Dating in college - a waste of time?

punkiwi · 2020-07-04T14:14:06+00:00

I spent 3 years in a relationship in college. I went through a lot, learned a lot, and grew a lot as a person. After I ended it, I wouldn’t say I regretted it, but I spent too much time with someone who I felt never really envisioned a future with me or respected me. What I would say is that I could’ve used those years to really discover who I was as a person and meet more people and experience dating more. If you can help it, don’t jump into anything serious. You don’t know how incredibly fortunate you are to have stumbled on FDS before college. Would’ve saved me a lot of heartbreak.

Averyhvw · 2020-07-04T15:25:37+00:00

I’d focus on making HV friends in college. It’s possible this could be the group that introduces you to your hv mate in the future. Most college guys are too immature for a proper relationship.

2020-07-04T14:11:32+00:00

HUGE WASTE OF TIME. focus on your studies, your goals, your friends and yourself.

ceramicunicorn · 2020-07-04T15:22:02+00:00

I would say, if you meet someone great who’s got it together, be open to it. There are some guys who have it together at that age and you’d be lucky to find one to skip all the dating process bullshit later. Be his friend and know his family first, so you know what you’re getting into before you get attached. I would not seek a partner, however. Don’t waste too much time dating around, prioritize your self-development.

virginiagirl27 · 2020-07-04T15:15:13+00:00

As someone who got into a relationship right into college and having it last 4 years, it was a waste. Maybe because it ended right after college it was a waste. I did find out a lot about my likes and dislikes but in retrospect, I wish I had gotten out more. I wish I could have met more people instead of being attached to my ex. I wouldn’t go around having sex with everyone because that’s not me but I could have done so much more and have more meaningful friendships

mightbethrowawayyy · 2020-07-04T15:40:30+00:00

I did not date in college and it was the best choice ever. Focus your time on other important things. Make good friends, take more classes, study abroad if you can.

The cons were when I went on my very first date at 22 years old, I was very inexperienced and naively overlooked some red flags. I wasted months on people that I would now drop without a blink. But since you’ve already read the handbook and strategies, I think you’ll be all good.

2020-07-04T15:19:30+00:00

Sis,

Yes to your second comment. You can find ones that aren’t doing the sex without commitment thing (because they can’t). And yeah it does set you up for lame ass dates. Also I feel like college is kind of like work where you have a continuous reputation, like everyone knows you and your business so it just looks so bad if you were done wrong by a dude.

Anyways what I was trying to tell you: College is a perfect place to find a suitable partner that meets basic standards (ie is set up to have a good job in the future, depending on major or course) In my opinion it’s a move to start dating someone right before you graduate. Don’t date during, you don’t want relationship bs happening when your trying to study for exams.

By then you would have already surveyed the pool of which guys are worth risking it. You will notice some have the reputation to be down right lazy in group projects (these make terrible partners). Remember how I said everyone knows everyone’s business? Well you will hear rumors of which are doing the casual sex thing and which are cheaters (there were some that had girlfriends but cheated with girls in the class). Since there will be a social proof aspect, it will be easier to sift through. Join clubs and have a large friend group where you will meet guys in other majors.

lonelybones1 · 2020-07-04T14:14:07+00:00

I wouldn't date in college if I were you. I'm at uni also and focusing on my education which is my top priority right now. If anything, guys in college will just waste your time and might break your heart, which you absolutely don't need right now. Heartbreak can really fuck things up and cause you to lose focus. I know from experience.

Any HVM who are in college will not be dating now but focusing on their studies. They tend to look for a partner when in their mid twenties at least, once they've settled into a career.

Most college boys are LVM and the ones that are dating at that time 100%. A lot of them are frat boys, or like you said, "wild" and only care for hookups.

So my advice to you is, focus on your education, build a satisfying social life, harness your hobbies and try to enjoy university without dealing with crappy dudes.

PR0N0IA · 2020-07-05T02:18:40+00:00

I met / started dating my HVM husband in college & applied a similar methodology to dating back then as the FDS method.

There are slightly different standards I’d apply to dating in college— instead of looking at how much he currently makes, look at what his major is & his future job prospects.

Business/ economics / engineering major = good

History / art / political science / English = probably not so good unless he comes from a well connected family

Pay more attention to his family background & home family dynamic. A man whose parents who are happily married to each other and who has a good relationship with them is MUCH more likely to have the emotional maturity to handle a serious relationship at 19/20/21/22 than one who comes from a broken home. I do think people from broken homes can overcome this but I think it’s unlikely they’ve done so just a few years out of high school.

I suggest dating guys who are likely to graduate the same year as you. When he graduates first and picks a grad school or gets an offer in another city— it changes the dynamics.

Definitely don’t sleep with a guy until he shows he is serious about you— letting them know early on that sex will have to wait will weed out the LVM men.

__kamikaze__ · 2020-07-04T14:34:29+00:00

I agree with your points that most men aren’t looking for commitment and they’re also broke. Dating can be very, very stressful as well as distracting. My opinion is that it’s better to focus on your studies— that will have a higher return on investment.

That being said, I have seen people who marry their “college sweetheart”, but they’re usually the exception to the rule. On top of that many of these couples end up unhappy later on because they outgrow each other. The person you are in college isn’t necessarily who you’ll be when you’re older.

ladyyninjaa · 2020-07-04T18:35:40+00:00

[deleted]

FDSxMuffinVSrat · 2020-07-04T21:38:45+00:00

Date but don't take it super seriously. Always prioritize yourself.

