This article is very long, and exceeds the Reddit character 40,000 character limit by four or five times, so I am only including about 15 pages of the full 55 page article in this post. You can read the whole thing here: https://www.woujo.com/blog/2018/4/26/how-to-hold-frame
I want to thank everybody that gave me feedback on this article, especially the ECs that read all 55 pages of this horseshit.
Table of contents
The subconscious mind
What is the alpha male?
The alpha male and reality
The archetypal alpha male
Hacking your mind
Practical steps to hack your mind
Your inner world
Status and Insecurity
Women and the alpha male
The alpha male and resources
Approaching and escalating
How to be nice
Joking and teasing
This is a long article, so the TLDR will be pretty long too.
Women are attracted to the archetypal alpha male, the “perfect” alpha male. Women are only attracted to real men to the extent they are similar to the archetypal alpha. The archetypal (perfect) alpha male has 4 primary characteristics:
1) Power – The alpha male can defeat any challenge relevant to the tribe, including physical challenges from other tribes.
2) Superiority – The alpha male gets first dibs on resources.
3) Abundance – The alpha male controls all resources, including women.
4) Leadership – The alpha male leads the tribe in every respect and makes all the rules for the betas in the tribe.
The alpha possesses these traits so he can lead the tribe in the battle against challenges.
Defeating challenges is the most fun thing a person can do.
Women are attracted to the archetypal alpha because they can vicariously defeat challenges through him, but without the danger or responsibility.
The archetypal alpha’s thoughts and emotions are always fixated on defeating challenges.
The archetypal alpha only does things for women, including paying them attention, when they do something for him first. This rule is the “alpha male quid pro quo” and is the most important rule for holding frame.
As the leader, the alpha male makes all the rules for the tribe, which means that he essentially creates the rules for reality because humans did not evolve to understand the difference between objective reality and the alpha’s rules.
Insisting on your own reality, especially when it clashes with other realities, is holding frame.
Although you are not the archetypal alpha, you can and must “hack” your mind to feel like the archetypal alpha. You do this by focusing your thoughts and emotions on defeating challenges in your life, even when you are around women.
To act and feel as if you have the “power” trait, you must act and feel as if you can defeat any challenge. You must remain calm, positive, and stoic in the face of negativity.
Abundance requires you to feel like you have everything. The primary barriers to abundance are 1) uncontrolled desires, 2) pedestalization of women, 3) a shitty life, and 4) insecurity.
Superiority requires you to focus on your own fun first, and to make her feel like you have access to worlds, both inner and outer, she can never access.
Leadership requires taking the lead in every aspect of the relationship and creating the rules for reality.
Disclaimer Many people will want to reject this article because of its reliance on evolutionary biology. I am not a scientist, so these theories are a combination of my admittedly cursory reading of the scientific literature and my own observations of human life. The science of evolutionary biology is not advanced enough yet to definitively demonstrate which human behaviors are socially conditioned and which are influenced by evolutionary factors, so much of the following is not based on laboratory science. But the following does not contradict the scientific consensus and more importantly, just because science has not figured out something does not mean it is not an important answer for humans to have.
This article is about how to act like an alpha male, or in other words, “hold frame.” Acting like an alpha male is called holding frame because the alpha is the master of the current reality and creates the rules for reality, so you must “frame” every situation through the lens of your own reality. You must act as if your conception of reality is the correct one (even if it is not, you can always change your conception of reality later), your reality is more fun than any other reality (even if it is not), and nothing can make you accept another reality (even though you would). This sounds like a huge task, and it is, but you will be amazed at how malleable people’s thoughts, emotions, and even identities are in the face of what they feel to be is the alpha male.
This article will not make women like you. It will not teach you how to be funny, or smart, or interesting, or rich, or confident, etc… All it will do is teach you a few rules about how the alpha male would act. But even if you follow these rules perfectly, women may still reject you because there is more to being an alpha than just acting like one. The alpha male is generally tall, athletic, presents a nice appearance, and has some type of indicia, often in the form of money or other resources, that he is good at defeating important challenges. This article will not focus on how to improve those material facts about yourself, as there is plenty of literature on how to lift, eat right, dress better, etc…
Even if your material circumstances suck, and you are short, poor, ugly, or unsuccessful, you must still hold frame. There are no special rules for ugly guys. If you are unattractive or your life sucks, you will get rejected more, women will be less likely to accept your frame, and women will leave your frame more often. When faced with these obstacles, many men break and just accept that they are “losers” or try find a different way to women’s hearts, often by acting like a little bitch. Don’t do that. If you can stand firm and hold frame, you will feel more powerful, more confident, less needy, and these new emotions may even help you become more successful in your life.
