud. We married after 3 months. Moved back to Hawaii 6 years ago, into a separated floor of my parents house. (Very common in Hawaii to live with extended family, rent is insane.)

My decline is the usual story. Got fat, stopped being fun, etc etc. She always had issues following my parent's rules and expectations about living in their house, (conflicted with me putting her #1 no matter what) but we can't afford to live elsewhere. She frequently accuses me of "taking their side over hers"

It is all my fault directly or indirectly but you don't know what you don't know (RP knowledge)

The Actual Issue's Background

She fully cut off sex 11 months ago, and I just found out part of why yesterday. She found an orbiter/beta-to-fuck who is giving her the feelz, pedestalization, etc she has been craving at around that same time. He is in decent shape and looks very similar to me. They play the same online game and he works the same place but different shift of the job she got around that same time.

6 months ago I caught her lying about him going to the beach with her, our kids, and another mom n kids she is friends with. She also lied about him being at that friend's home one night when wife and kids were there, too. I told her to cut off all contact with him. Completely. She claimed she did. (I have proof now this was a lie) I caved 2 weeks later to let her continue playing the game with him, I realized I can't stop her contacting him if she wants to anyhow. She changed her phone passwords, uses snapchat constantly, etc after the confrontation. (Wonder why?) I found MRP about a month or two later.

I was firmly in denial until today, like, just selectively refusing to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Now, I have proof of her sending him lots of normal pics, one pic in bra and panties, no sex talk, but not stuff you would text to a platonic friend either on his end, hes "invested in her and not looking for anyone else, connected with her" with her neutrally encouraging him "how long are you willing to wait for me?" "As long as I have to". But this is probably at least an emotional affair, and most likely a full blown affair by now. My mindset is to assume the latter. AWALT. I may get more proof in a week, but it doesn't really matter. At this point I can't trust her, and don't think I ever will romantically again.

I don't have the Frame or skill to turn this around at this stage, even if it was just emotional. I really don't want to spend the effort trying.

Before MRP I would have immediately hysterically confronted her.

Now I'm not far enough along in my progression to judge if I'm making reasonable decisions.

What I'm Doing (where I need feedback)

So I am updating the divorce papers I made 2 months ago. I live in a no-fault state. I plan not to even bring up the affair, if she goes along peacefully with my uncontested divorce with 50/50 everything split and 50/50 custody. If she doesn't want to, I will use it as leverage at the right time, and if she fights me in court, I will use the DV incident I have against her to make sure everything at least stays 50/50.

I am waiting to hear back today or tomorrow about a promotion that would require a move to another island - 75% raise, and to a cheaper cost of living area. If I got it, everything goes on hold until I get us moved and settled for a few months - otherwise the way the law works here our 3yo's location would be court ordered to stay on our current island. I don't want to be separated from her.

I have already separated finances in the way best for child support calculations in this state prior to this discovery.

I am having my parents draw up a backdated rental agreement, they don't know what for yet. Its so that they can "evict" us since I don't think she will go willingly without a branch to swing to (like if this guy won't take her) and then I will move into a different part of their house that has a separate address without wife. Sneaky/shady? Sure. Legal? I'm pretty sure it is. We may backdate the eviction as well, or just wait the 30 days for it to go through. I haven't told my parents about her "likely" affair yet.

Right now I am focused on STFU and being normal, not doing or saying angry things. It isn't too hard since we don't speak much anyway. That's also part of the reason I don't think this is worth any more of my time or effort - around other people, I am funny, engaging, confident. Being around her is like a black hole for my personality. She doesn't react to anything I do or say the way other people do. I think there is just too much scar tissue... but I'm just a faggot, wtf do I know? Next to nothing.

I am entering a new anger phase for obvious reasons, I know its source is my own skewed expectations that she would follow her word, etc like a unicorn, which she isn't. I am doing my best to channel that anger into preparations for what is to come and continuing my MAP, which will be unaffected by divorce. I was going to start approaching other women anyway once I got to Dread 4 & 5, and would probably have fucked some of them.

Post Information
Title Help Me Find My Blind Spots
Author AlohaMaui808
Upvotes 10
Comments 64
Date 16 January 2020 11:32 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]part_wolf19 points20 points  (11 children) | Copy

“I don't have the Frame or skill to turn this around at this stage, even if it was just emotional. I really want to spend the effort trying.”

