Theory on Threesomes ?

pearlsandstilettos · 2018-06-05T20:18:29+00:00

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girlwithabike · 2018-06-05T23:56:19+00:00

Awhile back my husband wanted to do the threesome thing. He'd done it before but never with me and I trusted him and said 'why not'. So I'm just going to tell you what I discovered from that so that you have more to consider when making your decision (some of this is copypasta from an old comment on a similar topic).

The women who are interested in being with a married man/couple are not necessarily women you will want in your life. I don't know what your specific idea is for how to find a third and so I won't try to predict what it looks like in your situation. For me, it meant someone who left her underwear and toothbrush at my house after one night (among other things). You guys may do everything right in the situation and you can still end up with a crazy woman in the middle of your marriage. And I realize that this sounds a little hypocritical from someone who has had threesomes. However, I believe there can be a big difference between a woman who has her man and wants to play and a woman who is interested in being the third wheel in an already existing relationship.
You have no idea how you will feel until it happens. Whatever mental preparation you do and however you think you will feel, you simply cannot know the reality of it until it actually happens.
Husband had a game plan all laid out for the best way to have it not destroy our relationship. Roughly: I had the primary relationship with the women, we were friends first and he was the 'guest star' so to speak. (With toothbrush girl, this didn't work, it was very clear by her, presumably subconscious, behaviors that she just wanted to fuck him). The first time there was no PIV (for anyone) to make sure I could handle it without freaking out. Everything was always balanced, my man did a lot of work to make sure no one was left out and he did a lot of directing. He never finished with another woman (I'm not sure he knows I noticed this). I don't know that this would have worked out as well if he didn't have the experience he had.
You don't forget what you've seen. There are a few moments here and there that I struggled with at the time. Nothing relationship destroying but that stuff doesn't really leave your brain.
It's not easy to find a third. The poly community calls them unicorns for a reason. I don't know what your plan is. I learned that I'm absolutely terrible at dating women for this purpose. I felt kinda awkward and like I was lying to them. Meanwhile, Husband had absolutely no problems with it. But if you are aiming to use Tinder and not a Pro, then there is a lot of legwork and meeting and connecting with people involved. You really can't gift a person to your husband for sex unless you are paying that person.
It's not always easy to walk something back. How will you feel if he says "Babe, that was awesome we should do it again".

I think that if you are going to do this, it should be because it's a fantasy you share. It's a difficult gift because of #3 and #5. For it to really go well, there has to be a lot of communication between all three people. You can't do that if you are trying to surprise him. Further, it gives me pause that you want to do this for such a big anniversary. If something goes badly, you'll always associate your 10th anniversary with the bad memory.

I think its' a terrible idea that you are specifically seeking out a woman who is hotter than you are. If you click with a beautiful girl and want to bring her to bed, that's one thing. It seems to me seeking out a woman specifically because you think she's some hot young thing to make your husband drool has trouble written all over it. You may feel differently, but really give this some thought.

If your husband doesn't like "things" so you are going with an "experience" gift, I think you should find a different experience. Table the threesome for something that you both plan together. TBH I had a lot of fun just playing on Tinder and sharing that aspect of it with him. If the threesome is an experience you want to have, it should be something you do together from start to finish.

Whisper · 2018-06-05T21:08:25+00:00

This topic is very volatile and you're going to get some very upset respondents. This is because men and women both have a tendency to project their sexual habits onto the opposite sex.

Here's the real deal:

Women are evolved to safeguard precious eggs. A psychologically healthy woman only wants to have sex with the man she {is most attracted to/loves the most}.
Men are evolved to disseminate cheap sperm. A psychologically healthy man wants to have sex with any woman he is attracted to, even there is another woman he {loves / is attracted to} more.

This means that if your woman has sex with another man, stick a fork in the relationship, it's done... but that the same is not necessarily true for men.

Does this mean that it's necessarily a good idea? No. Whether it's a good idea or not depends on you, and on him, and on the dynamic between you.

What this simply means is that objections that "He will leave you if you let him stray!" are based on a fundamental misunderstanding of both men and redpill strategy.

I'll put my own advice in another comment.

Guywithgirlwithabike · 2018-06-05T21:22:26+00:00

I would take your hubby on a 10 year anniversary trip to Vegas. Have fun, renew your vows, and let him know that if he’s interested you are happy to visit one of the legal brothels in the area.