The subconscious mind
Human psychology is fucking weird. No matter how much we humans like to think we are rational, we often do things that are counterintuitive, irrational, and counterproductive even to our own goals and desires. The modern media-entertainment complex wants us to throw up our hands and say “There is nothing you can do! Everybody is different, emotions are mysterious and impossible to understand, especially emotions like love and attraction, and all you can do is be a nice person, and hope people like you.”
To some degree the media-entertainment complex is correct, but I believe that much of human behavior can be explained by deep, subconscious evolutionary wiring related to our need and desire to view the world as a dominance hierarchy with an alpha male at the top. Not only do we subconsciously view all of our relationships through the lens of this dominance hierarchy, but our subconscious perceptions of ourselves and others cause us to “act out” this dominance hierarchy in ways that we may not even consciously realize. Scientists have clearly observed these dominance hierarchies in apes, but to “prove” that they exist in humans would require thousands of experiments, most of which would be highly unethical, politically incorrect, and probably impossible. Therefore, all we have to guide is the little science we have and our own observations and experiences.
Each person is unique and almost infinitely complicated, but we share certain emotions formed through millennia of evolution, and the dominance hierarchy emotions are the strongest of these. Because the dominance hierarchy ensured the survival of our ancestors against their enemies in the jungle, these emotions are relentless, constant, uncompromising, and extremely powerful. They overpower all of our other emotions, even important ones like love and compassion, and even hijack our rational thoughts. When repressed or ignored, these emotions reappear in a different form, oftentimes even stronger, and sometimes disguised as something else.
Think of the human mind like a house: everybody has a different house, but we all have the same foundation, and if that foundation is not maintained, the house collapses. Put another way, our rational mind is like a mouse trying to ride an elephant. The mouse can influence the elephant’s actions a little, and over a lifetime this little becomes a lot, but the mouse’s control over the elephant at any single moment is very tenuous and cannot change what the elephant fundamentally wants. If you are ever reluctant to hold frame, you must remember that you are speaking to her emotions that literally decide whether she gets killed in the jungle or not. And no matter how mean, bitchy, disinterested, angry, rude, insistent, or confident her conscious demeanor appears, it is ultimately a mouse riding an elephant.
It bears repeating that holding frame, by itself, will not make a woman like you. You must hold frame AND appeal to her other desires as well. Some women want a 7 foot tall basketball player, others want a dirty hipster covered in tattoos, and yet others want a nerdy Indian guy, and if you are not what she wants she will either not pay you enough attention to notice your frame or she will feel attracted, but not enough to fuck you. Not that it matters what anybody wants. The alpha male is a fun-seeking missile, so he does whatever the fuck he wants and women that like it will join.
What is the alpha male?
It is impossible to describe human emotions into words, so I arbitrarily categorize the alpha male’s traits into 4 broad categories, but many traits and actions can fall into more than one category.
1) Power – The alpha male can defeat any challenge relevant to the tribe, including physical challenges from other tribes.
2) Superiority – The alpha male gets first dibs on resources. 3) Abundance – The alpha male controls all resources, including women. 4) Leadership – The alpha male leads the tribe in every respect and makes all the rules for the betas in the tribe.
The primary characteristic of the alpha male is that he defeats challenges. Ape alpha males primarily defeat physical challenges, whereas human alphas must defeat any kind of challenge relevant to human life.
In the language of Jordan Peterson, the alpha male evolved to slay the dragon of chaos. Our minds divide existence into order (that which we know and understand) and chaos (that which we have not yet conquered). The ideal life straddles the border between order and chaos. Too much chaos, and you are overwhelmed, confused, and crippled by fear. You get no wins, you accomplish nothing, and you are dispirited. Too much order, and you are lazy, bored, overly rigid, antsy, and fail to grow. But defeating challenges with one foot in the realm of order and one in the realm of chaos is the purpose of life: it is the most exciting, meaningful, and fun thing a person can do.