Your frame and skills (or lack of) are not the problem; it’s pretty evident that you’re self aware and you’ve started figuring out what’s best for you. Your problem is not truly internalizing and understanding, at a very deep level, that any effort spent on your relationship can only come at the cost of your self respect.

Trust me, your self respect is too high a price to pay.

I’ve mentioned this once before, but when my first wife said “I want a divorce,” my first instinct was to try and make it work, or figure out a way to see if things could be fixed. I thought at the time that I’d hate myself if I didn’t exhaust all of my options. When I discovered shortly thereafter that she fucked a few guys just to prove to herself that she was attractive, I recognized immediately that she could never respect me again. That ship has probably sailed for you as well.

Right now, you might be wondering what lies on the other side of this mess. Maybe there’s some fear about executing on this plan you’ve put together. I can tell you from experience exactly what lies on the other side of this: peace of mind.

There’s nothing wrong with saying, “I can’t fix this.” Fuck anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.

My advice is to think long and hard about how to discuss this with your kids. You didn’t mention that part, but if you want to maintain some type of relationship with them it’s absolutely critical that they understand that you love them no matter what and that the divorce isn’t their fault at all. If you do it right, when they grow up they’re more likely to respect you rather than resent you for it.

[–]Alpha_FucksFormerly DaddyChadThundercock7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the answer. Peace of mind is what you need OP. Divorce will give you that. Use your new RP super powers and rebuild from the rubble. You fucked this one up bad, just tap and start over. It's going to hurt worse if you stay and refuse to tap now, you will suffer injury and tap later anyway. Save some injury. Be smart. Shut the fuck up and get er done quietly and efficiently.

[–]Tyred_Biggums3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Trust me, your self respect is too high a price to pay.

This right here. She crossed a boundary you set - multiple times.

I can tell you from experience exactly what lies on the other side of this: peace of mind.

I'm 3 weeks separated. I don't know if it's the TRT or being separated but I am in the most peaceful state of mind... ever.

You didn’t mention that part, but if you want to maintain some type of relationship with them it’s absolutely critical that they understand that you love them no matter what and that the divorce isn’t their fault at all.

This is the most important part. Keep the kids at the forefront of it all. Your wife may use them against you - just take the high road and love them and reinforce this message that it isn't their fault, you're there for them, etc.

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 4 points5 points  (8 children) | Copy

Thank you.

Your problem is not truly internalizing and understanding, at a very deep level, that any effort spent on your relationship can only come at the cost of your self respect.

That's the kind of shit I was hoping for. Ridiculously dead on insightful.

This helps me nail down why I've been so conflicted about continuing to work on the marriage. I couldn't figure out why it didn't seem congruent with the new person I am trying to become.

self respect is too high a price to pay.

Agreed 100%.

your kids

14 yo is my step daughter, I'm going to tell her that I would very much like to continue to be a part of her life.

3 yo isn't going to be as affected, still too young. But there will be a basic talk about how mommy and daddy both love her very much. No extra BS about blame or us not loving each other.

"I really want to spend the effort trying" fuck that is actually a typo.

[–]part_wolf5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

You’re welcome. You already know what you need to do, you just didn’t know why you were struggling with it.

Do not underestimate the effect of a divorce on a child. Three year olds are capable of understanding a whole lot more than you think, and they’re old enough to develop abandonment issues. You’re not talking to the three year old, you’re talking to the teenager and adult that they’re going to be. Take it seriously and don’t fuck your kid’s life up because you weren’t paying enough attention.

[–]An_Actual_Politician1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

"Kids are resilient!"

~ Shit women say to rationalize shitty behavior when they're in the process of branch swinging

Great advice about focusing on divorce blowback and our children. Sometimes I think that gets underplayed here as some of us have to make extremely difficult decisions because we don't want to tip the scale back towards the even worse decision.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

extremely difficult decisions

The right thing to do is often the difficult thing.

Difficulty is directly proportional to the emotions experienced. Yours and the kids.

Removing yourself from the equation (because we allow ourselves to go through mountains of pain but won't tolerate an ounce for our kids) what often gets lost is that kids are picking up on negative emotions in both a stay or go scenario.

You are not saving your children from "blowback" by not making the decision to pull the trigger. You are only elongating the time they are experiencing one emotional set of suffering vs. another.

By delaying a decision you are simply delaying and reducing the length of time your kids see self respect in a HV Father modeled for them.

In the end, delay lengthens suffering and shortens the salve.

It's a simple choice.

Simple. Not easy.

[–]part_wolf0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Spot on. It’s all about the execution.