The women at these establishments specialize in these types of encounters. Using a pro also cuts down on the jealousy factor, risk of transmitting diseases and unwanted pregnancies resulting from the relation.

I think using a pro, that you pick together, also helps with any feelings afterwards like “he liked that woman better” or “she’s everything I’m not,” because that the experience you paid for and all of the feelings are manufactured.

lespetiteschoses · 2018-06-05T22:54:05+00:00

Full disclosure - I've had and enjoyed threesomes before. I don't think they're always a bad thing, but the chance of it bringing up negative feelings in a marriage is huge, and the effects of those feelings can be nuclear.

I think you're coming to the idea of a threesome for all the wrong reasons. Not being able to think of a better gift for your husband is not a good reason to bring another woman into your bed.

After 10 years of monogamous marriage, I think this is likely to bring up more problems than it's worth.

How are you going to feel watching your husband inside another woman? Orgasming with someone who isn't you? You'll be stuck with that image for the rest of your life, so think very carefully.

In my experience there's usually a 'third wheel' in a threesome, no matter how careful everyone is to be inclusive. That third wheel won't be your husband obviously, and I seriously doubt it'll be the hot young thing you've found for him. It'll be you, honey. When they get carried away with each other and you're left sitting on the edge of the bed alone, how do you think that will feel?

Feelings of jealousy and inadequacy come up in the most resilient of us, and this can quickly turn to resentment. The best of intentions and all the love in the world are not going to protect you from that feeling. Every time your husband annoys you or you have a silly argument, you'll feel that feeling you felt when you watched him pleasuring someone else. Outside of the bedroom, that feeling is destructive.

It sounds like you have a wonderful thing, why would you risk that for one night of sex? Another woman is going to bring in so many unknowns that neither you nor your husband will be able to predict. I would never engage in a threesome for the first time once already married. There's just way too much at stake if it goes wrong.

Honey_Mommy_82 · 2018-06-06T03:37:03+00:00

Many excellent replies here.

Why not just by some lingerie and new sex toys? Way less threatening to your marriage. Maybe ask what kind of sexual present he'd like, and plan accordingly?

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2018-06-06T03:12:13+00:00

FYI, opening your relationship to the bonding experience of your man having sex with another woman is absolutely risking losing that relationship.

ragnarockette · 2018-06-06T15:30:18+00:00

This thread is making me very glad that my husband has firmly nixed the idea of threesomes or swinging. It seems like the potential for drama is so high, just for one night of sex.

Give him anal or a bondage fantasy instead.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2018-06-06T01:04:17+00:00

It's very hard to make something like this a one time experience. What if he loves it and wants to explore it further? Would you be ok with a potentially "threesomes only" open relationship?

[deleted] · 2018-06-07T10:26:10+00:00

In my opinion, this is a bad idea for a gift. Nothing to do with the nature of the gift itself, but purely because of this statement you made: "...10 years ago we talked about the idea, I said maybe one day but that I didn't think it was a good idea and he has never once brought it up again..."

If he's never discussed it with you again, in 10 years of marriage, it's probably something he doesn't want.

Let me put it another way: "I'm thinking of buying my son a Power Rangers mini scooter for his university graduation. He talked about getting it one day when he was eleven, and although he has never mentioned since, I think it would be a good reward for him now he's 21 and has completed his university studies."

Does that sound like a great idea?

Kiddingyoself · 2018-06-06T01:25:11+00:00

I believe that relationships are more likely to be successful adding a 2nd wife than simply having a threesome. At least I can imagine a polygamist relationship working, and I see the type of thing you're proposing as sabotage. I assume that if you do, your days in this relationship are numbered.

There are hypothetical male fantasizes that don't really have anything to do with reality, and shouldn't, if your goal is to be married, and have a family. Your husband also, hypothetically, would like to have sex with every woman you both know, including the ones that would horrify you. This doesn't mean that he ever would, and certainly not that he ever should.

I'd recommend a tremendous experience together that will strengthen your relationship. Experience something together that will be the two of yours exclusively. Or maybe pursue something that you both value for your family one day.

BTW, your gifts aren't failures. That you want to please him is ideal. He has you, and hopefully everything else pales in comparison. If you want to do something particularly special, look over the ideal RP wife suggestions, look in the mirror, and raise the bar for yourself.

Share healthy things together, is my suggestion.