Because our position in the dominance hierarchy is the primary determinant of our emotions, thoughts, and behavior, our subconscious mind is constantly trying to determine whether we are alpha or beta in the situation we are in and the people we are around. We subconsciously perceive the 1) material circumstances (resources and appearance) and the 2) actions of ourselves and others, and based on this information we subconsciously calculate our position in the dominance hierarchy. If we subconsciously feel beta, then we act beta, which causes us to feel even more beta, and causes others to view us as beta and therefore themselves as alpha. Actions influence emotions and emotions influence thoughts so our actions/emotions/thoughts axis can quickly spiral into a vicious or virtuous cycle, depending on what we do.
To determine who is the alpha or beta, our subconscious mind primarily looks at the parties’ ability to confront and defeat challenges. Because the most important challenges in our ape past were physical, we evolved to “sense” the alpha male as the male with superior physical strength, health, eagerness to confront and defeat challenges, evidence of having defeated challenges in the past, and an accumulation of resources (the prize of defeating challenges). When multiple individuals in the same situation exhibit these characteristics, they are driven to battle to determine the alpha, and the losers evolved to “become beta” and accept the alpha male’s leadership by following, obeying, and helping the alpha male.
Evolution enforces this dominance hierarchy by using a combination of emotional sticks and carrots. The “sticks” are negative emotions like anxiety, depression, and fear, which prevent betas from challenging or disobeying the alpha male. Anxiety freezes betas with hesitation if they are about to wander from the tribe or do anything you feel may upset the alpha male, and depression numbs their emotions and drains their energy after the alpha male rejects them or kicks their ass so they ruminate about what they did wrong so they don’t do it again. These feelings are all subconscious: even if you think the alpha is a stupid, incompetent, jerk, if you don’t feel like you can defeat him, you will still feel anxiety when confronting him.
The evolutionary “carrots” that draw betas to the alpha male are 1) an emotional fixation on the alpha male, 2) a strong desire to contribute to the tribe to obtain acceptance by the alpha male, and 3) the ability to vicariously defeat challenges through the alpha male. Defeating challenges is the ultimate fun, but betas evolved to feel paralyzing anxiety in the face of chaos, so they can only experience this fun vicariously through an alpha male. Even in our society today most people would rather have fun vicariously through the alpha male than do fun things themselves because the alpha male will face bigger challenges than the beta can, will be more successful against those challenges, and will win bigger prizes. This is why men watch football on TV on Sunday rather than play football in their backyard.
While betas intensely fixate on the alpha male, the alpha feels nothing for the betas. The alpha isn’t a narcissist or an asshole – he just needs to focus on defeating challenges. Focus is extremely important for the alpha male – if he gets distracted from fighting challenges for even a second the entire tribe could get killed. In fact, women evolved a keen ability to sense whether a man can be distracted. Many cultures even have a myth where their tribe kills everybody in another tribe by distracting them with women. In the West, see the rape of Dinah in the Bible or the rape of the Sabines in Roman literature.
To look at it differently, the alpha male needs to focus on defeating challenges because he is responsible for providing the “fun” for the tribe. If the alpha male’s thoughts and emotions are no longer focused on having fun, the betas must find somebody else to vicariously have fun through. This sounds disloyal, but having fun/defeating challenges is THE MOST IMPORTANT THING for humans. If you are not doing that, somebody is kicking your ass.
The alpha only focuses his thoughts and emotions and does things for betas when they do something to help him defeat challenges. In the middle of a war, the beta who takes care of the tribal chief’s horse is important and the chief can and must take care of him or her. The chief cannot waste any energy on betas who are not contributing; he needs to be focused on the enemy. Apes that do not act like this die in the jungle, so these behaviors and rules are wired into our deepest emotions. As you can see, there is nothing wrong with being a beta; betas are necessary for the functioning of the tribe.
Betas evolved to be very conscious of status. The dominance hierarchy is literally a ranking, and the more the alpha approves of your contribution the higher ranking he will allow you, and the higher your rank, the further you are from rejection. All obsession with status is essentially a deep-seated fear of rejection. Therefore, betas evolved to emotionally fixate on the alpha to figure out 1) if he is still the alpha or if he has been compromised and 2) whether the alpha is pleased with their contribution. This is also why betas’ self-esteem depends on the alpha. Psychologists have determined that people feel depressed and suicidal when they feel they no longer contribute to their community or the world.