[–]Tyred_Biggums2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

You know the right answer. You're scared about the future and the unknown - which is natural. But you've known for a long time I bet what the right answer is.

"When you started this journey you knew the risks, and yet you still chose the path. Because it is yours" - HOA

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

"When you started this journey you knew the risks, and yet you still chose the path. Because it is yours" - HOA

Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi.

[–]Chump_No_More1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Confronting fear is the destiny of a Jedi.

Everything you want in life is on the other side of fear.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (16 children) | Copy

What's the question?

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 0 points1 point  (15 children) | Copy

Read the first sentence again. I "feel" out of my depth and am asking if I'm forgetting about something obvious in my "what I'm doing" area

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando8 points9 points  (14 children) | Copy

You Captain Save a Hoe'd a post wall, single mom, brought her home to live with your parents, got fat and lazy, she fucked another dude, tested him for a branch swing, then lied about it and she hasn't fucked you in almost a year.

Am I missing something obvious here?

Seems pretty straightforward to me.

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 2 points3 points  (13 children) | Copy

Again, I'm not asking for a recap of my history. That is an accurate summary. I'm asking if my plans moving forward still seem skewed or if they are reasonable from a RP perspective.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"11 points12 points  (6 children) | Copy

Fuck RP perspective asshole.

Are they reasonable from your perspective?

Consensus opinion is a big, giant, crock of shit. Stop trying to find it. Be your own man.

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I'm not in a super stable state of mind right now, I'm basically using half my mental focus continuously beating back my instincts to confront, play the victim, etc.

So I don't think I can or should answer that right now.

The post is to help me widen my perspective and consider things I havent thought of myself.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

When you are using half your mental processing power to not put a gun to your head and kill yourself, then you can cry to us.

Until then. Fuck off, some of us had real fucking problems.

Not just a fat fucking whale of a wife.

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

My bad red, I try to focus on relevant shit when I ask for help with a specific issue. If you want to though, we can go there.

For once you're barking up the wrong tree, I'm a Vet with PTSD - THAT 50% of my processing power has been used up "for" me, not by my choice. I'm dividing the part that's left in half when I talk about feeling unstable, make more sense now?

For the last 8 years I've dealt with the shit sleep from random night terrors, waking visions of carnage at random times, irrational bursts of anger and rage, the manic ups and downs, depression and anxiety. Can't seek help if I want to continue my military career, but I've finally decided my own health is more important than that career and am seeking that help I need.

This last year was particularly difficult for obvious reasons, before finding MRP there were several times I planned to drive off the cliff on the way to work, since I'm worth more to my kids dead than alive, or at least that's what the negative told me anyway.

So stick to the topic at hand or run along and eat some ass, red. Some of us have more than one problem we are working on.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So don't be obtuse - mention it.

BTW, been there, done that. All of it. Other than trying to kill myself (well at least kill by my own hands).

I had major PTSD, which was followed by anhedonia. Also the anger, rage, irrational bursts of anger, etc.

If you're not getting that heavily looked-into - including medication that's clearly needed - you can be the goddamn stoic monster of MRP - like me - and it won't fucking matter.

With that said, it's vital that you regain your ability to make your own decisions, your own choices, and do so with confidence.

If you're flat-out fucking crazy-eyed, then I suppose some perspective - assuming what you're getting from your (hopefully exists) healthcare team is suspect - may be in order.

You can reach out to me if you need to, but take it to PM.

[–]Perfectinmyeyes1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Btw no amount of money is worth being a father to your child. Meaning them to have money and no you. I grew up without a father... Since we're talking about it suicide and part of the reason was ptsd.

I being the son would have traded anything to have a father. Anything.

[–]pirisca0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I hope you are getting the help you need. Best of luck

[–]Rogue684861 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

How would you advise a friend in your position?

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

To do what I'm planning to do, because that's the best answer I can come up with based on my life experience. I asked because there is plenty I haven't experienced that could add insight or perspective or point out a pitfall that I haven't seen. And based on where I want my MAP to take me, the people in this community are most likely to have had relevant experiences.

[–]Rogue684860 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah. You're in a temporarily bad spot. It's all about how you play your cards.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Just checking the Red Pill Perspectometer...

It's saying to me, 'what do you want to do?' It must be broken.

Hmm. Will I try the Magic 8 Ball instead?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

93% Coco my friend.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There's a reason why I summarized and there's a reason why I asked you if I was missing anything.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

Bro, you post a lot - and you're defaulting to "ask mrp" or "hear it in OYS" often.

