I've been asked, on numerous occasions, why I'm single. I'm reasonably attractive for a 45+ woman by "common standards", I look 10-12 years younger than my age and I have a pretty cool personality; so what is wrong??

I'm going to tell you exactly what it is; NOTHING is wrong!

I've been married twice and divorced twice after I decided that I wasn't willing to be belittled on a daily basis. I also have a daughter and I felt I couldn't be a good role model if I allowed someone to treat me bad, yet stay put and take it. I wanted my daughter to be a strong, independent woman, who knows her own worth.

The idea of the traditional heteronormative nuclear family was still something that most of us, to a greater or lesser degree, took for granted back in the late 80's. As time went by, I started seeing the cracks in the glossy surface. It became almost painfully clear when I moved in with my first boyfriend, what an illusion that all is. The guy I had so much fun with before, suddenly became this dude who expected me to do all the housework, while he occasionally helped ( and expected high praise for it) in spite of mine working fulltime. If I didn't perform to his standard, he became abusive; never physically, but very much mentally, emotionally and financially. Needless to say, the relationship ended after almost 3 years.

After that I spent several years abroad, dated a lot, but couldn't seem to settle down. Something always chafed but I was never able to put my finger on what it was. I was expected to be sexy (but not "slutty"), funny (but not funnier than they!) intelligent (but never more so than they), independent, which essentially meant available when it suited them, but not around when it didn't. I was supposed to like sex, but not too much so they didn't feel pressured, supposed to initiate sex, but not too aggressively, not demand orgasms, but be grateful when I did have them. I guess you could sum it all up in a short sentence: I was supposed to "be" on their terms always.

When I neared my 30's, my friends started telling me that I needed to lower my standards, because I asked for the impossible of men. Stupidly I took their advice and lowered my standards. I got married to my first husband, who was "a nice guy" until I became pregnant with my darling daughter. At that point, he dropped all pretense, cause he had me hooked. He became very violent and with the help of my friends, I fled my home and filed for dicorce when my baby was a month and a half. My second husband was also a "nice guy". His favorite put down was "you always think you're so intelligent; you're not!". I divorced him 10 years ago and have been single since.

I have dated some, been on a few dating sites, but they are sickening. The double standards are glaring. Fat, balding men, in their 40-50's want what essentially boils down to supermodels, with no lives of their own, totally dependent on the man and sexually advanced but virgins. If women have any demands at all, they're harpies or bitches. So I have come to the conclusion that men are not worth the effort. I'm single, happy and living my best life, without anyone questioning my right to be me.

Men are after all 15 minutes of fuck and 23hrs and 45 minutes of WTF is all.