Both men and women can feel beta, but women generally feel beta more consistently and strongly than men because they have less testosterone, a hormone that increases aggression and competition. Therefore, women fixate more deeply on the alpha male, and notice every little thing he says and does. Men generally do not fixate on women in the same way and therefore “miss” important information about the woman, often after it is too late. Women’s superior ability to fixate on the man provides them an important advantage because they can use the information they collect against the man if they feel like the man has done them wrong. Nietzsche theorized that the alpha’s biggest weakness was that he paid so little attention to the betas that he could not notice that they were plotting against him. This advantage is so important that most cultures have a myth where a scheming woman “dupes” an aloof man that is ignoring her. The ability to scheme is doubly important for women because a woman evolved to feel extreme anxiety in any physical confrontation with the alpha because it is clearly not a sound evolutionary strategy to fight the alpha.
Emotional investment is simply the act of fixating your thoughts and emotions on something or somebody. The longer you fixate your thoughts and emotions on something that feels good, the more emotionally invested you become. When something feels good, our brain forms neural circuit I call a “pleasure pathway,” that subconsciously and automatically propels us to seek that thing again, and if that thing feels good again, the pleasure pathway is strengthened. This is why drug addicts must consciously work to avoid drugs, because otherwise the will “automatically” do drugs without even consciously realizing what they are doing. This is also why emotionally investing in the wrong person is disastrous: you are literally addicted to a person that can manipulate you, harm you, or just not give a fuck about you.
Emotions are determined by actions, not thoughts or words, so women do not emotionally invest in you until they DO something meaningful for you. Words mean nothing. Once she does things for you, and you accept her into your life, and she has fun vicariously through you, a pleasure pathway will form, causing her to become more and more emotionally invested, especially if she does not have other men that can create the same feeling for her.
Women take much longer than men to emotionally invest because women must carry and take care of a child so they need a man who is credibly alpha over the long term, whereas a man is interested primarily in short-term sex. Furthermore, the alpha male is a complicated character, so a person must be analyzed for a while to determine whether they are really alpha or just a faker. This gives women a certain degree of power early in the relationship because they can be rational when the man feels emotional. Men often feel there is a “connection” when the woman does not feel anything yet, so women often use this rational phase to trick men into doing things for them.
Holding frame requires patience because women do not emotionally invest in you the moment you start holding frame. Even if she is acting bored, disinterested, mean, or distracted, she is secretly noticing and analyzing everything you do and will (possibly) come around and emotionally invest if you hold frame. Most men lose patience, so they do something to get an immediate positive reaction, usually by supplicating or acting like a little bitch. Holding frame means your primary motivator must be your own desire to have fun, not her reactions.
The alpha male and reality
Human’s desire to follow and obey the alpha male is so strong that people literally accept the alpha male’s instructions as the rules that govern reality.
Humans did not evolve to have an inherent ability to understand the concept of objective reality so all “rules,” even laws of nature, feel as if they are coming from an alpha male. This is why humans were so quick to attribute natural events to gods. Similarly, throughout history many charismatic men have created religions, philosophies, ideologies, and other “rules for reality” that the masses blindly accepted, often in the face of serious evidence that those rules were wrong. Humans are more likely to survive in the jungle if we follow the warrior rather than the scholar – a warrior who listens to the scholar is just an added bonus. Donald Trump has proven that, even in our “scientific” age, people prefer to follow the perceived alpha male over the truth.
In fact, the alpha male MUST define the rules for reality. If a man follows rules he did not create, the betas will feel like some other alpha male must be enforcing those rules. Betas are also terrified of chaos and need order, so if a man acts like he cannot control reality and impose order and rules on everything and everybody, betas start looking elsewhere for protection and leadership. Furthermore, when the alpha male ventures into chaos he actually does change reality by changing things, creating new things, defeating challenges, making discoveries, and imposing rules for how people should conduct themselves, making it even more difficult for betas to distinguish between the alpha male’s rules and objective reality. “Humans cannot fly” was a law of reality until a man invented the airplane, and more and more of these rules will collapse as human knowledge advances.
Although you must create your own reality and every rule for this reality, not everybody will accept your reality. Most people’s reality comes from the other alphas in their life: their father, religion, society, etc…, and they are not eager to shed that reality and accept a new one. Furthermore, everybody has an identity, values, likes, dislikes, beliefs, habits, fears, talents, fetishes, interests, standards, emotional hang-ups, dreams, goals, and idiosyncracies, which are often deeply embedded into them.