Pull back, take a break, and focus on you:

  • Initiative.
  • Confidence.
  • Comfort with the outcome.
  • Okay with being wrong.
  • Going your own way.

Stop asking for help from others. Instead, seek your own consul, be your own decision-maker, and learn to adjust based on your judgement and your observations.

Otherwise you're just stuck, like a child who doesn't want to grow up.

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm going to make my own decision.

I laid out what I'm planning to do.

Just figured other perspectives might broaden mine or bring to light something I hadn't considered (hence blind spot) that might be important.

Appreciate your feedback regardless.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

That's what you tell yourself, 'cuz it's so glamorous.

  • In reality you're waffling.
  • In reality you're second-guessing.
  • In reality you don't have confidence in yourself.
  • In reality you want daddy to say you're doing the right thing.
  • In reality you want mommy to say it's all gonna be okay.

You need to move past that dude.

Act as though there's no one else in the goddamn world who can guide your way, show you the light, open your doors, and tell you it's all gonna be just fine.

That's your role now.

(You just haven't grown into it yet.)

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

All true.

[–]Alpha_FucksFormerly DaddyChadThundercock5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

No one is coming. You are on your fucking own. None of these faggots care about you, especially the mods.

JA is right. Pull the trigger and prepare for the worst. Go grab meditations and keep reading it over and over. Embrace the suck.

Good luck.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (9 children) | Copy

It sounds like you’re “MRP aware.” Oh, it’s always a “beta orbiter.” Ok if that makes you feel better, but if he’s fucking your wife, he’s Chad and your not.

What are your lifts?

But this is probably at least an emotional affair, and most likely a full blown affair by now.

100% the latter

Here’s what you need to ask yourself—

  • Do you have the balls to serve the papers?

  • Do you have the balls to follow through once you serve the papers?

  • What are you going to say when you present the papers (this is important)

  • How are you going to handle her objections/shit tests after you file?

You need to really think about these things

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

100% the latter, lol.

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

These are good questions, better phrased than the similar thoughts I have already had.

Yes (my plan to wait is just about when it makes most sense - re: promotion, if I don't get it, I will serve next week.)

Yes (I was already considering and researching divorce before finding MRP)

"I have come to realize that the way you and I are growing as individuals we are no longer compatible, so I want a divorce"

Broken record, STFU, and fogging. No AA or AM.

[–]part_wolf4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

"I have come to realize that the way you and I are growing as individuals we are no longer compatible, so I want a divorce."

Brevity. You don't owe her an explanation, and you don't need her consent.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Do you have the frame and constitution to pull it off?

What are your lifts?

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

All are 5×5 - SQ 225lbs DL 250 BP 160 BR 160 OHP 105

I'm not going to crack on this. The more time I have to clear the haze in my mind and talking out different pieces here the more what I've already said I'm going to do is cementing as my next steps. By end of tomorrow I will be at 100% and ready for what I am going to do. By end of the weekend all pieces will be prepped and in place.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

At 6’2”, 196, those lift numbers don’t jive with someone at 11% BF. I’m thinking you’re probably 20% minimum. You either need to increase your lifts or get down to about 175 to be at 11% with those number. The math doesn’t add up.

For example, I’m 6’1”, and my 5x5 bench is 250 - 90 pounds more than yours, and I’m around 13% body fat at 200 lbs weight. How is it possible for my numbers to be so much higher and you have a lower BF-%? Hint - it’s not. Get honest with yourself.

However, good that you think you are ready for the divorce. Just know, that the follow through is the hardest part. Women have a way of drawing you back in if you’re not 100% ready. My gut is saying you lack the frame to go all the way. Don’t even start u til you are 100% ready to go all the way. Maybe you are, maybe not. Get brutally honest with yourself. If you were watching your best friend go through this and you k we about his frame (same as yours), do you think he could do it:

Most don’t understand how fucking hard it is to follow through. But, you certainly have enough reason to follow through. I personally would have filed papers the week after I found out. Ask yourself whether you are getting your ducks in a row or if you are stalling. Be brutally honest with yourself. Think about it for a couple days- not just now.

Know, that Red Berets will give you the straight truth, . It may come across as harsh, but I don’t casr: I care enough to give you the brutal honest truth from my perspective. You won’t get that in most places. Take advantage of that.

Alright bro? Stay strong. Know your strengths, but also know your limitations. Build upon both.

