If he does not support your career, he does not respect you and sees you as his competitor.

notdatypicalITgurl · 2021-01-13T13:56:21+00:00

Agreed! My ex saw me as a competitor and it was awful. He just never saw me at his level. I was younger without professional work experience and without a graduate degree, yet in a year I was making as much money as he was. We went our separate ways after a few months, and this was one of the biggest issues in our relationship. He was so jealous of my success he was constantly trying to bring me down in other ways.

I am now completing my graduate degree and am more advanced in my field. My bf now is the complete opposite. He celebrates every little success and encourages me. He gets excited about the little things. When I'm swamped with school work he will swing by with coffee and food; he gives me my space when I need it. He's proud and tells others about my accomplishments, which is so special to me.

FortisEtLiber_ated · 2021-01-13T16:16:19+00:00

THIS. My ex talked a big game about what his plans were professionally, but after a while it was obvious he didn’t want to work for any of it. Meanwhile, the more I excelled...the harder he worked to derail me. Some men will actively sabotage your career: texting you things to upset/distract you at work; disturbing your sleep; breaking promises, and that’s just the beginning. I’m preparing to start a new job, and I know he would have tried to sabotage it. Of course, any time I tried to cOmMuNiCaTe wItH hIm...he denied it and gaslit me.

I caution women against getting in to relationships while in school. It’s the only time in your life when people are judging you on what you SAY you’re going to do...and not what you’re actually doing. For LVM, it sounds promising to hear a man wants to be a lawyer/doctor, etc. but none of that matters unless he actually does it.

Sage_Planter · 2021-01-13T16:44:05+00:00

A week before we broke up (for other reasons), I got a stellar job offer. The first thing my NVM ex said was "That's more than I make..." He saw my successes as his failures, not as our successes.

generallynothing · 2021-01-13T14:40:22+00:00

Yes! My ex of seven years didn't like the idea of me having a career. I worked in a job I hated but it was flexible, had loads of holiday and good maternity. His idea was he was progressing enough in his career that he could support me when we had kids. When I told him I wanted a new job that would mean working more hours, he wasn't happy and kept trying to talk me out of it. He didn't see the point if we were going to start a family.

Four years later I'm in the career I always wanted 🖕🏼

enemy0freality · 2021-01-13T13:43:23+00:00

Can you give examples what "supporting your career" could mean in practice?

softestbean · 2021-01-13T16:33:10+00:00

If he doesn’t respect what you chose to do with your own life... he doesn’t respect you 🤷‍♀️ No but’s or if’s. If he thinks he knows better what you should do with your life than you yourself do... how can you think he trust and respects you?

50percentmoresodium · 2021-01-13T17:56:31+00:00

When I was a young undergrad and considering my career options my LVM ex who was a year older with similar career pursuits actually tried to talk me out of pursuing finance, in hindsight it was because he felt fucking threatened. He tried to guide me to more female heavy yet lower paying field like accounting. The fucking misogyny.

MySonderStory · 2021-01-13T19:15:50+00:00

Had one ex who was slightly older than me but we were in the same profession and field. He would always try to “manage” where my career was heading and my next steps. At first I appreciated it being fresh in the workforce but when I started heading in a different path than he did, one that started giving me greater recognition, happiness and a jump in salary compared to when he was my age, he started to discount my experience and resenting me. It’s sad when the person you think loves you, doesn’t celebrate in your victories and instead wanted to see you down.

After the break up for a while I avoided dating anyone in my profession because I thought that it would end up the same way. I’ve since realized that the issue was not the profession but my insecure and toxic ex. A mature guy actually worth my time would not have acted this way. Ladies, don’t settle! Find a man who is proud of your growth for the mutually beneficially future you’re creating for each other.

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-01-13T14:40:59+00:00

Agreed! My late partner would say I had a Disneyland/holiday camp job, woke me up on work nights and was generally unsupportive. I’d recognise this now and run.

MulticoloredCatMug · 2021-01-13T23:16:54+00:00

I was on a first date with a guy and I brought up being proud of how well I am doing in school. He repeated what I said in a mocking tone and I was like "wow, that was really shitty" then he apologized and said he did poorly in school. It was the last date I went on with that guy.

ThrowRAanonymouspick · 2021-01-14T00:00:52+00:00

Just like what Ruth Nader Ginsberg said, I want man who thinks my career is just as important as his own.

Snoo-33261 · 2021-01-13T17:46:07+00:00

Just dealt with this on Sunday. Didn’t want to talk about my work problems, just too complicated and a mood killer. He insisted, and gave really shitty advice, like quitting my job without having a new one lined up which I could and would never do (my rent is also almost 2x his mortgage bc he lives out of state and I live in DC) so yeah I took this as a red flag immediately and so disappointed. He later acted insecure about other things and I had to leave. He also appeared to be a HVM and I’m glad I saw his true colors now that he’s back in town.

2021-01-14T07:04:59+00:00

[deleted]

ooftaboofta3 · 2021-01-13T19:11:04+00:00

Oh yes this. Me and my bf had a conversation about maybe moving in with his parents while we finish up school. At one point he suggested entirely on his own that he could pay all the bills while i go to school and get my degree. I cant overstate how great it feels to have a partner who is willing to fully back my career

Edit: dear unauthorized account, I know you have my best intentions in mind. But the reasons why we would move in with his parents are numerous and important, and above all the (admittedly pretty complicated) conversation revolves around the fact we are buying a house together sometime in the next year and it would, if it the parent situation even happens, only be a transitory state. I know his parents very well and they are amazing and supportive, but I dont have any family near me and it is preferable to continuing to throw money down the drain by renting.

Title	If he does not support your career, he does not respect you and sees you as his competitor.
Author	Accomplished-Ad-6925
Upvotes	335
Comments	32
Date	January 13, 2021 1:13 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/kwg6t4/if_he_does_not_support_your_career_he_does_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/if-he-does-not-support-your-career-he-does-not.728745 https://theredarchive.com/post/728745

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