Hello ladies,

I share a child with my NVM ex. Today he brought up in front of my friend that he wants to open up an account for our child to save for university. We have already discussed not opening an ISA because we don’t want him to have access to money at 18. We would save in our own personal ISAs. Then my friend kept asking, “how would you know how much is your money and your child’s?” I said that “if I am budgeting I should know how much is my child’s and how much is mine” (keeping records). Then she suggested we open a joint ISA for our child, my ex ran with the idea. I said “no”. He asked “why?” I said “I don’t need to explain it to you”. He then said “it’s for our child, what if we have other family’s we need to make sure it’s not mixed with other children savings? We need to make sure our child is ok” I said “no”. Then he asked “why?” I said “I have my reservations besides that is different situation because I would be married. So no”. Then my friend kept saying “why don’t you check with the bank and then make a decision”. I said “no”. Then she whispered to me that I should be diplomatic...

Personally I am not opening up a joint account with this NVM man, we have never been married because he thought he could do better/ him and his family were stalling, he’s abused me, cheated on me on important dates and while I was pregnant, is a pathological liar, gaslighted me into keeping our child, gave me an STI, financially used me when he lost his job, doesn’t take care of our kid, is always crying that life is hard because he has to work to sustain himself clean his house and do his own laundry/ cook.

No is a complete sentence so why should I be diplomatic to accommodate this NVM, just to make him feel comfortable? I don’t think he deserves me being nice to him, I won’t be gaslighted and negged by anyone anymore. What’s your opinion on this? How should I deal with situations this? I feel like I entertained the conversation too long.