How do you deal with regret?

ellaellaellaayye · 2021-04-25T01:58:18+00:00

You mean to tell me you’re a young woman in her 30s that now gets to live life for herself!?! You figured it out! Fuck yes! This calls for a celebration. Some may never get to this conclusion. Pat yourself on the back for the sheer recognizance of this fact! It’s a rebirth for you and every woman that has ever gotten to this point.

This is the moment you get to start loving yourself. Don’t dwell, rejoice instead! That woman in the mirror has every bit of potential at 37 that she did at 13. Don’t deny her a beautiful life. She’s been waiting for you. Now go make her proud.

Suspicious-Leg-1407 · 2021-04-25T00:34:28+00:00

You will forgive yourself.

The more you grow and develop, the more you'll realize you didn't have the set of skills and character to have made better choices in the past.

beliebeigh · 2021-04-25T00:46:37+00:00

Know that you are not alone. So so far from being alone. What’s more, most women wont have the revelations about men that you’ve had... ever. Try to redirect the feelings of regret into self love. You’ve been through so much and you need to stop punishing yourself more with blame and shame. Of course you’ll still feel it at times, and that’s okay too. Life doesn’t end in our 30s, and for some of us, it’s just fresh beginnings.

Jaelismyhomegirl · 2021-04-25T00:47:03+00:00

It’s never too late to start expecting better for yourself, and start putting you first. Focus on how smooth the road is ahead of you, and not how rough it was behind you.

MomNateChloe · 2021-04-25T02:45:22+00:00

“Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn’t know before you learned it” ♥️ -Maya Angelou

You’re an amazing woman and everything is turning around. You’re knowing better now. You’re making great decisions. You found us. You’re home now ♥️

level_up_always · 2021-04-25T01:05:19+00:00

yep and still dealing with it. i have ways to cope but there are hard days still. i think what helps me the most is looking forward to the future and knowing that i will never waste time like that again. i won't have to be middle aged and older taking care of some dumb scrote. i can live my life 100% for me and make things even better. and i won't have to sit around wondering what if because i know the true nature of men. its better to learn this now than after being married for 30 years. that is where i see a lot of women do it and go their own way and they wish they learned earlier. you did. you got out. and you have so much life ahead of you. they're only going to get more desperate whereas you will come into your own.

on a pragmatic level the concept of radical acceptance helps me and honestly just having a good cry. i feel better after. it's grief like anything else and we have to feel those feelings to get through it.

i feel so firm in my decision that if anyone felt sorry for me being single i feel sorry and pity for them for being so stupid lol. maybe that's harsh but i feel like so many people don't understand what is really going on with their life/relationships and the dynamics of men and women. like that whole thing of you being woke and everyone else is sleep/sheep.

elainejay82 · 2021-04-25T06:01:24+00:00

Yes I've hit that too! Here's the kicker though, it gets so so so much better. There is an initial crack and then you start to rebuild, enjoy yourself and your life, and trust yourself.

Something innate in me kept me protected on big things from them. For example, more than one wanted me to quit my job and just live the trophy wife life. I could have, but I did not. I worked when I didn't have to. One that I had relocated to another country with for his career wanted this, and I volunteered since a work visa didn't line up for me. I treated the volunteer position like it was my job, and the position itself wasn't necessarily easy. I worked with refugees from Afghanistan, Iran, and Iraq. The things I learned from that can never be taken away from me.

I bet if you look closely you protected yourself way more than you are giving yourself credit for.

Yes, I would have done much better without these men. My original degree and career path would have went much more swimmingly and I would be further ahead, but when I moved back to the U.S. and we broke up, I started right where I left off and I haven't given up since. That was 6 years ago. Last fall I landed my dream job, the BIG one for me and this week I was evaluated at work and am getting rave reviews. What's stunning to me is I had it in my head that I was totally failing or not doing well enough. These fuckers can really do a number on our minds, can't they?

I've also left apartments that I loved and have just generally made shit decisions for myself for men.

But I was so elated with my evaluation this week that I took myself and my pooch on a little day trip to celebrate today. We had a great time. I'm sunburned, windswept, and my soul is truly glowing.

BTW I am 35. Don't let your age hang you up. You can do absolutely anything at 37 and now you're equipped with knowledge that 20 something females generally didn't or don't have.

It really does get better. Hang in there and don't ever ever evvvvverrrrr give up on yourself. This is your voice from the future telling you it's going to go great and you are going to be more than okay.

One foot in front of the other, every damn day.

laffytaggy · 2021-04-25T01:47:38+00:00

It takes practice every day. And patience. Be gentle with yourself. What would you say to a friend who was beating themselves over past mistakes? Apply the gentleness to yourself. You learned from the past and it’s not like life is over. Start new today and be compassionate to yourself. We ALL have regrets from the past. Trust me, I do.

When I get too in my head and mad at myself, I do a lot of self care (from cold eye patches in the morning, working out or sitting by the ocean). I just treat myself with love and kindness. I also meditate in the mornings, look up tara brach’s guided meditations on youtube..they’re great and a lot are on accepting yourself and letting go of the judgment.

Good luck. You’ll be fine with time.

Heather619 · 2021-04-25T02:39:46+00:00

I'm an educator-therapist hybrid. One thing I always tell my students/patients is "It's not a mistake unless you failed to learn from it." You've learned, you've grown. No one is perfect.

babyfrog98 · 2021-04-25T07:40:34+00:00

I felt like this a few weeks ago and read the book ‘Circe’ by Madeline Miller. It’s a beautiful book that charts through some myths from the Odyssey from the perspective of Circe who has some TRASH relationships. She ends up living alone on an island making a life for herself and it’s written just.... so well. Deals of themes of grief, loss, abandonment and alienation as well as regret. There’s a full audiobook on YouTube too which I can link if your interested. Maybe it’d be a nice book for you to fall asleep to?