A man who is perfectly and archetypally alpha will theoretically be able to dissolve all these things and re-create any man or woman into anything he wants them to be because he is so emotionally powerful. But nobody is perfectly or archetypally alpha, which means that nobody, and especially no woman, will ever completely accept your frame. And even if they do, it is fleeting: they can get sucked out of it by some other real or imagined alpha male at any time. I am not saying this to intimidate you or dissuade you. The alpha male does whatever the fuck he wants with absolutely no regard to what anybody else thinks, so it is completely irrelevant to him who or who does not accept his frame. When his reality clashes with somebody else’s reality, he insists on his own reality, but he does not push it on anybody. His only mission is to have fun. If you do that, you will be surprised at how many people happily accept your frame.
Because humans evolved the ability to think abstractly, we can project the qualities of the alpha male onto abstract concepts such as “society,” the “media,” the “nation,” the “state,” the “President,” and even God himself, and feel the dominance hierarchy emotions towards those abstractions. Most people would tell you they do not follow an alpha male but nevertheless are afraid of professing a politically incorrect opinion to their best friend in private. Why? Because “society” has replaced God as the ultimate alpha male we worship and obey. Most people cower before some type of alpha male, and if we are not consciously resisting the alpha male, he becomes all the more powerful.
Of course, objective reality does exist and all humans are bound by real limitations. And most people are pretty well socialized as to what “reality” is, so people will look at you strange if you insist that the sky is purple and that you can talk to animals. Nevertheless, to her subconscious mind you must FEEL to as if you can create reality even if you superficially act like a normal, fun, happy guy.
The archetypal alpha male
Betas did not evolve to follow and obey just any alpha male, but rather the archetypal alpha male, the perfect alpha male. The archetypal alpha male can defeat any challenge, has complete abundance, is completely superior, and leads in every respect. He is infinitely alpha across all categories. The archetypal alpha is a fake character created by evolution that only exists in our emotions, and is designed to drive betas towards the man that can best protect and lead them. A beta who seeks a man who can defeat some challenges is less likely to survive in the jungle than a beta who seeks the man who can defeat all challenges.
The archetypal has no weakness, fear, or deficiency, so he can be completely honest about his intentions and will never give a single fuck about what anybody thinks. He will never lie, cheat, or make promises he can’t keep because he has no need to. The archetypal alpha is also fair in that he helps betas who contribute to the cause.
Of course, no real man is actually an archetypal alpha male. Nobody is even close. Women seek the man that is the closest approximation to the archetypal alpha, but because every real man is so far off, women never fully emotionally invest in any real man. I think it is silly for any man to say “I am alpha” – it is more accurate to say that a man “has alpha traits” or “thinks/feels/acts as an alpha would” in a particular moment and situation. Similarly, no man is completely beta. Most men switch between feeling alpha or beta depending on the situation they are in, the people they are around, and the thing they are doing. The biggest beta will feel and act like a badass when he is doing something he is good at, like playing video games, and many otherwise “alpha” guys act like a little bitch when they are around certain women or guys they see themselves as inferior to.
Whether or not you believe God is real, it is useful to study the character of God in religious literature because he clearly appeals to humans’ desire to follow the archetypal alpha: God is a man, who creates reality, makes all rules, provides guidance and leadership, is all powerful, is all knowing, controls all resources, conquers bad guys and challenges, and feels no fear or anxiety. The God of the Bible is closest to the archetypal alpha, which is why he is the most popular of the Gods. It is interesting that the God of the Bible is compassionate, loving, and accepting of his followers, but only if they obey his commandments. God does not NEED anything from anybody, he only helps his followers because they have shown their loyalty by bringing him some kind of sacrifice.
Hacking your mind
Because no real man is the archetypal alpha, we must “hack” our subconscious emotions to feel like the archetypal alpha male, or as close to it as we can. Life is a continuous stream of challenges, most of which we are unprepared for and fail, so we are all prone to beta thoughts and feelings. Therefore, we must fight to prevent our emotions from subconsciously drifting into negativity when we fail or meet a challenge that presents us with uncertainty. Even when you fail, you can’t let yourself FEEL inferior. You must hack your mind so you feel consistently alpha in all things you and in all situations, but most importantly, in difficult situations.
