I met a guy while traveling in another country, which is a couple of hours' flight from mine. We spent a couple days together and he was an absolute HVM, showing me the best sides of his country and paying for 5 star hotels and expensive dinners. We did not have sex, which I could tell disappointed him, but he was respectful enough to not show it explicitly and took care of me up to the moment when we parted at the airport.

Now, after a couple of months, I said I want to come to his country and see him again for a weekend (I did not want to spend the Valentine's Day alone haha and it does not hurt that I want to get away for the weekend ;). He bought me the tickets, which were insanely expensive for such a short flight. Then he asked if I would be okay staying at his house. I said that it is a big step for me and I would be more comfortable staying at a hotel at least for the first night. Then he asked me if he should book it for me only or for two.

I said that I don't know how I will feel after our date on Friday and we agreed that he will book it for two, but I can choose if I will invite him to my room or if he will go home and meet me in the morning. So far so good (not gonna invite him). For the second night, he said he will appreciate it if I stay at his place, which I guess is pretty understandable although I would prefer my own space.

However, he is now dropping hints such as "I'm curious to see what you meant by giving us a chance ;)", which is pretty respectful compared to the other ways to express what I think he means :). Further, when I expressed my gratitude for the ticket and hotel, he mentioned that he is happy to pay for me, but he doesn't want to feel like he is paying for everything and (half-jokingly?) said that I could buy him a drink or something small like that.

Now I feel a little tense about the upcoming trip. What if he expects sex and will get angry when I don't provide it? I will be in another country, and in the worst case, he can cancel my ticket back home. I do want to go on this trip and give him a chance, but it is hard to do it on my terms if he is the one covering the expenses. This guy was nothing but a gentleman when we met, but I am always cautious.

What strategy should I adopt if I meet him on Friday and don't feel like inviting him to my hotel or going to his place the next night? Since it may be dangerous to tell men the truth, is there anything I can say that woudn't make him angry? I cannot just ghost him after the date, because then he can cancel my return ticket. Is there something better to say rather than I fell sick? I am certain I am going on this trip, but I still want to do the dating on my terms and have the agency without putting my self in danger.

Please help! I appreciate any advice or support.

UPDATE: I texted him saying he made me uncomfortable expecting sex the first time, and I feel like we have a different view on how a relationship should progress. He apologized and replied with “Be assured that I will respect your boundaries”. However, when I said that my boundaries dictate I stay in a separate room, he came up with something like “I wanted a relationship, but now I realized the distance between us is a big problem” and CANCELED the ticket without even asking me first.

Thank you everyone for your advice! You were right - as usual!