Am I too much of a prude? I am just not used to OLD culture.

Phoenix__Rising2018 · 2020-07-16T06:53:35+00:00

Wow he's old as shit for you. That's way too fucking old. That right there is your first creep red flag.

Also arguing with you about what you do and do not want or will allow sexually is rapist mentality. I would cut a guy off immediately for trying that. You have repeatedly told this man your boundaries and he literally doesn't care. That won't stop when he finally gets you alone or gets to have sex with you or gets to have sex with you in the ways that he wants. He's telling you who he is, listen.

NinoEmines · 2020-07-16T08:38:13+00:00

I said no, he said yes

u have the answer right there, imagine how often u'll have to argue in order to defend the boundaries he tries to push

one month is too soon, and it sounds manipulative how he tried to go about it. cut him off. a dude who respects u would not disregard ur boundaries or push when u made it clear u don't want it too soon and make u uncomfortable.

I also tend to doubt myself and let others "convince" me to "change my mind" as i'm "too shy, stuck up" ect (thanks fam for mocking me for the slightest attempt at setting boundaries really made it harder as adult) NEVER AGAIN cut off immediately I feel like he is on his "best behavior" as it's early, but he sounds like a LV looking for sex

Flufferly · 2020-07-16T07:51:54+00:00

The fact that you're uncomfortable is reason enough. Trust your gut, if you've got your hackles up even thinking about this you should honor that feeling.

dntbfllikeidid · 2020-07-16T08:45:28+00:00

Massage is an invitation to sex, you did the right thing by saying no. Also, the age gap between the two of you just makes me cringe, because he’s certainly preying on you and trying to take advantage of you being younger to trick you into getting a “massage”. You aren’t being a prude, you are looking after yourself and not rushing into things and respecting your body.

level_up_always · 2020-07-16T07:02:14+00:00

men assume all girls on OLD are easy lays.

also if someone has to tell you they are 'not a creepy' they are, in fact, a creep.

he thought exclusive would mean sex. if that were me and you're not going to dump him i'd tell him let's not be exclusive anymore so he can get his physical needs met elsewhere since he's clearly having trouble with it and we can keep dating non exclusively.

2020-07-16T09:24:24+00:00

My gut says he is using the whole massage thing as a tactic to get you in the sheets. I find it worrisome that he was so insistent upon getting the massage oil when you clearly stated you didn’t want it. Sounds to me like he is not respecting your boundaries, which you’ve made very clear to him.

blkchxrry · 2020-07-16T11:35:46+00:00

the fact that you expressed discomfort and he still pushed on tells you everything you need to know about him. to him "no" is "convince me to say yes". stay away from people like that who think consent isn't a necessity.

Plants_haveprotein · 2020-07-16T07:26:03+00:00

Damn 8 years girl? Just why? And hands down his only intent in massaging you is sex. So if you’re not ready for that (handbook is clear on NOT doing it) shut it down and dump his ass if he continues to apply pressure. He’s pushing 40 anyways...

lickyblickyuhh · 2020-07-16T13:35:46+00:00

1 - Age gap is a massive NO from me 2 - Why did he keep insisting when you said no? 3 - If anyone can’t tolerate your ‘prudeness’ then you’re clearly not compatible

timetofliptables · 2020-07-16T14:34:05+00:00

No no no no. “Prude” is word used to control and shame women for not doing what men want sexually.

No woman has been or ever will be a prude. It’s fucking fiction.

2020-07-16T12:09:53+00:00

A massage, come on. What a creepo.

You already have your answer. You are not a prude and are 100% entitled to enforce your own timeline for being intimate according to your own comfort. His wants/needs or past experiences with women have no bearing here. Any other woman's timeline is not a barometer for your comfort and safety either.

Trust 👏your 👏self 👏 It's time to take out the trash.

2020-07-16T14:04:04+00:00

This guy is LOW VALUE. Run run run.

Capable_Okra · 2020-07-16T15:52:00+00:00

Literally every single time a man has offered to give me a massage, he tries to turn it into sex. You said it yourself - you don't want to take your shirt off for him. The fact that he argued with you when you said no is a HUGE red flag. You aren't disagreeing about where to go to dinner, he is trying to break down your boundaries over your own body. He is clearly a man who is so steeped in rape culture that he thinks he can turn a firm "no" into a "yes." He absolutely is a creep and has no idea what that even means.

There are always hand massages or foot massages if you want to make someone feel relaxed. But clearly he doesn't have that in mind.

Thestral-glow6 · 2020-07-16T15:41:41+00:00

What you’re dealing with here is a predator. 😐

There’s a good reason women his age are not dating him. He sees you as weak and easy to pressure and manipulate. Don’t entertain this creep anymore. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

sleeping_pretty · 2020-07-16T10:02:19+00:00

You're not a prude. Better to test his patience now rather than later. You should be proud that you stand up for yourself!

tumbleweed71 · 2020-07-16T09:41:13+00:00

If you feel weird about it then back out. You're instincts are you your best guide. Don't over think it.

misskansast · 2020-07-16T17:53:24+00:00

A guy friend who I have no interest in tried to invite himself over and give me a massage. I hate being touched by strangers let alone by someone I barely know. I had to slightly tell him to bugger off for him to get the hint.

I don’t understand why men just think if they tell the woman what they are doing to do - that I’ll just agree to it. Nope, full stop.

I will invite you over if I want people over - if not - sit down or more like go away!

m00n5t0n3 · 2020-07-16T13:47:28+00:00

Do you even like him? It's not clear from your post.

goatismycopilot · 2020-07-16T18:50:05+00:00

Is it possible you are also not attracted to him? I do not think there is anything wrong with waiting until you are comfortable. But he strikes me as idiotic. He know you are not ready and he brings up massage that is cringe.

sunset74420 · 2020-07-16T19:30:02+00:00

You can tell a lot about a guy by the way he reacts when he doesn't get his own way. He has two choices: take it or leave it. Anything else is an attempt to manipulate and gaslight you so that he can get what he wants with the least amount of resistance. It is also straight up disrespect. You are not a prude, nor are you overthinking, and even if you were, who cares?

You really have to consider the source with these guys. I swear. I am convinced that these guys take the worst that humanity has to offer, and if they are even marginally better by comparison, that makes them a good guy. Yes, he is a creep. What a fucked up society we live in where holding yourself to a higher standard is seen as abnormal. SMH.

You are doing just fine. Throw this dude on the shitpile where he belongs.

daisy_0720 · 2020-07-16T20:22:55+00:00

Sounds like your gut instinct is bang on.

Trust it and dump the creep.

miwamus · 2020-07-17T00:07:37+00:00

"... used to more promiscuous girls."

Is that his words or yours?

Title	Am I too much of a prude? I am just not used to OLD culture.
Author	littletonothinghere
Upvotes	51
Comments	33
Date	July 15, 2020 9:39 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hrwqjv/am_i_too_much_of_a_prude_i_am_just_not_used_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/am-i-too-much-of-a-prude-i-am-just-not-used-to-old.711887 https://theredarchive.com/post/711887

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