Fortunately, humans have the ability to “intervene” in our thoughts/actions/feelings cycle and change it through action. It is almost impossible to change your thoughts and feelings by just thinking. In fact thinking, reading, and talking about being alpha but being too afraid to do anything reinforces your subconscious mind’s feeling that you are beta. Not only is spending all day on the internet reading manosphere shit without doing anything wasting your time, it is actually making you more beta. Even if your thoughts/actions/emotions cycle is trending positively, you can do something beta and turn the cycle negative again. You must always keep working.
The key to hacking your mind is 1) understanding that the world is governed by rational rules that do not give a fuck about your feelings (or anybody else’s for that matter), 2) ensuring that your rational mind stays in control as much as possible, and 3) controlling your emotions.
As much as I discuss emotion in this article, at the end of the day the world is governed by cold, impersonal, objective, rational rules. These rational rules are freely available for anybody to understand and use to shape their world in their own image, but to do so, you must first control your emotions. Your emotions are just evolutionary tools designed to ensure our survival in the jungle, not objective representations of reality, and you cannot let your emotions guide you. Feeling alpha feels great, but if you try to fight a UFC fighter because you had a few beers and feel “alpha” you will get your ass kicked and quickly realize that the objective rules that govern the world do not give a fuck whether you think you think you are alpha or beta.
Realizing that the world is governed by rational rules is incredibly liberating, especially when dealing with women. Most men have no idea what women want, how they feel, or how their minds work, so they essentially see women as infinitely complicated black boxes that flit from emotion to emotion with no rational explanation or guiding purpose. With no rational guidance, these men are reduced to doing whatever they think will get a positive reaction out of women, allowing women incredible power to manipulate them and terrorize their emotions. This is the basis of cliché lines like “happy wife, happy life” or “the key to a successful marriage is admitting she is always right.”
But once you educate yourself about the rational principles that govern women’s emotions, you can take the lead in the relationship rather than simply reacting to her whims. You can even be a better partner and more “romantic” because you can anticipate what she wants before even knows what she wants. Each woman is infinitely complicated, but the foundational emotions for all women are the same. Best of all, when you get rejected, instead of falling into an existential despair of depression and ruined self-esteem you can analyze your rejection rationally: “I was too needy,” “I didn’t take the lead,” “she wasn’t attracted to me,” “she wasn’t emotionally invested enough to call me back,” etc… So long as women are a mystery to you, you must either give up on women or sacrifice your emotions to a slavemaster you do not understand. But once you understand women’s fundamental wiring, women will lose the power to manipulate you. You can still have beautiful, magical, transcendent relationships with women, you just won’t be terrified by her emotional whims anymore. Even if you do not understand all the relevant elements of women’s psychology, you must have faith that she, like everything else in the universe, is ultimately guided by rational principles.
To control your emotions you must disconnect your “self” from your emotions. “Self” is a nebulous concept, so you can think of your “self” as your ego, your rational mind, or your command center. It is the part of your consciousness that makes your final decisions and the “thing” that you evaluate when you judge yourself and the thing that makes the evaluations. Completely separating your “self” from your emotions is the highest level of enlightenment, and requires lots of meditation, discipline and hard work. Nobody completely makes it, but the closer you can get, the better life you can have. I am not saying you should be an unemotional robot – all humans are emotional, but your fundamental organizing principle should be rational and arrange your emotions to serve you, not the other way around.
Most men fail to separate their “self” from their emotions, so when they fail at something, they subconsciously think they are actually a beta and a worthless loser, and when they succeed at something, they subconsciously think they are the archetypal alpha, and become arrogant assholes. Most men fluctuate wildly between these two poles, oftentimes based on how their boss treated them at work and whether a woman likes them. Because their “self-esteem” is fundamentally based on these emotions, and therefore how people treat them, these men can easily be manipulated, especially by women. The modern media-entertainment complex wants men to identify with their emotions so they can be easily manipulable to purchase things, go along with political agendas, etc...
You must be able to separate your objective evaluation of yourself with the persona you present when holding frame. In my own mind, I am humble and realize I am just a speck of dust floating through space, and could get hit by a bus tomorrow. I am also very aware of my weaknesses and deficiencies, which I am diligently working to improve. To her, however, I am Superman, nothing bad will ever happen, and I have no weaknesses. I don’t act like a delusional maniac – I will admit things that are true (“sorry honey, I am not good at karaoke”), but I will do so in a way that is positive, upbeat, and makes her feel like everything will be all right and we will defeat all challenges (“give me 3 weeks of YouTube singing lessons and I will be the Whitney Houston of karaoke”).