ChickaDeeD33 · 2021-04-25T12:13:59+00:00

Somewhat similar feelings here, but it was just one man that took 13 years and my sense of self from me. I've been in 4 years of therapy over it, and I can tell you that it's not an easy process.

One thing that kind of help me was to finally name that feeling as grief. I didn't realise that the feeling that I was struggling to get out was really mourning the death of everything I could have had and who I could have been by now. It still comes back from time to time, and I let myself have a good cry about it, and make myself a tea or a bubble bath, or whatever self care I feel like I need at the time. Journalling sometimes helps as well to "vocalize" what I'm feeling without having to talk to anyone. If you have an audio recorder on your phone, I would recommend that as well because I find it hard to keep up with so many feelings when writing.

The important part is to know that you still have time. You can still be the person you wanted to be, even if it's going to take a little longer now. And even better, you're now equipped with lessons that you may have had to learn later in life if you hadn't already. There is some gratitude to be had that you've already grown past that.

All the best to you. 💕

AcadiaLeather5071 · 2021-04-25T11:36:26+00:00

You can’t time travel, so don’t waste time on regret. Although sometimes it helps to mourn the past and what could’ve been.

All that time you’ve been evolving, learning and growing into the person you are today. There are things you’ll never go back to because you’ve risen to a new level.

You’re not the person you were back then, and now you’re finally free to take control of your life!

So start living and enjoying everything you have. ❤️ some women never wake up.

RojavaLover · 2021-04-25T14:08:23+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story, I am a fence sitter when it comes to getting married and having kids so it’s always useful to read these kinds of stories. My only issue is you comparing that son of a bitch to a dog lol dogs are amazing and loyal creatures who will do anything for you. My boy has saved me from a lot of bad choices and has brought me so much good luck. I would call men like that leeches, scum but never a dog ❤️

Also, 37 is a very young age. I know a few people who completely changed their lives around at that age. One of my good friends who was a dance teacher here in the UK moved to Thailand and started her own boutique bnb hotel by the beach and also rescues street dogs. She started a YouTube channel and gets donations etc and lives such a different life to the one she had here. It’s remarkable what we are capable of doing as women.

You’re at that age where you can sit down and truly say “fuck it” and rebuild your life from scratch however you see fit. If you don’t have children that is... if you’re child free, you’re extra lucky.

I hope you decide to follow your wildest dreams!!!

EclecticBarbarella · 2021-04-25T20:27:43+00:00

The best way I found was to kind of... detach from myself and try to view my life and choices as if someone else had made them. If a friend had done what I’d done, I would tell them “you were a young girl growing up, learning how to make good choices. Being young and innocent and taken advantage of was not your fault. Being innocent should be a good thing, but they take advantage. But you learned, and you grew and you realized the things that are hard to realize when society is working to keep us in the dark. You got yourself out. You are putting yourself first. And you are going to kick ass. You should be proud you survived and are prioritizing yourself instead of staying where it was comfortable, but bad for you. And you should forgive yourself because it’s the kind thing to do”. And I would mean it... if it was applied to someone I cared about. So I had to make myself thing of myself as someone I cared about, because at the time I didn’t. It sounds... kind of crazy when I type it out, but it worked LOL

azureangel35 · 2021-04-25T15:23:17+00:00

saving this post. I'm in the same boat sis except a few years older. Currently reading I Am Diosa and would highly recommend. 🖤🕉

Ancient-Cucumber · 2021-04-25T23:15:12+00:00

I am in the same situation as you, just the same, and I also deal with regret over my choices in my personal life. Age is also very similar to yours.

haunted_vcr · 2021-04-26T06:39:02+00:00

How you deal with it is you realize you are one of the extremely few who woke up. Most of us will never have that realization and you did it in the prime of your life.

You forgive yourself by realizing all the odds were stacked against you and you won. You're a warrior and they can't stop you now.

You are still a 10. In fact now you're off the damn charts because they don't get to measure you anymore. 👑

ShittyPianist · 2021-04-26T20:22:48+00:00

I gave this a bit of thought after first reading it, as I wasn't sure how I addressed this at first.

Therapy has helped me in many ways, but the major way it has helped me is with a mindset shift.

I too have made a mountain of mistakes in life - I'd be in a much better place if I had not wasted so much of it on crappy men and trying to navigate their butthurt egos, professionally and in a romantic context.

There was definitely a time - and occasionally, giant flair-ups, where I get very down about it and start beating myself up.

But what if I asked you about what success requires?

Think about it. Everytime you think of someone who is successful, you're just seeing the best of them. Not all the mistakes they made getting there. Nor all the experience of overcoming the mistakes.

Everyone makes mistakes. Every successful person has a good amount of experience in something, and experience is just built on countless mistakes.

You are not a lost cause. You are enough as you are. Keep your head up, and your eyes locked on your goals, and surround yourself with people who encourage you as you go try to accomplish it. You can do this. 🤗

2021-04-25T06:23:22+00:00

[deleted]

Title	How do you deal with regret?
Author	ROWVX
Upvotes	207
Comments	57
Date	April 24, 2021 8:44 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/mxsk2q/how_do_you_deal_with_regret/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/how-do-you-deal-with-regret.777280 https://theredarchive.com/post/777280

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