I'm relapsing into pickmedom.

Flufferly · 2021-02-26T08:28:01+00:00

Girl, he was rude to your parents and he doesn't even like women. What are you missing out on here, really?

souredskittles · 2021-02-26T08:50:02+00:00

No lmao he will never be hvm. Had he been, he would’ve still treated you with respect and asked to go separate ways instead of doing this crap.

_enigma_08 · 2021-02-26T08:34:20+00:00

They rarely do. I've dated few LVMs in the past, nothing can change these men unless of course, there'a a life altering moment in their lives. If it's been a short period of time since your breakup, obviously this man hasn't done any self-reflection before entering in a new relationship. Of course he will treat the new girl better, they're still in the honeymoon phase. Best thing you can do is not to stalk them. Try to focus on your self for a while. You're hurting because your ego tells you you're replaceable. You aren't. Let go, that man ain't worth it sis

ChocoBananza · 2021-02-26T08:50:27+00:00

Girl, no! It’s a trick, and you know it! The poor girl doesn’t even know what’s she going into.

Don’t look at their social media, you’ll only see things that they want you to see (and everybody else, for that matter).

52490 · 2021-02-26T09:11:49+00:00

To your question, can a LVM change to a HVM with the right woman?

Do I think it’s impossible? No. Do I think it’s likely? Hell no.

LVM generally do not change. It can happen but it’s very unlikely. Even if he did have a genuine change, he will never have love and respect for you on the level you deserve because of your history together. He would most likely devolve back to LV if you got back together.

nenindis · 2021-02-26T11:47:43+00:00

This man is, in my eyes at least, the very walking definition of what we call NVM/LVM. Let's examine this for a moment:

Never put effort into meeting your friends. He clearly had no genuine interest in you. You also mention he didn't put effort in dates. The next time you notice a man does this, it's strike one, a strike too much. You take your phone, block, delete conversations and any proof you've ever known him at all. This way, you'll prevent yourself from going back time and time again trying to overthink what you did wrong. The answer to this question is simple: nothing. Moving on...
Dismissive of your interests that didn't match his? Blatant sign of disrespect, which is, to my eyes at least, the sign of a very fragile ego. No HV, confident person does this. No person in their right mind does this. Periodt. A HV partner, family member or friend still takes their time to try and see how they can connect with you. Your tastes in music, books, free time activities do not have to 100% match for there to be a guarantee of compatibility. I'd sooner look at the core values: integrity, work ethic, ambition in life, the sort of friends he hangs out with (if they're all sexist, guess what? Thank u next), the sort of literature or media he consumes, how he reacts to fictional women (I wrote a post about my take on this particular detail), how he responds to feminism in general, his opinions on objectification of women (especially in social media and p*rn). I can go on forever, but, I'm hoping you see my point.
Made fun of you in front of others. Again: blatant disrespect resulted from a lack of self respect for himself and a fragile ego.
Accused you of being "after his money" when you know that not to be true. The mental backflips this man sounds capable of should get him in the mental gymnastic olympics. That's a gaslighting attempt from where I'm standing, which is, in itself, a sign of abusive behaviour. Next time a man tries mental gymnastics on you? Guess what? Thank u next.
Misogynistic jokes. He told you exactly who he is. Believe him. Is this the sort of man you'd want a friend, sister, or daughter to date and bond with? If the answer to this is "No", then, guess what? Thank u next.
Lack of empathy. Pretty self-explaining, if you ask me. He doesn't care for, neither does he respect women. If you read Susan Forward's book Men who hate women and the women who love them, there are plenty of explanations there how a misogynist turns out that way: family background, cultural factors, media etc. You don't owe this kind of men not even the calories you burn thinking about them.
He moved on to the next, exciting shiny thing and is most likely love bombing her. You can read about love bombing here. Love bombing is basically coming in hot with being soul mates, destined to be together, all the sudden grand romantic charade right before the relationship has had any time to naturally develop. No sane person does this. You first get to know each other, he plans interesting and high quality dates, he shows you that he's into you, however, that doesn't mean he suffocates you. The moment you feel overly suffocated or love bombed, guess what? Thank u next.

This got very long and by no means do I claim to be an expert or imply I know everything. If you are struggling with self-esteem issues, I would warmly and kindly advise you take a little step back from dating. This isn't to say you forfeit your right to date. No. You take a step back, read, seek therapy if you think it's needed, surround yourself with friends and family who do not waste your time, build you up and support you. I'd take this as a learning experience, an experience to set me forth to a journey of self-growth and discovery.

What your NVM ex is doing right now is not your business. That poor woman probably isn't aware what she's in for. Just because it shines, it doesn't mean it's gold. Please take care of yourself. I wish you good luck in the future!

