Wives/serious daters of FDS-What do you think of your SO attending bachelor parties?

_fishoutofwater_ · 2019-12-18T16:55:01+00:00

No. Just no. My boyfriend himself is completely against it and thinks it’s incredibly degenerate. The concept itself is so stupid. Why are you “celebrating your last night of freedom” when you chose to get married bro? And why would our boyfriends want to go to these parties to help someone celebrate something so pathetic where most of the time things go south? No thanks. Would rather not risk my relationship.

butterflymeadowzz · 2019-12-18T17:05:07+00:00

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ManchurianCantaloupe · 2019-12-18T17:09:17+00:00

The problem isn't the bachelor party. The problem is the man and his friend group.

If your partner is a weak-willed, misogynist, LVM and so are all of his scrubass friends, no shit he's going to go along with whatever his "bros" are all doing.

My girlfriend's husband had a bachelor party involving a multi-day D&D campaign, so.

butterflymeadowzz · 2019-12-18T17:04:27+00:00

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Scotsburd · 2019-12-18T17:45:07+00:00

If it involves participation in the sex industry, he is free to go. Just like I'm free to divorce him if he does.

DrMcFoxyMD · 2019-12-18T17:18:16+00:00

They’re ridiculous. If any man I’m marrying thinks that any of it is ok because of some societal stipulation then I made a huge error in judgement.

HeroForHire369 · 2019-12-18T17:17:43+00:00

If it were a stereotypical bachelor party that you see portrayed on television or hear about with strippers or the like, then no. That's a hard line for me. I do not care what society says I should find acceptable, it's a no-go.

But if it's just a night out celebrating with his friends and the soon-to-be groom about the fact that he is getting married the next day, then I don't see a problem with it. It depends on what exactly is going on. What you find acceptable in your relationship may be different from the next person.

grimreapersdtr · 2019-12-18T17:41:20+00:00

I’m against it personally— in my ex’s social circle (white middle class male northeast US living in suburbs not far from major cities) hiring prostitutes for bachelor parties is the unspoken norm.
It ritualized disrespect towards women, sanctioned by the bride and grooms family, meant to somehow reinforce the husband’s superior social status within the relationship (he can be allowed to cheat— she must be pure).

MidnightCarp · 2019-12-18T17:09:30+00:00

Haha, absolutely not if it involves the stereotypical heavy drinking and flirting with strippers or whatever at shady clubs. I wouldn't even date a guy who has close friends like that to be honest. You would never know if he only witnessed his friends doing dumb shit, or if he also got pulled into it as a result of group pressure and intoxication, since if his friends are the type to want "a last night of freedom before the ball and chain, FOR BOYS ONLY", they're also definitely the type to lie to his partner about it if needed.

If one of my SO's friends were to have a "bachelor party", it would most likely be stuff like checking out the sickest rollercoasters at an amusement park, or just a chill boardgame night with infinite snacks, maybe some silly party games and slightly embarrassing but heartfelt speeches. Plus it would probably be for friend couples as well, so I would also be invited. If his friends have such a miserable view on marriage and losing their freedom to exploit women that they have to get it out of their system before the wedding, your guy is not gonna place a lot of value on monogamy either.

Orange_Paisley · 2019-12-18T17:23:57+00:00

My partner thinks strip clubs are gross so I wouldn't be concerned. He probably wouldn't go anyway.

w0manifest · 2019-12-18T17:08:28+00:00

Plenty of men have bachelor parties that are fun and don't involve the objectification of women.

Ms_Tilly · 2019-12-18T17:49:09+00:00

I haven't seriously dated a man I couldn't trust at a bachelor party. I'd say it depends on him and his friend group.

blackopium777 · 2019-12-18T19:42:04+00:00

I have NEVER been a fan of celebrating something SO stupid!

Whenever I met a guy, who I liked, I had a talk about my boundaries as early as possible. Most were gone at the "No porn" thing, but if they weren't "No bachelor parties" were a dealbreaker for most of them.

When I married, my husband had a bachelor party. His brothers took him out to eat, he even sent me pictures of the evening. No strippers, no getting drunk, just eating nice food, chatting, then going back home.

When my SIL's husband had his bachelor party, I had access to the WhatsApp group, where they planned it. Not a single one of them even had the idea, that visiting a strip club was okay. They went to eat, then to a karaoke bar, then home.