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's based on Navy method. I'm not claiming that number to lie, it's what my neck and waist measurements put into this site recommended to me by MRP spit out. It might be worth saying that while I've never lifted basically at all ever in my life, I have been doing calisthenics type exercises, running, rucking (rough trail walking/jogging under weighted "rucksack"), etc BS the Army makes us do for over 11 years. So I dunno.

It's probably because I have nearly zero upper body mass, but my core, back and legs are reasonable. I'd be willing to say that's why my SQ is going up faster than anything other than my DL.

It's also only been 4 months since I started lifting and for the first 2 of those I was cutting, eating 1500cal 200g protein/day keto OMAD while lifting, but my TDEE is between 3000-4000 per day because of my job. I lost 20lbs in 45 days.

I defer to your experience however

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m very familiar with Navy method. I’m not a big fin of it- you already pointed out one of many possible limitations of it. I like the picture method as crazy as it may sound. Find internet pics of different body fat % and see where you might fit. If you google it, there’s lots of them, so look at a bunch of them. But, definitely keep working on your lifts. Your bench should be at 225 minimum at your height/weight.

Also, look at my 2nd part of the parent comment that I just added about determining whether or not you’re Really ready. It’s a lot hard than you might think. Rollo talks about some of the techniques they use to try to draw you back in. 1000’s of years of evolution have made them masters of it. Shit, I just got a couple flashbacks from HS girlfriends who masterfully drew me back in with various manipulative techniques lol. Brush up on that, in the Rational Male I believe.

[–]arm_candy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

but my core, back and legs are reasonable

No they’re not. You’re at novice level on squats and deadlifts. I weigh 150 and I’m weak as hell and my squat and deadlift are just below yours.

I’m picturing you sucking in your gut and cinching the measuring tape tight when you measure your waist.

You don’t improve by lying too yourself.

[–]so_woke_da_wookie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In no world are you ever going to get this shit ‘right’. It’s not even a thing to get right. But you can be smart about it. And you know how to do that and where the resources are.

Fuck her & fuck us.

Step into yourself and do what you want, at your pace, for you.

Lean in to the discomfort. Not so much that you burn out but enough that you know your pushing forward.

And oh btw, fuck you Maui, you’re not even at your sexual market peak. By the time your my age you’ll have a decade of OYSing under your belt. What sort of man do you imagine you’ll be then?

Brother keep on keeping on because the world will open to you.

And remember, most people overestimate what they can achieve in a year and massively underestimate what they can achieve in five.

[–]RolloAngerManagement1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm late to this and it looks like you've got things well covered from a practical and mental perspective. I've not seen much comment on the experience itself so I'll add a few things that come to mind around my own divorce (I initiated, no kids, 18 month battle over money) way back when:

  • Someone has perhaps already said this but expect things to be fucking hard at times and worse than you'd expect, for periods at least
  • You're gonna get real angry, real often as she presses those buttons and society shows you just how much the balance is skewed in her favour - she'll have more control over your life (or at least your future), for a time, then she has ever had
  • No one is ready for the crazy she'll likely get to from time to time (and how seriously seemingly rational people will take her)
  • Don't expect things to go to plan, expect the unexpected
  • As has been said, you might find yourself being pulled back, I think it's escapism or just the need for some calm in the storm - this doesn't mean anything, keep moving on with the plan even if you fold and fuck her or emote or whatever
  • Fully agree with the comments from others about sticking to the plan and keeping your cool (STFU) with her and sucking it up when it gets hard - it's worth it
  • Other women make things better

If she's cooperative and there's no fight, most of this won't apply but shit, is that a unicorn I see.

[–]redpillruminations1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like an abundance issue. Say you're at Dread 4 or 5, like you say. At least 1 other girl who you can fuck. This weekend. Is there any question? Also, move out of your parent's ASAP. Based on the post, they've been fucking with your head since childhood. I interact with mine as little as possible, because they spin me up bad.

You don't need anyone's opinion here. What kind of place would this be if even one person said "she's cheating but you should def stay put."

Get it done ASAP, get on to learning to respect yourself. I'm in process of it too.

You made some great points on my post. 4 months into this though man... That anger is righteous. It's going to sneak up on you and take you over still. I couldn't get past mine for a while. Still have some that hangs around. Situation sucks btw, even though you did it to yourself. Either way, good luck.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Blindspots are already addressed. No changes to the plan.

1) Lift - Take your anger out at the iron temple. 2) STFU - Keep quiet about what you know. 3) Sidebar - Divorce advice section.