You should evaluate yourself objectively, based on your accomplishments and your characteristics (which are formed by your accomplishments), not based on how others treat you. This is all the more important if you plan on “gaming” because most women, especially those that do not know you very well, will deliver judgments on you that have nothing to do with your actual value. I have gone out, suffered humiliating rejections from a bunch of mediocre women, and then walked over to the next bar and taken home a 9. All rejection is based on some rational reason, which you either can or cannot figure out. If you can’t figure it out, stop obsessing about it. If you can figure out why she rejected you but can’t fix the problem, stop obsessing about it. If you can figure out what you did wrong, fix it. If you are humble and self aware, you should be able to figure out why you got rejected most of the time, and even if you have serious deficiencies you cannot fix, you probably have a lot of areas you can improve and become attractive to women. If you are young and do not have many accomplishments yet, you must still “fake it till you make it.” Evaluating yourself objectively allows you to create a “delusional” persona to present to her, while simultaneously allowing yourself to improve your flaws.
Carl Jung said that most people have a false relationship to reality: some people overestimate their ability to affect reality (too much alpha emotion) and some people underestimate their ability to affect reality (too much beta emotion). Your ideal attitude for your regular life should be in the middle, where you control your emotions and have a “correct” or “rational” evaluation of your ability to affect reality. Arrogance prevents you from humbling yourself before the rational rules that govern reality, and “betaness” makes you too humble and prevents you from attacking reality with adequate vigor. Your feelings of alphaness can even form an unholy alliance with your feelings of betaness, causing you to get lazy because you think you are already the shit. I have seen tons of impressive guys knocked down because they believed their own bullshit. Pride goes before the fall. To repeat, however, the attitude you project to women is that of the archetypal alpha.
It's no secret that for most guys, especially in the modern world, too much betaness is a serious problem. But too much alphaness is also a problem – or more accurately, the problem is falsely identifying your feelings of being an alpha with your “self.” Just as women have a deep, subconscious desire to be with the archetypal alpha, men have a deep, subconscious desire to be the archetypal alpha. And just as women are chasing a character that they can never find, men subconsciously want to be a character that they can never be.
The most dangerous aspect of man’s desire to be the archetypal alpha is his infinite desire to fuck all women. Most men are losers that can rarely get laid by anybody, but all men have this insane desire embedded into their genetics, and once this desire awakens their life can quickly go off the rails. It’s common for lottery winners to lose all their money by blowing it on prostitutes, and many major celebrities have suffered immense damage because of their insatiable need for women. Guys like Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby can get lots of hot women without rape, but their subconscious emotions demanded what the archetypal alpha gets: ANY WOMAN, NO MATTER HOW HOT OR FAMOUS, WHENEVER THEY WANT, INCLUDING RIGHT NOW BITCH. But even though those guys were extremely powerful, they were not as powerful as the archetypal alpha, so they had to resort to rape to feel like him, which ultimately led to their ruin.
Because nothing can make a man feel like an archetypal alpha like a woman can, women are an extremely dangerous and addictive drug. Some of the most “beta” guys I know are good-looking, successful guys that learned some game and got some pussy, but got addicted to the forbidden fruit. Their desires expanded beyond their actual abilities, so now they act needy and desperate to fulfill their addiction, while simultaneously acting arrogant and narcissistic when things go well. The most beta guys in America are not the anime dorks in their mothers’ basements, they are the rich guys in nightclubs in Vegas and LA blowing thousands and sometimes millions of dollars on their impossible quest to feel like the archetypal alpha.
This article focuses on holding frame around women because nobody can fuck with your emotions like women can. To most men, women are the ultimate prize because they fulfill men’s deepest desires for sex, love, affection, companionship and, most importantly, the desire to feel like the archetypal alpha. Simultaneously, women launch massive shit tests at men while trying to determine if they are the archetypal alpha, leaving a string of broken, humiliated, depressed, and betafied losers in their wake. This combination of women’s desirability and the intense challenge they provide makes holding frame around women extremely difficult for most men. But the solution, counterintuitively, is not to play her game; rather, it is to withdraw and focus on defeating challenges.
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