So I've noticed in my dating experience that I attract guys that are more low-key and not into the whole model look, "perfect" hair, full glam makeup all the time type girls. Which is a good thing because that's not me or how I look. I don't look overly sexy, wear natural makeup (whenever I wear makeup), and my style is more business casual meets quirky than sex kitten (even when I'm going on a date. I have a few sexy-ish things. I feel it gets the attention of LV males because to them it translates to me not caring about my appearance and they have to put in low effort in dating me as they might see me as not trying hard. I'm well groomed, not a slob. I get complimented on my outfits (from other women mostly). I'll wear outfits like this, this or this floral dress with denim jacket. My style is mostly low maintenance, but I still expect certain behaviors from guys. I've been on dating apps and women think you have to look a certain way (especially black women) to get responses. I worried a lot of guys see me and think they don't need to have their shit together because I'm not wearing a face full of make up or my hair isn't straight, thinking it's okay that they a 2/10 on the personality or character scale.

I don't want to sacrifice my style to snag a HV man, but how can I come off as a woman with standards and expectations while still keeping my same look? Do y'all feel the initial behaviors from men or their expectations are different based on how much effort they think you put into your appearance? Am I off base and it's not about appearance at all?

Now I've noticed a pattern in the type of tragic men I draw into my life is from my personal flaws (like feeling comfort and familiarity in dysfunction, trauma bonding) and I'm wondering if this is also a side effect of this behavior.