K0rla · 2021-02-26T08:40:29+00:00

Maybe he will treat her better, most likely he won’t. Nevertheless that has nothing to do with you anymore. Try to focus your energy and thoughts on you. Hobbies, catching up on tv shows or books, going for a walk, having a chat with friends (depending on restrictions)... Ruminating is common and you cannot avoid those thought from popping up in your brain, but you can decide how much energy you devote to them.

To reply to your question, no, high value people respect others in any circumstance (relationship, friendship, workplace...) and just takes distance if this do not work out.

LadyGrimes · 2021-02-26T10:25:10+00:00

He will change only he if wants to, but is he changing or keeping up a new facade? The more you stick around here the more you will see men's true motives. I see a lot of stories here about men pulling some lengthy act until they get what they get bored of the woman.

EffectiveHoneydew422 · 2021-02-26T15:04:35+00:00

if you are thinking he will treat next girl 100x better you are basically blaming yourself for his inadequacies. Please dont take the blame for his lousy character. Congratulations on getting him the fuck out if your life. You are stunning. he is shit. end of story.

testmylimitsnow · 2021-02-26T09:10:34+00:00

Sis, I feel like however he decides to treat his current gf shouldn't bother you. If you broke up and he moved on, the rest of the job is up to you. Take this time to heal, realize your value and love yourself.

IllusionOfColours · 2021-02-26T12:47:08+00:00

You’re already realising, that’s the first step. Second step is remember, he is not worth your thoughts, feelings and most importantly, your time.

Let him go, he’ll treat the other woman all the same as he did you, and you’re 100% better of without.

It will feel horrible at first, like you’re a failure, but it’s NOT you, it is HIM.

You are worth it. Your time is precious. Don’t waste your precious time on some who will happily waste it. Remember, you are worth it.

Mind-Objective · 2021-02-26T15:43:19+00:00

That person he’s dating now is not important to your life and neither is he.

The relationship you had with him is gone.

People like that rarely change. It’s not “you weren’t good enough for him” or “you’re less than anybody”; it’s he found a girl who is willing to tolerate his bullshit. No, you were not too weak or sensitive -you’re normal. Get it through your head. There’s nothing special about a girl who chooses to tolerate awful behavior; she would just be a doormat. And you’re better than that. The longer you stay and tolerated that crap behavior he would have learned better how to hide it for the next girl. That’s it.

My ex and I are into hiking, didn’t mean squat because that relationship was still faulty and leaky and severely lacking of respect.

Selene378 · 2021-02-26T18:12:25+00:00

Who gives a rats ass about him, his new girl or what he’s doing? There’s a reason the rear view mirror is the smallest part of a vehicle. Your job is to get your shit so together, and love yourself so much that scumbags like him will see you from across the street and not even have the balls to look at you, let alone approach you with their bullshit. ❤️😘 Edit: IDGAF who you are. Insult or be rude to my mom and you’re done. My dad? Well. If some guy ever tried to insult my pop, my pop would lay him out himself.

Froetsa · 2021-02-26T09:57:26+00:00

He won't. My trash ex liked to talk about his exes and what he went through with them, so I had pretty good knowledge of his past, at least his side of the story. Even though he (at the beginning) always reminded me how better I am than his exes, eventually started treating me like shit and paint me as the crazy one. I bet he is 100% scouting online dating apps right now looking for a new girl to whisper her sweet "you're not like the other girls" and will be comparing her to me among those past girls.
And that's how it always will be. They won't take time to get their shit together. They won't take their time to reflect and learn from past. Why would they? Just pick up next girl so she can baby him.

Ashitaga · 2021-02-26T23:49:20+00:00

He definitely won't treat her better. Especially after the initial high of meeting someone new wears down, he definitely won't treat her well behind closed doors.

fashiong99 · 2021-02-26T14:07:43+00:00

Why are you even thinking about him again? You can do much better 💕 we believe in you

carlther · 2021-02-28T16:58:20+00:00

Your description of the way he acts signals that he may have a personality disorder. Speaking from experience, I can tell you that he will not change for anyone. I had that revelation when my therapist read me the DSM definition of narcissistic and borderline personality disorders. My LVM met almost all criteria. Personality disorders are notoriously difficult to treat. And, he would have to admit that he has a problem and seek therapy himself. His personality disorder has helped him gain advantages in life, so he will not seek to change it. Make sure that you get therapy so that you are not drawn in by another narcissist again.

Title	I'm relapsing into pickmedom.
Author	papanezismysaviour
Upvotes	128
Comments	40
Date	February 26, 2021 8:18 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/lst67g/im_relapsing_into_pickmedom/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/im-relapsing-into-pickmedom.745469 https://theredarchive.com/post/745469

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