[deleted] · 2018-06-06T12:06:56+00:00

I'm late to comment and there is so much good information here, and this comment may or may not be helpful but:

Have you considered having sex with a woman and letting him watch, maybe setting up ground rules for keeping him a bit less involved, and going that way about it?

I ask because I am bisexual, I've had threesomes etc, and so has my fiance - but we haven't since we've been together. We've both had negative past experiences where open relationships and sexual adventurousness has hurt our relationships.

I think the only way we may ever be able to explore that side is if we used a pro, and it was mostly about me and her having sex - with him as an observer or only semi-involved with lots of ground rules. That would be a major turn-on for him, it keeps me comfortable because we'd agree on how involved he could be or how much he'd be able to touch / play with her.

Or, we've talked about going to swingers clubs, but again - ground rules in place, and probably we'd watch / engage with each other, or I could engage with other women.

Basically, he and I understand that it would probably be really destructive for us if he had full-on sex with another woman. It would be literally the end if I did anything sexually with another man. But we don't necessarily feel that way about ME with another woman.

Just a thought!! Hope you figure out how to proceed. :) Good luck!

LateralThinker13 · 2018-06-06T13:35:42+00:00

IF you decide to do this, do it with an escort, preferably in Vegas where I think it's legal. Don't do it with some girl off the street who will have feelings, do it with a girl you'll a) never see again, and b) where it will be a business transaction, not an emotional one.

That pretty much ensures that the potential emotional fallout is minimized.

That said, you need to think up better gifts. Here's a freebie:

Throw a surprise party in his honor called "The Amazing Hubby". Have friends and family put together exhibits or speeches about how amazing he is, his accomplishments, etc. Praise him until his head explodes. Then after the party give him the best roll in the hay you've ever given.

Whisper · 2018-06-06T03:54:22+00:00

Don't make a major decision without consulting your captain.

You are thinking about whether you are okay with this. That's a major decision. Bring it to him before you arrive at a final decision. It is absolutely okay to say, "I am thinking about this kind of thing, and I like the idea of being able to please you with it. But I'm still trying to figure out if I'd be okay with it. Can you help me reason this out?"

Do not attempt to make this a surprise. That would be like getting someone a puppy as a gift, without first making sure they want to be a dog owner.

Test the water with your toe before you dive in.

How do you feel when other women flirt with your husband? For different women, this can be anything in between "icy sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach" and "kind of turned on". How do you feel if she kisses him? You should know this.

This will NOT be a one time thing if you do it and he likes it.

He's going to want to do it again. That doesn't mean he will do it without involving you, but it does mean he will look for opportunities to set another one up. So be sure you're okay with before the first time. As I said, test the water.

Consider a professional the first time if you're going to try this.

This protects you from both crazy girls, and emotional entanglements.

Be as open and honest with him as you are with yourself.

It might be that you're just a little turned on by the idea. You don't have to tell US if so, but you do have to tell him. He's the captain, but the captain can't steer the ship without good information. If you place your emotional welfare in his hands (and you have), then he needs to understand what's going on with you.

ChiNadesler · 2018-06-05T23:08:54+00:00

Although I think It's inmoral I am not gonna take that approach because I am not a moralizer, But It could be (I havent read yet what you wrote) that just your proposition would scare him away because he thought you werent that kind of woman

KittenLoves_ · 2018-06-06T09:14:15+00:00

I think most other commenters have touched on the most important aspects -- make sure you're doing this for the right reasons, make sure you've thought thoroughly about all possible aspects of this (and what could go wrong), etc. So I won't go on repeating these things. Instead I want to give you a bit of advice, if you do go through with it, for picking the girl.

Firstly, I wholeheartedly agree with /u/almostsurrendered that a professional is likely the best way to go about this. However, if for some reason or other this isn't possible, please make sure you're picking someone that you trust -- because if the girl you choose is someone who gives you the impression, even just very remotely, that they're in this because they have specific desires for your husband, or anything along those lines, the likelihood of getting jealous is much higher. Also, yes you should be looking for someone who is attractive, but specifically going for someone who is "younger and prettier" could also lead to negative feelings. Furthermore, if you do decide that you want this to be fully a surprise, make sure you've discussed boundaries with the woman beforehand. Are you okay with her doing all sexual acts with your husband? Can they kiss each other? How much attention do you want her to pay to you vs him?

