Is it a red flag if a woman used to be a knowing Mistress to a married man for years?

ApuAllAlone · 2020-11-03T15:44:10+00:00

You talk about your experience dating a married man in your post history, what do you think?

LocalReligionMajor · 2020-11-03T16:44:56+00:00

Being a mistress definitely hurts your RMV. You were willing to have sex without commitment, and even without the hope of future commitment. Why must your current romantic interest give you the commitment? It makes him self-aware that he isn't desirable enough to keep you without commitment. (Certainly, this doesn't mean that no man will commit to a woman who was a mistress, but this will make it harder)

Among men who aren't interested in commitment-free sex, typically more traditional, it also hurts your RMV because you don't share their view of marriage.

LateralThinker13 · 2020-11-03T17:48:11+00:00

No one trusts a cheater. There are exceptions, but... yeah. A woman who has an affair isn't respecting either her vows or her husband, and statistically she's not doing it purely for sex like many men do (since women are encouraged to withhold sex if they don't get their way, and on average are not as sex-motivated as men). AND, I'd look at her as not having the balls to LEAVE her husband and join the other man. She wants the best of both worlds; beta bucks AND alpha fucks. She's a selfish coward.

How could another man trust OR respect her for a LTR? I wouldn't.

-Acta-Non-Verba- · 2020-11-03T17:27:11+00:00

A man who doesn't care is a man who is unconcerned about the moral character of the person to whom he might potentially trust his life, and (more importantly) his children's lives.

A man who doesn't care about that is a fool.

NoFaithInThisSub · 2020-11-03T21:13:30+00:00

It's a red flag I think more so for the fact the mistress is chasing a relationship she knows she cannot have. That's what damaged people do, think captain-save-a-hoe trying to fix a damaged person. This is on par with that.

lovelyllamas · 2020-11-04T03:14:57+00:00

my mom was the knowing mistress in her relationship for years, until the wife died. let me tell you, it messed me up, especially as I grew older.

What type of example is that as a single mom? She clearly doesn't have any respect for herself. He died a few months ago, and the whole situation came full circle for me. I have secondhand embarrassment from her doings, we clearly were never welcomed by his family or friends. It's wrong, it's more than a red flag, Thankfully, I didn't see this too late in my own life to make the same mistakes she did, and know better.

pandanetz · 2020-11-03T17:01:51+00:00

That’s not a red flag, It’s much worse that that. I wouldn’t place any value into a relationship with a woman that is someone else’s toy, have no respect for herself, the actual gf/wife or any basic decency to realize what she is doing is beyond sick. Women/men that are cheaters are worth nothing.

Mewster1818 · 2020-11-03T15:50:36+00:00

I think it's a personal thing. I think it will definitely be a turn off for a lot of men, but that some men won't care.

The issue is, which of those groups of men do you align with? The first group is definitely going to have stricter morals, but that also means they will have higher standards for their own behavior (or should). Personally I would only be interested in men from this group, I want someone with strong morals and standards with whom I can raise children with and feel confident that we are providing the best possible foundation for them (for me this is the number one prerequisite for vetting any relationship).

However, that doesn't mean it's wrong to be attracted to men from the other group, or to place morals/ personal conduct further down the list. You just have to be realistic about it. If you want to make decisions that show you may have character/ moral flaws then don't expect that your "Mr. Right" is going to be someone who takes their character and moral obligations seriously.

NoFeelsNoMercy · 2020-11-04T07:44:19+00:00

Your male friend is a degenerate

2020-11-03T16:07:40+00:00

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Red flag for sure, if were talking about relationships. Chad won't care though.

aussiedollface2 · 2020-11-03T21:34:15+00:00

Men can be quite judgemental about these things I find. They despise married women who cheat (even if it’s with them), and women who act immorally. xo

LVRunner · 2020-11-04T02:27:58+00:00

Being the other woman is gross, and it’s not something that anyone would admit to a future partner and not expect to be judged. Madly in love with a married man for 5 years, what a sucker for wasting her youth.

Buckley92 · 2020-11-04T05:39:28+00:00

Former mistress here. I would say they probably would view it as a red flag as it is trashy.

Why did I do it knowing how trashy it was?