AppropriateHoney6 · 2020-07-05T02:34:22+00:00

Not a waste of time if you play your cards right. I’ve known many couples who met in college and got married.

I wouldn’t go around feeling pressure to date though. It’s a great time to exercise your boundaries and to date men and figure out what to look out for. You can practice some of the techniques in the handbook: getting an abundance mindset, saying multiple men at once, looking out for red flags, finding out how males act.

Lovelywings2 · 2020-07-04T15:48:55+00:00

Im going to go against the grain. I honestly think college is a good time to have a decent boyfriend, not to “date”. It’s the only time in your adult life when you’ll be surrounded by thousands of people doing the same thing you’re doing. Once you leave school it’s harder to form new connections.

I say don’t ‘date’ because in my opinion college is when you should be having great male friends that turn into a boyfriend. My college BF was a friend who wrote me a long email after he graduated (before I did) expressing his feelings for me and that he thought I was beautiful in and out. It was and still is the sweetest way any guy has asked me out. No online dating, no FWB, none of that shit. I don’t even remember anything about who paid what (I’m pretty sure it was him). Just how sweet and pure it was.We literally wrote each other letters (by snail mail). When he came to see me, he never pressured me for sex and was patient because I was a virgin.

I don’t know how old other commenters are, but I can tell you as someone nearing 40 in a few years, there is nothing like that college experience when the stakes are low and you aren’t thinking about finding a husband - this is a great time to form your standards. It was my college BF that made me prioritize men who take the time to understand me. Because I know what it feels like to be really seen, to be valued and treasured. It was also where I learned to stick to my own boundaries around sex.

That said, not everyone has that sort of relationship in college. I just think it’s best to not close yourself off from the possibility. But don’t focus on “dating”. Remember that FDS audience is women of all ages (skewing mid 20s and up) and even though it’s good you’re becoming more aware at your age, that doesn’t mean everything here is applicable to your circumstances. Focus on getting to know yourself and getting to know boys and only let one in as he proves to you that he means you well and can garner your respect.

ThrowRA-NWI-Region · 2020-07-04T19:50:20+00:00

Hey girl, college sophomore here!

I would not necessarily say it’s a waste of time, so long as you don’t invest a lot of time into it. Dating for more than a month = not a good plan.

Limit how much you think about dating, and don’t date often. It’s good to get some experience to know what it’s like to talk to/date guys so you feel better prepared for the future when you meet other men.

I highly recommend not getting into a relationship. If you think there is a strong connection and he’s a HVM, you’ll probably realize that that’s not the case.

husheveryone · 2020-07-04T15:14:07+00:00

Depends on your strategy, sis. Higher ed is a very common place to meet a starter spouse. If, say, you want to marry at 27 and have kids around 30, it makes sense to date around in college— but wait until after your first year because you need to learn how to succeed in college first.

Edit: Some of my favorite guys I ever dated were guys I met during my junior and senior year at a so-called “highly selective” college. YMMV.

purasangria · 2020-07-04T14:49:51+00:00

Skip dating. Concentrate on school.

sadcello · 2020-07-04T19:38:34+00:00

Yes. Focus on your education.

Myplummms · 2020-07-05T12:09:30+00:00

Advancing your career will put you right in the dating pool you want to be just starting out. Just don’t drag your feet, when you graduate.

curlysoosh · 2020-07-07T01:58:38+00:00

at my college it was the cultural norm to be in a serious relationship by junior/senior year. very few of those relationships ended up lasting. people get into relationships that are wrong for them because they don't want to be alone and have someone to take to date functions. however, it is really hard to date someone for years and break up even if you know they're wrong for you; you get attached to proximity with people. if you can, avoid dating in college if you can

StupidHappyPancakes · 2020-07-05T01:52:30+00:00

If it were me, I wouldn't date in college. The single best thing you can do in life for your own safety and sanity is to be as independent and secure as possible, which means finding a good career, which means kicking ass in school, which means avoiding time drainers and energy sucks. You wouldn't want to get a C- on a hugely important midterm because you were too busy making out with some fuckboy frat guy whose mom still does his laundry, would you?

You don't EVER want to set yourself up to depend on a man's word that "he'll take care of you," and the thing is, you're young and it doesn't sound like you have much experience, so your emotions could come on WAY too powerfully when you first start going out with guys. A good relationship should be one that encourages BOTH of you to be your best selves, but I've seen far too many college relationships that end up with either one or BOTH people falling more and more behind in their schoolwork and finally just quitting school altogether, and then you'll find yourself stuck with some motherfucker because you don't have enough money to live alone.

I'd say live your life and devote yourself to your education and setting future goals, and don't look to date anyone. If, in the course of you just living your life, someone really special comes along and you want to give them a shot, then fine, but you have to be merciless in constantly reassessing his role in your life and making sure he's not pulling you off track.

Title	Dating in college - a waste of time?
Author	Feines_Brot
Upvotes	71
Comments	25
Date	July 4, 2020 2:01 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hl3rtl/dating_in_college_a_waste_of_time/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/dating-in-college-a-waste-of-time.703031 https://theredarchive.com/post/703031

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