She's shown you who she is. Believe her.

Some fish are best thrown back.

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Appreciate the confirmation and serious response. The first thing I did after finding out initiatially and just sitting with my emotions to process everything negative that my subconscious was instinctively spitting out, consciously converting the thoughts to RP based positive ones, was to go to the divorce section in the sidebar and reread it. I hit 225 SQ this morning, my initial goal. I am keeping quiet.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good. Keep using the negative as a trigger to take positive action.

Use this moment to forge the man you want to become.

[–]tspitsatgp1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

You have my permission to leave your wife.

Life without the bullshit is much better, if you do the hard work.

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] -2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

I wasn't asking permission.

I asked if I was missing anything.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The balls to do what you know you should do.

[–]tspitsatgp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The thing you are missing is perspective. Let go of the anger. Cold and calculating is your friend. It’s done and dusted. Make as clean an exit as you can using whatever plan you form. Own it.

Life’s good when you start letting go of the losers in your life that are dragging you down.

[–]rotkohlblaukraut0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I get that your head is spinning. And I get that you want opinions. But at the end of the day, if you leave her, leave her because your self esteem doesn't let you spend a life married to a deceitful sex-denying wife, not because a consensus of forum members said it sounded right. If you leave, do it with the belief that you deserve better and can do better and can make a better man of yourself, with that as your absolute conviction, not because it's a piece of boilerplate advice from the MRP gang. You're only 30, you have a lot of power to influence where you go from here, so don't think you're locked into anything specific at this point.

And as a general piece of advice, don't make any big life-altering decisions while you're under the influence of anger or other strong emotions. Give yourself time to cool off first and let your rational mind decide based on a true sense of what you want.

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you weren’t a high a value man when you committed to this woman, why would you stay with her when you are now? Especially after her past indiscretions are known. I don’t care what your MAP is, but I can almost guarantee there is an element in there that is related to your self respect and dignity. No person, no woman, not even your children, are above that. So what is there left to think about? Get the papers, get some options, get in the gym, and get away from this loser of a woman the old you obliviously settled with. Do you have the balls to?

[–]Vegasman200020 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You seem clear enough and reasonable to me. Path is clear. Sorry man, but you will be fine when the dust settles

[–]HeckleandChide0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

Remember the movie Jurassic Park where the mathematician said “that is one big pile of shit.” You are like a guy who decided to carve out a little cave in that pile, live there for a while, rub it in your hair and all over your body, and now you are wondering how to fix it. It’s gonna take a damned long time.

I’m not going to go into the specifics other than to say, you need to look deep inside yourself to figure out why the hell you made so many terrible, weak decisions. Fix those deep-rooted issues or stuff like this will be a revolving door in your life.

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

My last OYS talks about this. I am not ignoring those issues or blaming wife for doing what women do, AWALT has finally hit home.

That being said, even before I found MRP, cheating is a line I have always drawn.

[–]HeckleandChide5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Well, AWALT is truth. I’m a huge believer in that. But let’s be real honest here.

This isn’t an AWALT issue. This is a “you are fucking terrible at vetting” issue. Seriously, all on you. You picked a gigantic fucking loser of a woman so don’t give yourself a pass by saying “Well, AWALT.” Nope.

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

True, I had no vetting 7 years ago. None. Which might have been ok anyway with this woman if I was already a HVM. But I wasn't, what happened happened, and now I need to make my best decisions for me and my children moving forward.

[–]NeoTheJuanDJ0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you weren’t a high a value man when you committed to this woman, why would you stay with her when you are now? Especially after her past indiscretions are known. I don’t care what your MAP is, but I can almost guarantee there is an element in there that is related to your self respect and dignity. No person, no woman, not even your children, are above that. So what is there left to think about? Get the papers, get some options, get in the gym, and get away from this loser of a woman the old you obliviously settled with. Do you have the balls to?

[–]ImNotSlash1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy


Just figured other perspectives might broaden mine

And this:

cheating is a line I have always drawn.

Are not congruent.

If you want legal advice, call a lawyer.

[–]AlohaMaui808[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Not looking for legal related advice, thanks. I've done extensive research and already met with one.

Just wanted to see if I was missing anything, from the replies I've been getting, looks like "not really"

[–]ImNotSlash2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

But if "cheating is a line I have always drawn" what more advice you need? Perhaps it's a conditional boundary? Which means it's not a boundary at all.

BTW, I think Johnny nailed it

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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