My self esteem was in the toilet. At that point in my life, I felt worthless and alone, and like I didn't deserve anything better. I knew it was wrong, but when you don't give a shit if you live or die, you don't give a shit if sex with a married man is wrong because if you can't care about yourself, you can't have the capacity to care about what other people think.

Now I know better. Much better.

rft24 · 2020-11-03T20:16:31+00:00

i would think it’s a red flag because it’s clear that someone who would get involved with a married person knowing that they’re married doesn’t respect commitment or marriage, so there’s a good chance they wouldn’t respect their own commitment or marriage if they were in one.

maybe it’s just cuz if the kind of men i surround myself with (i have a good number of male friends), but depending on the man’s morale he would more likely than not see it as a red flag; especially if he himself is not a cheater &/or is against cheating. men with high standards & strong morals would definitely see it as a red flag.

i just don’t see why women put themselves in such compromising situations. any logical person can see that a woman who does that clearly does not have high enough self-esteem to know that she deserves to have her own man & doesn’t have to “steal” or “share” someone else’s. it’s also clear that women who do this aren’t thinking rationally enough to realize or accept that #1) 9x out of 10, the man is never going to willingly leave his wife for you even if he strings along telling you he will (& he tells you this because you were gullible enough to cheat with him, so he knows you’re gullible enough to believe his lies) & #2) how you get ‘em is typically how you lose ‘em, cuz once you’re older & lose your good looks & the excitement of a recent affair is gone, he’ll trade you up for the next hot young mistress.

TheJudge___ · 2020-11-04T05:06:18+00:00

This "male friend" wouldn't happen to have a personal interest in telling you this, would he? In any case, this sort of thing does not make you look very reliable, so good luck with that.

idnthaveausernam3 · 2020-11-04T07:03:51+00:00

Unless a woman remained in a close knit community where everyone knew that she was a mistress or had family members or friends present in her life who knew and were willing to tattle tell (I would keep such people at a distance, personally, they obviously want to cause trouble) , she could always move on and keep it a secret from future partners. I don't see why anyone would have to find out unless they really had to. In my opinion you don't owe it to your current partner to share something with them unless it will effect them in some practical way.

I probably wouldn't want to know something about a man that was similar. Why would I need to know and why would I be entitled to that information? What purpose would it serve for our individual relationship? If he still had issues it would be obvious in many more ways.

Your past is your past. Unless the consequences of it effect your day to day life now no one has to know about it. Forget that it happened and move on.

Iluvalmonds83 · 2020-11-03T19:13:38+00:00

We are not mind readers of the men you interact with, nor can we speak on behalf of men and what the general male population would see as red flags.

To me personally, if I’m looking for a relationship partner, and that partner was complicit in unethical relationships then I would see it as a red flag. If I’m just trying to have a one night stand or hookup or other kind of short term casual fling, I imagine I would not care because I’m not considering that person for relationship potential. Though even for that kind of situation I’d still want to avoid people who are active cheaters or otherwise attached, where I’d be helping them cheat on their significant other.

quirkypinkllama · 2020-11-03T21:57:09+00:00

I'd say she has low standards

bbbigboypants · 2020-11-04T11:18:55+00:00

It's undignified.

ColdAndDeliberate · 2020-11-04T13:56:04+00:00

Someone who would take advantage at your expense is not a friend, no matter how "friendly" and "understanding" they act.

TheBunk_TB · 2020-11-04T21:09:49+00:00

Yes. Its a red flag.

femmewoman · 2020-11-04T21:16:05+00:00

obligatoryclevername · 2020-11-17T22:46:54+00:00

Big red flag. Shows a lack of ethics and loyalty.

Salsaxat · 2020-11-03T18:41:11+00:00

I think you're right.

mysteriouscirce · 2020-11-03T20:26:32+00:00

Oh no man cares if she’s hot.

bel_esprit_ · 2020-11-03T22:30:52+00:00

If the guy likes you enough, he doesn’t care.

Only exception are maybe Christian guys, but even then, they’ll forgive you if they like you enough.

Title	Is it a red flag if a woman used to be a knowing Mistress to a married man for years?
Author	RedRiotGirl
Upvotes	55
Comments	48
Date	November 3, 2020 3:31 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/jnca9l/is_it_a_red_flag_if_a_woman_used_to_be_a_knowing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-it-a-red-flag-if-a-woman-used-to-be-a-knowing.327062 https://theredarchive.com/post/327062

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