Boundaries are for you to be protected

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-01-25T20:20:52+00:00

So proud of you. Even online sticking to your boundaries is about protecting yourself, mental health included. It took me a long time to find people online who actually cared about each other and show genuine respect, empathy, and interest. They exist, it’s just hard to locate sometimes. I consider FDS one of my safe havens.

Angeli_33 · 2021-01-25T20:58:24+00:00

Okay, I'll say this. One thing I have learned over time is that how people feel on the inside will manifest itself on the outside. A jealous person will not know that they are being jealous because if they did, they would stop being jealous. The same goes for someone being self-absorbed, egotistical, narcisstics, a know-it-all, lazy, etc. When you see those traits in yourself, you cease to be that. Most people are unaware of their individual traits. Nobody want to be identified with negative traits. If they knew they were being an unbearable person to be around, they wouldn't be the unbearable person.

It's not easy to be self-aware. It takes yearsss of determination and dedication to become a better human being. It's difficult to undo years of toxic programming from your environment. For instance, I used to be a shitty friend in Middle School. When I noticed the pattern that people didn't like hanging around me for long, I turned the mirror on myself and realized I was the problem all along. But it's okay, none of us are born perfect.

Now, those people who hurt you, hurt you. It's simple. It already manifested itself. It was no joke. It was real. But their image of themselves isn't "being the asshole". They think they are well-meaning, kind-hearted individuals, just like most of us like to see ourselves in that way. So when you displayed your disapproval, they came out with the apologies just so everything could go back to how it was and they didn't have to think about it for too long. They don't want there to be consequences because that might indicate that they did in fact do something wrong. You levaing permanently is a consequence of their actions. So now they have to troubleshoot their minds because it contains an error and they want to avoid these things in the future. That takes effort. The mind does not like effort.

When people show you who they are, believe them, (Maya Angelou) even if they don't believe themselves and try to convince you with words that they are decent human beings.

And lastly, it is your right if you choose not to forgive someone. You are not obligated to forgive those who have hurt you.

Edit: Spelling

bluebird_wings · 2021-01-25T20:23:44+00:00

Great job on having boundaries and holding them up.

Great job on taking care of yourself and refusing to let others bring you down.

Thank you for sharing your strength!

Saitschik · 2021-01-25T22:31:04+00:00

Very well done. Jokes on other people expenses are a form of abuse/bullying imo.

You don't have to laugh along with things that hurt you, excellent that you just left and protected yourself. That's how it should be.

biggestsigh · 2021-01-26T00:23:45+00:00

I’m becoming less socially polite and more protective of myself.

I think the etiquette for a situation like this would be to remove yourself from the situation. They were the ones who were being rude.

Only_Lime2520 · 2021-01-25T21:34:16+00:00

May I ask if you felt sad afterward? If you did, how did you deal with it? For me it's as if the moment I stand up for myself and acknowledge their behaviors are harmful to me, I have to also acknowledge the fact that I have no one.
It's super hard for let go of connections for this reason.

Unfit_Needleworker · 2021-01-25T20:45:53+00:00

Thank you for this reminder today. ♥️

Platipus6 · 2021-01-26T01:49:09+00:00

People out themselves when they use flattery to get you back instead of an apology. Yes, thank you, I know I'm good at xyz. But what they're saying is "come back because we enjoy bullying you, don't take our fun away"

No thank you.

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-01-25T22:59:31+00:00

I think a good defense is to lie.

I don't tell people about my more arcane hobbies... they don't need to know and I don't need the judgement.

I actually enjoy lying about it sometimes. In executive business, there are "in-group" hobbies, like gd tennis and running and golf. I use gardening and cooking (but oh no not baking) as mine.

I can spin a tale about gourmet cooking like no one's business.

Why lie? You gotta play the game to win it. All that bullshit about bringing your authentic self to work is horseshit.

Gourmay · 2021-01-26T03:04:46+00:00

Good for you! My new flatmates used a weekend I was away right before Christmas to put my things in garbage bags because they don’t like that I decorated the place I’ve maintained and lived in for three years. I realized that I don’t have to justify or keep interacting with people like that so I decided to block them and have no communication with them, they’re big mad and I feel great :) you’re absolutely right that you can place whatever boundary you want!

2021-01-26T10:15:15+00:00

Excellent! I absolutely love this, and I do this myself as well. I don’t care what other people think it’s OK or a joke or whatever. If I said I don’t want to be made fun of, or insulted, or to hear triggering topic’s brought up in front of me, then that’s it. If they don’t respect that, they are out.

I protect myself. Fuck everybody else.

2021-01-26T02:07:44+00:00

Great job for not going back. Being sensitive or emotional is subjective, that's why you do whatever you want to do.

Title	Boundaries are for you to be protected
Author	spiderunderweb
Upvotes	341
Comments	29
Date	January 25, 2021 1:59 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/l4odb5/boundaries_are_for_you_to_be_protected/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/boundaries-are-for-you-to-be-protected.734653 https://theredarchive.com/post/734653