Finally, if you go through with this and then find that you're both interested in repeating the experience, I recommend that you be the primary decision-maker in terms of who the future women are. This will help a lot to cut down on jealousy, because you won't be left with the feeling that he's choosing these women specifically to make up for something lacking within you. (Likewise, if you ever decide to go the other way with another man in a threesome, it should be him, not you, who is the primarily choosing who the person should be.)

aussiedollface · 2018-06-10T23:34:42+00:00

Has he explicitly asked for this? I mean I’m sure like most men my husband probably has threesome “fantasies” too, but sometimes fantasies are just that, and should remain just that. I think you’re playing with fire here OP. If he’s asking for it to be a reality, then that’s something you could talk about. I think it would be unwise to “gift” him this. xoxox

TheLaughingRhino · 2018-06-06T10:37:30+00:00

Ok, here it is.

IF, and this is a IF scenario. IF, two people took "traditional" wedding vows, then the person bringing up the threesome option is showing that they don't actually respect their partner.

"Do you want to have a threesome?" = I am confident I will make an offer that VIOLATES our previous LIFELONG AGREEMENT and that you won't leave me for it. Leave as in leave with your resources, your body, your affection and whatever else of utility is in play.

No Respect = No Relationship.

A person in a traditional marriage offers a threesome or suggests opening up the relationship, then the marriage is OVER. When it ENDS or if it ENDS is another matter. A relationship can die ( being OVER) long before it ENDS ( divorce, death, etc)

If the two people have children, then the person offering the opening up of the relationship/threesome has now effectively destroyed the lives of those children. Full stop. Total destruction. Opening up the relationship rarely works. I mean rarely. I mean angels dancing on the top of a pinhead rare. When Dad can no longer trust Mom or Mom can no longer trust Dad, and there is no respect, then there is no foundation to support and raise those children.

As a Captain, if I was married ( I'm pretending I'm in an alternate universe where I wanted to forego all freedom, happiness and occasional bouts of pure silence) and a threesome was offered to me or the opening up of a relationship, my assessment would be

She's already cheated. Now she wants to "equalize" it out so she doesn't have to confess or feel bad about it. She may or may not introduce her new "guy" later and rationalize that it was a lifestyle change, so it wasn't cheating. Not really.

Or

Or she's picked out someone already. She might not have slept with him, but she wants to, and she wants a free pass to not lose resources to do it.

Not much else here. She wants forgiveness or she wants permission. Are we just gonna pretend this is all some kind of selfless act and there is zero in it for her? ( That would violate hypergamy, Briffault's Law, AWALT, Sh*t Tests, basically every core Red Pill concept out there. And guess what? By being on TRPW, you are accepting every core TRP sidebar concept to be true and absolute by default)

Of course I would never get the question, because Captains who take traditional vows aren't going to put up with that shit and their wives know it all the way down to the bone.

Call me crazy here, but if two people took "traditional vows", then those were FOR LIFE. It's a deal made FOR LIFE. A person stood up and gave their word FOR LIFE. No "take-backsies".

In the past here, many times, I've always taken TRP and TRPW concepts back to the Hunter/Gatherer Matrix. Things relating to survival adaptation and biological imperative. We do things that root back to our survival and our strategy to survive and procreate. With "respect" comes an element of "fear". It's just not politically correct to talk about it. If a man sleeps with a married woman and does it in that woman's marital bed, it means deep down she's saying she has no fear that her husband will do anything about it. The man, if he knows, is saying by his action that he doesn't believe the husband will do anything about it.

Ladies, I'm going to be straight. Those of you who are married. I'm sure, at some point, you've gotten to know what type of guy your husband falls into regarding this split. Is he the kind of guy who will be passive and take it? Or will he be the kind of guy who will walk in on you and then it will turn into an ugly horror movie scene?

The latter situation, the women might want to open up the relationship, but won't ask. The mere act of asking is a statement on the context of the actual relationship.

People who take different vows when they first get married is one thing. You have different terms than traditional AND YOU WORKED THAT ALL OUT BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED and it works for you, then it works for you. In every other case, it's just open disrespect.

"But everyone's different!"

Sure, if your man is not a real Captain. Because no real Captain is going to put up with this kind of horseshit.

Title	Theory on Threesomes ?
Author	2-3-or-not-2-3
Upvotes	12
Comments	53
Date	June 5, 2018 8:35 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/8op6zv/theory_on_threesomes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/theory-on-threesomes.74798 https://theredarchive.com/post/74798

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