Holding Frame = Tingles

I understand the whole point of holding frame and whatnot and letting things bounce off of you, as I do for the most part.

That's good, but keep in mind that your opinion of yourself is all that matters. Your girlfriend's doesn't really matter, because it's governed entirely by how she feels (=/= logic) and that shit changes all the fucking time.

Holding frame implies effort. When a child throws a tantrum, you don't hold frame, you know the kid is just acting out. Same shit with your girl when she's behaving like a child. You don't allow things to bounce off of you, they just do on their own. There is no substance to her bullshit, bitches just say shit.

The problem with relationships is you sacrifice your freedom for exclusivity with someone who'll only have your back some of the time. It's a great deal for your girlfriend because that's exactly what she wants, but it's always a bad deal for you. Love is great, but it's very volatile, and when things start to taper out (and they will), you'll find yourself wondering what's in it for you.

I can't speak for you, but the level of commitment I'd require to be exclusive with someone is just more than what most girls can give. On top of being attractive, she's got to be smart, honest, be able to put her own feelings aside for mine when I need her to (and I'd do the same for her) and understand that we're a team. I'm willing to bet this sounds familiar – lots of people say they'd love to have that. It's what I'd expect out of a loyal friend, and what I'd be willing to give back, on top of the sex, etc.

But it's a lot of fucking work for everyone involved and we all know how big the discrepancy between what people say, what they want and what they actually do are. It's worse with girls because they're fueled by feels and everything is a stimulus for more feels. Relationships are filled with such stimuli because when you spend so much time with someone, there's bound to be friction and that's annoying bullshit for you, but it's great for the girl, because she thrives on drama. Even with the smart/intellectual types, more than half the shit they talk about is how things that happened made them feel and making themselves look better than they are. "Can you believe what Erica wore to the party?" or "Oh my god, that girl did not just call me that, what a bitch. You know, being nice to each other in the bathroom is just like girl-code, drunk girls are just nice to each to other, and bla bla bla". Another big one is taking something that made them feel bad, often because of their inadequacy, and spinning the story into making it the other person's fault. Instead of adapting to the world around them, they'll go full hamster on that wheel.

Anyway, when she says she wants an equal relationship, she is writing you an empty cheque that will inevitably bounce, the only question is when, because eventually her account will deplete. That is, her feelings for you will change and she'll justify everything through whatever convoluted means necessary, and ideally do so while still being able to convince herself she's a good person and it was your fault anyway.

Now, I don't know what kind of relationship you have and what the context to her meanness (lol) was, but if she "called you an idiot in an extremely bitchy, non-joking fashion", it sounds like things are already pretty bad.

Ultimately, it's a game that's been rigged against you since before you even knew you'd start playing. With game and RP theory, you're better equipped to handle things, but that's like being a very good driver when you're on a road that ends in a ditch in a car that's gonna blow up any minute. Sounds grim, but when things fall apart, they'll take everything and everyone they can down with them (group identity) and make it look like it was your fault all along. But that's nothing to be sad about, you could just get out of the car.

Look at all the divorced guys who come in here and look at how things turned out for them. Do you think their exes were always batshit insane? Probably not, but given the right circumstances, the worse in them will come out. Especially if they're people who try very hard to ignore the darker aspects of their personality, which is most girls. Those types are dangerous, because they'll end up doing horrible shit with zero control over it which is bloody scary. Anything goes as long as they can get away with it and convince themselves they're still sweet little angels after the fact. Similar idea with sluts who're convinced they're not sluts.

Well, I went on a bit of a tangent there, and if you think this doesn't apply to you, forget it. I extrapolated a lot and saw this as an opportunity to talk about relationships in general. I bet there's other guys who've been in the same situation, I know I have.

Getting in a relationship and testing your boundaries can be a great experience. It'll make you incredibly vulnerable and open you up to very real possibility of getting hurt...but on the flip side, you'll KNOW and you'll come out stronger. When you've got your heart ripped out, shat on and replaced, it's hard to bite your nails off when some chick is acting out. Suddenly you've put the mastery in amusement and all the shit they pull is just fucking funny. You don't hold frame, it's part of who you are. Like Superman with bullets ricocheting off his chest.

Also, you will find girls who sync better with you and who you'll be able to have deeper, more intimate relationships with for longer stretches of time. That's definitely possible, and there's always exceptions to my broad generalisations (before anyone cries NAWALT). Personally, I prefer stretches of alone time and plate spinning. Maybe even serial monogamy could work, but I haven't felt like trying that.