I think it REALLY depends on the people. My husband and his brothers are HVM, they adore their partners and would never risk their relationships for things like strippers and alcohol.

I would definitely set boundaries. He HAS to make sure, that nothing happens that would make you mad. If he can't, well... buh-bye!

idiosyncraticg1 · 2019-12-18T20:02:27+00:00

If he has a dumbass group of friends who will 100% not only go to a strip club, but also order the dude getting married a stripper as some sort of “farewell freedom” prank — NO.

If his friends are normal - probably will let him go. I’ve seen bachelor parties where they just bar hop, actually celebrate the fact that the dude is getting married, & play paintball or something like that. I would be fine with that.

In short: If his friends see it as his last “single” night - hard pass. If his friends are genuinely happy for him and want to celebrate - that’s fine.

butterflymeadowzz · 2019-12-18T17:38:44+00:00

What exactly is the question? Can you edit to provide more details

Also is there a married FDS because that's the Lord's work right there

9penguin · 2019-12-18T23:05:07+00:00

I won't date anyone who use porn, hell no I'll want a guy who wants a bachelor party like depicted by media. If he wants a stripper, marriage is cancelled. Why get married to me if you feel you're sacrificing your freedom to fuck other women for me. What, I should be grateful you choose to be loyal to me? Fuck you, go fuck other women then. I don't want a guy who thinks his promise of loyalty is something I should reward him with a night with strippers. Go away, I'd rather die alone.

hvg1989 · 2019-12-18T17:35:53+00:00

Me and my other half have been together for 11 years since we were 18, we are 30&29 now.

I’ve always been of the opinion that I ENCOURAGE him to go to any of these events. If he fucks up and something happens I’d rather know sooner rather than later about his character. Despite bating him to reveal any kind of dark side, through some miracle, he seems to be one of the few men left on the planet that doesn’t watch/like porn, does not like strip clubs or want to go to one, and would not be friends with men who see sex workers.
he’s often told me about one of his not very close friends who is the biggest “lad” of group has threatened that he would arrange a strip club stag do for him if we got married (we are not married yet out of choice as we were young and I wanted to focus on buying a property something which is very hard to do in the UK, but might be on the cards soon now we’re settled) and he’s genuinely worried his mate would pull that on him, he’s said it’s his idea of a nightmare night out and would prefer a motor sports event and a few pints down the local.

I still say after eleven years, go ahead, go to these things, because I love that it’s not the threat of me holding him back from that kind of thing, it’s the fact that he genuinely is disgusted by it and other men that partake in that kind of thing. And that’s how I know, amongst other reasons that he is a HVM, but I never drop my standards.

Ishouldbewriting83 · 2019-12-19T00:54:58+00:00

My husband didn't have one, nor did I have any kind of bachelorette party. We honestly didn't have the time or energy. We thought about doing a combined thing of laser tag or something but it didn't happen. There are definitely many types of "stag" parties, and plenty are harmless. My husband can go to any kind of party he wants. I trust him to do what is right. But, I also know I married the kind of guy who would sit pretty bored in a strip club and probably message me all night telling me so.

Saitschik · 2019-12-19T01:31:53+00:00

Bachelorpartys for men and women are cringy as hell. And no I would not like my boyfriend to get totally wasted, hitting on women, going to a strip club and in general behaving like a pig.

This kind of "boys will be boys" attitude doesn't fly with me at all.

masterofthebarkarts · 2019-12-19T15:05:04+00:00

My husband just isn't a bachelor-party type. Although, I've seen some pretty tame ones (let's go to an escape room and then a brewery!) which he would probably be into. Not every bachelor party is a stripper-and-champagne thing? My husband and I actually did a co bachelor(ette) party because we're both grossed out by the over-sexualised nature of those events, and we both have mixed-sex friends so it would have been weird to split them up arbitrarily.

Title	Wives/serious daters of FDS-What do you think of your SO attending bachelor parties?
Author	butterflymeadowzz
Upvotes	20
Comments	49
Date	December 18, 2019 4:45 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ecf2ae/wivesserious_daters_of_fdswhat_do_you_think_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/wivesserious-daters-of-fds-what-do-you-think-of.686682 https://theredarchive.com/post/686682

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